Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. But if they ever showed up on eBay, I would probably place a bid.

Chapter 4 – Something's Different Around Here


As it usually does, time had slipped away from me. Spring had passed on to an unusually warm summer. And rather than the heat keeping the villains inside, they had come out to play with their favorite team of superheroes. Us. Over the last few weeks the other Titans and I had fought Dr. Light, Mumbo Jumbo, Gizmo and Mammoth (we all wondered where Jynx had gotten off to), and Johnny Rancid. And last night we had the 'privilege' of stopping Control Freak's take over of an electronics store.

Even with the extra work, I had managed to stick to my commitment of meditating twice a day and going to the meditation group twice a week. While I've tried a bunch of different kinds of meditation, I found that a couple were working really well for me.

This particular morning – after I brushed my teeth, but before leaving my bedroom – I was doing a variation of breath counting. I called it breath awareness. I had found that I got lost in the counting, and having to start over was irritating me enough that I'd quit meditating. So I quit counting and simply started paying attention to what happened in my body during the transition from inhalation to exhalation. Turbulent air in my nose. My lungs full of air and slowly relaxing. Random thoughts still wandered into my head while meditating, but less often and with less urgency.

I opened my eyes to look at the sandglass. A few weeks before, I had given up on the five minute egg timer and picked up the 20 minute glass sitting in front of me. Pleased to see that all the sand had run, I looked around my room. It was… Cleaner. Not what I would call 'neat', but I was a lot less likely to trip on my laundry, or find a three week old slice of pizza on the floor.

I stood up and stretched. 'Hungry. Wonder what's for breakfast,' I thought, as I made my way out of my room and down the hall to the kitchen. Before I had gone very far, I smelled the unmistakable odor of cooking meat. 'Damn it, Cyborg got there before I did.'

Coming around the corner, I saw Cyborg cooking bacon to go along with a rather large stack of pancakes. Star and Robin were on the couch in the rec room, talking quietly. And Raven. Raven was at the counter, her back to me, making a cup of tea.

"Hey, BB! You want some bacon and pancakes?" Cyborg called to me.

"Um, no, Cyborg. No bacon. I've been a pig before. Why would I want to eat one? But I will have some pancakes as long as your nasty meat hasn't touched them."

"Look, you green elf, my bacon is not nasty. My bacon is a wonderful blend of pork, apple-wood smoke and love," Cyborg rebutted, as he piled a bunch of pancakes onto a plate for me. "Unlike your nasty tofu stuff."

"Look, Cyborg. I am not eating meat. Not today. Not tomorrow. And probably not any time in the future," I said, as I moved to the fridge. Opening it, I grabbed my package of tofu bacon and a carton of fake eggs. Setting all that down on the counter, I closed the fridge with my foot and called to Raven, "Oh, Ravey! Want some tofu eggs and bakey?"

I couldn't help but smile a bit when she turned to face me, her eyes narrowed a bit. She hated it when I called her "Ravey". I started counting down in my head, 'Three, two, one, and…'

"Beast Boy, don't call me 'Ravey'. And no, I do not want any tofu eggs or bacon. Or anything else made from tofu," she said as she picked up her cup of tea, and made her way out of the kitchen and back towards the roof or her room.

'Probably to her room, given how freaking hot it's been,' I thought. Grabbing the tofu bacon and eggs, I moved to the stove that Cyborg had just abandoned. I made a few pieces of tofu bacon and a couple of eggs worth of fake eggs to go along with the tower of pancakes that Cyborg had left for me. I got my plate and move out to the table to join Cyborg, only to realize that while I have been cooking, he's been inhaling his food.

"Hey, Cy. After breakfast, you want to play that new Super Monkey Smackdown game I got?"

"Sorry, BB," replied Cyborg. "I have some work I need to get done on the T-Car. Control Freak really did a number on it last night. You know how it is. If you need me, I'll be down in the garage." He got up, placed his dishes in the sink, and headed to the elevator.

Suspecting that Star and Robin would spend the rest of their morning on the couch – flirting, even if they denied it - I finished my breakfast in silence. After I was done, I put my plate in the sink, and went back to my room.


"PTing! PTing! PTing!"

I looked up from the papers on my desk where I had been trying to figure out if Speedy was Robin's clone, twin brother, a bizarre coincidence, or an evil doppelganger, to look at my door. I got up to open the door, muttering to myself, "When I get my own place, it is not going to have steel doors. Freaking sounds like an aluminum baseball bat every time someone knocks!"

Opening the door, I was surprised to see Starfire. "Um, hey Star. Can I help you?"

"Perhaps you can, friend Beast Boy," she said to me. "May I come in?"

"Um, well, yeah, I guess," I answered, nervously scratching the back of my head. "What's up?"

Starfire frowned for a moment, which I found to be very disturbing. "Friend Robin has gone to see if he can find any clues to how Dr. Light was able to escape from prison. Raven is meditating and does not wish to be disturbed. And friend Cyborg is repairing his automobile. And since I have something I must discuss now, you are my only choice."

'I wonder if Star knows that she just said I was her last choice of people to talk to. Probably not…' I thought. "So what did you need to talk about? I'd be willing to listen," I said to her, as I waved her to the chair by my desk.

"I find this somewhat… Difficult," said Starfire, as she sat primly in the chair. "I must talk with you," she paused for a moment, "about you."

"Um, how's that?" I asked. I grabbed another chair for myself, surprised that I did not have to push a pile of debris off it.

"I do not believe that the others have noticed," Starfire began, "but you are not acting like yourself, friend Beast Boy."

"Um, hello, Star. How can I not act like myself?" I wasn't sure where Starfire was going with this, but I didn't believe that it could be good.

"Beast Boy, I have noticed many small things about you that are different. And I can no longer ignore them. The first thing I noticed was that you no longer accuse Cyborg of cheating at the games of the video as often as you used to. Instead you often congratulate him when he is doing the kicking of your ass." Starfire brightened considerably as she started counting the things that she saw as different about me on her fingers. "You do not argue as much about the tofu foods being better than the meat foods. Your room is cleaner. You have not annoyed Raven as much. You do not complain every time Robin decides we need an extra training session. These little changes that make me wonder if you are a Blorg'Nak that has taken the form of my friend."

"Um, Star, what's a blognik?"

She looked at me for a moment before answering. "A Blorg'Nak is a hideous beast that takes the shape of someone in order to eat their family and friends."

Noticing that Star's hands had begun to glow green as she spoke about that Blorg'Nak thing, I slowly raised my hands. "Look, Starfire. I'm not a Blorg'Nak. I'm just me, Beast Boy."

"Then why have you begun to act differently, Beast Boy? Are you perhaps feeling unwell?"

I thought for a moment, wondering how best to answer Starfire's question. "Actually, Star, I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Look, can you keep a secret for me?" I waited until she had nodded before continuing, "The thing is that I guess the way I act on the outside has been changing because the way I think has been changing. A couple of months ago, Cyborg suggested that I go to this meditation group to try it out for a bit because I wanted to ask Raven to do something with me that she liked to do. Only a few times after I actually started meditating, I found that I liked it. The thing is that I'm calmer most of the time now. And while I don't agree with some people's choices about food, I don't feel like I have to change them anymore. And it's not worth the energy to complain about all the training Robin makes us do. And I think that I'm beginning to understand everyone here more."

"Beast Boy, that is glorious news!" As Starfire spoke, her hands quit glowing, and she began to float out of her chair. "The changes I have seen are not because you are a hideous monster, but because you are doing the meditation! Now I will not have to fight you. How long have you been meditating?"

"A couple of months," I replied.

"And have you asked Raven to join you?"

"No, not really," I said.

"Then let us go together and ask Raven to meditate with us!"

"No! Wait, Star! You said she didn't want to be disturbed! Besides, you don't understand!" I grabbed her wrist and pulled back has hard as I could as she floated towards the door.

"What do I not understand, Beast Boy? You have begun the meditation so you can ask Raven to join you. And you have not done that yet. So why not ask her now?"

Starfire had quit dragging me to the door, and was now looking back at me. I let go of her wrist and said, "I'm just not sure how I want to ask her. Cyborg just suggested that I try it. But we never really talked about how I was going to ask Raven. About the only thing I do know is that I want to ask her the first time by myself. Over the last few weeks, I've realized that Raven doesn't really do groups. Not the way the rest of us do."

Star looked at me, her brow pursed in thought. "Perhaps you should ask Cyborg about how to ask Raven to join you. However, I confess that I do not understand why it would be any different from simply asking Raven to join us for pizza."

"It just…" I was stumped. I couldn't form a rational answer for Star, so I finished by saying, "It's just different, Star."

What I hadn't told Star, is that over the last few weeks, I had noticed that the random thoughts that come to me while meditating almost all related to Raven in some way or another. I had told myself that it was just because out of all my friends, Raven was the one I knew the least about. And the one I wanted to know the most about. And I was afraid that if I botched asking Raven to go meditating, that she'd never agree to it. And that felt like it would be worse than anything else Raven could do to me.

"I will respect your request to keep this a secret, Beast Boy. But I would ask that you speak about this with Cyborg soon."

"I will, Starfire," I answered. Somewhat deflated, Starfire's feet touched the ground, and she walked out of my room. "Talk to you later."

"Goodbye," she replied.

I closed my door, and leaned my back against it. I let my feet move away from me slowly, as I slid to a seated position.


I was in the kitchen finishing off a late snack, when I heard the faint swish-swish of a cloaked figure walking down the hall. 'Is it already two in the morning? Must be,' I thought. I got out the tea kettle and filled it with water. Then I set it on the stove, as Raven entered the kitchen.

"Morning, Rae. I started some water for you," I said as I turned around. Raven stood at the doorway, the hood of her cloak around her shoulders, as though she wasn't expecting to see anyone. And most of the time, she probably wouldn't. Over the years, when Cyborg and I were up late playing games, we noticed that Raven always came down for a cup of tea at two in the morning. We never talked about it in front of her, but Cyborg and I had tried – and succeeded – in setting a watch by her nightly tea.

In her trademark monotone, Raven said, "Please don't call me 'Rae'." Then her voice softened slightly, "Thanks for starting some water."

Smirking lightly, I replied, "Not problem, Rae...ven." I yawned. "I'm going to go crash. Enjoy your tea."

She nodded, and said, "Thank you. Sleep well."

As I turned the corner to go down the hall, I thought I heard her whisper, "…BB."