Uncertainty
Chapter Two
A/N: Well, I had done the second chapter right after the first, so I thought I would just go ahead and put it up. Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming, lols.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, they're all JKR's.
Somehow, Sirius had managed to make it back to his bed last night. It must have been early morning when he got back, but at least he had made it. Padfoot stretched in his soft sheets, glad for the shelter the drapes on his bed gave him. His head pounded, and all Sirius wanted was to go back to bed, to drown his sorrows with sleep.
First, he had blown off the Ravenclaw girl. Not that Sirius cared much, but he was sure she had stayed to see what was going on. If she had, it would be all around school by morning, unless Lucius had bribed her. Now, there was a thought. Lucius might actually be good for something that didn't include ruining Sirius' life.
Sirius buried his dark-haired head under his pillow, hoping to drown the rest of the memories. It didn't work. How could he have been so stupid? People always told Sirius he had to think before he did things, and this was one of those times where if he'd stopped to think for a MINUTE, he would be able to get out of bed with his head high. But no, he just HAD to go barging in there, and make a fool of himself.
It was bad enough that Pete was with Malfoy: Sirius didn't want to know how they had managed to find each other. But then to go spouting out his feelings for Peter took the cake. There was no way that those had gone unnoticed, and Sirius was just as sure that Lucius would have spread it all over school, without revealing how he knew Sirius cared for the boy. And Pete...God, Peter. He probably would never speak to Sirius again. He groaned and shut his eyes as tight as he could.
He was so STUPID! "Stupid, stupid, stupid," Sirius mumbled, disgusted with himself. He had worked so hard, for so many years not to let his secret out. He had gone through so many girls, made so many stupid jokes, and now all that effort was wasted. "Stupid," Sirius continued to growl, in a sort of mantra that he hoped would keep him sane.
The hole in his gut was so large, Sirius was positive it could swallow the entire Gryffindor tower, and STILL feel empty. His head hurt, his gut hurt...all Sirius needed was a few more knife strokes on his arms and maybe all his hurting would go away. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." But then, Black's knife had been packed away in his trunk, and Sirius was NOT going to risk leaving his bed to look for it. Not if it meant someone might see him.
He stopped his self-pitying sorrow for long enough to listen to the sounds around him. Just as he though it was clear-enough, and was peeking out of his blinds, someone stepped in front of them, blocking out the light. Just kill me, Sirius thought desperately. It was Peter.
"Sirius," Peter asked softly, gazing down at him. Sirius couldn't look away. He kept staring at Pettigrew as the horror inside his guts grew, insides becoming the next ice age. "Sirius," Peter repeated again, more insistent this time. He sat on the side of the bed. For some reason, Sirius had hoped he would just go away.
Forcing himself to sit up, Sirius leaned against the headboard and pulled his knees up to himself. "What do you want, Peter?" he asked, trying to force some impatience into his voice, but not succeeding very well.
Pete looked about himself anxiously. Clearing his throat, he started. "Last night"
Sirius waved him off. "Stop it. I don't want to hear it." He forced the hurt out of him, trying to replace it with indignation. This worked slightly better, since Sirius really WAS upset about it. "It's all over school andyou're so sorry: well,shove it. I don't care."
Peter's eyes widened slightly, but he looked down at his hands instead of leaving like Sirius obviously wanted him to. "He didn't say anything."
The dark-haired boy was taken aback. His head ached, which prevented him from figuring this out on his own. "He didn't tell anyone?" Black echoed. Sirius couldn't figure out why the bloody hell Malfoy didn't scream it from the rooftops. It wasn't like Lucius to give his enemies a break.
"I asked him not to, so he didn't. Don't worry." Pettigrew hesitated a moment, before looking up from his still fidgeting hands. "Don't hate me."
The hole in Sirius' stomach grew. He sighed, and his body sunk into his knees. "I don't hate you Pete," he admitted heavily. "I was just a git, as usual." Sirius offered a crooked smile.
"Lucius' isn't so bad, ya know," Peter offered, giving him a small smile back.
Sirius shook his head. "Malfoy's a git. I don't care what you say."
"He's only ever been nice to me," Peter pointed out, sounding slightly put out. Sirius' eyes flashed.
"Yeah, sure, if you consider using you to be nice," Sirius shot back. "You need someone better."
"Like you?" Peter asked, voice letting Sirius know exactly how he felt about that idea. "Well too bad, Sirius. All you did was mock me, let me hang around so you could enjoy the attention I gave you. Nothing I ever said mattered, and none of my ideas were good enough. And NOW suddenly you want me? Well too bloody bad."
Peter stood up quickly, almost tumbling over the curtains. "You're just not my type, Sirius." Glaring down at him, he added. "You should get up already. Quidditch practice is in an hour." Turning, Peter scurried out of the room, managing to look squirrely and haughty at the same time.
Sirius sunk down into his bed, head falling into his pillow and eyes squeezing shut. Maybe if he pretended he was sick, Sirius could get out of Quidditch practice. Maybe, if he acted like he was sick enough, Sirius could get out of his life.
End of Chapter Two.
