Clear Vision
A Seto/Joey fanfic by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: Yeah. I know. I won't bore you with the details, let's just say that I never knew Clear Vision-style levels of depression and angst existed in this world until I experienced it for myself. My gentle friends, I am officially Depressed. Having said that...How are you? I'm fine. No, I'm not. Like I said, this torturous tale of complete and utter loss will no doubt fall upon deaf ears, so if you would actually like to hear my god awful story, it's in the closing author's notes. It's really a pathetic story. More pathetic than Clear Vision. But...maybe less pathetic that Urgency of Life. Now THAT was pathetic. Hoo-boy. Sad.
I opened my eyes, and I both felt and saw the warm and welcome light of morning.
The sunlight cautiously fell upon my face as it seeped and spilled through the cracks and gaps of the heavy hospital drapes. The soft-spoken warmth on my face was one of the very first things I was conscious of, quickly followed by an almost unbearable pain that seared completely across my unwitting stomach and lower back. I moaned aloud unintentionally, the shock of the pain was unexpected and I had been caught off guard by the sheer intensity of it. I wondered if I was going to die. It sure felt that way.
"Joey" Seto's familiar and more than welcome voice carried to me his panicked and shaken state, and I turned my eyes to follow the path across the room, beside the bed, where he sat. As Seto slowly came into focus, my eyes widened and I blinked, shocked at the sight of him.
He was a wreck. Calm, cool, collected Seto was no more, and in his place was this disheveled, hollow eyed mess of a human. Seto had been torn to shreds by worry, I realized. Over me. Not wanting to insult him or ruin this promising moment, I smiled at him reassuringly. He was frozen and sat there motionless, as if unable to comprehend the truth of the situation. Disbelieving that I was awake and alive, and willing to speak to him. He must have thought I truly hated him, stupid boy. I tried so hard to show him that I left because I loved him. Either way, it didn't matter. It all came down to this moment. He looked as though he wanted to speak, but was just too afraid that if he did something, anything, that I would disappear or perhaps die right then and there.
One of his hands clutched my own, I realized, and as I smiled I moved my hand against his, hoping to prove to Seto that I was real, and I was indeed awake. How long had he been living like this?
"You..." Seto tried, and then shook his head and started over.
"You're awake. They said...they told me you might never wake up, that it was all up to you. I was so...It's been over a week now." He trailed off and just stared, into my face as I looked back at his, realizing how these last days must have been for him. I wished that I could have taken it all back, for a moment, but deep down I knew better than that. I had needed to finish this ordeal, and now Zahra was gone. Feeling a new sense of loss that I had never thought existed, silent tears began to escape from underneath my eyelashes and fell down my face, gracing my cheeks with a damp and lonely sorrow. Upon seeing this, Seto lifted his other hand to my face and softened his expression.
"He's gone...isn't he?"
I nodded slowly, afraid that if had tried to speak it wouldn't have come.
"So is Sethe. I ...I fired him." Seto grinned at me, relishing the thought. The smirk that slowly spread across his features seemed to finally lift the empty shadow of doubt that had gripped him, and he began to relax as he grew accustomed to this hopeful reality. He hadn't lost me forever.
Seto's face became more sullen and he spoke again.
"It feels awful, doesn't it? I feel...as though I've lost a piece of myself. As if the place where Sethe was is now hollow and empty without him."
That was exactly the way that I felt, at that moment. But I felt that perhaps it wouldn't last forever. The pangs of loss always fade away as they cross the distance of Time.
"I don't think that we are empty without them." I spoke for the very first time, and my voice strained and split at first, but I continued.
"I think that this is what it feels like to lose love. The love that we used to feel is gone, and I do feel as though I've lost something I cannot live without. But...we can always rebuild that. We may be the luckiest people in the world to have a chance like this one."
We both sat in silence, hearing the possibility of my words and the truth behind them. Looking at Seto, I realized that I could no longer read his thoughts or emotions they way that I had been able to beforehand. That was alright. This wasn't the same person. But this was someone I loved even more, and I knew that this chance would never be wasted on the two of us.
AN: Oh God, it's over. It feels so good. But now I'm sad, cause I really liked this story and now it's over, but at least I didn't kill them off. A reason to smile throughout the day. Next I'm going to work on Eidolon, because that story is gonna be so rockin'! Now, for those of you who want to hear a sob story, see below. If not, thank you so much for reading this humble tale that never truly happened to either Seto or Joey. Although one can dream. Thank you to every single person who reviewed me, in anything I've ever written. Thank you for your honesty and your kind words, I look back on them often. And I hope to see more of all of you in the near future.
My fiancee left me. And I'm still in love with her. And I know I always will be. Is it so wrong to wait for the one you love? To want to help the one that you love. I feel as though she sees it as a burden, but I never want that to be so. I love her unconditionally, whether she loves me back or not. What kind of travesty of a love would I hold in my heart if it died the moment it was not returned? Love is not so easily controlled, and I have nothing but the most honest of love for her. I hope that one day, she will smile at me again. That is enough.
Sorry bout that.
