Well...hello...(ducks suddenly as moldy pineapples, sweaty gym socks, rotten turnips, and beheaded Barbie dolls are thrown at her)...I guess it's a bit late to say "sorry for not updating," isn't it? O.O (gets hit on the head by an evil tomato)
StevetheEvilTomato:OW! Do you know how much it hurts to hit your head?
Wha-HEY! Are you implying that I have a thick skull?
Steve: Yes.
-.;...(hits Steve repeatedly with Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain)
Steve:Ooooooow...
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce you all to my muse, Steve the Evil Tomato. Be a good evil tomato and say hello, Steve.
Steve: Hello, Steve.
Is that a bad attempt at humor? Steve, I'm disappointed. I expect better from you.
Steve: Sorry. You're rubbing off on me.
...Do you want me to get the ketchup?
Steve: O.O I'll be in front of the tv if you need me. (runs-well, he has no legs, he's a tomato, therefore he can't run, so instead he hops, away)
Now do you all see why I take so long to update? Even my muse has issues.
Disclaimer: If you think I own anything other than my own characters and the plotless plot, I pity you. Beware of cursing. Believe me, it WILL happen.
Italics are thoughts.
"(Italics in parenthesis in speech)" You know how AC animals sometimes talk like that, right? Ex: "No, I don't need anything...(Get me a cherry!)"
:BLEEP: That, ladies and gents, is the ever-so-lovely censor! It is put there instead of certain words that could get this story deleted! Fascinating, ne?
Last time...
"The fishing tourney starts tomorrow!" Lightning flashed in the backround.
Chapter Two: The Tourney Begins... (Dun dun duuuuuuuun!)
"The fishing tourney starts tomorrow!" Lightning flashed in the backround...again.
"Dude, how many times are you going to say that? We get it already!"
"What is the fishing tourney?" Lightning flashed in the backround. Everyone blinked, then continued to talk as though that hadn't happened.
"What do you mean 'what is the fishing tourney?'"
"Well, I've never heard of it before." said Fifi.
"You're kidding, right?" Shady, bored with the small talk, snatched Spyke's notebook from his hands and studied the calender.
"Hey...the Tourney actually started a week ago. Why didn't I hear about this!" Everyone pondered this among themselves.
Flashback to last Sunday...
Shady was sprawled across her bed, sleeping and blissfully oblivious to the world, at least, until her alarm clock went off. Lazily, she reached for the snooze button. Unable to find it with her eyes closed, she did the sensible thing. She removed her shovel from her pocket, and blindly tried to smash her alarm clock. After destroying the alarm clock and the orange crate it was on, she rolled over, in a deep slumber once more, the numbers on the alarm clock forever reading 1:02 PM.
Spyke was also in his house, although he was not sleeping. He was battling a great evil, one that has been fought ever since the creation of the Animal Crossing Kingdom. The battle against a horrible menace that had to be stopped at all costs.
Cockroaches.
Spyke prowled through the house, releasing the occasional feral growl as he checked beneath his furniture.
"Come out, come out, where ever you are...GOTCHA!" Spyke stomped on a cockroach attempting to escape. Stupid bugs, he thought angrily. You think you're so smart. Well, you're not. So die. The cockroach twitched, and Spyke stomped on it again. Then he looked at the bottom of his shoe. "Eeeeeeewwwww..."
Shadow was not even aware that it was daytime. Both her eyes were fixed on her tv. Both her hands were on her controller. If you had dared to obstruct her view of the tv for even a moment, you would probably notice that her eyes were red, and that she looked tired. Then you would be dead, because Shadow would not stand to have some idiot blocking her view of the screen, not when she almost had the highest high score in the history of Ballon Fight. She had played it constantly through the night, only pausing to gulp down soda, and of course the occasional bathroom break.
Fifi spent the day planting flowers, picking weeds and generally being productive.
End Flashback.
"O-kay. How come Fifi didn't hear about it?" Shady pointed at Fifi. Everyone shrugged.
"So...what is the tourney?"
"I hate flashbacks..." Spyke groaned, rubbing his head. "Well, the fishing tourney happens every six months, in fall and spring. People try to catch the biggest bass. AND WE BECOME MORTAL ENEMIES!"
"How horrible!" Fifi gasped.
"We actually just run around spazzing." Shadow said.
Shady coughed. "Some people cheat." She glared at Spyke, who started to whistle innocently. When he realized it wasn't working, he switched tactics.
"People fall in the river all the time. Especially when they're clumsy."
"Are you calling me clumsy?"
"I'm calling you a genius. NO S''' SHERLOCK!" Shadow had to physically restrain Shady to keep her from strangling Spyke. It was even harder because Spyke wouldn't shut up.
"So you just try to catch the biggest bass?" Fifi remained oblivious to Shady's bloodlust.
"Yep." Spyke stuck his tongue out at Shady. Shadow seriously considered letting Shady loose. "And you can win prizes."
Fifi smiled. "It sounds like such a fun event! I'd better go buy a fishing pole from Tom Nook!" Spyke blinked.
"You've never fished before?"
"Nope!"
"Then I'll be nice and give you some pointers. The only thing you need to worry about is finding the heart of the rod!"
"The heart of the rod?"
"It is the secret to fishing success. You must believe in the rod, and then you will catch the fish!"
Fifi nodded, and ran off in the direction of Nookway. Shady stopped struggling.
"What the hell are you talking about! There is no 'heart of the rod,' stupid!"
"I know that," Spyke grinned,"but she doesn't."
Shadow let go of Shady. "You're cheating." Shady pointed out.
"No, no, no, no, noooo! I'm not cheating. Not at all!"
"Uh-huh..."
"Just messing with someone's head the day before a competition. Definately not cheating."
"Right. I believe you."
"You do?"
"...Hell no. Do you think I'm an idiot?"
"Actually, I d-HOLY CRAP!" He ran as fast as he could, with Shady on the warpath behind him.
The Following Morning...
Shadow prepared herself for the tough day ahead. She tugged her spiderweb shirt on over her head, ate tons of junk food, and picked up her fishing pole. Just as she was about to leave, she heard a splash from across the room. She turned, and saw the giant snakehead glaring at her from its tank. She had forgotten to feed it.
After feeding it, she ran outside...right into Spyke.
"AAAAAAGH!"
Shadow raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, it's just you." He turned and walked into Fifi."WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND WALKING INTO PEOPLE TODAY!" Then he saw Fifi's pink hair, and spazzed.
"Good morning!"
"It's not exactly good..." Shadow said.
"Well, I guess it is usually better at six, but I usually wake up at seven."
"PM, right?"
"Of course not, silly!" Fifi giggled. Shadow and Spyke gaped at her. Waking up at such an unholy hour? Every day! Of your own free will! It was mind-boggling.
"The Tourney has begun!" The voice from the town clock chimed.
Spyke and Shadow glared at eachother. This was not a fishing tourney. This was a fishing war.
"Good luck!" Fifi chirped happily. "Why don't we shake hands?"
"I guess it couldn't hurt." Spyke and Shadow squeezed eachother's hands as hard as they could. Their smiles, however poorly feigned they were in the duration of their brief conversation, were definately registering a 12 on the Grimace Scale now. When they were done trying to break eachother's hands, they started to walk in different directions. Shadow had planned to stalk away in a dignified manner, until she realized that the river was in the other direction. Trying to act as thought she had meant to do that, Shadow walked with her head held high past a clueless Fifi and a snickering Spyke. In fact, she was so dignified, she walked right into a tree.
Spyke was still laughing as he left, a sly, devious little plan in mind.
Fifi skipped over to the river. She had spent the previous day trying to find the heart of the rod. It was a little harder than she had expected it to be.
Shadow had a nice spot above the waterfall. She went there sometimes, to bask in the solitude. The place was out of the way, a small corner tucked away. It was peaceful there, with a few flowers and apple trees scattered around. Best of all, Shadow doubted that anyone knew about the place. The nearest house an acre away, but that was if you jumped off the cliff and flew like a birdie. The river flowed peacefully. A shadow flitted about at the base of the waterfall. Shadow knew the meaning of this shadow.
"Fish, consider thyself caught!" She cast out her pole, and caught the fish. It was a large char. "Well, it's not a bass, but it's worth a ton of money. I should consider myself lucky! God, I sound like Fifi...I AM NOT PERKY AND CHEERFUL! Hey, I'm talking to myself in a loud and unusual manner! Oh well." She located another fish-shadow, and sent the line out again. Bored, she sang quietly, "Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!" She felt the line tighten, and reeled in a koi. "Aren't bass supposed to be common now?" she asked herself she dropped the fish into impossibly large pocket.
Shadow continued to fish for a long time. She caught four large char, three cherry salmon, two goldfish, and a partridge in a pear tree, but not a single bass, large or small. Shadow was losing hope. She reeled in her fishing line, expecting a salmon or trout of some sort. Then she saw it. A large bass.
"Yes!" She grinned triumphantly, reaching for the fish.
"COMING THROUGH!" Shady suddenly came from out of nowhere. She tripped , colliding into Shadow. The large bass fell back into the water and swam away.
"Oops...I'm sorry...that was a large bass, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I-"
"Leave me..."
"Okay, whatever you say, I am so sorry!"
"...alone..."
"Well, I'd assume that if I left you, you'd be alone."
"...with my thoughts..."
"Well, yeah, thoughts are good. And by the way, I'm sorry! You know that now, don't you, and-"
"...of revenge..."
"...Okay, bye then!" Shady walked at first, then ran.
Shady wasn't having a very good day. Firstly, her new alarm clock failed to wake her at 6 am, unearthly though that hour be. She had found the thing smashed against the wall. On top of that, her shovel had a new dent in it, one that had not been there yesterday. On top of that, her fishing rod was gone. Misssing. Nowhere to be found. She had gone to Nookway, but guess what? He'd already sold all of his fishing rods.Now, she was running around, hoping to somehow find one on the ground or something. The she got an idea.
"I know!" she yelled at a very disturbed bird. "I'll ask Rosie to lend me one!" Glowing in the genius of this idea, Shady sprinted to Rosie's house in B-1. All this running is so annoying! she thought. We should all just buy little golf carts and drive them around... Shady was so busy imagining the destructive prospects of a golf cart destruction derby that she ran right past Rosie's house. She immediately retraced her steps, and reached Rosie's house.
"...Need..." she paused to gasp. "...Fishing...rod..." Shady collapsed on the ground.
"Hello to you, too." Rosie nudged her with her foot. "Well, I do have one..."
Shady jumped up, exhaustion completely forgotten, and held out her hands. "Can I borrow it!"
Rosie's tail twitched. "Actually, I lent it to Snooty. You'll have to get it from her."
"Why didn't you tell me before you got my hopes up!" The blue cat shrugged.
Shady let out a long-suffering sigh, resigned to a long ordeal. She started to run in slow motion. Rosie blinked, then looked at her watch. Shady still ran in slow motion. Rosie stared for a while, then shook her head and went inside to do stuff. Shady was still running. A snail crawled past her. While in midair, Shady looked at her watch. "I'll never make it at this rate!" She started to run at a normal speed. Ten minutes later, she had reached Snooty's house.
"Snooty!"
The anteater looked around, then saw Shady. "Not her..."
"Fishing rod! NOW!"
"Oh, do you mean the beat-up old thing Rosie lent to me?" Snooty stuck her nose into the air. She couldn't stand Shady, but she also couldn't find anyone to talk to today. "Speaking of which, did you see that awful design she's wearing? Isn't it hideous?" Snooty giggled. "It looks like she found it at the dump!"
"...I made that design, you know." Awkward silence.
"Well, that just proves my point." Shady showed remarkable self-control, and refrained from punching Snooty, despite the bulging vein in her forehead.
"FISHING. ROD."
"Oh, right. I lent that thing to Leigh ages ago. Be a dear and go get it."
Shady released a primal scream of pure rage and frustration.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Spyke was fishing, although he kept snickering to himself. It was, in his opinion, quite clever of him to steal Shady's fishing rod. He had buried it somewhere by the ocean, correctly guessing that she wouldn't go that far to look for it. But, to buy every fishing rod in Nookway so she wouldn't be able to...that, my friend, is genius.
"I bet she's going beserk looking for it!" He smirked. Of course, messing with someone like her...not so smart. Far off in the backround, the faint echoes of a primal scream could still be heard. Spyke caught a large bass, and swaggered over to where a beaver stood by a stall. "I caught one!" He grinned, waving the fish in Chip's face.
"Are you participating in the tourney?" Chip tilted his head.
"Can you not see the fish?" Spyke shoved the fisheven closer tohis face.
"Do you want me to tell you the rules? Yes? No? Do you want to hear them?" the beaver continued as though Spyke hadn't spoken.
"I KNOW THE DAMN RULES!" Such social grace amazes me.
"Good! Telling the rules is such a long, toothsome chore! Dull for me, dull for you! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!" he laughed annoyingly. Spyke hit him with the fish.
"Take the stupid thing already!" Chip did just that.
"Now this is more like what I've been waiting for! Let's see, this beauty is..." he brought the fish so close it was almost touching his nose. "...20 inches. Tremendous!" Spyke grinned. "Not really." Spyke's grin disappeared. "See, Kiki caught a 28 incher. When the big ones start biting, competition gets fierce! (And my stomache gets full!) Keep trying!" And with that, Chip ate the fish. Raw.
Spyke bit back his disgust. "Well, you know, if you'd just shut up for a second maybe I-"
"De-li-cious!" A heart floated above Chip's head for a moment, then disappeared as he belched. "Keep aiming for the biggest bass!"
Spyke, relieved that Chip had finally shut up, ran as fast as he could. He's like that Energizer bunny, he thought. He just keeps going and going and going...Spyke started to fish again, but, alas, he only caught small bass. He grew increasingly frustrated, and kept grumbling to himself.
"Why did Kiki have to catch that fish!" He caught another small bass, and snapped. He ran up to Kiki. "WHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Kiki blinked, shrugged, and went back to fishing.
Shady had finally stopped her primal screams of rage, and was now politely asking Leigh for the location of the fishing rod.
They were in a dark room, with Leigh tied to a chair. Shady shone a flashlight in Leigh's face. "Now, Leigh, tell me where the fishing rod is!"
"Never!"
"You force me to use drastic measures!" She picked up a gingerbread man. Leigh gasped.
"Not the gumdrop buttons!"
"Then tell me!"
"Okay...do you know the Muffin Man?"
"The muffin man? Who lives on Drury Lane?"
"I lent IT to the Muffin Man."
"The Muffin Man?"
"THE MUFFIN MAN!"
"Alright then. Here, you can keep the gumdrop buttons!" Shady tore the gumdrops off the gingerbread man and threw them at Leigh, then stuffed the gingerbread man into her mouth. She ran out of the room, leaving Leigh still tied to the chair.
"Um...Shady? You can let me go now...SHADY!"
Shady hopped on the train and went to Drury Lane. She checked the map by the train station. Indeed, one of the humans was was called the 'Muffin Man.' She located the house, and loudly banged on the door. "Okay, Muffin Man, open up!"
A man wearing a chef's hat opened the door, and gasped. "The cops! They found me!"
Shady blinked. "Um, dude, I'm just here to get a fishing rod." The Muffin Man was visibly relieved.
"Oh, I returned that thing yesterday, sweetie!"
"You WHAT!"
"Oh, could you um, you know, not give Officer Copper my whereabouts?"
"Whatever!" Shady was already halfway back to the train. During the entire ride back, she was fuming over the wasted work. No, she was literally steaming-
"HEY! Narrarator-person! SHUT THE :BLEEP: UP!"
...I am so not paid enough for this job...anyways, Shady got off the train and ran to Rosie's house.
"Oh, Shady, hi! I remembered just after you left that I got it back yesterday-uh, why are you looking at me like that? Urm...heh...you can keep it, because of your hard work and all."
"Thank you." Shady looked at her watch. "HOLY CRAP! IT'S 5:32! I ONLY HAVE TWENTY-EIGHT-" The minute hand moved. "-SEVEN MINUTES LEFT!" Shady ran to the river as quickly as possible, which was actually pretty quickly because Rosie was only an acre's length away from the river. Despite that, Shady was frantically searching for a fish. She had the luck to catch a large bass, so she ran to where Chip was. After he finished his usual preamble (driving Shady to the point of insanity) he measured the fish.
"32 INCHES!" He yelled delightedly. "And now, the moment my stomache's been waiting for..." He devoured the fish. "De-li-cious!" And he belched. "A great score, and with only five minutes left, too! I don't think anyone can beat tha..." Chip trailed off as Fifi slowly dragged the largest bass in the history of large bass forward.
ThE eNd Of ChApTeR tWo!
W00t! Long chappie! Yay for me! Please R&R! Unless you LIKE getting poked with a Hoky Pokey Stick of Pain. (insert maniacal laugh here)
