Author's notes and/or rants. xD:
Alright.
I said it was one-shot.
I LIED!
xD
So, this is the follow-up or extra chapter of 'Points of Autority'. I've added it as a chapter because I don't think it could be a stand-alone 'fic, I think you'd have to read Duo's side of the story to fully understand. Oh, I've changed it to a PG because of the meantions of violence in this chapter, and the title may shift yet again. Sorry. xD
This one does have meantions of shounen ai, but it's one-sided: It's about Heero's love for Duo, and the fact he feels Duo will never return it. Now, take from this whatever you like- Look as deep as you like to see if Duo feels the same way back, look into it to find anything...that you want. The idea's basic, but you can let your mind run wild.
This one is set to the lyrics of another Linkin Park song, Pushing Me Away, which I love. There's some things you may find out of context with HEERO- but think Duo and you'll understand.
I don't own the lyrics, sadly, or the Gundam Wing characters.
When I look into your eyes
There's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistake
Staring back at me...
...I loved his eyes.
Those violet orbs of joy, of happiness...
Of something I just couldn't have.
Oh, I admit I was jelelous. Not only that, but I admit I loved seeing the happiness, that consistent spark that he had, disapper into fear, a dark thing that was like an empty pit in suddenly glazed eyes, as I loomed over him, a sudden raincloud on his bright day...
I watched it go away. I watched my mistake become his exsistence, his fear twinging in closed eyelids- They opened to show eyes as emotionless as the pale flaps of skin themseleves.
This joy was the first thing to leave him.
I've lied, to you...
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you...
I wanted to be with him so much during the war. I didn't smile, because I couldn't, but if I could have...I would have...To just make him glad. But I can't. I couldn't. So I dealt with my problem(1) the only way I could.
I hurt him.
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time to make it all unwind
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrific is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
He was blind to my feelings all the time. I tried so hard to show it without telling him, tried so hard... But he seemed to not know, or to not want to know! So I hid my feelings, and showed him love by hurting him...
And I'm not even too sure how that works! I know...I cared when I hurt him...And I could almost step outside myself, and it was watching someone else hurt him, and inside I cried as my hand hit down on him, as I splashed scolding water onto him. And all that time I loved him, and cared for him, and so desperately wanted him...
But why would he want me? ...He wouldn't.
I've tried,
like you
to do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
I'd do anything to keep him with me. Anything. And when that violence started and wouldn't stop, I knew the only way to keep him there, to keep him with me, was to actually keep hurting him, threaten him with more beatings. And when this worked...Well, it was like a drug. I was addicted to him, addicted to keeping him near me...
I couldn't just let him leave me after so long, but no-one else would understand. I couldn't explain myself, so everyone assumed insanity on my part, some broken solider still searching for a place...I'd found a place, a person, a home... But the place seemed so bare, even filled with furniture, the person would leave me if I didn't clutch him, and the home was just a house, a shell of a living area where I wasn't living- I was dying, and dragging down Duo with me in my desperation!
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time to make it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
you're still so blind to me
I wish I could take back time. Explain myself to him, ask him to be with me, work it out before he ran away one last time, before he left me one last time, and I was too exhausted to actually work out how to get him back. Maybe I hoped if he went away for a while, he'd come back and somehow he'd see me, and I'd stop trying to keep him with violence alone, and love would be more then a punch, it would be hugs and safety...
Reverse psychologic's
failing misrabley
It's so hard to be left all alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There's nothing left but to turn and face you
I don't like being alone. The house is cold and bare and I sometimes hear him. I always hear my heart beating. It's empty and hollow, and this mental anguish turns into very real pain. I'm letting myself die now, letting my system close down, withdraw...But I wouldn't call it killing myself. More like giving in. Without him, I may as well not exsist.
My skin grows sallow, gray, and I watch with wonder as I seem to age by ten years, lose ten pounds, and fade like some leaf, depressed with the months' quickness, and yearning for bud. Except I'm a person- or at least I think I am- and I'm depressed by Duo's blindness to me, and I'm yearning for him, pining for him like some pathetic dog, whining for a distant master...
When I look into your eyes
There's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistake
Staring back at me...
Asking why?
I did see him asking me. Heard him too, in the first weeks. But then he simply was quiet. Withdrawn. Loved turned to hate for this new Duo, and this hate turned into anger at him for letting himself become this, for not trying to stop me anymore.
Then...hate for him, anger for him, turned into hate and anger for myself, the evil thing I had become, twisted like something vile. But, by the time I realized this, and the haze of lust and desire had cleared, Duo was gone and I was alone, withering away like some dying creature, leaving only bone and fossil for the world to gaze on.
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me...
It feels like he'll always be blind to me...Now I'm never even going to have him back! ...And love turns to hate turns to anger turns to...death...
Owari
Did Heero die! -Le gasp.-
Well. There's never going to be an answer, so I'll leave you to figure that out. Or will there be...?
Theone (1) means I want to explain! Heh.
The 'problem' is his love for Duo- Being the Perfect Solider, he was taught love was unimportant, even wrong, so he'd consider it a problem, and was using that to explain himself. The problem was not him loving another male. xD
Okay, so...Read and review! I will be writing a piece on Quatre's feelings, but it may not be a songfic- He's not so much a part of this as Heero and Duo, but I'd like there to be explanation on what happened when Duo ran away, and what Duo confided him.
In the review, not only could you review, but could you please say if you'd like there to be a follow up to this, of Heero and Duo meeting somehow? Because I'm not sure if doing one would ruin it- If I did one, it wouldn't be another chapter, but a fanfic in itself, and maybe a stand alone one, depending if I can make it work. But I have a feeling it would be rather long, unlike these.
So, read and review, please! -Flutters eyelashes.-
