Part III: We All Fall Down

"Mom, I'll be back later!" she called. Grace took the shopping bag with the gifts from her family in it and turned almost colliding with Eli. "Sorry," she apologized immediately.

He steadied her with his hands on her arms. "No problem." Eli saw that she had her purse, a duffle bag over one shoulder, and her gifts. "On your way home?"

"I'm just running over to my apartment. Need some more stuff."

Eli grinned. "Want some company?"

"Weren't you supposed to do something with Rick this afternoon?"

"We can do that later. Besides, you promised to show me where you lived."

"I'll just be there for a minute—" He stuck his bottom lip out, pretending to pout and Grace caved quickly. "Fine. C'mon."

"I'll just be a second." He went through the front door and exited out the garage a few moments later. Grace noticed he'd put on a hoodie. "Ready?"

Once they got to the car, Eli took her things from her. He put them in the backseat, before slipping in next to her. The engine roared to life and Grace blushed when Collide poured out of her CD player. She went to hit the power button, but Eli stopped her. "No, I like it."

When the song finished, Eli reached and turned the volume down. Grace kept her eyes carefully trained on the road. The drive never seemed this long before. "So," he began, "when are you gonna let me drive your car?"

She laughed. "I'm not."

"Aw, Gracie. You're no fun."

"I'm plenty of fun," the brunette stated. "You never let me drive your car in high school."

"That's different—"

"How, exactly?" She paused for a moment, not surprised by his lack of an answer. "Thought so. Besides, you have your own car. When you get back to New York, you can drive it."

"I don't keep a car in the city. Too crowded."

Glancing over, she asked, "Really?"

"Nope. Insurance is too high. There's at least an accident a minute in that place."

"So how do you get to work?"

"I walk," he answered. "If it rains, then I might take a cab. It's not that unusual – lots of people don't have cars in New York."

"I know. It just seems so odd… Eli Sammler, not driving around in a gas-guzzling hot rod. It's like I've entered an alternate universe."

"I've changed, Grace."

"I'm beginning to see that." She glanced over and caught him staring at her. His gaze was intense and suddenly Grace felt like she had something on her face. "Wh—what?"

Shaking his head, Eli didn't answer. Instead he reached forward and turned the music back up. "This is a great song."

"Yeah," she agreed.

The car was silent until they arrived at her apartment. By the time Grace had cut the engine, Eli was out of the car and getting her things from the back. He followed her into the building silently. They took the elevator to the fifth floor and Grace led him to her door. "Here we are."

Eli glanced up and down the hall. "This place is classy. I imagined you living in some third floor walk-up over a Chinese restaurant."

The brunette laughed, in spite of herself. "Been there, done that. I've only lived here a little more than a year. This was my graduation present to myself." Grace let them in and instructed Eli to leave the bags on the couch. "Want something to drink?"

"Uh, sure."

She waited a moment, seeing if he'd elaborate on his preference, but he didn't. Eli was too busy looking at the pictures on her mantel. "Any preference?"

He looked back at her and smiled. "Surprise me."

Grace took a detour to her bedroom where she quickly grabbed a few extra changes of clothes and underwear. Things were going well and she wanted to stay with her parents for a few more days. Her mom thought it was a great idea – having her entire family together beneath one roof. When she returned to the living room with two cans of Coke, Eli was still staring intently at a picture on her mantel. "Whatcha looking at?"

Eli took the picture of the mantel and went to the couch. "I don't remember this picture being taken."

She sat beside him, putting his drink in front of him. Grace glanced over at the picture and froze. "It was New Years Eve a few years back." She was wearing a party hat with a noisemaker coming out of her mouth. Eli's head was to the side, looking at her and laughing. "Mom gave it to me."

"You don't remember what year it was, do you?"

Grace shrugged. "No. I do remember you were dating someone named Shelley, though. You mentioned that."

"Shelley?" Eli stared intently down at the photo, confused. The way he was looking at Grace… that scared him. He knew the picture was a few years old, and it wasn't possible he'd looked at her like that then. And Shelley? He didn't remember dating a Shelley, much less mentioning her to his family. "I don't remember her."

"No?" Grace queried. "She was pretty. Brown hair that fell just below her shoulders. Large brown eyes—"

"I…" He searched his memory for the description but he couldn't remember anyone. "Are you sure I mentioned her?"

Her brown eyes dropped to floor and she shook her head. "No. You never mentioned her. But she was real, Eli."

"What?"

Grace stood and moved away from him. She kept her back turned. "Three weeks after that picture was taken, I went to New York," she confessed easily. "I…I wanted to surprise you. I didn't understand why you hadn't called and wasn't thinking clearly. Jessie gave me your address and I went to your apartment. She was there, wearing your shirt. She…it was obvious she'd been there for a while. She wanted to know my name, so she could tell you who came by. I lied, and said I was Coop's sister, and I was only in town for the night."

"You were in New York?"

She nodded, still not facing him.

Eli stood and went to where she was. He gently turned her, and lifted her chin. "Why?"

"I needed to see you," she whispered. Grace reached up and wiped a tear quickly away. "I just… I wanted it to be a surprise."

"But why, Grace? Why'd you fly all the way to New York… why not call, let me know you were coming. Why not at least see me?"

Grace looked at him then. "I'd seen enough. I finally understood – I wasn't anything to you except another notch on the bedpost. I became what I swore I wouldn't… just another conquest."

"Grace."

She saw his face change, saw how guilty he felt. "Don't. I don't want your pity. I'm over it, anyway."

Eli knew she wasn't, but didn't know what to saw. He reached for her and sighed when she pulled away. "Grace."

"Don't touch me. Just…I want to go home."

"Grace," he tried again.

She flinched and walked away from him. "Let's go. I need to get back." Grace grabbed her purse and keys, before turning the lights off in the apartment.

He was left with no choice but to follow her. He glanced back into the apartment, silently wondering what he'd done.


It was late, midnight at least, and Grace was by herself. After they'd returned to the apartment, she'd told her Mom she wasn't feeling so well and went to her room. She'd locked the door and studied herself carefully in the mirror, wondering if something had changed. Without meaning to, she'd admitted something she swore she never would. Eli hadn't needed to know about the trip to New York. He probably thought she was even more pathetic now.

She went down to dinner, only to find Eli was out catching up with some friends. She'd sighed in relief and ignored the look Jessie sent her. He was avoiding her. Any other time the thought would have disturbed Grace, but now…now she was just relieved. She didn't want to see him again for a long while.

Grace didn't hear the car door slam because of the iPod. She was lying under the oak tree in the front yard on a blanket, oblivious to the world around her. Somehow between last night and this morning, Eli had managed to record his own version of Collide and downloaded it for her. Once she discovered that, she hit repeat and blocked the rest of the world out.

He thought she might be asleep, but wasn't sure. Coop was the first to see her and said something to Eli when he dropped him off. He wasn't ready to face her, but knew he should. Things were bad between them right now and they needed to be fixed. He knew he would have to be the one to fix them. "Grace?" he asked softly.

When he received no response, he kicked her foot. Her eyes popped open and she sat up immediately. Removing the headphones, she looked down. "Can I help you?"

Eli sighed heavily. Things were really bad. "I wanted to apologize."

"You don't need to. I didn't tell you because I wanted an apology."

"Why did you tell me, then?"

Grace shrugged in the darkness. "Dunno. It's been hanging between us for five years now, Eli. We both know it happened, but we never talk about it. I didn't even want to talk about it – but, I saw that picture and I couldn't stop myself. It doesn't change how I think of you. I just wanted to clear the air, I think."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he told her softly. "It was the last thing I wanted to do."

"What you did didn't hurt me, Eli. It changed me." Grace looked away from him and sighed deeply. How was she going to explain this? "I know you know I was practically in love with you during high school. I mean, I even kissed you. After our parents got married, I convinced myself you at least felt something for me. Something that wasn't sisterly. I can still vividly remember the night in your room, when you almost kissed me. You wanted to and I wanted you to, but then you stopped. I never understood that.

"The first time you ever let me down was the night of my play. I know Karen showed up and you'd lied to her earlier that day. Still, I wished you could have found a way to stay. For the first time in my life, I was great at something. I was great for you, because of you. That being said, I'm kind of glad you didn't show up. That was the night when I started to fall out of love with you. You hurt me and it was enough to pull me back from cloud nine. Slowly, I started to change. I didn't notice at first – but suddenly I wasn't spending hours thinking about you. When I started Northwestern you barely crossed my mind, and I was glad."

"Why're you telling me this?" Eli asked.

"Then New Years happened," she went on, ignoring him. Glancing over at him, she smiled. "You and I… what we did was special and I loved you for it. You took care of me those two days and you made me believe what I needed to believe. I didn't hate myself because of you. I went to New York because I was desperate. For those three weeks, I was that sixteen-year-old girl again. I was back on cloud nine. Going there, seeing Shelley let me see you. The real you, for the first time."

"What?" he asked. "The real me isn't anything like the person you just described."

Grace nodded. "But you are, Eli. Even if you don't know it. When I saw her, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. I came back home and wallowed, swearing I'd never forgive you. I had to, though. Once again, you gave me the strength to change my life. After that, I swore I'd never live my life for another person and I don't. I'm doing what I want to do, I'm where I want to be, and I'm happy. I needed the courage to let go of the girl I used to be, and you gave it to me. I hate that my heart was broken in the process, but that's how it happened."

They sat in the dark together for a long time. Grace had said her peace and knew Eli would have something to say, she just had to wait on him. "She reminded me of you," he said at last.

"Who?"

"Shelley. Shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. Her hair even had the red tint yours does. She was shorter than me and her body was curved like yours. She lived with me for awhile in New York."

"Oh."

"When we were together… I pretended she was you. I wanted her to be you. I broke up with her after I couldn't pretend any longer. My need for you became too strong. "

She didn't know how to respond, so she didn't. It was a shock. Eli choosing his girlfriend based on her. Grace knew she wasn't the only one who came away affected. "I did that a lot, actually. A lot of the women I dated had your features. How fucked up is that, Grace?"

"Eli—"

"No," he cut her off. Reaching out, Eli took her face between his hands and made her look at him. "I need you to hear this and I need you to understand, okay? I—My whole life I've been waiting for this moment. I think I loved you before I knew you, Gracie. Even if I didn't realize it at the time, you came into my life for a reason. It wasn't about needing an English tutor, or Carla, or even our parents. It was always about us."

"What do you want from me?" she asked. "Why tell me this now?"

"I'm happy, too, Grace. I love my life, but even I know something's missing. I write songs because the lyrics put feeling to my thoughts. I can't explain it to you, or myself, but when I write it down I know it makes perfect sense. You're what's missing. I see that now."

"Eli," she sighed. Leaning forward, Grace wrapped her arms around his neck. She hugged him tightly before pulling away. She stared at him for a moment before leaning forward and kissing him. Grace was sure to keep it gentle and pulled back before Eli could deepen it. "You don't love me, Eli, even though you think you do. You don't know me, so you can't love me. I'm not that sixteen-year-old girl who was so in love with you. I won't be her again just to make you happy.

With that, Grace picked up her iPod and walked away. He wasn't sure, but Eli thought he might have heard her whisper goodbye.


A/N: Thanks so much for those of you who are so supportive. I fully acknowledge I have no idea what I'm doing. But it's a lot of fun. -C