I woke in Jethro's arms at 6am, something that is all too familiar to me now, yet this time it was different. I feel too dirty and unworthy to be in his arms. I get up without stirring him and head for the shower before I wake him up. We need to be on the road by 8:30 in order to make it to his sister's for Christmas lunch.
I turn on the water and wait for the right temperature before stepping in. As I let the water cascade over my cut and bruised body I think about the past week, how scared I was. I'm scared of losing Jethro; I'm scared that he doesn't want me anymore. I'm not worthy of him or his love. I feel so unclean and try hard to scrub the uncleanliness off my skin.
I can still feel his hands all over my body. Why can't I get clean? If only I could, then maybe Jethro will love me again. He couldn't possibly love me now. How could he after everything that has happened?
I hear the bathroom door open and I look up as he leans into the shower and takes the soap out of my hands. He steps in all the way and wraps his arms around me. I try to look into his eyes to see if I can see pity and disgust there, but he just pulls me in tighter and I break down. I just start crying and he holds me tighter.
"You okay Katie?" He asks as he runs his hands up and down my back. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"I needed to think." I say as I rest my head on his shoulder. "I don't think I should go with you today."
"Why not?" He asks me as he gently pushes me back so he can see my face. He runs his thumb over my cheek and I am finally able to look into his eyes, but instead of finding the pity and disgust that I am expecting I see nothing but love and concern.
"I just don't think you should have to introduce me to your family when I'm like this." I say as he grabs the shampoo and starts to wash my hair.
"You'll be fine sweetie, I promise." He gently moves us back so that he can rinse my hair out. "But, if you don't want to go it's up to you." He replies as he finishes with my hair and kisses my forehead.
"I'll think about it while I get dressed." I say as he nods his head gently.
I step out of the shower, grab a towel, and wrap around me. After I've dried off I grab one of Jethro's shirts and put it on as I make my way to the bedroom. I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself for about ten minutes before I hear the water shut off and I realize that it's now or never.
I feel him come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. "What did you decide?"
I'm about ready to say 'no', but then I remember our conversation from last night and the look in his eyes when we were in the shower and realize that he won't let it bother me. "I guess I'll go with you." I feel him release a breath I don't think he knew he was holding and then kisses my cheek and let's go of me.
"Thank you." He whispers in my ear and then kisses my lips gently. "I promise you'll be fine, they'll love you. How could they not?"
I watch him walk over to the closet, pulling out a pair of dress pants and a sweater; he walks back to the bathroom and gives me a soft smile. I turn back to the dresser and pull out a pair of socks and a sweater and make my way over to the closet to pull out a pair of jeans before heading for the bathroom.
"I'm going to make something to eat." Jethro says as he kisses me on the head.
"Okay. I'll be down in a few." I say as I watch him leave the master bedroom and head down-stairs.
I quickly dress and do my hair and make-up and then make my way down to the kitchen. I can hear the newscaster's voice coming from the small TV on the kitchen counter. It wasn't long after we started living together that I convinced him to get a TV for at least the kitchen. He had yet to break down and get one for the living room, but I figured it was only a matter of time.
I feel a strong hand on my back and turn to see Jethro eyeing me funny.
"What's going on up there?" He asks as he taps my head lightly.
"Just thinking of how I can convince you to get another TV." I say as I give him a smile and place a kiss on his cheek. "Merry Christmas. I love you."
"I love you too." He says as he kisses me gently on the lips, but pulls away before it could get any deeper. "As much as I love that thought, we have plans for today. Maybe tonight though." He says as he gives me a sexy smile and winks.
"Maybe." I suggest as I smile and wink back at him before making my way into the kitchen.
