Ch 4: A little bit forgiven

Woody first noticed something wrong with Annie when she was 19, he remembered the day like yesterday. The painful memory still welled up inside of them and created a dull ache in his stomach. He could still hear the rushing of water and the screams that echoed through the house. He felt the same way when Jordan stormed out of his house, alone and helpless.

It was a weak feeling, he remembered it well.

"Annie? Annie?" the sound of raging water from the bathroom bounced off the walls. He could hear it pounding against his head. As he opened the door, the look of fright glued on her emerald colored doe eyes was etched in his mind permanently. The words scribbled on the bathroom mirror over and over with a sharpie.

Once there was a girl that disappeared. Once there was a girl that disappeared. Once there was a girl that disappeared.

He couldn't bring himself to move, from that spot in the doorway, though the tub and sink were overflowing with water. She sat in the middle of all the confusion, all the chaos around her, black ink all over her hands. Her clothes soaked through to the skin.

"Annie?" he asked "What happened?" she didn't say anything, just sobbed into her hands.

Slowly he made himself move, turning off the water and lifting her up into his arms and laying her on her bed.

Half an hour later she was in dry clothes eating chicken noodle soup her hair brushed back softly into a ponytail. She apologized, but never explained or elaborated, he never asked.

Now as he stood at her doorstep, in Boston, that night came rushing back in waves, and swallowed him whole. Jordan had left, he couldn't bring himself to chase after her, he was too tired, tired of chasing, tired of waiting.

He wanted to say he was sorry, for all the things that he said, or didn't say, he wanted to turn back the hands of time and make things right. But in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't possible, but he didn't want to believe it.

He was surprise at how little things had changed. Her house was filled with the same furniture, the same knick-knacks the same trophies she had won when she was on the high school swim team. He paused at pictures, looking at her smiling face that he knew masked her real self, her real fears, her real nightmares.

Kewaunee was a world away, as was the secrets he held, his brother held, Annie and Grace held, they all knew and no one did anything, that thought came ringing through his head.

No one did anything.

No one did anything when his mother died, no one did anything when his father came home from the bar drunk, no one did anything when he came to school with bruises on his face. No one did anything when Annie was sick no one did anything.

He stopped at a picture of him and Annie that she had hidden in a desk drawer, he looked happy and alive, something that he hadn't felt for a long time. He stopped in the middle of the room that crumpled picture hanging limply from his hand. For the first time in close to twenty years he allowed tears to run freely down his face, his hands trembling softly. He didn't know how long he stood there feeling weak and distant from the world around him, all he knew was when he left he felt a little freer and a little bit forgiven.

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For the next few weeks he let Jordan be, avoiding her at all costs, requesting Nigel or Bug for a case. But the father he got away from her, the less he felt anything. The old numbness coming back in rivers. He remembered everything when she was gone, every bruise, every person that had come, and then left, but with her near, he forgot, and that was the greatest gift she could ever give him.

Now he sat in his kitchen, looking around at what he had become. Dirty dishes in the sink, clothes piled in a corner, the mess he hadn't felt like cleaning up for weeks. He thought that this is what Annie must have felt like, each day, waking up to the same thing, feeling like she had wasted her life and now the opportunity had passed her by.

He tried to call Jordan, tell her he felt his world crumbling around him, that he was walking on scorched earth with nothing left to bring him home but her. But he couldn't do it, no matter how he tried. He couldn't bring himself to her, because he didn't deserve her.

He had always known that he didn't deserve her beauty or her talent, or her time. He had been told his entire life he wasn't deserving of anyone, not even a mother. After awhile he gave up, thought it true.

The Boston Skyline grew bright as the sky grew darker and the pale sunlight disappeared under the rim of the earth. He felt the night come on, slowly he walked into his bathroom, wanting for a moment to feel how Annie felt when she went over the edge of reality. He turned on the water and began to scribble.

Once upon a time, there was a boy that disappeared. Once upon a time there was a boy that disappeared.