Memories
Disclaimer: I don't own characters.
Remus stood up and looked around Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, and stretched the long lean stretch of a wolf. The moon was at half way, and for once in his life he was nearly desperate for the transformation to come, just so he could get away from the nightmare that he was living in.
Sirius' death haunted him constantly, much like James' and Lily's. His best friends in the world. His parents were gone too. Because of Voldemort.
When he thought of what Peter Pettigrew had done to his friends, and to Harry, his young charge, he wanted to kill him with his bare hands—not a very difficult feat. But at times, he just felt so horribly alone, alone in this world that just had nothing for him.
The knob turned on the door, disrupting his thoughts, and he heard someone come inside the house. Then a muttered curse as the person fell over what she described as "That confounded umbrella stand."
He smiled; for the first time in days something, even that small had caused him to smile a simple smile. He remembered the time when smiling was easy, in the days which he described to himself as the "Madcap Pack" days. In a few minutes, Tonks came into the room, paler than she usually was. Her bright pink hair seemed depleted of colour. Tonks felt, if not as bad as he did, worse.
"Wotcher, Remus," she said, looking tired. She dumped the bag she was carrying into the chair near him.
"Good evening Tonks. What on earth's in that bag?"
She smiled tiredly, looking ridiculously old for a woman so young. "Books, books, more books. I need something to take my mind—"
"Off Sirius," he finished for her, and she nodded.
She practically sank into the chair and looked at him. There were times when Remus was the only shoulder she had to lean on despite the fact that he never did it consciously. "I've got suspense, romance, thriller . . ."
"A little of everything," he said with a tired half smile. "That's nice. If you want extra energy you really ought to change to your regular appearance, Tonks."
She looked confused.
"I theorize that maybe your appearance actually does take some sort of effort."
"You've thought about this?" she asked, surprised. She scrunched up her face and then changed back to normal.
"Yeah. Sort of. You look like your cousin," he said, surprised. He couldn't remember seeing her look normal before. In a way, the familiar appearance helped calm him.
"I know," she said, pleased. "He used to tease me about it."
"How?" he asked her, interested for the first time in days.
"We used to pretend we were brother and sister. He didn't like Regulus, and I had no brothers and sisters. I didn't like my other cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix. I still don't," she added bitterly. "We used to talk together and when he went to Hogwarts he always sent me letters about school, about his friends, about the pranks you got up too."
"And about his girlfriends," added Remus, remembering the day that Sirius had been writing letters to Tonks.
"Of course. What would have been complete without the girls?" Tonks said, laughing a little. "And mostly about his friends. I knew you before I ever met you, Remus. About what you liked, about what you ate, and didn't eat, about what a control freak you could be. About you being a werewolf. About the changes they made for you that saved his life."
"I always felt guilty about that. If he hadn't been an Animagus, Peter wouldn't have escaped," he felt the same anger and rage choke him up, and the same pain that he had been burying since Sirius died.
Tonks looked at him. Her eyes were blue. Like Sirius'. She merely said to him "If he hadn't been an Animagus, he would have died in Azkaban prison."
"If they hadn't been Animaguses Peter would never have gotten away that day. It was my fault, Nymphadora. It was my fault that he died." His eyes were inflamed, glowing yellow as he stared at her. Then he looked away. The same burning feeling was gnawing at his gut, the same feeling of guilt that burning at him.
"Remus. Listen. It wasn't your fault that Peter was such a stinker. And Sirius would have gone after him anyway. Peter would just have found some other way to escape. Some other way to try to frame Sirius. You know that."
The ache that haunted him so long was lifted. And now the disbelief that his best friend was gone was there.
"Besides. You guys were his best friends. He couldn't have gotten through without you guys." Her voice shook. Looking across at her, he pulled her over and she cried into the front of his robes.
"Nymphadora."
She wiped her eyes, sniffling. "I keep telling you not to call me that," she said, with a watery smile. "I guess I don't mind." She suddenly started crying again.
Crying females made him nervous. But when he put his arms around her he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. A sudden instinct pulled her closer to him. "Nymphadora, stop crying. It's okay. Well it's not, but it will be. Besides, today we have to go and pick up Harry."
She sat up and smiled at him. "Thanks Remus."
"Why are you thanking me? I should be thanking you."
She looked somewhat pleased, then with an effort turned her hair back to pink.
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Later that night he thought about it. He knew very well that he loved Nymphadora Tonks, everything about her. He just wouldn't tell her.
He remembered the days when he had new friends. When they first became Animaguses. When Lily and James first went out. When he first felt accepted, and the day Sirius broke up with the first girlfriend, Tracy or Stacy or something like that. He remembered when James and Lily died. When he felt so hurt that his best friend would do something like that. The first day at Hogwarts. When he first met Tonks.
All the memories jumbled in his head.
He remembered Sirius saying "To hell with ages, Moony, you like her."
"I'm bloody old for her."
"I don't care. She won't either."
He had lost his friends. Now he had found his mate.
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Finis.
You can make up your own ending. Unless of course you want me to continue.
