Disclaimer: Enterprise and her crew belong to Paramount, not me. Unfortunately.
Spoilers: 'Dawn', 'Unexpected', 'Shuttlepod One', 'Precious Cargo'.
Memory Lapse - Part 8
Trip stirred groggily and then groaned. His head was throbbing and his body hurt worse than it had when he had been beaten up by Zho'Kaan. And that time it had been pretty bad.
Trip's eyes flew open as he realised what had just happened. He had remembered! He had remembered how much he had hurt after his scrap with the Arkanian. Quickly, he tried to conjure up another memory. The first one that emerged was his Xyrillian pregnancy. He grimaced as he recalled the embarrassment of showing his bump to a group of Klingons.
The memories were coming back thick and fast now. There was the time when he and Malcolm had been stuck in Shuttlepod One together. The time when he had been stranded with Kaitaama and their constant arguing had morphed into something a little more…friendly. The time when he and Jon…
Jon. Suddenly his newly regained memories of his friendship with the Captain crashed headlong into the memory of what had happened the previous night.
He had kissed Jon.
He loved Jon.
Trip eyes widened as he realised that regaining his memory hadn't erased his newly discovered feelings. He couldn't deny the love he felt for his best friend, but on the other hand, having feelings for a man was a totally alien concept for him. His heart felt like it was being pulled in two different directions.
Then he realised. It didn't matter what he felt. Because Jon didn't feel the same way. The memory of Jon pulling away from Trip's kiss had asserted itself, and suddenly Trip felt like finding the nearest airlock and jumping out of it. And with that thought he abruptly knew that, alien concept or not, his feelings for Jon were total and absolute, and were not about to go away.
Trip stood, and then wobbled slightly. He knew he should contact the Captain and tell him that his amnesia was cured, but he couldn't face the prospect of seeing Jon right at the moment.
"Tucker to Phlox."
"Phlox here."
"I'm comin' to sickbay, Doc. With some, uh…good news."
Trip tried to sit still as Doctor Phlox completed his examination, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from fidgeting. Part of him wanted to find Jon and declare his undying love to him, but the other half of him wanted to run and hide so he'd never have to see the Captain ever again.
"Well, you seem to have made a complete recovery, Commander," said Phlox as he put away his scanner. "It seems that archaic Earth comedy was right after all – another bump on the head will cure amnesia. How do you feel?"
"I feel fine, Doc," replied Trip, jumping off the biobed and heading for the door.
"Because, if you don't mind my saying, you seem a little distracted."
Trip halted and sighed. He had been hoping that the Doctor wouldn't notice anything, but obviously Phlox's perceptiveness was on high alert today.
"I've just regained my memory after a month of amnesia, Doc. I think I'm allowed to be a little distracted."
But Phlox wasn't to be put off so easily. "Are you sure there's nothing else, Commander?" he enquired. "Something to do with the Captain, perhaps?"
"How did you know that?" exclaimed Trip, before he could bite his tongue.
"Ah ha, I knew it!" said Phlox triumphantly. "It is quite obvious from the way you have been looking at the Captain over the past few weeks, Commander, that you have developed feelings for him. At first I thought it was just simple gratitude, as he was helping you through a difficult time, but it soon became apparent that it was something more than that."
Trip could feel himself turning scarlet under Phlox's intense gaze. "It's nothing," he muttered. "It doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters," replied Phlox. "It never ceases to amaze me the way humans hide their feelings under certain circumstances," he mused. "In some ways you're worse than Vulcans, you know."
"It doesn't matter," repeated Trip more firmly. "Jon…the Cap'n…has made it quite clear that he doesn't feel the same, so can we just drop it, please?"
"If I might enquire, how do you know Captain Archer doesn't return your feelings?"
"Because when I kissed him last night, he nearly ran a mile!" Trip cursed under his breath. Why couldn't he learn to keep his big mouth shut?
"Well, Commander, I'm quite sure that his 'running a mile', as you call it, had nothing to do with any lack of feeling for you," said Phlox. "While it is quite obvious that you have feelings for the Captain, it is even more obvious that the Captain is in love with you, and has been for some time."
Trip laughed mirthlessly. "Have you been samplin' your own drugs, Doc?" he asked. "If the Cap'n is in love with me, why didn't he want to kiss me?"
"Did Captain Archer say anything as he withdrew from your…encounter?"
"Actually, he did," said Trip, surprised he hadn't remembered it before. "Somethin' about 'not being able to do this'."
"Well, there you are then!" said Phlox. "It's obvious that the Captain simply didn't want to take advantage of you in your current mental state. It's perfectly possible that he had misconstrued your feelings as gratitude, and didn't want you to do anything you might regret later."
Trip felt a small flame of hope ignite inside him. "Do you really think that's possible, Doc?" he asked quietly.
"No, it's not possible," replied Phlox. "It's eminently probable."
