A/N: There is a NC-17 rated part that goes before this – it hasn't been posted here – but if you're interested in reading it, please e-mail me at 'smprsfan' at aoldotcom. Except, you know, make that a real e-mail address.
Part IX – Love Me, Leave Me
Lily Sammler was a woman on a mission. Actually, to correct that, she was a mother on a mission. She'd been trying to talk with Grace about Eli for the last two days now, but the two were inseparable. Eli hadn't spent the night in his room above the garage the last three nights because he'd stayed with Grace. Finally, after convincing Rick to take Eli out for lunch, she was going to get some answers from her oldest daughter.
When Grace answered the door she was wearing old sweats and tennis shoes. Her brown hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and she looked busy. Her mother smiled tentatively. "Bad time"
"No." The younger woman opened the door a little wider. "Come in."
When she thought about it later, Lily knew nothing would prepare her for what she was about to see. Grace's living room and kitchen were scattered with boxes, some of them overflowing with her belongings. "Gracie."
"Mom," she started, "I'm not sure what to say. I've been trying to tell you for two days now—"
"Gracie, are you… are you moving" Lily studied her daughter carefully. Grace only nodded. "I don't, I mean, this is just… where are you moving to?"
"New York," Grace answered.
"What!"
Her daughter stepped forward and took her hand. She led Lily to an empty space on the couch, then sat before her on the coffee table. "I'm moving to New York. I'm going with Eli."
"Grace," Lily sighed. "I don't understand. This is so… sudden. Where is this coming from?"
The brunette paused, trying to come up with the best way to answer. In truth, she didn't completely understand either. "He asked me a few days ago. I want to go, Mom."
"What about school," her mother questioned. "What about your life? Your family? You're just going to walk away from it all?"
"I'm not walking away from all of that, Mom. I'm walking toward Eli. His work and his life are in New York."
"Why is his life more important than yours? Why are you the one making the sacrifice?"
"Mom."
Lily took her daughter's hand in her own. "Gracie, I'm not… I want you to be happy. But this thing with Eli, it's so new. Even if you had a fling a few years ago, that's in the past. You've changed since then. You've grown. How do you know this is what you want?"
Grace wasn't sure how to answer the questions. If she was honest with herself, she knew it wasn't exactly what she wanted. However, more than anything, she wanted Eli. She wanted to be with Eli. If that meant going to New York, then she would. "I love him."
"Can't you love him in Chicago?" the older woman questioned. "Couldn't you wait six months, couldn't you graduate first? I understand that you want to be with him, Grace. I do. I'm not trying to separate you. I just… you're so close to getting what you've worked so hard for. You have dreams and I don't want you to let them go.
"I've been where you are, honey. Choosing between my dreams and the man that I love. I chose the latter and then I held it against him. For years I resented Jake because I felt he left me no choice. I don't want that to happen to you."
"I'm not you," Grace inserted. "And Eli isn't Dad. We're not like you. I need him in my life and I don't want to be without him. There are schools in New York. I could transfer to NYU and start again in the fall. I just want to be with him."
"Just think about it for a minute. Really think about it. Do you… can you really leave this? Your apartment, your life, your family, and school to be with him? Do you want him that much? Do you love him that much" Lily stood and moved away from her oldest daughter. She stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and watched her carefully, before moving through the doorway to be by herself.
Grace dropped her head into her hands, turning her mothers word over in her mind. Did she really want to do this? If their situations were reversed, would Eli do the same for her?
She was sure the answer was yes. Since he'd returned, Eli was different. He was sorry for his past mistakes and she knew he really loved her. The time they'd spent together over the last few days told her that much. And Grace had always loved him, in one capacity or another. Eli made her whole.
Yet, her mother did have a point. She would be walking away from her life for something entirely new in New York. She was one semester short of graduation and Grace was certain the University was going to ask her back in some capacity. She'd built a good life for herself here and leaving that would be scary. Especially since she faced so many unknowns in New York.
But, Eli was in New York. His life and his work were there. And she loved him enough to walk away from everything. There were planes, telephones, and Internet connections to keep her in touch with her family. She could transfer and finish her degree in New York. Her life, her place was with him. She was more sure of that than anything.
When her mother reentered a few minutes later, carrying two cups of steaming liquid, Grace smiled up at her. The older woman looked at her for a long time, tears coming to her eyes. Finally, Lily nodded and gave her a watery smile. "Let's drink our tea, then I'll help you pack."
The brunette smiled brighter, even though it was making her heart hurt. "Thanks Mom."
The next morning, Grace awoke in the circle of Eli's arms and sighed happily. She couldn't think of a better way to start her last day in Chicago. After their talk the previous day, her mother had helped her pack the rest of her belongings. It hadn't taken long and Lily had promised to send whatever she needed once she got settled the store the rest of it. The only thing that hadn't been packed was a change of clothes and shoes, her toiletries, two towels, and her bed dressings.
As she lay there, deciding what she wanted to do first, Grace felt Eli move beside her. His arms tightened and he kissed the shell of her ear. "Are you awake?"
Turning on her side, she looked at him. "Hey you."
"Hey you back." Eli leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "Sleep well?"
She nodded. "Sorry I pooped out on you last night. I was tired."
"No problem. It was fine, you had a long day. I know talking to your Mom couldn't have been easy."
Grace shook her head. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done" she admitted. "I was so afraid she wouldn't understand. I'm still not sure if she does."
"She does." Eli looked at her reassuringly before he continued. "She loves you, Grace. She always has and always will. That's what parents do and it took me a long time to learn that."
"I still feel like I'm letting her down. I hate feeling like that."
"I know."
She looked at him, expecting him to say more. Didn't he have any words of wisdom or maybe some advice? Wasn't there something she could say to her mom that would make her see she was making the right choice? Wasn't there something she could say to herself to make her see she was making the right choice. "Why do you love New York?" she asked him suddenly.
"What?"
"Why do you love New York? You can write songs anywhere, Eli. Why there?"
He considered her question, turning it over in his mind. Why did he love New York? Why did he feel at home there. "It's the best city in America."
"Really? I've always been partial to Chicago."
"It's great here," he agreed. "If I hadn't grown up in Chicago, I wouldn't have made it in New York. I'm not sure I can explain it, but the first time I stepped out into crisp autumn air, I felt like I'd finally come home."
"Do you still feel like that?"
"Kind of. Over the last several years, I've realized that home isn't a place. It's a feeling. Flying back felt like coming home as well. There are things I love about New York that no other city has. It's a great place to live, but I think I finally get it."
"Get what?"
His arms tightened around her and he kissed her forehead. "I'm only really at home when I'm with you. When I left Chicago I needed New York and I needed to be at home there. But, since I came back, being here with you like this… this is home. My home is where you are."
"What if I'd said no?" Grace questioned. "What if I couldn't go with you"
"Then I'd find a way to get back to you." Eli watched her carefully before asking, "Grace, are you having second thoughts?"
She shook her head. "I just… it's a big step, Eli. I have so many questions… what if it doesn't work out? What if I get there, what if I… we just fall a part?"
"It won't happen."
"How do you know?" She reached up and touched his face, her fingertips dancing across his skin. "How do you… how can you be so sure?"
"I know I love you" he told her. "That's the only thing I need to know. I want to be with you, Grace. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. What I should ask though, is if you want the same thing? Do you love me, Grace?"
"Yes."
"Would you… do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"
Silently, Grace nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Grace knew it was true, but being with Eli wasn't the only thing she wanted for the rest of her life. Love was just one of the things she wanted – she wanted the opportunity to visit foreign countries and use her degree. She wanted to spend time with her sisters and see Will grow up. She wanted to be able to go to her mother with any problem, knowing the older woman would always listen and have suggestions. Eli, without a doubt, made her incredibly happy – but was it enough? Was he enough?
"What're you thinking?" Eli asked.
"Just… how happy we'll be together. How much I love you." She wasn't sure why she couldn't tell him the truth. Grace was certain if she told him what she was really thinking Eli might be upset with her. He was planning their future together and she was still deciding if it was a future she even wanted.
Her answer satisfied Eli and they went back to telling her what life was like in New York. She listened to him, captivated by the passion in his voice, as he begin to give her details about what her new life would hold.
Their plane was scheduled to board at two that afternoon, so Eli and Grace met their family were an early lunch at Jake's restaurant. They'd only been out of bed an hour or so. After they'd finished talking, Grace had asked him to make love to her. He'd complied, making the slowest, sweetest love to her he could. He could feel something was wrong, even if she wasn't talking about it, and Eli only wanted to make her feel better.
She laughed and smiled through the dinner with their family, quietly saying goodbye to each one of them. He knew this was hard for her, but something didn't feel right. Their bags were packed, her things were boxed away, and they were getting ready to start a new life together.
The day before Rick had given him his grandmother's engagement ring. His father wanted to know how serious he was about Grace – was she the one? When Eli had said she was, he'd slid the red velvet box across the restaurant table to him. While he'd never considered marriage until that point, now it was all he could think about. He wanted the moment to be perfect, but it was only a matter of time.
After lunch their family accompanied them to O'Hare. Grace and Lily were hanging on to each other with Zoë and Jessie following close behind. Eli hung back with his dad and Will, making small talk. Finally, they were allowed to enter the boarding area. Eli said his goodbyes quickly, hugging each person once. He stood back and waited for Grace to finish her conversations and say goodbye to their family. He could see the sadness in her.
When she joined him, he looked down at her. He could see the distress in her eyes – was this even what she wanted? Eli couldn't be sure. "Do you want this?"
She nodded.
"Grace, don't do this because it's what I want… I only want your happiness. If we get there and you're miserable, there's no point."
"I want to be with you."
He ran the back of his hand against her cheek. "This doesn't have to be the only way. We'll work something else out."
Her brown head shook, disagreeing with him. "Your life is there, Eli. Your work. It's where you are and I want to be with you."
"Grace" he sighed. Leaning down, he kissed her. He could taste the salt from her tears and it only pushed him harder. His arms wrapped around her back, crushing her body to his. When he broke away, Eli left a trail of kisses up to her ear. "You don't have to do this."
"Eli."
Pulling back, he took her hands in his. The busy airport faded around them as Eli stared at her intently. "You know I love you, right?"
"Yes."
"And I want more than anything to be with you. You know that, too?"
"Yes."
"Then you should understand why I'm going to do what I'm going to do." He dropped her hands and stepped back.
Grace watched as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small red box. "Eli—" she began, but he silenced her with one look. He reached for her hand, and she gave it to him.
His hands were shaking badly and he was nervous. This wasn't how he planned on doing this at all. "Grace Manning, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Is that what you want?"
Mutely, she nodded. Tears streaked down her face.
Eli let go of her left hand and reached for the right. He slipped the ring onto the third finger and brought the hand up to his lips for a kiss. "I want this too, Grace."
She looked down, confused. Wasn't it supposed to go on the other hand? "Eli," she started.
"No," he cut her off. "I'm not going to let you make this sacrifice. I shouldn't have asked you to come, Grace. I thought it could work, I thought you'd be okay, but I see now that you're not."
"I will be okay," she told him. "I'll get over moving, Eli. It doesn't matter right now. I just want to be with you."
"I know." Stepping forward, he brought her body back into his for a hug. "I love you, don't forget that, okay?"
"Okay."
"I want you to stay here with our family, okay? I'll come back for you."
"Eli, no."
"Yes" he insisted. "This is your life, your home. You shouldn't have to leave it."
"Eli."
He silenced her with a kiss. "I love you. Please believe me. I'll come home to you soon."
Grace knew he was decided and nothing she could do would change his mind. There were doubts eating away at her, but she wouldn't let them bother her. At least not now. "I love you."
"I'll be back soon," he vowed.
Flight 265 to Kennedy International Airport is now boarding. All passengers in first class and business class, please board now.
"That's you," she said. Grace hugged him fiercely before kissing him. "Thank you."
He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, trying to memorize the feel of it. Eli knew it would take a few months to get everything wrapped up in New York, but she would be here waiting for him. He wouldn't screw this up again, he would be back. "I'll see you soon."
She stepped backward, holding his hand as long as she could. When they broke contract, Grace exhaled sharply. Eli backed away from her slowly, never breaking eye contact. She stood rooted in one spot for a long time, her eyes glued to the door he'd disappeared into.
Finally, Grace pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Mom" she asked. "Can you come back to the airport? Thanks."
Twenty minutes later, Grace Manning finally broke down in the comfort of her mother's arms. It wasn't until that moment that Lily realized how much her daughter loved her stepson. "Let me take you home, Grace."
"Can't" she sniffled. "Home just left for New York."
Her mother tightened her arms around her and started leading her away from Eli. Walking out of the airport was the longest walk of Grace's life.
A/N: Don't hate me! It had to be done. The next part will be the last. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've loved writing this. I /should/ have the next part up within a week, as long as my life doesn't explode around me.
