Ren could hear the hushed voices of her family and what sounded like the beeping of some sort of equipment near her. The scent of sanitizer and flowers was present as she took a deep breath. She could feel someone's hand in her's and by the feel of the soft flesh she knew it was her mother's. Her mother was talking to someone, but the other person didn't seem to be replying. She laid completely still gaining the strength to open her eyes, and continued to listen to her mother's one sided conversation. She was talking to Tawny. Tawny, why would Tawny be not talking back to her mother? Memories came rushing back to her of her and Tawny sitting in the back seat of the car and Louis driving along the cliff overlooking the ocean. She remembered both of them telling Louis to stop then all she could remember was total darkness. Tawny had to be alright, but then again why wouldn't she be, what happened?
"Mom?" Ren asked coarsely, her throat felt so dry and her voice cracked as she talked. She eased open her eyes and could make out her mothers image as well as the rest of her family just barely over the bright light in the room.
"Ren?" Her mother asked with surprise, looking down at her.
"Ren oh my God your awake!" she exclaimed, tears building up in her eyes. The rest of her family crowded around her bed, she could just barely see them all, that damn light, someone should dim it.
"Where am I?" She asked quietly. Man, she could use some water.
"Honey your in the hospital. You had an accident." Her mother answered, tightening her grip on her hand. A hospital? Well that would explain the smells and that stupid light. But where's Tawny and what kind of an accident?
"What happened. Where's Tawny?" Ren asked weakly. She felt so tierd and all the color she could see was black and white, better than barely being able to see anything.
"Tawny's in the bed next to you." Her Father answered quietly. In the bed next to her? Well that explained why her mother was talking to her, but why wasn't Tawny answering? She must still be out for the count.
"What happened?" she asked again.
"You were in a very bad car accident. The car went off of the cliff and crashed down on the rocks." Her mother answered solomnly. Car accident? The only car she was last in was her car and Louis was driving. She didn't even want to know how bad her car looked right then.
"What time is it?" she asked, looking around for a clock somewhere. Her sight was returning to normal, she could make out the blue on her Dad's shirt.
"It's one o'clock in the afternoon. You've been in a coma for the last three weeks." Her mother answered. Three weeks? How badly was she hurt that she was knocked into a coma for that long. Tawny must still be in a coma then.
"How badly am I hurt?" she asked finally. She could tell by the expressions on her family's faces that it wasn't good. Donnie and Louis left the room, fighting back tears, and beside her father stood a guy she faintly remembered.
"You have some bad cuts and bruises. You had some internal bleeding, but the doctors fixed that in surgery when you were first brought in as well as some broken and fractured ribs." Her mother answered. Well that certainly explained the pain she was in, even though she knew that she probably had enough pain killers being pumped into her to take out a ovesized moose. She could feel the IV needle in her wrist and the oxygen tube under her nose which was probably there because of the broken ribs. She could tell her family wasn't telling her everything about her injuries because she knew that there was no way she could be in this much pain with so minor of injuries and they themselves couldn't be the entire result of a crash that put her into a coma for three weeks. She shifted slightly in bed only to notice something didn't feel right; why couldn't she feel her legs?
"Mom why can't I feel my legs?" she asked. She could feel her mother's grip lighten some and tears roll down her cheeks.
"Honey in the crash a big, sharp piece of the car came through your seat and destroyed all the nerves in your back that control your ability to walk. You're paralyzed from the legs down." her mother said tearfully. No. That couldn't be true, there had to be a way to fix it. She was on the track and field team, and so close to being made MVP and earning a gold medal for her team.
"They can fix it right?" she asked hopefully.
"No honey they can't. They tried but there's nothing they can do." her mother answered. Ren closed her eyes and felt tears coming, burning her eyelids wanting to be let out. She fought them back, she had to be strong. She could tell that her parents had been in a living hell for the past three weeks and crying would only break their hearts even more. It must have been too hard for Donnie and Louis to see her like that when she was told the news, especially on Louis who she knew must feel the worst. He must be taking on all the blame right now, since he was the driver. She couldn't let him feel like that any longer. She was hurt and she would get over it. But what about track? She loved track, it was the only sport she really got into in school and now that was all over. She could feel the tears breaking free of their barrier and sliding down across her cheeks. She just layed there and cried, she didn't care anymore about how it affected her parents, she was the one who had lost it all because of some stupid accident.
After about several minutes of crying, she used her free hand and carefully wiped the tears away from her eyes and face. She could feel the bumps from what must be stiches on her face and arm and her face stinged a bit as the salty tears hit her cuts. Opening her eyes she saw her parents looking at each other then back to her, their eyes full of sympathy as they watched her, waiting for her to say something. Then there was that same guy still standing nest to her father, his eyes damp from tears. Who was this guy, she felt a strong pull to him, so he must be someone she was close to, but why couldn't she place a name to his face? All she could manage to pull from her mind was that she loved him and it was obvious that he loved her because he was still there.
"I know I'll sound stupid for asking this, but do we know each other?" she asked, pointing to the guy. Her father made room for him to come up beside her, and she felt him take her hand carefully as to not hit the IV.
"It's me Tommy, your boyfriend." he answered lovingly. His eyes met her parents and they knew what is was he was asking them with his questioning eyes.
"The doctor said she might have side affects from the accident where she hit her head so badly. Her vison being blurred or colorless, not being able to remember some thing or place names to people, don't worry it's only short term." Her father answered reasureingly. Suddenly Ren could vaguely remember hearing his voice in her mind while she had been in the coma. He had talked to her and held her hand, and she had muttered his name in her sleep. Memories of the two of them going out for dinner or to the movies came flooding back to her. All the football games of his that she went to and all of her track meets that he came to cheer her on at. Three years worth of memories unburied themselves in her mind and his face became familier again. How could she forget his sweet, caring face?
"I remember." she said quietly. Tommy looked down at her tearfully as he held back another crying fit. He sat down on the edge of the bed and carefully wrapped his arm around her. Ren smiled weakly, closing her eyes. She was so tired that she couldn't keep her eyes open. It must be all the pain medication, that or she was just too weak from laying in bed for three weeks.
"Hold me closely Tommy." she asked. She tried to move her head closer to him but found it just to difficult too move it. She could hear Tommy whisper soothing words in her ear as sleep came over her again.
Ren woke once again to the sounds of the same beeping noises and the smells of her hospital room, reminding her that what had happened actually happened to her. She couldn't hear her family moving around or talking, which meant they probably went home for the night. She was glad, because just looking at her families grim faces made her feel worse. She could remember reading in magazines about people being severely injured in accidents and realizing too late that had they approached their situation with a more optimistic attitude, then they would have healed more quickly. Think optimisitcally, she could do that, her track couch always told the team to do that before every meet because if they dwelled on the negative thoughts then they wouldn't be able to perform to the best of their abilities. She opened her eyes and looked around; yep, the room was empty. She could still smell flowers and turned to look to her left and there on the little white nightstand next to her bed she could see about three different sets of flowers. There was a nice vase of roses there and on the card it told her they were from Tommy. She coud hear a noise next to her on her right, and turning her head, she saw for the first time, the last person she saw before the accident.
"Tawny?" she asked. The person in the bed turned and looked at her, it was Tawny.
"Your awake." Tawny said with a weak smile. Ren smiled at Tawny, glad that she was awake now too. The nurses must have pushed Tawny's bed closer to hers when they first were put in there, realizing that they would be the only ones able to help each other through the long road ahead.
"I should say the same to you." Ren laughed. Her ribs ached as she did and there was a throbbing pain in her back.
"Yeah well I just woke up about two hours ago." Tawny answered.
"What time is it?" she asked. There still wasn't a damn clock in this room. Maybe the nurses have one laying around somewhere.
"Ten after seven." Tawny answered. "Or well that's what the nurse said just a few minutes ago when she was in here."
"I've been out for seven hours then." she thought outloud.
"Yeah your parents said you woke up about one this afternoon." Tawny commented, shifting akwardly in her bed.
"When did they leave?" she asked. It couldn't of been that long ago, but then again her family all looked dead on their feet so going home to get some sleep would be good for them.
"About an hour ago, your mom said she wanted to go and make some calls to say that we were both awake." Tawny answered, she lowered her head some, and looked like she was debating about saying something or not.
" Your parents told me what happened to us. I don't remember any parts of the accident, just the part of us telling Louis to slow down and seeing that van coming around the bend. Next thing I know I'm waking up in here." Tawny started. Ren felt relived that it wasn't just her that remembered nothing of the accident, although she was sure that was deffinatly a good thing. She knew however, that Tawny wasn't done saying what was on her mind, she knew what was coming next.
"Your parents told me about you not being able to walk again. Ren I'm so sorry, I feel so guilty because I was right next to you in the car and one day I'll be able to walk out of here..." Tawny started but she was cut off as Ren held up a hand to silence her.
"Tawny please don't give me your sympathy, I'm getting enough of it from everyone else. Please just do me a favor and just accept it like I have. It's happened and we both know that no amount of sympathy is going to make me walk again." Ren said truthfully. This sympathy stuff was making her sick, but then again they weren't the ones laying in a hopsital bed so all they could really do was feel sorry for her.
"You're right Ren, I'm sorry for doing that, besides we're both going to be wheelchair buddies for a while. I don't think you've seen the casts they got on my legs. Said it might take months before I'll have the strength back in my legs to walk again and that's with rehab." Tawny replied with a smile.
"I guess we aren't the ones who are worse off. I hate to think what my car looks like now." Ren laughed quietly.
"The funny part is, only about twenty minutes before the accident, you were giving Louis a going over about sitting on the hood of the car. You were worried he had scratched it, yet now I think if it's even recognizable as a car you'd be lucky." Tawny joked, pressing the button on the bed control to put it into a sitting position. Ren copied her, it felt good to sit up again.
"Tell me about it. Hopefully insurance will cover it, although I daresay it's going to be a pain to pay every year from now on." Ren laughed, wincing in pain, which didn't go unnoticed by Tawny.
"You okay Ren?" she asked, watching her carefully.
"Yeah, I just think the pain medication is wearing off." Ren answered, taking a deep pain filled breath. Tawny coughed and Ren could see her wince in pain as well.
"Looks like I'm not the one who should worry about the other's pain." Ren commented sarcastically.
"Ah shut up, your just lucky you can't feel the pain in your legs like I can." Tawny replied. Ren's eyes grew wide in shock, now that's what she called not showing sympathy.
"There's what I meant when I said no sympathy. Joke about your situation and it becomes funny. You'll probably be the only one who will joke like that with me." Ren said with a huge grin.
"Yeah well I meant it. Between the two of us, they're using enough pain medication to knock out a whole country."
"True, but then again without it, I think we'd be damn near insane. They could take away my pain medication and I'd still be happy." Ren stated thoughtfully.
"Why's that?" Tawny asked curiously.
"My paralysis is only in the legs. I'm lucky because I can still fully control my bladder." Ren said. She knew that for a fact without the doctors telling her, because she could easily tell where the feeling left her.
"Damn lucky." Tawny muttered with a smile.
"Can I tell you something Tawny?" Ren asked, looking back over at her.
"Yeah of course, anything." Tawny answered.
"What do you think of me getting a black car next time?" Ren asked, smiling madly. Tawny laid in thought for a minute or so before answering.
"So you plan on getting back on the road then?" Tawny questioned lightly.
"Yeah, you can get a car installed to have the controls up top. It's just like driving one of those go karts at the fair." Ren answered seriously.
"Then in that case, black is deffinatly a good color to go with this time." Tawny said with a yawn.
"Go to sleep Tawny, it's no use trying to fight it off. The medication wins everytime." Ren said quietly. Tawny just nodded and lowered her bed. She had no sooner had the bed back to it's normal position when she was out cold once again. Ren smiled watching her for several more seconds before turning her head back to the flowers on her left. They were very pretty and brought color to the plain room, which reminded her that she could see color once again. She shifted slightly in her bed finding it somewhat akward not to be able to feel her legs. She could see them and no matter how hard she tried to command them to move they wouldn't budge. "I suppose this could come in handy should Donnie talk me into playing football with him some day." she though optimistically, poking her numb leg. Hearing a noise in the doorway she looked up to see a nurse walk gracefully in.
"Oh your awake again I see. That's good, I'm Lucy, the head nurse. I've been the one who's been looking after you and your friend Tawny." the nurse said with a cheerful smile.
"Oh well thank you I guess. At least your the only person who's still smiling everytime you look at me." Ren said, giving the nurse a smile in return.
"You had an accident, your not dying so I see no reason for this to be a morbid atmosphere." Nurse Lucy replied cooly.
"Maybe you could tell my family that." Ren replied with a smirk.
"Well at least your taking your situation well. When some of your other injuries heal we can get you out of bed and into a wheelchair. I daresay you're itching to get out of that bed." Nurse Lucy said as she checked the IV in Ren's wrist.
"I'm the only one who can. The way I figure it what's done is done, no amount of sympathy is going to make me walk again. I've accepted what has happened to me and that's all I can do." Ren replied.
"That a girl, way to think optimistically. Now would you like something to eat?" Nurse Lucy asked with a warm smile.
"Yes please, that would be great." Ren answered. She just realized that for the past three weeks they had probably been pumping her full of liquid food and anything solid would be wonderful.
"Alright then sweetie, I'll go see what I can sneak you in from the kitchen." Nurse Lucy said as she marked something on her clipboard and walked back out the door. Ren layed back in her bed and watched the people passing by the door. There was an eerie quietness about it all that made it seem sort of peaceful yet kind of boring. Maybe her parents could bring in her television or something. There was a light knock on the door which caught her attention. Looking back over at the door she smiled widely as she saw Donnie standing in the doorway.
"Donnie." She said, her voice cracking again. Damnit she needed something to drink.
"Hey sis." he said quietly, slowly making his way over to her bed. He played with the side of the blanket as he stood in silence. Ren could tell he was happy that she was awake again, but she could also sense his fear of hurting her.
"You know you can hug me." Ren said with a pleasent smile.
"I know but I'm scared I'll hurt you." Donnie replied truthfully.
"You won't. Here help me up." Ren said. Donnie helped her sit up straight in the bed and she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug. He wrapped his arms carefully around her, not wanting to touch her back in fear of hurting her. She layed back against the bed and took Donnie's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"You look like shit Donnie." she said seriously.
"I haven't been sleeping good for the past few weeks. Coach said if I don't get some sleep then I'm out for the next game." Donnie replied, taking a seat next to her bed.
"Donnie listen to me, I want you to leave now and go home and get some sleep. I don't want you to be taken out of the game on account of me." Ren said, squeezing his hand.
"Ren, I know I may seem like a stupid jock, but I can't just go off and play some dumb game. You're my sister and you're hurt. I'm going to help take care of you." Donnie answered. Ren sighed, oh for the love of God.
"Donnie I'm paralyzed not dying. I can still do what I normally do, or well all except for walk, but I don't need your sympathy. I'm going to heal and get home as soon as I can alright. Now go home, sleep and I expect to hear you've gone to that damn game." Ren exclaimed loudly. She winced in pain, it felt like her back was on fire. Donnie jumped to his feet and hunched over Ren, his face creased with worry.
"Ren, Ren are you okay?" he asked, grabbing her hand somewhat roughly, the same one that had the sprained wrist. She winced again in pain because of that, hauling her hand away from Donnie.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, it's just the pain that's all. Don't worry about me it's gone now, it comes and goes, or if I laugh or cough too hard." Ren said. This pain was taking the good out of her. She lowered her bed slightly and closed her eyes for several seconds.
"Go home, Donnie that's all I'm going to say." she said, opening her eyes again.
"Night Ren." Donnie said, giving her a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room. He was no sooner out the door when Ren saw a face she was least expecting to see for a few days.
"Louis." she said quietly, giving him a weak welcoming smile.
"Hey Ren." he replied, figiting with something in his hands that she couldn't make out from the bed.
"You know you can come in. I can barely see you." she said, squinting to try to make out what he had in his hand. Louis cautiously made his way over to her bedside and presented her with a big, fluffy and soft looking teddy bear.
"Here, I got you this down in the giftshop." He said quietly, helping her take it in her hand. She felt it's soft fur and smiled broadly. Louis smiled a tiny bit at her reaction, which Ren knew was the first time he did in a while.
"Thanks Louis, it's cute, I love it." she said, placing it down beside her.
"I thought you might like it. So ummmm...how are you feeling?" he asked nervously. "He thinks I hate him." Ren thought with amazement.
"I'm feeling okay. The morphine's my favorite thing in the world right now but I'm good." she answered. Guilt flashed in Louis' eyes and Ren noticed him quickly glance down at where her legs were before quickly returning his gaze to the floor.
"Louis it was an accident. You didn't mean for it to happen, it just did." she said, taking his hand in hers.
"You both told me to slow down and I didn't listen. It's all my fault, if I had of listened to you guys we would all be home together and you'd be getting ready for your track meet. Now, because of me you can't walk anymore." Louis said, his eyes filling with tears.
"Louis you made a mistake. Yes, the consequenses of it are severe, but I forgive you. I don't want you to go on and always feel sorrow for my loss everytime you see me." she replied, wiping a few of his tears away.
"Ren, why have you forgiven me? What I did is horrible and permanent." Louis cried, wiping his eyes somewhat dry with his shirt sleeve.
"Louis you're my little brother. You remember all those times you screwed up over the years and I still have forgiven you. Like when you sold tickets to a live showing of my sleep over that time, sure we captured you and gave you a makeover, but I forgave you. I love you too much to not forgive you. Besides look at it this way, you did me a favor. Now I don't need to find ways to avoid Smither's gym class. I automatically get out off it since all he ever makes us do is fitness tests." she joked with a quiet laugh.
"Your joking about this already? You just woke up today, and you've accepted your injury?" Louis questioned with shock.
"Louis, those people who dwell on the negative side of something happening in their lives, take longer to heal. I want to heal and get out of here as soon as I can." She answered truthfully.
"I see I........" Louis started, but was interupted by a knock on the door. It was Nurse Lucy.
"Your parents called honey and said to get home now, your Grandmother is on her way and they want you home to clean your room." she said sternly as she walked over towards the bed.
"And no buts about it. Your sister needs rest, goodness knows she doesn't get much of it when you're all here visisting her. Can't expect her to wheel out of here anytime soon if she doesn't rest up." Nurse Lucy continued, cutting Louis off before he could protest.
"Goodnight Louis. Promise me that you'll get some sleep tonight." Ren said, giving Louis a hug goodbye.
"I will Ren. See you." Louise said meekly as he turned and walked out of the room almost silently. Ren sighed and rubbed the teddy bear's soft head. Nurse Lucy came over beside her bed and adjusted her pillows for her. Checking her IV bag and some of the other cords and things she talked quietly to herself as she checked things off on her little clipboard. Turning around she placed her clipboard on the nightstand and sat down on the edge of Ren's bed. She placed her hand carefully on her forehead, checking it for any signs of a temperature.
"How do you feel honey?" Nurse Lucy asked quietly, adjusting the blankets on the bed.
"Tired and weak mostly." Ren answered. She left out her feelings of frustration at being so weak and tired all the time. She barely had the strength to lift her head anymore.
"Yes well that's to be expected. Your morphine dosage has been upped since your awake now. The doctors have also gave you more medications that are going to leave you feeling weak for while yet." Nurse Lucy answered. Ren closed her eyes. Well that sure explained a lot. She could feel sleep coming upon her once again and didn't bother to fight it.
