12 O'clock Shadow
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters, nor do I own the series. Shame really.
Author's Note: Here's round too, it's basically a one shot when you think about it so later on I might join the two up but for the moment here's a new instalment. This is a Duo POV style fic cuz I love POV's sorry, it's sad.
Part 2:
I splutter openly for a few more moment and stare down to the little floor I can see form on top of the bed I am now spread across, leant up on my hands. That was….so terrifying…so very powerful…how did…it get this bad?
Still panicking I race to the other side of the room and lean on the wall for a short while, clenching my head with my hands. In that tense and paralysing moment of panic I remember a dark smirk, Heero's eyes glisten with lust as they closed, and the unfamiliar texture of his lips very briefly against mine, and then the pain…and the fear.
I only just escaped screaming insanely as I departed from Heero, it was like he'd rammed his fists through to my chest and gripped at my heart, while 'It' gripped my body from behind close to his whispering something evilly nauseating. So…who was more to blame for the fear just inflicted? Heero…? Or 'It'…?
"I'm sorry Heero…I'm so sorry, I just couldn't." I almost sob, without the strength as of yet to raise my eyes to level with him.
"That's fine." He doesn't have the same monotone I'd of expected, if anything he sounds…surprised? Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier? Must of mistook his tone.
My heart is still racing at a danger speed and I can still feel it wrenching painfully in my chest, not quite as intensely as when I'd been breathing in Heero's own. This is…familiar but yet feels so alien. God damn it, why am I this way?
Just wait Heero, just wait till you know why.
Isn't this funny? I bet everybody would be thinking I'd be all over Heero right now, everyone expects me to be so open with my sexual desires right? Cuz I'm Duo Maxwell and I'm that kind of cool guy? Bet no one guessed that I'm the problem here, not Heero.
How did I get so cocky and fall so far? What empowered me into believed-what FOOLED me into believing I could do this? This is so stupid. I can't do this, suddenly the room is even smaller than it was before and I can't breath. Oh god, get me out!
My breathing sets off in an erratic fashion and it takes more energy and concentration than it should to level it out and put out the fire that is now blazing in my mind throwing all the sense into panic. Calm, I tell myself, over and over. I fucking hate this thing, please go away. Please leave me alone…
I would usually tell myself this is something can handle but just a moment ago was a great example of the fact that I CANNOT handle this. So what do I do? Break this thing off with Heero now? Take a walk? Sit and cry in the corner close to me? Or try to spill my guts to Heero only to be cut off by 'It' again and be served a large dreadful shaky dose of anxiety?
Duo's bottom lip quivered as he took a slow breath, and tears misted his eyes some. His throat tightened as he took a large gulp of saliva that had overflowed his mouth only to be flooded again.
Oh god Heero help me…
Don't watch me fall please…
Heero outstretched from the position he was sat in to pick himself up from the twisted bed covers to face the young braided orphan. Now opposite from the 0.2 pilot Heero continued to watch for some kind of sign, Duo's next gesture if he were to give any, or his next words. Just something…
Slowly I regain slight control of my body and soon I'm sighing and letting go of my grip on my skull. I'm not relaxing because I can still feel my heart pumping the blood quickly and fiercely around my body, but I'm feeling limp now. I feel exhausted, and very unnerved.
I meet Heero's Persian eyes and it's that same look, well what did you expect Duo?
Smiling nervously, I'm back to me. Just play the part, I'll be fine. Something feels dead though, or very silent. I don't feel 'It', why can't I feel you? Well?
"I just got scared." I can't lie to him; I'm Duo Maxwell after all. And how exactly would one lie about something like what just happened?
"Of what…?" That's a question I'm really not sure how to answer.
How DO I answer…?
There's a sudden knock at the door that startles me and I'm suddenly very aware that I'm shaking again. My eyes trace all over the place and eventually Heero looks at me, questioning me professionally as a Gundam pilot as to our safety.
I grin in reply, I'm back.
I take hold of the door handle and slowly open it, peeking my head round the gap I've created.
A short blonde woman is stood there with a bill. I quickly scan it before she can even say a word. Were getting charged for using the shower? My eyes are wide open in surprise and a little anger but I suddenly remember that I'm not suppose to show her how inhumanly fast I can read and register things so I wait for her to say something but she's read my facial features.
"Here you go sir." Her smile is sly as her eyes crease the skin around them as they narrow to better affect the her lips curve.
She quickly passes it to my face and I quickly snatch it from her, she knows I know what it is. And I give her a filthy look as she turns to walk away. Than slam the door behind her and turn back to Heero…
"There charging us for using the god damn shower!" I yell indignantly. "That's just wrong! That's charging us for water! Does that mean we can't drink either? How totally stupid!" And I am getting angry about it, but why? My points are valid but…it's no big deal.
I think I was relaying on something to hold me back in situations like this, and something usually does. But suddenly I feel free to be aggravated, I feel weak and every time I raise my voice I nearly falter. But the 'perfect soldier' doesn't notice this change and if he does he does nothing to make me see he understands what's happening to me, or if he can even see if something's happening to me.
"You know were not going to pay." He replies calmly still stood across the room, but he still looks mildly interested. He doesn't look dull. Like he's forgotten all his years of training and for these few moments is just the young kind hearted boy he always was buried under all the protocols, goals and death.
"Still! What about every one else?" Why am I still going on about this…?
Even I'm sorta questioning in my head, "yes Duo, what about everybody else?". But Heero says nothing and something inside tells me to shut the hell up and just make out as if I'm really tired and can't be bothered with anything for the rest of the night.
It doesn't matter if I can brush off that I'm feeling better, or how perfect that I can that I was always ok and just being crazy when I flipped. I broke through and Heero's got the evidence he needs, the justice to question. I've broke the mask I tried so god damn hard to place, I ripped the go damn thing away. And now I'm in this position, where the tension will mount until one way or another something will crack, something will deliver the final blows to my already shattering mask and I won't be able to hide…until the only thing left is to lie…Duo Maxwell, run and hide…but never tell a lie?
I slump past Heero and arrange myself lazily on the bed. Tonight the subject might be reproached, in a couple of moments it may arise but for now I am going to just close my eyes and block everything out. Just for a few moment. Nothing is gonna irritate me, I am going to ignore it all, I'm going to ignore everything, everything. Going to ignore…
"Duo…?" He sort of pleads, although I can't quite make out, it's too much of an unfamiliar tone and I can't quite establish whether it's just because there's something psychically wrong with Heero's throat that made him sound that way.
Shut up, just shut up, shut up…
This demon is mine, and mine god damn alone. You will not fight it, you won't acknowledge it, please don't press the subject further, please don't concern.
The demon is mine, mine alone.
Author's Note: Sorry about how short this chappy is, I'll work on a longer one for next time.
