"Yes, dad, sit down and let's settle this." begs Lisa.
"Haven't you made enough trouble, 'little girl'?" Homer snidely retorts. His words hurt the 8 year old child deeply, and she swallows hard. Homer and Skinner settle in separate armchairs still glaring at each other. Marge and Lisa sit on the sofa. Agnes stands with her arms crossed glaring at each in turn.
Marge explains to Skinner what had transpired that morning. Skinner listens with his hands clasped together between his knees staring at the floor. After a while he says slowly and incredulously, "You mean there's a chance Lisa could be MY daughter?"
"It appears so." sighs Marge.
The topic of conversation is getting Homer riled up again and he makes a tentative growl at Skinner. Skinner, cringing, looks up in alarm, but Marge instantly diffuses the wrath. "You know when we learned the results of your work physical, I took a drastic step. Homer, I just wanted you to be happy. At the time, I though having another baby would bring comfort to you. Now it's come to this…." she trails off.
"Yeah, we were going at it pretty hot and heavy back then." reminisces Homer.
Skinner tells his story, "I had completely forgotten about my 'donation'. Back then I was just starting at Springfield Elementary. Things were rough for me too. Mother and I needed money desperately. We had used up the Veteran's compensation we got when my father passed away. The DNA bank was giving 200 a visit for young, healthy donors. (A flashback to Skinner standing in line surrounded by Otto the Bus Driver, Cletus the Hillbilly, Comic Book Guy, Krusty the Clown, Captain McAllister and Waylon Smithers). It seemed a good idea at the time. Now I'm not sure. I wonder how Edna will take this?"
"Seymour! You've made me a GRANDMOTHER! And you did it without my permission!" Agnes fumes turning away and going towards another doorway. She slams it angrily behind her. Skinner sighs.
Lisa gets a sudden inspiration. "Mom, you and 'dad' were making out and you still went to the clinic?"
"Yes, dear. It was just that medical report scared me. I figured you father couldn't be a father again. I though nobody would ever find out."
"That means there's a chance dad could STILL be my father! There's an easy way to prove it…..a DNA test!" suggests Lisa.
"YEAH! A DNA test!" says Homer jumping to his feet. "Mmmmmm, whatever it is." Then he adds suspiciously "Do I have to study for it?"
"No, just give a blood sample." informs Lisa.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Homer screams.
"We all do." adds Lisa
All the adults scream.
Later that day they are back in Hibbert's office at the hospital. He has four red tubes on his desk. There are four people sitting in his chairs. Homer is still rubbing his arm where the sample was taken but has a lollipop in his mouth. They all have gauze patches on their arms. The doctor is writing on the lab instructions. He finally looks up. "This will take about a week. The samples have to be sent to a lab in Capitol City. We aren't equipped to do this test here. I suggest you carry on normally until then."
The week passes slowly. Lisa still goes to school, but is nervous in the hallways, peeking around corners, trying to avoid the principal. Skinner apparently hasn't mentioned the incident to Mrs. Krabappel. She acts the same as always. Homer goes to work, but as usual, his mind is not on the job, but instead of doughnuts and football, his mind dwells on his procreative abilities. "Damn nuclear crap!" he expostulates from time to time as he twists dials on the control panel. Marge busies herself with household chores, but she too feels the stress of waiting. Skinner sits in his office with the blinds drawn. Afraid of the hallways…afraid of meeting Lisa Simpson…or should it be Lisa Skinner?
Finally the next Saturday rolls around. The atmosphere in the Simpson household is tense. Everyone but Bart and Maggie is on edge. The day wears on. Finally at 3 PM the phone rings startling everyone. Marge grabs up the receiver as they all gather around. "Yes! Yes we'll be right there. Thank you doctor! Well, the results are back. Dr. Hibbert is phoning principal Skinner now and he wants to meet with all of us I his office in 30 minutes."
(to be continued)
