Chapter 19
Boston
Monday 15th December, 1873
"Hurry ma" said Brian as he rushed up the stairs leading to Peter Walker's Hospital.
Michaela was walking at a slower pace, holding Katie's hand. They had traveled all the way from Colorado Springs to Boston on their own. So as not to lose time they didn't stop at Elisabeth's home, but went directly to the hospital.
Once they reached the corridor where Sully's room was, they saw Elisabeth, Rebecca, Mary and Tom sitting there, all silent, just staring at the door in front of them. As soon as Brian spotted his grandmother he started running.
"Grandma"
Elisabeth rose from her chair and went to meet Brian, hugging him tightly. Michaela and Rebecca fell in each other's arms, while Katie just looked at them. Mary approached the little girl and lifted her in her lap, where she sat next to Tom.
"You must be Katie right" asked Mary
Katie nodded and smiled. Tom took the girl's little hand and shook it.
"Hello! I'm Mary! And this is Tom" said Mary.
"How is he" Michaela asked her mother and sister.
"He... the doctor says he won't live through the night" said Elisabeth through tears, while still holding Brian next to her.
Just at that moment the door opened, and Alex and Matthew came out. As soon as Matthew saw his mother, he rushed to her.
"Ma! Ma" he said as they hugged each other tightly.
Both started crying once again. It seemed as if they wouldn't let go of each other. Elisabeth and Rebecca sat down again. Brian went to sit down on his grandma's lap, impatiently waiting for news about his father. Mary put Katie on Tom's knees, then she rose and went to Alex.
"She's his mother right" Alex asked Mary, looking at Michaela.
"Yes. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Mat wasn't exaggerating when he said she was beautiful" exclaimed Mary.
"Poor woman" said Alex as she started crying as well, soon followed by Mary.
"Where is he" asked Michaela looking into Matthew's eyes, while he still held her from the waist.
"He... he's in there" he stuttered, nodding towards the door.
"Is... is he really gonna... die" asked Michaela, taking Matthew's face in her hands.
"It's what the doctor said" he replied as they hugged each other again.
At that moment, Peter approached them. Michaela let go of Matthew and looked at him. She immediately recognised her old friend, and so did he.
"Peter, is it really you" she asked as they shook hands.
"Yes Michaela, it's me. I'm sorry we have to meet on a day like this. I did all I could for him, believe me" he said.
"There's no hope for him" she added in a whisper.
"Only a miracle could save him at this point. You'd better go and talk to him before it's too late..." he suggested.
Michaela just stared back, not knowing what to do or say. Matthew gently put his arms around her shoulders and led her to Sully's room. Once they were inside, he closed the door behind him.
"Oh my God" was all Michaela managed to say upon seeing her dying husband.
She rushed to the bed and gently touched Sully's face. She checked his pulse and looked at his chest, slowly rising and falling.
"NO" she shouted as she sank in the chair, put her hands over Sully's and started sobbing uncontrollably while resting her head over her hands. She kept repeating the same word"NO""NO""NO"! Matthew just stood there staring, until he could take it no more. He went out closing the door behind him.
Outside, Elisabeth was explaining to Brian, still sitting on her lap, all that had happened on that fatal day. Tom, Mary and Alex were playing with Katie, while Rebecca was talking to Peter. Suddenly two ladies came nearby. As soon as Katie saw them, she rose from Tom's lap and ran towards them. One of the ladies started running, outstretching her hands in front of her as she took the little girl in her arms.
"Coween" Katie shouted as she hugged her sister.
Colleen with Katie in her arms, approached the rest of the group, followed closely by Angela.
"Colleen" Brian rose from his grandmother's lap and went to her.
Colleen then put Katie down so she could hug her brother, while the little girl returned on Tom's lap. Elisabeth hugged her granddaughter tightly, while Angela went towards her father, who was very surprised to see her.
"Angela! What are YOU doing here" Peter asked surprised.
"I had to accompany Colleen. I couldn't leave her come here alone" Angela replied.
"It's very noble of you dear" Peter smiled, kissing his daughter's forehead.
"How is my father" Colleen asked Elisabeth and Rebecca.
"He... he'll die" Elisabeth had to reveal for the third time that day.
Colleen was about to faint so she sat down in a chair next to Alex. Rebecca put her hands round Colleen's shoulders while she cried. At that moment, the door to Sully's room opened and Matthew came out. He just slid himself against the wall until he was seated on the floor. He raised his knees to his chest and circled his arms round them, resting his head on his hands. Brian knelt down beside him.
"Are ya OK Mat" he asked his older brother.
"I can't take anymore of this... I just can't" Mathew sobbed.
Alex went over to Matthew and Brian. She knelt down in front of her fiancé and took his hands in hers, thus forcing him to raise his head and look at her.
"Mat, we wanted to go out for some fresh air" she softly whispered"And I think you need it more than ever."
Matthew simply nodded and let Alex help him up from the floor. He hadn't slept all night, and now was feeling very tired. He couldn't keep himself standing, and so Colleen rose and put Matthew's arm round her neck and Alex did the same on the other side. Together they took him away...
Michaela kept crying while still holding Sully's left hand in hers. That's when she noticed it... the ring! She lifted her head and looked at his hand again. He was wearing a wedding ring! She couldn't believe her eyes. Why would Sully be wearing a ring?
"What's this Sully" she asked, waiting for an answer.
She still couldn't realise he was dying. No, her husband couldn't be dying here, on this bed.
"Oh Sully, who did this to you? What will happen to us now if you leave? I can't live without you, you know that! You are my energy, my strength, my rock, my life. I need you to help me go on! I can't raise the children without you! Brian still needs you, and Katie too. And what about the creature I hold inside me, why can't she know her father? Why does this child have to live without the LOVE of a father... why do I have to live without your love? I can't live without your love! Oh, I am repeating the same things! Sully, we still have our whole life ahead of us! We've just started a wonderful life together, and you can't leave in mid-way! It was a long rocky path till we admitted our love for each other. We faced many difficulties... my mother, that Cheyenne woman whom I thought you had fallen in love with, David's return... me not accepting your world, and also the train arriving in town! Sully, we managed to overcome all those troubles, and finally got married and have a wonderful daughter and about to have another baby! We managed to win all these challenges in our life, why can't we win this one as well? I wish I could do something to help you, but I know Peter, and I know that... that if he says there's... nothing he can do... I believe him! Wake up! Please do! You know how much I love you, and I know how much you love me! That is why you can't give up! If you don't do it for me... do it for the children. Please don't die..." Michaela sobbed taking her handkerchief and wiped away some of the tears.
"Oh Sully... why do I have to watch you die? I... I already thought I had lost you once when you fell from that cliff, and I don't want to go through all this again! When we were looking for you, I didn't feel as desperate as I feel now, because I still felt I was going to find you alive, and I did! But now... seeing you here in this bed... dying in front of me... I can feel you slipping by Sully. I can feel you letting go. You can't do this to me! YOU CAN'T! You can't leave me here alone! Oh please say something! Wake up and talk to me! I... I need to hear your voice! I need to feel you beside me every night, for the rest of my life. I want to wake up and see you looking at me, or to wake up and watch you sleeping peacefully beside me... I... I want to feel you inside me Sully! I need you to...to appreciate my... enthusiasm... every day till we're both exhausted... I... I...Oh I never spoke so freely of my feelings before! You... you belong here with me, not with God and the angels in Heaven! God, you hear me! He belongs here with me and the children! Please don't take him away from me! You can't... you can't..." Michaela rested her head on Sully's hand once again and cried her heart out.
Colleen and Alex helped Matthew sit down on a bench. Colleen sat beside him, while Alex went over to a pond nearby and just stared at the fish in it.
"Ya OK, Mat" asked Colleen.
"No, I'm not. Ya... ya haven't seen him, or you'd feel the same."
"I... I don't think I'd manage to see him" replied Colleen sadly.
"You have to talk him Colleen. Dr. Walker says it's our last opportunity. He says he won't survive the night... he..."
Colleen touched his arm to stop him.
"... I know what the doctor said Mat... I know. After Ma leaves his room I'll go in" Colleen said"but, are you OK? Ya look very tired Mat. I think you haven't slept all night! You need to sleep"
"Yeah, you're right! But what if somethin' happens"
"I'll wake ya up! Now let's go in an' find you a place to lie down" suggested Colleen, rising from the bench.
"NO! I want to lie down right here. I... I don't feel like goin' back there just now" Matthew replied.
He laid down on the bench, with his arms crossed under his head. Colleen walked over towards Alex.
"You must be Alex" she stated, upon reaching the pond.
"Yeah, it's me. And you must be Colleen" Alex turned to face Colleen.
They exchanged greetings and shook hands.
"I... I'm sorry about your father, I really am" said Alex.
"I... I don't know how we'd live without him if he dies" stated Colleen, looking at the water.
"Is there something I can do to help"
"Well, take care of my brother. Comfort him, and try not to let him do anythin' stupid" Colleen replied, as she noticed Alex's ring"Ya got engaged"
"Yeah, Mat proposed to me last night" Alex smiled.
"But... how..." Colleen was confused.
"... we found your father soon after dinner" Alex explained.
"Ah, now I understand" said Colleen looking over to Matthew.
"You can go back to your family. I'll take care of him. He needs to rest, and you need some time with your father, so go" Alex said softly.
"Thanks Alex. You're a dear" Colleen turned to leave"You'll make a perfect wife for my brother, ya know"
After Colleen left, Alex went over to Matthew. He was not sleeping, but just staring at the sky.
"Mat, sit up, please" Alex softly whispered in Matthew's ear.
Alex sat down on the bench where Matthew had been till seconds before, and she gently pulled his head back on her lap.
"You can sleep now, sweetheart" Alex added, and Matthew smiled.
"Now I can sleep better" he said as he closed his eyes.
Within seconds he was asleep. Alex started playing with his hair and just stared at his face.
"How can I ever leave you honey" she asked to herself.
Colleen went back into the hospital and soon found herself in the corridor with her family. Elisabeth was holding Brian, Tom was playing with Katie, Angela was talking to Mary, while Rebecca talked to Jason. Peter was nowhere to be seen.
As Colleen reached them she asked"My ma's in there"
"Yes dear. Maybe you should go and check" suggested Elisabeth.
Colleen simply nodded and went into Sully's room, closing the door softly behind her. She'd remember that scene for the rest of her life: her mother, desperately crying next to her fathers' bedside. She wanted to go over to her mother and comfort her, but what could she say to help? Colleen needed someone to comfort her, and support her in this moment! She wasn't able to comfort someone else! Michaela hadn't noticed someone else was now in the room. Colleen walked towards her mother, and placed her hand over Michaela's shaking shoulders. Michaela finally realised that she wasn't alone anymore.
"Oh Colleen" said Michaela as she rose from her chair and hugged her daughter.
"It's alright Ma. I'm here now" said Colleen.
"No it 's not alright! He's... dying, Colleen! I can feel it" Michaela couldn't stop crying.
"He... he can't die Ma. He can't" babbled Colleen.
"Maybe you should talk to him" Michaela said as she went over to the bed.
She leaned over Sully and tenderly kissed his lips. Yet, she felt as she was kissing a stone, because his lips were cold as ice. She headed towards the door and then looked back. "Tell us if something happens."
"Yeah, sure" Colleen said as her mother closed the door.
She sat down on the chair and looked at her father. He was so pale and lifeless! This wasn't the Byron Sully she knew!
"Hey pa! I... I don't know what to say! I mean, I know this is probably the last chance I have to talk to you, but honestly I don't know what to say! I mean, I don't recall to have ever told ya what you really mean ta me, an' now that have the opportunity, I dunno where to start! Ever since, I was still a little girl, I had always wished to live in a proper family, to have a mother and a father together with brothers and sisters! However, soon after Brian was born, my biological father left us all alone, and my dream of every growing up in a real family vanished! Then, when my mot... Charlotte died, my dreams continued to vanish all the more cause I thought I'd end up in an orphanage! Then, Ma took us with her and I started to hope again! My dreams came true when you asked us if we'd allow you to marry Ma! I couldn't believe it! We had finally formed a real family. It was such a wonderful thing! I want this for my children too! I want them to always have the love of their mother and father. But I want the love of MY father too! An' if ya die now, I won't have it! I still need your love an' support, even if I'm married! I need my father to be there every day of my life to guide me and help me overcome trouble and problems! I want you there to watch my children grow up, to hold them on your lap and teach them about the Cheyenne and all the rest! I want you to see me become a doctor, to make you proud of being my father! The man I see here in front of me is not the father I know! He'd never leave his family behind him and go far away never to return! We need you here! You can't just let yourself die, and leave us here alone! When... when Ethan abandoned us, I thought all fathers were the same, until you adopted us and I changed my opinion! But now, seeing you here... dying... well, I see I was right! You're ABANDONING us! You're just like him" Colleen shouted as she rose from her chair and left the room, banging the door behind her.
Michaela looked around her, getting accustomed to the new faces she was seeing.
"Mama" said Katie as she got down from Tom's lap and toddled over to her mother.
"Hey sweetie" Michaela lifted her up.
"How is he" asked Rebecca.
"Just like he was when I came in" replied Michaela as she put Katie down.
"Michaela, you should sit down and rest" said Rebecca.
"Yes maybe I should for this little one here" said Michaela pointing at her tummy"But where is Mat"
"He's gone outside with Alex to breathe some fresh air" said Tom, who had not said a single word yet.
"Introduce yourself you idiot" Mary whispered in Tom's ear.
"I... I am Tom Wilson. Pleased to meet you Mrs. Sully" Tom rose from his chair and shook Michaela's hand.
Mary wanted to kill her fiancée for being such at a loss for words when it came to etiquette. So she stood up to help him.
"I am Mary Watson, a friend of Matthew's at University. Pleased to meet you Dr. Quinn" Mary shook Michaela's hand too.
"Pleased to meet you. My son's friends are mine. I heard a lot about you in Mat's letters" replied Michaela.
Then Angela went over to Michaela"I am Angela Walker. I live with Colleen in Philadelphia. My father is Peter Walker, whom I now understand is one of your old friends."
"Pleased to meet you too Angela. So, who haven't I met" asked Michaela looking round.
"I... I'm Jason Tyner, Mrs. Sully. I... I happened to be there when they shot your husband" Jason shook Michaela's hand.
"Pleased to meet you."
Michaela went to sit beside her mother. Brian got down from his grandmother's lap, sensing they wanted to talk and went over to where Tom was playing with Katie.
"What are you going to do now Michaela" asked Elisabeth.
"I... I don't know! I'm trying to stay strong for the children, but I'm completely shattered inside. He... he seems lifeless, mother, as if he's already dead. I'll just have to wait here now, there's nothing else I can do" said Michaela"Where did Timothy say that Mat went"
"It's 'Tom' Michaela not 'Timothy'! Mat went out with Alex to get some fresh air. He didn't sleep all night" replied Elisabeth.
"I haven't met Alex yet" commented Michaela.
"Oh, you'll adore her"
Tom rose from his chair and approached Michaela with Katie and Brian soon behind him.
"Uhm, Dr. Quinn, would you mind, oh, would you give me the permission to take your child for a little walk outside! I will take care of her don't worry Dr. Quinn. She will remain unharmed. We'll remain in the hospital's garden..." started Tom, but Michaela interrupted him.
Mary, who was talking to Angela, stopped and looked over at Tom, to hear what he was saying. She and Angela couldn't stop laughing when they heard his babbling.
"It's OK Timot... Tom! You're not speaking to a queen you know? You can take Katie for a walk, there's no problem" Michaela smiled"Why don't you go with them Brian"
"I wanna see Pa" protested Brian.
"I'll tell Colleen to fetch you when she comes out. Now go" said Michaela, and Tom left with the children.
Suddenly, the Sully's door opened and Colleen came out. She was crying a lot. She just ran down the corridor without stopping till she was out of sight. Angela immediately rose from her chair.
"Excuse me Mary, but I have to go and see what's wrong! I'll see you later" Angela said and left the group to look for Colleen.
"Excuse me, but would you mind if I go for a walk in the garden? I'm starting to feel dizzy staying here" said Rebecca.
"Sure! We don't mind" said Elisabeth.
"Look for Brian and tell him to come immediately" added Michaela as Rebecca and Jason left.
Michaela eyed them from head to toe as they walked out and immediately turned to her mother, who already knew what the next question would be.
"Yes, she fell in love" Elisabeth smiled, not letting Michaela ask it.
"I guess it's never too late to fall in love" Michaela managed to laugh despite her despair.
Michaela went back into Sully's room. Elisabeth followed her, while Mary remained seated alone in the corridor. Again, Michaela checked Sully's pulse and watched his breathing.
"He's getting worse" she just said plainly to her mother"Why is this happening to him, mother"
"I don't know dear! I wish I could tell you! You want to talk to him" asked Elisabeth.
"Well, do you want to talk to him"
"Well, just two words."
"OK. I'll wait outside" Michaela went out, closing the door behind her.
Elisabeth approached Sully but didn't sit down.
"As I said, just two words Sully... don't die! They all need you, your wife, your children, all! You are the best husband Michaela could have, and I don't want to come to your funeral, you hear? So wake up from that sleep! I think you've slept enough to last you a lifetime" she said as she went back to the door.
"I'm sorry for what happened. You have all my sympathy" said Mary.
"Thanks Mary" replied Michaela"You've never met Mat's father right"
"Well, I never had the opportunity"
At that moment Elisabeth came out and sat back down in her chair. Michaela rose to enter the room once again, but turned round to Mary.
"Come with me" she told her, and Mary agreed.
The two women entered the room. Michaela went near Sully's bed, but Mary stood back and just stared at the man lying there.
"OH! He's... he's" said Mary, but decided not to continue.
"He's? Good looking" asked Michaela.
"Handsome" replied Mary blushing.
"I know" Michaela started crying again.
She sat down on the chair and looked at her husband.
"I... I'm trying to look strong for my children, but... but I don't manage! I just want to lock myself in here and cry every drop of water in my body! But... but I must be strong for them, so they find comfort in me! I can't keep from crying" Michaela sobbed uncontrollably.
Mary pitied the woman in front of her, yet she didn't' know what to do.
"There's no need to hold back your tears! Your children know you can't resist, they know how you feel and they can understand. Let your feelings show. No one is a rock. No one can keep from... breaking down! You need comforting too, and not just to comfort others" said Mary unbelievingly, to a woman she had just met.
"You...you're right Mary. I... I just can't bear watching him die."
End of Chapter 19
