Chapter 6 – A Confrontation

A/n: This chapter contains mild violence. I call it mild because nobody actually gets physically hurt, but if descriptions of a domestic altercation would upset you, consider yourself warned…..

The taxi arrives and Marge is waiting at the curb. Lisa gets in with Marge who is holding Maggie. Marge gives the diver the address and adds, "Hurry, please!"

Meanwhile, Homer has arrived at his destination. Picking up the baseball bat he strides up to the front door holding the bat in his right hand and bangs on the door with it. Agnes opens:

"Yeah, whadda YOU want?" she grumbles.

"I want to see Principal Skinner." intones Homer continuously slapping the bat in his left palm. Every time he hits his left hand he grunts "Ow!" because of the thumb injury.

"He isn't seeing visitors today. He's grounded because a woman called here to talk to him."

"Well I'm NOT a woman, but I DO want to talk to him. Outta my way, granny!" says Homer brushing past Agnes.

"Who is it, mother?" says Skinner from somewhere in the house.

"Some big tub of lard with a ball bat. Probably wants to play with you." Then to Homer, "Hold it right there, Fatso. I said Seymour wasn't allowed visitors!"

Homer totally ignores the feeble old woman and starts in the direction where Skinner's voice originated. Agnes heads for the telephone to call the police, but just as she lifts the receiver, hears the siren of the patrol car as it pulls up in front of their house. "Now that's service!" she exclaims.

Homer is intent on his objective when suddenly Skinner appears in a doorway between the entrance hall and his living room.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Simpson?" asks Skinner.

"Drop dead, for one!" Homer yells taking a swing at the luckless school administrator.

"Whoa there, Simpson. Softball tryouts are next Wednesday – at the SCHOOL and Bart will have to do it himself like everyone else."

"I'm not here about SOFTBALL! I'm here about a soft HEAD!" Homer grunts, taking another swing and just missing the principal by inches.

Agnes pipes in, "Seymour….defend yourself!" to her son who is backing slowly away from the enraged parent.

Skinner, feeling the threat now, starts having Nam flashbacks. The living room dissolves into an Asian jungle scene. Homer morphs into a Viet Cong soldier. Skinner lunges for cover behind a jungle tree (which is actually a chair) yelling, "Look out, Tommy! Charlie got the drop on us again!"

Marge's taxi screeches to a stop in front of the Skinner residence and sure enough sees the Simpson car there and the police cruiser with Eddie and Lou walking toward the front door. She gets out and pays the driver who zooms off when he sees the police cruiser.

Back in the house, Homer is temporarily confused by Skinner's hallucinations and stops his advance. Just then the policemen burst through the front door followed closely by Lisa and Marge who is still carrying Maggie. As Homer raises the bat to make another thrust, Marge yells, "NO….HOMER!" as he whirls around to the sound of Marge's voice, the larger of the cops, Eddie, grabs the bat and twists it out of Homer's grasp as Lou stands with revolver drawn, ready for any surprises.

"That's enough, Mr. Simpsons." says Eddie camly.

Skinner takes it all in and thinks the police are American soldiers who have routed the enemy. He slowly regains reality.

Marge's presence makes Homer suddenly come to his senses and he sits heavily on the floor, buries his face in his hands and moans pitifully. "I am in suuuuch DEEP doo-doo!"

Eddie and Lou stand over him wondering what to do next. Lou speaks to Skinner, "Do you want to press charges?"

"Yes!" says Agnes.

"No." says Seymour, simultaneously.

"You are such a wuss, Seymour!" scolds Agnes.

The patrolmen are still confused.

"Let me handle this, officers." Says Marge stepping around them. She puts Maggie in a chair then kneels by Homer and tries to console him. Homer turns away, still feeling betrayed by the wife he deeply loves. Then she addresses Skinner, "Are you all right?"

"Yes I am physically undamaged, just shaken and horribly upset." says the Principal slowly. "What brought this all on?"

"I don't think we'll be needing you anymore." Marge turns to the two cops still standing nearby. "And thank you for your quick response and astute actions."

The cops shrug and leave. As they walk past the chair where Maggie sits, the baby reaches out both arms to them.

"Cute kid." comments Eddie.

"Yeah, babies are all sweet like that, same as puppies and kittens. Just wait till they get to a certain age, though." reflects Lou.

As the policemen exit the front door, Marge suggests, "I think we should all sit down and have a chat."

(to be continued)