Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. But I do watch them on TV.

Chapter 5 – Do I Hafta?


"Mmuuuhhgh."

That morning, the light from the sun was an unwelcome visitor for me. Perhaps it was because I had stayed up too late playing Super Skull Monkeys on the GameStation. Or – and I thought more likely – it was because soy milk and wasabi peas as a late night snack were a Bad Idea (tm). Half the time I was supposed to be sleeping had been spent cursing myself for eating a half pound of wasabi peas and a gallon of soy milk, and the other half had been spent wondering if I had really heard Raven whisper "BB".

In the years that we had been Teen Titans together, I had so seldom heard Raven call any of us by our nicknames that I was sure I could count all those times on one hand. So, about seven in the morning, I had decided that it was my imagination at work. 'Not using nicknames probably helps her feel like she's distant from us,' I had thought. 'It's like she tries to not make friends.' That rationalization had allowed me to pass into a fitful slumber, during which I think I dreamt of the times when Rae and I had managed to be friends, as opposed to 'just teammates'.

Reluctantly, I looked at my wall clock, only to see that I had managed to sleep through what had remained of the morning. 'Eleven-thirty, and I promised to Star that I would talk to Cyborg soon.' I rolled into a sitting position. "And a headache that could kill," I mumbled to myself, wishing that I had just stayed lying down.

Knowing that Starfire might wait until dinner time to eagerly ask how my conversation with Cyborg had gone, I slumped out of bed, and made my way to the shower.


Twenty minutes of hot shower had almost made a new Beast Boy out of me. My head no longer felt as though World War III was being held within it. Now I had a simple, dull throb behind my left eye. Annoying, but nothing a few aspirin couldn't fix. And I was now on my way to the kitchen to get something to wash those two aspirin down.

Rounding the corner, I was pleased to see that the rec room and kitchen were empty. It appeared that the others had gone out to get lunch or something. I walked into the kitchen, and got down a small glass. I ran some tap-water into it, which I used hurriedly to wash the pair of aspirin down.

With the aspirin on their way to complete my recovery from a fatigue induced headache, I wandered into the rec room proper and called out, "Dudes! Anybody here? Hellooo!" As I walked to the couch, I saw two notes stuck to the television. I pulled them off, careful to not leave any tape gunk on the screen. I noted that one was in Robin's tight, almost cramped scrawl. And the other was in Raven's more elegant, flowing hand.

I sat down on the couch, and read Raven's note first, "I went out to get some more tea and a book. I'll be back later this today. – Raven."

The note from Robin read, "BB, we went out for pizza. See you this afternoon. Robin."

I tossed the notes on the coffee table, leaned back in the couch, and put my feet up. Comfortable, I closed my eyes and enjoyed resting on the couch for a moment. "Good. Now I won't have to talk to Cyborg," I sighed to myself.

"Talk to Cyborg about what?"

I slowly opened my eyes, hoping that I was not going to see what I knew I would. Cyborg was standing behind the couch looking down at me. "Dude! You're not supposed to be here!" I yelled.

"Oh?" he asked. "And why not?"

I leaned forward and grabbed the notes. Waving them under his nose, I exclaimed, "Because Raven's out getting more tea and you and Robin and Starfire went out for pizza!"

Cyborg grabbed the notes out of my hands and read them. "Neither of these notes say anything about me," he said.

"Wait! Robin's note…"

"Says here that he went out for pizza with someone – not who he went with. He left with Star about a half hour ago." Cyborg narrowed his eyes a tiny bit before he continued, "Now, what is it that you didn't want to talk to me about? Star whished me a 'pleasant conversation with friend Beast Boy' when she left."

"Oh, um. She did?" I laughed nervously. I'd been avoiding talking to Raven about meditating with me for nearly two months. Now I wanted to avoid talking about it with Cyborg – preferably forever.

"Yeah, she did. So what's going on that you told Star you'd talk to me when you didn't want to?" Cyborg asked.

Deciding that I would be happier if I didn't delay the inevitable conversation with Cyborg, I stood up and started pacing nervously. "Remember a couple of months ago when Raven was trying to kill me?"

Cyborg scratched his head. "Not really. You frequently give her reasons to try to kill you and it all sorta blurs together after a while. Which time was this?"

"You know! The time when I spilled her tea and you suggested that I try something she likes and ask her to do that instead of always asking her to do things that I already know I like!" I was frustrated, and had to take a moment to catch my breath. 'How can somebody whose brain is half computer forget something like that?' I thought to myself.

"Yeah, I remember now. I don't think I ever want to see a football do that to a person again…" He shuddered slightly and continued, "As I recall, I suggested that you try meditating and ask her to join you. How'd that work out?"

"Well, that's why I needed to talk to you," I said.

Shaking his head, Cyborg asked, "What did you do, BB?"

"I haven't done anything! I started going to that meditation group, but I haven't done anything," I protested.

Cyborg sighed. "You never asked Raven to go with you, did you?"

"Well, no." At this point in my pacing I was next to the coat closet, which I opened and pulled a sheet covered chalkboard out. "I was going to 'forget' the whole thing, but I found that I kinda like meditating. And then after I'd been doing it for a while, I thought about asking Raven. But then I got to thinking about what would happen if she thought I was teasing her or something." While I spoke, I wheeled the chalkboard in front of Cyborg, and pulled the sheet off.

I pointed to the right side of the chalkboard, where there was a poor drawing of myself hanging over a pool of sharks, "She'd feed me to the sharks!" Next, I pointed at a drawing of a trunk wrapped in chains, "Or lock me in a trunk for the rest of eternity!" The next drawing was one of me in a dress, while with Starfire pinning the hems, "Or tell Star that I wanted to help her fit a dress!" At the end of the chalkboard, I got ready to turn it around for Cyborg.

"BB! That's enough! Raven isn't going to kill you if you ask her to go meditating with her. She might wonder if you're feeling well, but that's about it," Cyborg said. Then, suddenly suspicious, he added, "Unless you asked her to meditate with her and used that to pull a prank…"

"Dude," I whined, "I wouldn't use meditation as an excuse to pull a prank on Raven! And you didn't let me get to my pièce de résistance where…"

"And I'm not going to let you get there. I don't need to see another bad drawing from you today." Cyborg sighed. "Do you think," Cyborg began to look hopeful as he spoke, "that you could ask Raven tonight to go with you tomorrow?"

"But, dude, I don't know what she's going to say! And she still might kill me!"

"BB, no one knows how someone is going to answer until they ask. And Raven isn't going to kill you over this." Then Cyborg had to add, "Go on. Ask her. You know you want to."

I shook my head and asked, "Is there any way that we can pretend that we never had this conversation and go on with our lives?"

"I don't think so, BB. Besides, do you want Raven to do more things with us?" Cyborg asked.

I simply nodded.

"Do you want her to come with us to the park and pizza joint?"

I nodded again.

"Have you ever done anything with Raven that you know she likes?"

I frowned for a moment, and was forced to shake my head.

"Do you think that maybe it's time you did?"

I nodded.

"Then," Cyborg said, "ask her tonight about meditating with you tomorrow. I promise she won't kill you. I got your back, okay?"

"Okay, Cy, but if she kills me, I'm going to haunt you," I said, and turned to go to my room.


When I got back to my room, my thoughts were racing. 'Cyborg's right. Raven isn't going to change unless something else changes first. And since I'm the one who wants things to change, I probably need to be the one who changes first.'

Uncomfortable about the conversation I was going to try to have with Raven later, I decided to meditate and see if I could calm down. I sat down in the chair at my desk, and tried to sit like a mountain. Closing my eyes, I began to take an inventory of each part of my body, feeling it and how it felt. I started with my toe, blood pulsing between the bone and skin, skin touching my sock. I tried to feel each toe, and then each bone in my foot, and slowly I let my awareness move up my body.

After a time, I reached my scalp, and how it felt. I opened my eyes, and got up. "May as well see if Raven is back," I said to myself as I left my room and walked down the hall to hers.