Why Aoshi Never Drinks Sake

By: The Silly Koneko, not owning any part of Rurouni Kenshin

The next morning…

Misao woke up, and wished immediately that she hadn't. Pain washed over her, every movement, every twitch provoking a sensitive bruise. But along with it…came a new kind of pain.

It was emptiness, it was loneliness, it was despair – all rolled into one jumble of mixed emotion. The only person she had ever loved had brought her to the lowest point of her life –

- and it was all her fault.

How could she have been so stupid, so childish? Aoshi had told her that he couldn't hold his liquor, but no, was that good enough for Misao Makimachi? Of course not. She had to be her idiotic self and prove him right.

Oh god, Aoshi. What was he going through right now? Last night she hated him, but now…now she could think straight. She had caused this whole mess, and he was going to be the one who had to pay.

She was so stupid

Aoshi opened his eyes once more, this time finding himself laying deep in the forest. His memory had started to go on the blink from lack of sleep. He was disheveled - his hair was filled with leaves and bits of dirt, his clothes wrinkled, and the faint smell of vomit clung to him.

After running from the Aoiya last night, he came here. The horrible event played back in his head over and over, with more clarity each time. And every time, a wave of sickness came over him - a wave of guilt so strong, he doubled over with the weight of it. Misao, the darling Misao, always happy, always full of cheer – would she ever forgive him? Could she?

No, he thought, I don't deserve her forgiveness. I shouldn't have given into drinking that sake, there was no way she could have known…

He felt empty. Knowing that Misao no longer cared – it affected him in a way he never thought possible. He had taken her for granted, taken her love for granted and he hadn't even realized it.

Now it was all too painful a fact.

Even in his nightmares, he wasn't free of his mental anguish. All night, he tossed and turned, Misao's voice crying for him to stop, her cries of pain, everything that he had stupidly ignored. He had given into the drink, given into the lust it caused.

Another thought struck Aoshi – he had his life ahead of him, but would anybody else even love him? He was a rapist, a murderer…most women only lusted after him, but none had true devotion. Devotion like Misao's.

Devotion that was forever lost.

"Misao…would you like some breakfast?"

"No."

"Misao."

"Go away, Okina."

"You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

Okina sighed. Misao, no matter what, never lost her stubborn nature. Omasu came in behind him, carrying a trey of food.

"Take it away. I'm not going to eat it."

"But Misao…we made this specially for you."

Okina and Omasu paused. Omasu set down the trey next to Misao, and picked up the cup of tea. Misao disregarded her actions and stared at the ceiling.

"Well…at least have some tea."

"No."

"It's for your own good."

"No."

"Okay," Okina sighed, "I'll put it to you bluntly. The tea is made of…special herbs. And…"

"And what? What are they supposed to do, make me eat?"

"No. They…discourage pregnancy. Just in case…you know…"

Misao blinked, and looked at Okina. She hadn't thought of that, and now that she did…what would happen to if she did turn up – well, with child? Aoshi would certainly never come back, and if he did, Saitoh would have him in jail in an instant.

Omasu saw the frightened look on Misao's face, and handed her the cup. Struggling to a semi-sitting position, she drank.

After drinking the tea, Misao felt more like eating. And after the girl had her fill, she fell asleep.

"Do you think it will be enough?"

"I certainly hope so. We only had enough money to buy just that much, for one cup."

The herbs that Okina bought were very, very expensive, and even then they didn't always work. All they could do was wait, hope, and pray to every god they believed in.

Mid-day.

Aoshi's stomach growled loudly – he hadn't had anything to eat since lunch yesterday. He wouldn't go into town; most likely everyone had heard of his actions.

In his mind, he deserved any pain he received. After all the pain he caused Misao, retribution was necessary. Perhaps he could simply stay out here and starve himself to death…

He had turned into such a coward. He couldn't bring himself to face anyone, and now he was considering death instead of taking the punishment for his atrocious behaiviour. Aoshi sighed, and wished he hadn't left his kodachi in the Aoiya.

Was it really worth living anymore? He had nothing to give him hope, no reason to stay alive – time and time again he had been shown that by living, he could repent. But Aoshi had tried that road before, and failed miserably.

"Look! It's a message from Omasu!"

"Hurry up and open it, ugly!"

Kaoru backhanded Yahiko, then opened the envelope. The whole Kenshin-gumi watched as Kaoru read it.

"Well, read it to us, Missy. We wanna know, too!"

"Miss Kaoru? Is something wrong?"

"Misao…she…she was"

Kaoru had turned deathly white and her hands shook as she handed Kenshin the telegram. He read it aloud:

"Misao raped. Please come to Kyoto.

- Omasu "

Everyone stood there in shock, all of them wondering who could have possibly done that to Misao. She was such a strong little thing, how in the world could she have been overpowered?

In sleeping, Misao dreamt.

And in dreaming, she faced nightmares.

The love of her life attacked her - only in this dream, it was much more violent. Time and time again her subconscious created an alternate reality where Aoshi hated her with a passion, and had no qualms about showing it in the worst way possible.

She could see hate in his eyes, reflected upon her own. She wanted to forgive him, but the hate consumed her from the inside, it refused to give into her feelings.

The hellish nightmare finally ended with a kodachi through her stomach, and Misao woke up screaming.

Omasu ran to her side, and found Misao wide-eyed, clutching her stomach.

"O – Omasu…nightmare…he…he stabbed me…"

"It's alright, Misao. It was only a dream…only a dream…"

Aoshi stumbled through the forest, his head down. Insects attacked him, animals spared a glance, but he didn't care. He was nothing. He had no dignity, deserved no respect, and every thing that defined his being was gone.

Gone was the cold stare; it had been replaced with hurt and anguish, filled with desperate emotion. Gone was the perfection, gone were walls that held back the fire that had been quieted for so long. He had nothing – he amounted to nothing.

Finding a clearing, Aoshi stopped for a moment.

Where was he?

The surroundings were unfamiliar, but what did he care? Dying alone in the woods didn't frighten him in the least…

The weight of his thoughts, the burden of guilt, lack of sleep and food – Aoshi Shinomori collapsed.

"Now this is something I didn't expect to find on an afternoon stroll."

…………………………………………………………………

Diese ist eine traurig Geschichte, ja?

This is a tragic little story, isn't it?

I dunno, I know where I'm going, have no idea how to get there.

Sigh…