Change Disclaimer: Yadda. Yadda. Yeah, yeah. Don't own characters.
Remus watched every night till the moon came to near full. He felt his human side getting weaker and weaker as the wolf grew stronger, corresponding to the huge moon. He felt ill, and it didn't help at all that he was worrying about his new friends finding out his secret. They would disown him, throw him away, and forever after he would feel a sickening, burning sense of shame, of thinking that he, a wolf could have human friends. As it was, he felt dirty, wicked, and furious with himself for walking in Hogwarts, among free people. People who were not contaminated, nor a prisoner within their own selves. For the wolf held him, strong in his grip, waiting until he could be let out.
"What's the matter Remus? You look sick, man," said James, looking at him while he pursued this train of thought in the common room.
He managed to smile weakly, feeling the wolf snarl: wolves do not smile. "Yeah, I'm fine James."
But he wasn't.
In the week before the week of the full moon, he started to feel depressed. It was typical, and it distracted him. And he also felt furious, and angry. He also started to feel more and more tired. The wolf fought him hard, and he had to fight back. Now though, it was so much harder. Especially in Davius' class. When that teacher, with his bald head, and strange eyes (one black, and the other green) looked at him, he felt a surge, an almost painful rush of hatred. And Davius would only look back at him, a cold sneer playing across his face, utmost hatred in his dark odd eyes. And he, Remus fought the urge to rise and attack him.
Sirius and James, and peter were helpful, though they did not know it. Their simple unworried calm helped him. On Saturday, when the others were out on the Quidditch field, playing around, he snuck down to the Hospital Wing. The nurse, a Madam Pomfrey, looked at him.
"Remus Lupin, aah yes, don't worry we have a safe place for you. Stay here," she added, firmly.
While she went, he sat miserably on one of the hospital beds, feeling awful. He could see the grounds, streaming with sunshine. If not for that stupid werewolf that night, this would not be happening. He would be outside, laughing with the other three. Again, he felt a furious angry rush from the wolf.
Madam Pomfrey returned. With her was the tall thin headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore.
"Poppy," said Dumbledore, with his blue eyes rather sad behind his glasses, "please allow me and Mr. Lupin some privacy."
The nurse at once left. The headmaster looked at Remus, with a sad look in his eyes. Again, the fury passed through him. Who needs sympathy, one side asked? I do, said the other.
"Now, Mr. Lupin, about your lycanthropy. There is a small hut in Hogsmeade, perfectly safe, in which you can change in. You will leave Hogwarts at about . . . hmm, let's say five o' clock. Someone will guide you there."
He nodded, unable to say anything. Dread was flowing through his veins, paralyzing him.
"Now, please remember, do not let anyone know where you are going. In time, more suitable accommodations will be available, but this will have to do for now."
Again he nodded. Then Dumbledore smiled at him. "I trust that you will be alright Remus." He turned to leave.
Remus was numb. Then Dumbledore's voice pierced the white fog that was forming.
"And Mr. Lupin please try to keep Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, out of mischief." Remus managed a smile. Then he got up, and traced his way to the Gryffindor common room. Inside, the other three started up happily to see him.
"Remus, where were you? One minute you were right behind us, next minute you were gone!" exclaimed Sirius, his blue eyes flashing, and his hair tossing. The girls in the common room sighed. (Personally, he would look so good on a huge horse, with the mane tossing and the horse rearing . . .or wearing black leather)
"Like where were you man?" asked James, pushing his hair out of his face. Peter looked nervous, and worried, but that didn't bother Remus, peter was always worried. He forced himself to smile. "Don't worry, I went into the library, then Davius tried to detain me." He prayed silently that they hadn't seen Davius. Luckily, they hadn't.
"That git. He is so dumb," was Sirius' reply. Now, he and James started to check the girls, the first years, of course.
"Who's that one over there?" asked Sirius.
"You mean the redhead?"
"No, not the redhead. The one next to her."
"You mean the redhead's friend?" asked James.
Sirius sighed with exasperation. "What is with you and the redhead, James? Every minute it's Lily this, Lily that. What is with you?" James flushed ever so slightly. "nothing. Nothing, at all. Look,' he pointed a dark haired girl out, "isn't she hot?"
Sirius looked at him, eyebrow raised, very skeptical. "Riiiight James. Very smooth."
Remus chuckled. "Seems like James has a crush, Sirius."
James turned red. "No I don't."
"Right, James," said Remus, laughing. James pretended to swipe at him. He grabbed the arm, and nearly before he thought about it, wrenched it. Luckily, he was in control. James flexed his fingers.
"oooow, Remus, next time don't wring so hard."
Sirius' laughing cheered them all, but Remus remembered, and resolved that his control be iron.
That night, he slept calmly, and easy.
The week was gone so fast, and it was the full moon week. The library was his frequent hideout now, he had found a small nook that no one knew about. By pulling out a book called Astronomy and then touching the spine of an old, weather beaten, gold knobbed book, he got himself into a small crevice. The book shelves would divide quietly and a small hole in the floor appeared. He would get in with no problem, and curl inside with a book, or sometimes, stare into space. When he was in, there was no sign of his little lair, since the bookcase always went into place. Getting out was tricky. You pressed on the roof, and then peered out and hope that no one saw you.
He was in there now, curled up with a blanket he had nicked to make it warmer. He knew the instinct that made him do this. The one of the hidden lair. No one should know of this. No one. He knew that the librarian, Madam Pince, didn't know about it, that no one did, and that was how he wanted it. It was small, and he could just stretch out both ways and sit up, but that didn't matter. It was warm and safe.
He thought often. He worried about every thing, and often calmed down in there. Sometimes he slept there. But it was peaceful.
The night before Saturday, he went to the hospital wing. He was now very morose, and lonely, and when angered, snarled. His eyes would grow a strange gold colour and he would attack. Madam Pomfrey soon learned not to annoy him. No one knew he was there. He was sad too, and missed the little lair. Then it was Saturday.
He snuck down to Hogsmeade. He had a great way of staying hidden, but it was daylight. His heart pounded wildly. Twice he ducked groups of students talking and laughing. He was nervous and his blood seemed to run to his ears. And then he saw Sirius, James and peter.
"Where's Remus, wonder what's wrong with him?" asked James casually, shoving Sirius to a side. Peter laughed nervously.
"Dunno, I haven's seen him, and he seems really preoccupied. And when you ask him, he snarls!" Sirius had just pushed James near the very bush that Remus hid in. He sucked his stomach in, and held far away. Soon they had gone.
He continued, and soon met with McGonagall. She nodded to him.
It seemed endless, but then after ages they stopped at some shack. He looked at it, but his year head dragged him up the hill to it. By this time, it was getting very dark, and the dusk was falling. Soon, he was in the shack. It was small. McGonagall nodded. Then she left.
The moonlight came on, and he changed, angry and sad. But this time, the change was different. It was strange. When he changed, he changed to the wolf, and the human usually vanished straight away. But this time it was different. His change was different. He had changed, yes. But this time, with the wolfish mind, he could see friends. Like flashes from a different time.
His eyes laughed, as a red head snubbed a guy called James, and she smiled at him.
When Sirius tossed his hair from his eyes and smiled and this girl who later had to go in counseling because of his sexy eyes.
James laughing as he flew on a broom,and he Remus, cheered.
Sirius out looking Malfoy, with a mad angry hatred. Professor Davius looking on with an indescribable anger when Malfoy was out looked.
The small Snape, whose face was pale.
The fire blazing, and him talking to his friends.
The nook in which he hid, cozy warm and happy. The sun shining on him, the lake and the squid, Dumbledore's lemon drops, his Transfiguration homework, the breakfast, owls, hiding, stars, friends . . . his pack friends. Redhead, school, Cassandra, stars
It was all merging in his head, and he couldn't see a thing, and . . . now he could see. All was still, but he didn't want blood anymore. Not like usual. Instead he howled, an eerie sound that had the villagers' hearts running cold with fear. It was a song. A song of sadness, and hope. A song that he told the moon, like all wolves, he told the pale moon of his sadness and pain that it caused him. The feeling of the unnatural shape, the loneliness he had, and him not having a pack. Where was his pack? He wanted one.The song that would never grow old, the song of loneliness. Then he changed it. It was now one of the everlasting hope. Hope for love , and for friends. It stopped the hurt, and now he just could sing, that everlasting song of hope, and friendship and love. Joy, and ups and downs, and happiness. He sang of all good things, and it was a song that would always be sung. In the castle, they heard it, and all were touched to their hearts, their very souls sang to it. It haunted their dreams. The villagers heard it. They clutched each other and the eerie song. But he sang to stop the pain, to help the hurt, and he would sing till the night was out.
When he crept back to Hogwarts, he was tired, cold and stiff. But he was relieved. He felt the pain was over. He slept away the last hours of the night. Then he went to breakfast.
Sirius and James looked up when they saw him.
"Where were you? Hey, Remus did you hear that strange sound last night?" said James.
'yeah, nothing like I ever heard. Creepy."
A girl spoke behind them, and they recognized Lily Evans, her eyes glowing green against her creamy skin and deep auburn hair. "No, it wasn't creepy."
"WHAT!" exclaimed Sirius and James.
"It was a song. And a song of hope, and fear, and love, and pain."
Sirius and James exchanged glances.
"But it was mostly about hope."
Do you like it? I did!
Remus watched every night till the moon came to near full. He felt his human side getting weaker and weaker as the wolf grew stronger, corresponding to the huge moon. He felt ill, and it didn't help at all that he was worrying about his new friends finding out his secret. They would disown him, throw him away, and forever after he would feel a sickening, burning sense of shame, of thinking that he, a wolf could have human friends. As it was, he felt dirty, wicked, and furious with himself for walking in Hogwarts, among free people. People who were not contaminated, nor a prisoner within their own selves. For the wolf held him, strong in his grip, waiting until he could be let out.
"What's the matter Remus? You look sick, man," said James, looking at him while he pursued this train of thought in the common room.
He managed to smile weakly, feeling the wolf snarl: wolves do not smile. "Yeah, I'm fine James."
But he wasn't.
In the week before the week of the full moon, he started to feel depressed. It was typical, and it distracted him. And he also felt furious, and angry. He also started to feel more and more tired. The wolf fought him hard, and he had to fight back. Now though, it was so much harder. Especially in Davius' class. When that teacher, with his bald head, and strange eyes (one black, and the other green) looked at him, he felt a surge, an almost painful rush of hatred. And Davius would only look back at him, a cold sneer playing across his face, utmost hatred in his dark odd eyes. And he, Remus fought the urge to rise and attack him.
Sirius and James, and peter were helpful, though they did not know it. Their simple unworried calm helped him. On Saturday, when the others were out on the Quidditch field, playing around, he snuck down to the Hospital Wing. The nurse, a Madam Pomfrey, looked at him.
"Remus Lupin, aah yes, don't worry we have a safe place for you. Stay here," she added, firmly.
While she went, he sat miserably on one of the hospital beds, feeling awful. He could see the grounds, streaming with sunshine. If not for that stupid werewolf that night, this would not be happening. He would be outside, laughing with the other three. Again, he felt a furious angry rush from the wolf.
Madam Pomfrey returned. With her was the tall thin headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore.
"Poppy," said Dumbledore, with his blue eyes rather sad behind his glasses, "please allow me and Mr. Lupin some privacy."
The nurse at once left. The headmaster looked at Remus, with a sad look in his eyes. Again, the fury passed through him. Who needs sympathy, one side asked? I do, said the other.
"Now, Mr. Lupin, about your lycanthropy. There is a small hut in Hogsmeade, perfectly safe, in which you can change in. You will leave Hogwarts at about . . . hmm, let's say five o' clock. Someone will guide you there."
He nodded, unable to say anything. Dread was flowing through his veins, paralyzing him.
"Now, please remember, do not let anyone know where you are going. In time, more suitable accommodations will be available, but this will have to do for now."
Again he nodded. Then Dumbledore smiled at him. "I trust that you will be alright Remus." He turned to leave.
Remus was numb. Then Dumbledore's voice pierced the white fog that was forming.
"And Mr. Lupin please try to keep Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, out of mischief." Remus managed a smile. Then he got up, and traced his way to the Gryffindor common room. Inside, the other three started up happily to see him.
"Remus, where were you? One minute you were right behind us, next minute you were gone!" exclaimed Sirius, his blue eyes flashing, and his hair tossing. The girls in the common room sighed. (Personally, he would look so good on a huge horse, with the mane tossing and the horse rearing . . .or wearing black leather)
"Like where were you man?" asked James, pushing his hair out of his face. Peter looked nervous, and worried, but that didn't bother Remus, peter was always worried. He forced himself to smile. "Don't worry, I went into the library, then Davius tried to detain me." He prayed silently that they hadn't seen Davius. Luckily, they hadn't.
"That git. He is so dumb," was Sirius' reply. Now, he and James started to check the girls, the first years, of course.
"Who's that one over there?" asked Sirius.
"You mean the redhead?"
"No, not the redhead. The one next to her."
"You mean the redhead's friend?" asked James.
Sirius sighed with exasperation. "What is with you and the redhead, James? Every minute it's Lily this, Lily that. What is with you?" James flushed ever so slightly. "nothing. Nothing, at all. Look,' he pointed a dark haired girl out, "isn't she hot?"
Sirius looked at him, eyebrow raised, very skeptical. "Riiiight James. Very smooth."
Remus chuckled. "Seems like James has a crush, Sirius."
James turned red. "No I don't."
"Right, James," said Remus, laughing. James pretended to swipe at him. He grabbed the arm, and nearly before he thought about it, wrenched it. Luckily, he was in control. James flexed his fingers.
"oooow, Remus, next time don't wring so hard."
Sirius' laughing cheered them all, but Remus remembered, and resolved that his control be iron.
That night, he slept calmly, and easy.
The week was gone so fast, and it was the full moon week. The library was his frequent hideout now, he had found a small nook that no one knew about. By pulling out a book called Astronomy and then touching the spine of an old, weather beaten, gold knobbed book, he got himself into a small crevice. The book shelves would divide quietly and a small hole in the floor appeared. He would get in with no problem, and curl inside with a book, or sometimes, stare into space. When he was in, there was no sign of his little lair, since the bookcase always went into place. Getting out was tricky. You pressed on the roof, and then peered out and hope that no one saw you.
He was in there now, curled up with a blanket he had nicked to make it warmer. He knew the instinct that made him do this. The one of the hidden lair. No one should know of this. No one. He knew that the librarian, Madam Pince, didn't know about it, that no one did, and that was how he wanted it. It was small, and he could just stretch out both ways and sit up, but that didn't matter. It was warm and safe.
He thought often. He worried about every thing, and often calmed down in there. Sometimes he slept there. But it was peaceful.
The night before Saturday, he went to the hospital wing. He was now very morose, and lonely, and when angered, snarled. His eyes would grow a strange gold colour and he would attack. Madam Pomfrey soon learned not to annoy him. No one knew he was there. He was sad too, and missed the little lair. Then it was Saturday.
He snuck down to Hogsmeade. He had a great way of staying hidden, but it was daylight. His heart pounded wildly. Twice he ducked groups of students talking and laughing. He was nervous and his blood seemed to run to his ears. And then he saw Sirius, James and peter.
"Where's Remus, wonder what's wrong with him?" asked James casually, shoving Sirius to a side. Peter laughed nervously.
"Dunno, I haven's seen him, and he seems really preoccupied. And when you ask him, he snarls!" Sirius had just pushed James near the very bush that Remus hid in. He sucked his stomach in, and held far away. Soon they had gone.
He continued, and soon met with McGonagall. She nodded to him.
It seemed endless, but then after ages they stopped at some shack. He looked at it, but his year head dragged him up the hill to it. By this time, it was getting very dark, and the dusk was falling. Soon, he was in the shack. It was small. McGonagall nodded. Then she left.
The moonlight came on, and he changed, angry and sad. But this time, the change was different. It was strange. When he changed, he changed to the wolf, and the human usually vanished straight away. But this time it was different. His change was different. He had changed, yes. But this time, with the wolfish mind, he could see friends. Like flashes from a different time.
His eyes laughed, as a red head snubbed a guy called James, and she smiled at him.
When Sirius tossed his hair from his eyes and smiled and this girl who later had to go in counseling because of his sexy eyes.
James laughing as he flew on a broom,and he Remus, cheered.
Sirius out looking Malfoy, with a mad angry hatred. Professor Davius looking on with an indescribable anger when Malfoy was out looked.
The small Snape, whose face was pale.
The fire blazing, and him talking to his friends.
The nook in which he hid, cozy warm and happy. The sun shining on him, the lake and the squid, Dumbledore's lemon drops, his Transfiguration homework, the breakfast, owls, hiding, stars, friends . . . his pack friends. Redhead, school, Cassandra, stars
It was all merging in his head, and he couldn't see a thing, and . . . now he could see. All was still, but he didn't want blood anymore. Not like usual. Instead he howled, an eerie sound that had the villagers' hearts running cold with fear. It was a song. A song of sadness, and hope. A song that he told the moon, like all wolves, he told the pale moon of his sadness and pain that it caused him. The feeling of the unnatural shape, the loneliness he had, and him not having a pack. Where was his pack? He wanted one.The song that would never grow old, the song of loneliness. Then he changed it. It was now one of the everlasting hope. Hope for love , and for friends. It stopped the hurt, and now he just could sing, that everlasting song of hope, and friendship and love. Joy, and ups and downs, and happiness. He sang of all good things, and it was a song that would always be sung. In the castle, they heard it, and all were touched to their hearts, their very souls sang to it. It haunted their dreams. The villagers heard it. They clutched each other and the eerie song. But he sang to stop the pain, to help the hurt, and he would sing till the night was out.
When he crept back to Hogwarts, he was tired, cold and stiff. But he was relieved. He felt the pain was over. He slept away the last hours of the night. Then he went to breakfast.
Sirius and James looked up when they saw him.
"Where were you? Hey, Remus did you hear that strange sound last night?" said James.
'yeah, nothing like I ever heard. Creepy."
A girl spoke behind them, and they recognized Lily Evans, her eyes glowing green against her creamy skin and deep auburn hair. "No, it wasn't creepy."
"WHAT!" exclaimed Sirius and James.
"It was a song. And a song of hope, and fear, and love, and pain."
Sirius and James exchanged glances.
"But it was mostly about hope."
Do you like it? I did!
