Disclaimer: Enterprise and her crew belong to Paramount, not me. Unfortunately.

Spoilers: 'Cogenitor'.

Memory Lapse - Part 6

Trip was confused. More so than usual, that is.

Three weeks had passed since Admiral Forrest had informed Jon of the necessity of bringing Trip back to Earth, and every day Trip had worked hard to recover his lost memories. Jon had helped enormously, but he had also encouraged Trip to spend time with his other friends. Malcolm Reed, Hoshi Sato and Travis Mayweather had all pitched in with gusto; determined, it seemed, to try every technique known to man to help Trip get his memory back. As his second closest friend on the ship, Malcolm had been able to fill him in on all those stories Jon didn't know about – and Trip had been surprised to discover how many of them there were. Hoshi had plied him with all his favourite foods, informing him that a familiar smell could sometimes act as a trigger to recovering amnesiacs. And Travis had taken him to his 'sweet spot' – a compartment where a freak in the gravity plating allowed a person to sit on the ceiling. The young helmsman seemed to think that hanging upside down might have a positive effect.

But the biggest surprise had been T'Pol, the Vulcan Science Officer. Initially, Trip had found her cold and unforgiving, and he had believed Jon straight away when he said that the Chief Engineer and the Sub-Commander didn't always see eye-to-eye. However, Trip had quickly revised his opinion of her when she offered to help him. He still found her to be far too logical and unemotional, but he greatly appreciated her attempts to teach him some Vulcan meditation techniques, in the hope that, as she put it, "a more disciplined mind might be able to recall more easily what has been lost."

Trip enjoyed spending time with all of these people. Even his meditation sessions with T'Pol helped him calm his mind and relax. And he knew that each of them was playing a valuable part in helping him regain his memories.

So why did he want to spend so much time with Jon? He didn't need to, that was for sure. He'd learned his way around the ship weeks ago, so he didn't need Jon as a guide. He felt sure he'd heard just about every story about his life prior to Enterprise that Jon could tell (although, on second thoughts, he wasn't so sure about that). And he no longer felt like he would be completely alone if Jon left him – he had plenty of other people surrounding him with trust and friendship now.

But the fact remained that, every time he had a spare evening, he would spend it with Jon. If Jon was in the mess hall, Trip would always sit with him. He even knew when Jon was and wasn't on duty, so he could make sure he dropped by when he knew Jon would be in his quarters.

It didn't make any sense. He barely knew Jon any better than anyone else on Enterprise. Sure, Jon could tell him a lot more about his life than anyone else, but from Trip's point-of-view, he'd known everyone on the ship for the same amount of time, Jon included. Trip sighed as he tried to puzzle out what was going on.

"Trip?"

He started, becoming aware of his surroundings. He was in the mess hall, sitting at a table with Hoshi and Travis. And judging by looks on their faces, they had just told a very funny story and he hadn't laughed at the punch line.

"Sorry, guys," he apologised. "I guess I spaced out there for a minute."

"That's okay," said Travis. "After all, space is the best place to space out."

Hoshi groaned. "In case you hadn't noticed," she said, "Travis here is the master of the terrible joke."

"What do you mean 'terrible'?" asked Travis in mock outrage. "I happen to think my jokes are pretty funny."

"Shows what you know…"

Distracted again, Trip let their playful bickering wash over him. Jon had just entered the mess hall, with T'Pol and a group of rather doleful looking aliens in tow. Despite the fact that they were on their way back to Earth, Jon just couldn't pass up a first contact, and so he was spending the evening entertaining a group of Yingari. However, judging by the expressions on the aliens' faces, Jon wasn't going to have a fun time of it.

Hoshi followed Trip's gaze across the mess hall. "You know, it's nice to see you and the Captain back on good terms," she commented. "Of course, these aren't the best circumstances, but at least it means you're friends again."

"What do you mean?" asked Trip curiously.

"Well, the Captain was pretty angry about the whole cogenitor incident," replied Hoshi. "It wasn't hard to detect the bad feeling between you two."

"What's the 'Cogenitor Incident'?" said Trip, subconsciously giving the phrase capital letters. "And why should it cause bad feelin' between me and Jon?"

"Uh, never mind," said Hoshi quickly. "It wasn't that big a deal really."

"When did this happen?" asked Trip. Hoshi and Travis gave each other uncomfortable looks. "When?" asked Trip again, a little more forcefully.

"About a week before your accident," said Travis finally.

"Sorry, Trip, we' didn't mean to upset you," said Hoshi. "We assumed you knew about it."

"I haven't got that far through the logs yet," replied Trip. "But I've got a feelin' I might be skippin' ahead now."


Trip paused outside Jon's door, his hand hovering over the door chime. After his conversation with Hoshi and Travis, he had immediately gone back to his quarters and found the log entitled 'Vissian Cogenitor'. Upon reading it, his first impulse had been to talk to Jon about it, but now that he was actually here, he wasn't so sure. What if mentioning it raked up again all the bad feeling it had apparently created the first time around? Trip wasn't sure why he liked spending time with Jon quite so much, but one thing was for certain: he didn't want Jon to be angry with him…again.

However, the decision was taken out his hands by the sudden opening of the door in front of him. Quickly he jumped backwards to avoid being walked into by Jon as he exited his quarters. Unfortunately, he wasn't quite quick enough, and the two men fell in a heap in the corridor. Trip ended up lying underneath his friend, and was shocked to feel a sudden warmth spreading through him as Jon shifted on top of him. Hurriedly he extricated himself from under the other man.

"Sorry about that," he apologised as he helped Jon to his feet, refusing to acknowledge the strange fluttering in the pit of his stomach as Jon's fingers touched his.

"No problem," replied Jon. "Uh, did you want to see me about something?"

"Well…" stuttered Trip, trying to organise his thoughts.

"Yes?" prompted Jon.

"It's…it's nothing," said Trip, suddenly not wanting to be in close proximity to Jon any more.

"Well, obviously that's not true," said Jon. "Otherwise you wouldn't have been standing right outside my door waiting to be walked into." Taking Trip's arm, he steered him into his quarters. Trip, distracted by Jon's hand on his arm, didn't have an opportunity to escape. Dropping into a chair, he looked up to see Jon watching him.

"Well?" said Jon, still looking for answers.

Trip changed his mind. Suddenly he decided that it might be a very good idea to bring up a topic that would create some 'professional' distance between them. "I wanted to talk to you about the Cogenitor incident," he said bluntly.

Jon's face tensed. "I thought you hadn't got that far in the logs," he said quietly.

"Yeah, well, I got a heads up about a few things," said Trip. "Why didn't you tell me about how bad things were between us before my accident?" he asked.

"Because it didn't matter," replied Jon. "Your accident made me see how stupid it was for us to be at odds like that. And even before you were hurt I deeply regretted the things I said to you. What happened was unfortunate, but your heart was in the right place. At the time I was angry at you for screwing up a first contact, but then I came to see that I was being unreasonable."

"But from what I can tell, you had a right to be angry with me," said Trip. "And not just about the Cogenitor. I'm not blind, Jon. Readin' all those logs has shown me that I wasn't exactly the most diplomatic or cautious person on this ship. I seem to have got myself into trouble every other week, right from the beginnin'. Let's face it, I begin by gettin' pregnant, and end up by losin' my memory. Not exactly the greatest track record, is it?"

"You're not the only one who gets into trouble around here, Trip."

"Yeah, but I'm the best at it. I'm amazed you've kept me around for as long as you have. Surely Starfleet has someone better qualified for this mission than me. Someone who doesn't try to get themselves killed on a regular basis, or ruin every first contact."

"Trip, you were…are…the best qualified person for this mission. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as my Chief Engineer. And besides, you're my best friend. You keep me sane and stop me getting too serious, and I wouldn't ever want you to change. I know if the Vulcans had their way, every crewmember on this ship would be a trained diplomat, and an emotionless automaton to boot. But then we'd have lost everything that this mission is about. We may be human ambassadors to the cosmos, but that means that we have to show the cosmos what humans are really like. And you, Trip, are just about the most perfect example of a human I can think of. You're kind and generous, funny and big-hearted. And although those qualities may get you…and me…into trouble sometimes, I wouldn't have you any other way. Hell, if I didn't want you on board this ship, do you think I would be trying so hard to help you get your memory back? I could just have dumped you back on Earth, and left without a backward glance. But I wouldn't ever do that, Trip. Because I want…need…you here with me."

Throughout this impassioned speech, Trip had felt something crystallising inside him. He now understood his desire to spend as much time as possible with Jon. And he understood the source of his butterflies when Jon had touched him earlier. He was in love. He was in love with this man who stood in front of him. It didn't matter that to all intents and purposes he had only known him for three weeks. Jonathan Archer was the most amazing person he'd ever met. Anyone who could put up with all the crap Trip had apparently dealt out over the past two years, and still want to be friends with him, had to be pretty special.

All of his feelings were now as clear as day to Trip, but he had no idea how to convey them to Jon. He had a feeling that if he tried an eloquent speech like the one Jon had just given, he would end up stumbling over his words and utterly muddling his meaning. So instead he settled for an action that would convey all his meaning without the need for words. He kissed Jon…

…and was utterly devastated when, instead of returning the kiss, Jon hurriedly backed away, muttering something about "not being able to do this."

Suddenly mortified, Trip retreated hastily towards the door, mumbling some completely inadequate apologies. He saw that Jon was trying to pull himself together with the aim of comforting his upset friend. But Trip didn't want Jon's pity. Mumbling "sorry" once more, he bolted.