Thank you to all my readers and reviewers.
Thanks to Merlin and GoldenSunnyGrl for being such great BETA's.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
ENJOY!
Chapter Three
Soon, I won't hurt anymore.
Love hurts people. It really, really hurts.
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Months have passed since I initiated my search for the scaly bastard that wanted me dead. Since the night of my resolve to find him he seemed to have disappeared. Did he know I searched for him to end my hurt? And, if he did, why the bloody hell didn't he just come out and kill me?
It's not like I would put up much of a fight. I wanted to die. I wanted the hurt to end. I wanted out! But nooo..... could he give me the pleasure of his company? NO! When I wanted to see him he disappears. What's up with that?
I don't think I have spoken to anyone in months. I think I ate yesterday. I am not positive though. I don't care. Not anymore.
Hell, maybe I'll kill myself before he gets his scaly arse in gear.
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I haven't seen him in weeks. I have made sure of that. I walk the halls when others are sleeping. Alone. Always alone. I do still notice what goes on around me but it just doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. I heard a rumor that he was in the infirmary but when I went there he was already gone. I made myself look at him, really look, the next time I saw him and my heart broke at what I saw.
He looked just as I thought I probably did. What was once pale luxurious hair now seemed dull and lifeless. Had he even combed it? His clothes, once immaculate, now seemed...slept in and used. His pale skin no longer glowed as if hit by the moonlight but seemed as if it belonged on the dead. He walked with his once proud head hanging, still flanked by his bodyguards, Crabbe and Goyle.
He scared me. And for the first time in months my hurt was pushed aside in my concern for him. I needed to find out what was wrong with him. I couldn't have him being unhappy. He had to be happy.
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I followed him for a week under my invisibility cloak. What I saw didn't match the picture of whom I thought he was. Only in the privacy of his dorm, with only his two friends present, did his facade drop.
He was miserable, in pain, hurt. I resolved to find out why. I put my search for Scalymort aside and concentrated on my love.
What I found destroyed everything I had ever thought was right in my life.
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I spent the next days in the owlry, Forbidden Forrest, and on the Astronomy Tower crying, screaming, hurting.
He was hurt and I had done it to him. I didn't know. I truly had not known. I did not know what to do now. Confusion ran rampant in my mind as I thought about what I had seen.
He hadn't wanted to ask her to marry him. He doesn't want to be a Death Eater. He was miserable because he loved someone that he thought would never love him back.
That someone was me.
I was in a daze for days after that startling revelation. I did not know what to do. I wanted to run to him and confess my love for him as well, but I didn't. I restrained myself from doing what my mind and body called out for me to do.
I would end his hurt.
Just as soon as I could.
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I hate my friends. Nosey bastards. They just couldn't leave well enough alone. They hexed me! They friggin hexed me!
Hermione was crying and Ginny was silent while Ron ranted and raved about my stupidity.
"Sorry." I croaked in a voice that had not been used in months.
"Are you trying to kill yourself? When's the last time you ate?" Ron snarled in my face. Really, I knew he was like a brother to me but this was uncalled for.
"Yes." Was my only reply.
Ron stopped ranting to stare at me, red faced and tear stained cheeks, and whispered, "why?"
"I hurt." I answered as the first sob wracked my thin body.
Both girls were crying now and hanging on to me for dear life. I was too weak to move. The hex had drained too much energy from me. Tears coursed down everyone's cheeks now. I realized that I wasn't the only one hurting.
"We could have helped you." Ron said gently as he kneeled in front of me.
"You can't." I sobbed back staring into the face of my best friend.
Hermione snorted through her tears, "you didn't let us try."
I slowly, weakly, turned my head to stare into her soft brown eyes. I saw love and understanding shining back at me through the tears. I wanted to gather them all in my arms and hold them close but I was too weak to move.
Smiling tiredly at her I shook my head. "He loves me. Did you know? He hurts too. I caused that."
"We can help you fix that Harry." Ginny said softly.
"Too late." I whispered as the black spots that had been clouding my vision moments before grew to overcome me and I slipped swiftly into unconsciousness.
Did I mention how much I love my friends?
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I was kept in bed for three days before they even considered letting me go to the bathroom without help. I don't know what excuses they made to the teachers but I was never left alone. What they did for me warmed part of my frozen heart.
Ron was plotting. I could tell by his shifty eyes and his avoidance of any question that had to do with Draco, my love. I could say his name now. I had someone to talk to about him. And that also helped heal my frozen heart. That they were accepting of it was a major help.
I knew something was up on the forth day of my exile. Ginny and Hermione made me take a long hot bath, shaving and all, before dressing me in new silk pajamas and forcing me to eat an ungodly amount of food.
My suspicions were confirmed when the other boys in the dorm all had somewhere else to be that night seemed I would have the dorm all to my little 'ol lonesome. Bullocks for me. I didn't protest too loudly, as I was still somewhat weak.
I lay on my bed and watched as Ron got ready for his usual Saturday night stroll of the ladies. I wonder whom he had picked for this night's entertainment. Yawning I turned away and fell asleep.
I was woken later to the soft sound of the dorm room door opening. I saw the silhouettes of my friends and closed my eyes to go back to sleep. Soft whispering interrupted my attempts and when I next opened my bleary eyes all I could see was soft pale hair and sharp silver blue eyes that pierced my soul.
"Oh love, I wish you were real." I whispered as I raised a shaky hand to touch.
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Well, I think maybe one, possibly two, more chapters to go in this little story of mine.
I do hope that you like.
ENJOY!
LMG
