The Continuing Misadventures of SG-1 or 101 Things A Girl Can Do.
by ALC Punk! and Ryuu
Chapter Eight: In Which SG-1 Gets Home and What Happens After That

"So, it'll be nice to get home, won't it, Captain?"

Jones looked up to find his CO smiling at him. He grinned back. "Yes, sir. Not that this hasn't been, er, interesting."

"Not at all your usual mineral survey, is it?"

Jones gestured over at the cargo ship, which was still being swarmed over by excited techs. "Still looks like we did some good, sir."

"We sure did." Sam's smile widened. "Thor just contacted us. The Asgard are very interested in helping us develop Ba'al's toy into a full-blown weapon." She paused for a moment. "And I wanted to ask you, Captain-"

"Sir?"

She ran a hand through her hair. "I was impressed by how you handled yourself on this mission. I'd have to talk to the rest of SG-1 and General O'Neill, of course, but I wondered if you'd be interested in joining SG-1 on a permanent basis?"

"Sir-" Jones paused and stared at her for a moment. "You... you want me on SG-1?"

"If that's all right with you, Captain," she replied, sounding amused.

"Of course it's all right, sir!"

"Good." She smiled again, then glanced at the cargo ship. "Have you seen Daniel?"

"I think he said something about going to the supply room for batteries."

"Batteries... Oh. For his cameras." The smile changed to a slight smirk, "Well, he'll have to wait until we get back to Earth, then. I don't think the Alpha Site carries the right ones. Why don't you go retrieve him. Take Mat'rik with you, I'm sure he'd love a tour."

"Yes, sir, Colonel Samantha, sir."

Her chuckles followed him across the hangar bay.


"It's SG-1's IDC, sir!" Walter called out.

"Well, open the iris, then." General O'Neill couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face as Sam stepped through the wormhole, followed by her team. "Welcome home, SG-1!"

She looked down the ramp and smiled, snapping off a perfect salute along with Captain Jones. "Good to be home, sir."

"We debrief in one hour, SG-1. Infirmary's standing by to check you out."

Sam waved at Theo and Daniel. "You guys take the showers first. I'll catch up with you."

"Thank you, sir." Jones grinned and walked off with Daniel.

Jack caught Sam's shoulder. "Can I have a quick word with you in my office, Colonel?"

She nodded. "Of course, sir. I, um, think you have some papers up there that I need to tear up anyway."

They were both silent as he led the way up through the control room and into his office. "Sit down, Colonel."

With something approaching a tired sigh, she collapsed into the chair. "Sir, about -"

"You were right."

She blinked at him.

Jack half-smiled, "I'm not good at letting things go, Carter."

"No, really?" She asked. But she didn't sound angry.

Fiddling with a corner of the envelope, he made himself meet her eyes. "I hate sending you out there without me. But I trust you to get the job done." A smirk. "Even if the people I send to help you out make it difficult."

"Ah." She leaned forward and picked up the envelope, and looked down. "Sir... I'm not sure how to say this. I-I don't want to be under your command anymore, but I don't want to leave SG-1." Blue eyes met his, "We kissed, sir. And I'm tired of pretending I want to wait."

He studied her hand on the edge of his desk, then reached out and gently covered it with his own. "I'm tired of it too, Carter." His fingertips lightly stroked her knuckles. "Are you asking me to retire?"

She closed her eyes. "Yes... no... I don't know, sir." She sighed. "No. The SGC needs you. No one knows more about running this place than you do."

"And I won't risk your career, Carter." His eyes were serious. "Either we do this openly or we don't do it at all."

"So, what do we do?" she whispered.

"You go down to the infirmary and get checked out." Jack looked at the envelope. "I'm going to use my paper shredder and make some calls."

She stood, swaying for a moment, then steadied herself. "Huh. I think I'm a little more tired than I thought I was."

"Gonna make it down there all right?"

"Yes." She turned and headed for the door. "I'll see you at the briefing, sir."

Jack waited until she was gone, then reached for the phone. "Hi. Get me General Hammond, please."


"So, I've heard SG-3's reports on your adventure," Jack said, looking around the briefing table at his favorite team, "and I've seen the reports that the tech guys sent back from the Alpha Site. Apparently you kids have got the Asgard drooling with your find." He grinned proudly at them. "Carter, they specifically want to talk to you about demonstrating the weapon for them and the Tok'ra seem to be interested as well."

"I'd be glad to, sir." Sam smiled.

Jack nodded. "So, I know you all have official reports to write, but is there anything you wanted to add now?"

"Permission speak freely, sir?"

"Granted, Colonel."

Sam looked at her team. "I think I speak for all of us here when I say, 'Peaceful planet,' my ass, sir."

Jack grinned. "I think that sums it up."

"I'd also like to note, for the record, that Captain Jones conducted himself admirably out there. And, if the rest of SG-1 agrees, with your permission, I'd like to request he be permanently assigned as our fourth."

Jack raised his eyebrows as the young Captain flushed. "Daniel? Teal'c?"

"I think he did well," Daniel grinned, "He didn't tell me to shut up, ever."

"Unlike me?" suggested the General with a smirk.

"Unlike you, Jack."

"Teal'c?"

"I have no objections. Captain Jones did indeed do well on his first outing with SG-1." Teal'c let a rare smile grace his lips. "It would be an honor to have him become a permanent member."

"Well, if you have no objections, Captain?"

"No, sir!" The Captain was practically bursting with pride.

"Very well, I'll see to the paperwork right away." Jack made a notation on the pad Walter insisted he use. "Now, there's one other thing. I don't want to drop this on you without letting you decide, but, there's currently an idea floating around that a few SG teams be assigned to the Alpha Site. I would like one of them to be SG-1. This would mean you'd be stuck there for weeks, and you'd travel to your destinations from there instead of the SGC."

Sam blinked and stared at him for a moment. "But then we... we technically wouldn't be under your command anymore, would we, sir?"

Jack shook his head. "No, Colonel. The SG teams at the Alpha Site would fall under the command of the Department of Homeworld Security and General Hammond." He smiled.

She took a deep breath. "I...I think SG-1 needs to discuss this matter privately before coming to a decision, sir. I couldn't possibly make this choice without the unanimous support of my team."

"Of course, Colonel." Jack nodded. "Good job, SG-1, and congratulations, Captain."

"Thank you, sir!" Jones still looked positively giddy. "It's an honor."

"If that's it, Jack, I don't think Sam's eaten since yesterday."

"Daniel!"

"Well, c'mon, Sam, you haven't."

She continued to glare at him.

"Er, yeah, that's it. Dismissed." Jack eyed them. "All four of you are to go straight to the mess and eat. I've heard there's very good mashed potatos. And if you saw the paperwork that went into procuring them..."

"Yes, sir." Carter saluted and stood, "C'mon, guys."

"Sam?" Daniel caught her arm as the others left the room.

"I've been ordered to eat, Daniel."

"This is about the pool game, isn't it." Not a question, his gaze was steady on her.

"I'm tired, Daniel."

"Yeah." He half-smiled and gestured, "So is Jack. C'mon, let's go eat."


Sam was so absorbed in the notes that she was making on her laptop about Ba'al's weapon that she completely missed the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. A hand lightly clasped her shoulder a moment later, causing her to jump and let out a startled yelp.

"Shit! Sorry, Carter."

She turned to find Jack regarding her sheepishly.

"It's all right, sir," she gasped, trying to get her heart rate back under control. "Can I help you?"

"Dr. Brightman informed me that it was probably a good idea for someone else to give you a ride home unless you were planning on staying here tonight." He looked at her curiously.

"Oh. Yeah, I did want to go home. Haven't seen it for a few days." She smiled tiredly.

"Well, then." Jack held up his keys. "I am here to be your personal chauffeur."

Suddenly, very inappropriate thoughts flashed through her mind as she stared at him. Then she shook herself. "Oh. Right, sir. Just let me pack this stuff up." And stop imagining having sex with you. On my table. And couch. Oh, Lord. Sam was really hoping she wasn't blushing.

Maybe it was the fact that they had both admitted they were tired of waiting. So her brain was already conjuring up what it wanted to do.

Not that this was the first time she'd considered it, of course.

"Right, Carter. I'll be... Over here." He moved and began fiddling with some random thing on her desk.

It would probably have helped if there wasn't something so tired and cute about him in blue jeans and a leather jacket. Sexy. Dammit. Firmly shoving the thought away, Sam concentrated on shutting down her laptop and making sure she had her notes packed and ready to go. She'd be able to finish her report over dinner, most likely.

"Ready to go?"

She fought down her urge to jump, feeling his breath on the hairs covering the back of her neck. When the hell had he gotten so close? She turned, "Just about, sir."

"Ah." His eyes were watching her. "Good."

Sam swallowed and finished zipping her laptop case. "Good to go."

He left first, and Sam found her eyes drawn to his backside. dammit. This was pathetic. She moved to follow him, suddenly feeling tired again. Maybe this was a side effect of using the hand device. Increased attraction to Jack O'Neill. There should be warning labels, she decided in irritation.

Of course, last time, there hadn't been any sort of effect like this. Her dad had been there, though.

"Carter?"

She looked at him as she got into the elevator.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, sir."

He looked unconvinced, but let it drop.

Which was nice of him. And kind of sexy. She closed her eyes and resisted banging her head against the side of the elevator. Maybe she should have asked Daniel to give her a ride home.

There were several moments of awkward silence, and then-

"Have I mentioned how proud I am of you, Carter?"

"...sir?" Her head shot up and she stared at him.

"I'm proud." He flushed a bit, smiling. "Of you and what you did on that mission. There aren't many officers who could get their entire team home alive and relatively unharmed against those odds."

"I, uh, had a good team, sir." She couldn't fight off the blush that stained her cheeks.

"And they had a good commander." He patted her shoulder. "You and I both know that a bad commander can destroy even a good team."

"I was trained by the best," she replied, fighting off the sudden urge to burst into tears and kiss him right there. Dignified, Carter! Newly-heroic colonels are supposed to be completely dignified, she reminded herself.

This was ridiculous, she told herself firmly as the elevator reached ground level and they stepped off. She was just tired. Or maybe... The thought occured again that the hand device might be at fault. It did require emotions to use. And she'd definitely stirred the pot a little. So to speak.

"Carter?"

"Yes, sir?"

He finished signing out, then handed the clipboard over. "You all right?"

"Just tired, sir."

"Well, when was the last time you slept?"

"Er," she looked at her watch. "A long time ago."

"Thought so." He bundled her into the passenger seat of his truck, then went around and climbed in his side. "So, when was the last time you ate?"

"Lunch with the new SG-1." She couldn't stop the smile that climbed across her lips.

"Captain Jones was that good, huh?" He grinned.

"I really think he'll be a valuable addition to the team," she replied. "He takes orders well, he's bright, he puts up with Daniel's lectures..."

Jack laughed, a sound that Sam realized she liked hearing out of him. "He's a brave man, then." He fastened his seatbelt and started the truck. "You want to go grab a bite to eat?"

"Well-"

"I'll pay," he said, coaxingly.

Sam considered for a moment, her previous reactions, the way her blood was still slightly heated. And decided it was safe. She wasn't going to jump him the second she might possibly have a chance to. Just because soon she might be able to climb into his bed, make him beg, and cuddle all night didn't mean she was any less in control. "All right."

He drove to a small roadside diner, "This okay?"

Blinking at the way her stomach suddenly announced that it was more than okay, she smiled. "Yes."

"Good." He got out and came around to help her down, keeping his hand under her elbow as the walked to the door. For a moment, they argued silently over who got to hold the door open, then Jack acquiesced with a roll of his eyes.

So she swatted his ass.

"Carter!"

"It was there."

He was clearly trying not to smile. "Oh, just you wait, Carter... remember, I know where you live."

"In my lab?"

"We really need to work on that," he mused. They stopped at a table, Jack gallantly holding out her chair for her. Sam rolled her eyes and sat and felt her skin tingle as his hand "accidentally" brushed over the bare skin on the back of her neck. He slid into his seat and picked up a menu, looking completely unruffled.

Sam picked up the other menu and looked it over, fighting the urge to rub the back of her neck. "So, um, you have any recommendations?"

"The chicken's good, the steak... Potatoes..." Jack shrugged, "It's all pretty decent, except for the fish."

Fighting down the smile that threatened, Sam carefully looked back at the menu, "You don't like fish?"

"I like fishing."

"Mhmm." She peeked at him, and smirked, "So, all those fishing invites. To get me to a lake that has no fish, so you could... sit and do what, General?"

His own lips were slipping into a smirk, "Gosh, Carter, I have no idea what you're implying."

"Right. And I always take my downtime."

"I'll hold you to that."

Their waitress arrived, rubbing a hand through her dark hair, "Would you like to start with something to drink?"

Sam took advantage of his distraction to rub the back of her neck. It didn't help, she could still feel the phantom tingle. This was absurd. "I'd like a diet soda, please."

"Same thing," Jack said. "But I want mine with the calories in." His eyes twinkled at Sam.

"Sure thing. I'll be back in just a moment." The waitress gave them both a friendly, slightly tired smile and walked back to the kitchen.

"So..." Sam tried to think of something else to talk about. "Um, did you get in touch with the Kelownans?"

Jack sighed. "Yes. And they gave me the usual rigmarole about how they couldn't possibly part with Jonas Quinn and his unique talents because Earth couldn't possibly need him as much as they did. I'm surprised they haven't driven him to defect again."

"Hair gel."

"What?"

"Hair gel," she toyed with the corner of her menu, then smirked, "Jonas liked having the ability to slick his hair up in spikes-remember? You used to call him the cactus?"

"Oh. Right." He blinked. "So, if I offered him hair gel, he'd defect again?"

"Why not? It's not like he's doing anything there that's so desperate. If they can't behave like adults without someone there to mother them, maybe they should think twice about having such a vast amount of government."

"Carter, when did you become such a smartass?"

"I have no idea what you mean, sir."

Jack shook his head, smiling. "Hair gel... "

"Yep." She grinned and smiled as the waitress came back and put their drinks down. "Oh, thank you."

"No problem, ma'am. You guys ready to order?"

Sam took a last glance at the menu. "I think I just want a grilled chicken sandwich and a salad."

The waitress wrote it down and nodded, turning to Jack. "And you, sir?"

"I'll have the barbecue steak sandwich and a baked potato."

"All right," She collected their menus, "I'll just get those started."

"So..." Sam twirled her strawpaper after she'd left and watched it as it crinkled and uncrinkled.

"What?"

"You're not retiring."

"Neither are you."

She glanced up and met his eyes, "And if the rest of SG-1 decide not to take this posting?"

"Then the SGC will be getting a new civillian administrator."

"Ah."

Acting on a sudden impulse, Jack reached out and caught her hand in his. "Sam... " She blinked at his unexpected use of her first name. "Look, we'll make this work. I'm not sure quite how yet, but I'm stubborn." His lips twitched into a faint grin.

"Oh, I knew that," she replied with a smile, trying to keep her tone light and making no attempt to release her hand from his.

He squeezed her hand gently, smirking. "Hey, you knew what you were getting into from the start, Carter."

"Is it too late to run for the hills?" Laughter filled her eyes.

"Yep." His smirk widened. "I don't plan on letting go of you anytime soon."

"Good." The next words almost made her blush, but she figured she was too damned old for that, "Because I don't either."

Damn. Now they both had really silly smirks on their faces.

"Refill?"

Thankful for the waitress, Sam looked up at her, "Yes, please."

"Little General's room," the General announced, standing. He disappeared towards one side of the dining room.

Sam shook her head, chuckling softly.

"He's a good one, you know," the waitress paused in her pouring and nodded towards the empty side of the table. "Nice guy, definitely a keeper."

"Yes," Sam agreed. "He is."

"You make him happy."

Before she could manage an answer to that observation, the waitress was gone again. Sam automatically took a sip of her soda to cover her surprise.

A small grin crossed her face and she sighed. He made her pretty happy too, Sam decided.