Disclaimer: Enterprise and her crew belong to Paramount, not me. Unfortunately.

Memory Lapse - Part 9

Pacing his cramped quarters, Trip mentally put the finishing touches to his plan. His discussion with Phlox had not only crystallised his own feelings, but had also convinced him that he had do something about them. Namely, confront Jonathan Archer. However, he didn't just want to show up and declare his undying love for his best friend. Well…he did, but along with his memory he had also regained the Trip Tucker evil streak. Trip wanted to be with Jon, but he also wanted to have a little fun first, to pay the Captain back for keeping his feelings hidden for all these years. He had asked Phlox not to notify Archer of the change in his condition, and while the Doctor hadn't been privy to Trip's exact idea, a smile had promised his complicity in whatever Trip was planning.

But for the moment, he had to wait. The firefight with the Anarians had, at the same time as restoring his memory, caused some more minor damage to Enterprise. As well as creating another diplomatic situation with Ambassador M'Nor that Captain Archer had to deal with.

So Trip was waiting. And thinking. And waiting some more, until such time as Jon would be free to receive his punishment.

"Archer to Tucker."

Trip jumped slightly. Why would Jon be calling him? Surely Phlox hadn't broken his word already? With a slight feeling of disappointment that he wasn't going to be able to carry out his plan, he pressed the comm button.

"Tucker here. What can I do for you Ca…Jon?" Trip held his breath, waiting to see if Archer would tell him off for the use of his first name. Chief Engineers in possession of all their faculties were not supposed to be that familiar with their Captains.

"I'm just checking to see if you're alright, Trip. Enterprise got pretty shaken around back there."

Trip let out his breath. Of course. This was Jon. The Jon who was in love with him. Naturally he would be calling to check up on him. It seemed that Trip's secret was safe for a little longer.

"I'm fine, Jon. Although, as a matter of fact, there was somethin' I wanted to talk to you about. Are you free for a chat?"

"Sure, Trip. Why don't you come to my quarters? I'm just about done with the damage reports, and I finished dealing with Ambassador M'Nor about half-an-hour ago."

Perfect. Jon's quarters was exactly where he wanted to have this conversation. Much more conducive to the hoped-for outcome than the ready-room, for example. Trip smiled wickedly, glad that Jon couldn't see him.

"I'm on my way."


"So, Jon, how was Ambassador M'Nor?" Although he was anxious to put his plan into action, now he was in Jon's quarters, Trip wasn't exactly sure how to begin. So for the moment he was sticking with safe subjects.

Archer grimaced. "She apologised again, profusely, and immediately dispatched three ships to pick up the rebels. She's taking no chances on them slipping away again. Unfortunately, it's going to take a week for those three ships to reach our position. So we've been ever-so-politely asked to keep an eye on the rebels until they arrive. Luckily, their engines are completely destroyed, ditto weapons, so that shouldn't be too hard. I've already contacted Admiral Forrest and told him that we'll be a little late. I guess the upside of this is that we'll have more time to work on your memory."

Suddenly, Trip saw an opening. "Yeah, well, I've been thinkin' about that, Jon. I think that the process might go a little more smoothly if you weren't hidin' somethin' from me."

"What on earth do you mean, Trip?" Jon tried to keep his voice innocent, but Trip wasn't fooled for a second. He had seen the flash of panic in Jon's eyes, and was struggling to keep a wicked grin off his face. Part of him knew he shouldn't be enjoying this, but a bigger part wanted to make Jon squirm, and was contemplating his revenge with glee.

"You can't fool me, Jon. I know there's somethin' you haven't told me." The panic in Jon's eyes increased tenfold, and Trip decided to take pity on him – up to a point. "And I know what that thing is."

"Trip, I…"

"Jon, I know you love me. And I also know that you don't want to hurt me." Trip decided that it was time to bring out the big guns. "But the thing is, Jon, that I love you too. Obviously my kissin' you yesterday didn't convey the message properly."

Jon sighed. "Oh Trip," he said. "You don't love me. You just think you do, because I've helped you and been kind to you. But it's just gratitude really. And I can't take advantage of you like that."

"Why don't you let me decide whether I want to be taken advantage of?" replied Trip. "I may have lost my memory, but that doesn't mean I've lost my mind too. Don't try and second-guess my emotions, Jon. I know what I feel for you, and it ain't gratitude." He hadn't intended to become angry, but Jon's denial of Trip's feelings, and his unwillingness to admit his own, even though they had been friends for years, had combined to really piss Trip off.

Jon raised his hands placatingly. "I'm sorry, Trip. I didn't realise you felt that strongly. I believe you." And Trip could see that he did, could see the belief filtering through Jon's brain. And the hope that resulted from it. And the common sense that just as quickly squashed that hope.

"I believe that you love me, Trip. I do. But it doesn't change anything. Because as soon as you regain your memory, your feelings will change. Trust me at least on that. You, Trip, are the most emphatically heterosexual man I've ever met."

"But what if my feelin's didn't change?" persisted Trip, knowing that he would have to put Jon out of his misery very soon, partly because he didn't think he could keep himself under control for much longer.

"That wouldn't be the case, Trip. And I don't think that either you or I could cope with the repercussions of anything that might happen now, in this situation."

Trip stood up from the chair where he had been sitting, and crossed the room to where Jon was perched on the edge of the bed. Kneeling beside him, he took Jon's hand in his own.

"Jon, my feelin's haven't changed. They're just the same now as they were yesterday, before I hit my head again and got my memory back." Trip watched as his words hit home, Jon's eyes widening in shock, his grip on Trip's hand tightening involuntarily.

"Trip?" he whispered, and Trip instantly understood every question behind that desperate plea.

"It's me, Jon. I'm here. I'm back. And…I love you. Nothin' will ever change that, not even another bump on the head." Trip grinned. "Like it or not, you're stuck with me." Then he sobered. "It's time to stop hidin', Jon. Time to stop runnin' away."

Jon looked at Trip, a smile gracing his own features. "Yes, it is," he replied. "It's time to do what I should have done a long time ago, and particularly last night." Bending down, he planted a kiss on Trip's lips. It lasted for a few seconds, but as he went to pull away, he felt Trip's hand snaking around the back of neck, holding him close.

"Oh no you don't, Jon. I'm never lettin' you get away again."