Disclaimer: The characters were lost and I took them in. You may gladly have them back when the Half Blood Prince finally comes out.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Chuck. He lived in a wood. Everyone called him Woodchuck, so as not to confuse him with Chuck who lived in the city. (He was known as Citychuck.)………..but no one cares.'

Hotp looked in wonderment at the platform thirteen and nine sixteenths. Hybrid had just given him a beautiful owl that he named Watson (a/n yes, Watson. You'll see.) He then was instructed by a motherly woman to run into a pole. Hotp, trusting sap that he is, went forward, ramming speed. He then gaily skipped onto the train.

He met a boy of standard high and gangly build on the bus. The boy also had shocking pink hair like the woman who gave him directions.

"Bloody hell, you're Hotp!"

Hotp stared at the boy. "Um, yeah."

"I'm McDonald Paisley, but you can call me Don for short. This is Scabs, my rat of dubious origin."

Just then, their cabin was intruded upon. "Hello, I'm Hurtmyknee Ranger. I'm the resident ugly duckling. I may seem like a geek now, but I will grow-up to be beautiful and smart and wealthy and famous. I will then use my army of Mary-Sues to take over the world. By the way, have you seen a psychotic squirrel? Neo-hippie Bellbottom seems to have lost his."

"No."

"You're Hotp!"

"Why is everyone saying that? Does this have anything to do with that 'Moldingwart' character Hybrid said killed my parents?"

"Aieee! Say not the evil name!" screamed Don and Hurtmyknee together.

"Fine then, what do I call him?"

Hurtmyknee sighed, "Call him the Lord of Dimness or He-who-must-never-be-named-or-else."

Hotp shrugged. "'Kay." Hurtmyknee left. Hotp turned to Don. "What just happened?"

"Beats me."

"Oh, since I am a clueless non-wizard folk and because the author doesn't feel like making another 'explaining' chappie, tell me about Eggnog."

"There are four houses, Gryffindork, Sliverthin, Pufflepuff, and Ravin' Claw. The Gryffindorks are either really brave or really stupid. The Sliverthins are evil or bulimic or both. The Pufflepuffs are drag queens and girlie-girls. Ravin' Claws are intelligent, yet insane."

"Oh."

Hotp and Don proceeded to get off the train and travel to the school on the dangerous boats as apposed to the safer carriages for some strange reason… (this will not be explained because it annoys me)

"Hello, you must be Herring of the Pot. I'm Dilly Altoid and this is Drab and Soil, my trained monkeys/bestest best friends." Hotp looked up to what was either a boy, pure evil, or a platinum blond toothpick of unusual size flanked by….well….I'm not exactly sure….


A good ending is it not? I am going to try and write poetry in mole-speak. (This is what happens when you give me jellybeans…) Why did Hotp name the owl Watson? Is Proffessor Squiggle evil, schizophernic, or both? Do I have any idea what I'm doing? Find out next chappie!

This is my little bro's version of the Chuck story. I'll post my brother's stories at the end. Why? Because.

Once, there was a guy named Chuck. Chuck was a woodchuck. Everyone asked Chuck, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Chuck responded "4." So when someone asks you "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" say "4."

Mike requests that you say 4 and say something about his story in your review, which is imperative to my sanity. And yours. (The review, not my brother.) So eat jellybeans, review, and write fanfics about Merry. :P