TITLE: What is Needed Most part 14
AUTHOR: sablecain
DISCLAIMER: see part 1A/N: Again, thank you so much for the encouraging reviews and feedback.
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part 14
John ran down the hallway, following Carson and the med team as they steered Rodney toward the Med. Lab. The wheels of the stretcher clanged noisily on Atlantis' floors, echoing over the voices. The clickety clacking rhythm drowned out everything for John, growing louder and louder until he thought he'd never get the sound out of his head.
That was until he heard Carson's desperate voice.
"We've lost his heart beat."
The medical lab doors were already open and the team rushed through them. Rodney's pale, unmoving form wasoblivious to all the hands on him at once. They tore at his clothing, prepping his chest for the defibulator.
"Clear!"
John didn't remember entering the room himself, but there he was suddenly watching as Carson placed the paddles strategically on Rodney's chest. McKay jerked under the charge, writhing for a second after Beckett had pulled away waiting for any sign of life.
"Again."
John stared, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach growing as Rodney lurched on the table one more time. Nausea swept over John; his own heart beat rapidly; his mind reeled. This could not be happening.
"There." He didn't know who said it, but by the reactions around the table, Rodney's heart was beating again.
Sheppard couldn't feel relief, not while the team still worked so frantically. Someone was hooking McKay up to an oxygen line, replacing the mask they'd put on him in the jumper bay. Someone else was starting an IV. John didn't see anything but the still, unexpressive face of his friend.
"You need to go, John." Beckett stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Rodney. "Just for now. I'll take care of him."
"I can't." John shook his head.
"Yer in the way." Beckett pushed him gently back out of the room and let the doors close, blocking his way.
Sheppard kept backing up, staring now at the closed doors, but still seeing Rodney. Bleeding, beaten…lifeless. "Shit." His back hit the wall and his legs buckled. He slid to the floor, closing his eyes as the sickening sound of clacking wheels and electric charges echoed in his head. "Shit. Shit. Shit."
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"What happened?" He'd heard her coming, knew she would.
He didn't know how long he'd been sitting on the cold, hard floor, his head resting back against the wall, but he ached all over. He opened one eye, squinting up at her. The lights of the hall backlit her form; he couldn't see her face. "I don't know," he managed, his voice scratchy from disuse and emotion.
He could imagine she had that look, concern mixed with anger, covered by a cool façade of control. "I really don't know." John opened the other eye.
"Did you get Kolya?" Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms in front of her, defensively.
"No."
"What about Cowen?"
"No," he gritted between clenched teeth. He hated the way he could picture her watching him, judging him and he was thankful he couldn't see her face.
She glanced at the medical labs closed door. "Any news?"
Sheppard shook his head. "No."
"You brought him back, John," she reminded quietly. "Thank you."
He ignored her, not wanting her thanks. What he wanted was an update. What he wanted was Carson telling him McKay was going to be fine. What he needed was to see Rodney awake and complaining indignantly about the medical staff.
"You should get rest," Elizabeth said with concern.
"I'm not leaving."
"John."
He glared at her, cutting off any further arguments she might try. "I am not leaving."
He lost track of time after she left. Minutes crawled by, followed by hours that flew past. His body grew numb from sittingin the same position so long. His legs cramped. Ford and Teyla came and waited with him for part of the time before wandering to more comfortable places to wait and worry. He didn't want comfortable; he didn't deserve it.
John played the last two days over and over in his mind, wondering where he could have changed it all. From the meeting with the Smyrnians, to hauling Rodney out of that cave and flying home. The events cycled through his head over and over, each time ending the exact same way. There was nothing he could have done. He had to go back further, days further, back to Dagan. Back to another hole in the ground where he'd left Kolya alive. If he had killed Kolya then, when he had the clear chance, then this…none of this would have happened.
The Med Lab's door opened suddenly and Sheppard jerked his head up, unable to make his body move as he watched Carson standing there, peeling bloody gloves off his hands. Throwing the trash into a bright red bin, Beckett looked up and met John's intense gaze.
John swallowed slowly, fear choking him until Carson let out a long slow breath. "He's still with us."
"But?" John slowly pushed himself off the floor, ignoring the cramping protests of his legs and back.
Carson shrugged. "He's in a bad way," he admitted. He ran his fingers through his messy hair. "Lost a lot of blood, he did, almost too much. I got him on meds to help that and he's getting a transfusion now. He'll need another, I believe."
Beckett looked down at the floor, then looked back at Sheppard again. "Shock, bruises, cuts. I still need to take care of the cut by his eye." He went on, "His back is pretty messed up, possibly a bruised kidney. I'll run a full scan after the transfusion. For now, I'm just concentrating on getting him stable. The wound, it was…." He shook his head.
"What?" John prodded, sensing more.
"It wasn't just a simple gun shot," Carson explained. "It was bad enough on its own, but there are signs of additional trauma."
"Like what?"
"Like tearing and bruising that shouldn't'a been there!" Carson snapped at him.
John shook his head, still not understanding. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that, on top of everything else, McKay was hit or kicked or what have you AFTER he was shot, damn it. The trauma was directly to the wound itself."
Sheppard's vision faded even as his eyes grew wide. His anger flared as the meaning of Carson's words finally registered. He turned away and started down the hall at a near run. He knew what he needed to do.
"Major!" Beckett called after him, but he kept going.
Carson ran, catching up to John quickly. He grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. "Where the bloody hell are you going?"
John tried to pull away, but Carson held tight. "I'm going," Sheppard said slowly. "To kill Kolya. Let go of me," he demanded.
"No." Beckett shook his head. "You aren't. We left the Genii buzzing like a hive of angry hornets. You'd be dead the minute you stepped through the gate, regardless of the fact we don't even know where Kolya is."
"I'll find him," John snarled, jerking his arm free.
Beckett immediately scooted in front of him. "I'll ground you," he threatened seriously, ignoring the fact that they were chest to chest and Sheppard seemed to tower over him. He could see the anger, the rage, boiling inside John, but under it all, he saw fear and pain. His voice softened but he didn't back down. "You're gonna turn around, get back to the med lab, wash up and let me look at you."
"I'm fine!" John protested. "Rodney's the one hurt. Go help him."
"I will, but you need to be there."
"I need," John shouted. "To go after the bastard who did this to him." He advanced, forcing Carson to back up a step.
"No, Major," Beckett disagreed softly. "You heard what Kendrick said, what Kolya told Rodney. Rodney needs to know you came for him. He needs to hear your voice, he needs to see you when he opens his eyes. He. Needs. You."
John pulled back from Carson, his anger so consuming he swore he could taste it. Everything that Kolya had done to McKay bombarded him again. The bruises, the cuts, the gun shot wound, the torture, the words used to make McKay think he was going to die alone…all of it. All of it was his fault. He'd let it happen. He looked down at his hands, seeing Rodney's blood, staining them and exploded, lashing out and driving his fist into the uncompromising wall of Atlantis.
