Of Wishes and Fishes
Chapter 4: Humble pie, or how would you like that crow cooked?

Disclaimer: See part 1. A/N: If juvenile humor and bad jokes isn't your cup of tea, stop now. Otherwise, Enjoy!

It was like something out of a grade "C" horror flick: Attack of the 120- foot booger. It had been designated "Mucousiel", but most in the command center dubbed it "Snotzilla". The angel could care less about all this as it hauled its slimy bulk towards Tokyo-3. It would accomplish its mission. It was proud of its appearance, proud of its phlegmish heritage, proud of...splattering off Unit 01's A-T field into the lake!? This was NOT according to scenario!

In the entry plug, Shinji wasn't feeling so swift himself. It looked gross, and the smell...! No wonder Unit 02 had thrown up and deactivated! "I wish someone would toss this thing into a sewer some place."

"No sooner said than done, Shinji" The voice of Wanda chirped in his ear

"...But we need a little diversion...could you fire off an A-T lance right...NOW!" shouted Cosmo.

Shinji obliged. He concentrated the field to a narrow point and projected it at the resurfacing angel. The second his lance intersected the angels' field, the waters violently erupted, spewing skywards. When it all settled down the angel had vanished...along with half the water in the lake. In the command center, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi feverishly tried to make sense of the combat data.

"Ritsuko, what the hell happened out there?" demanded Misato.

"Not sure...too much interference when the fields intersected. Best guess is that somehow, a short lived singularity was created, sucking the angel inside."

"A singularity...?"

"Yes, or to put it more simply, a black hole. Sort of like you and Yebisu" observed Ritsuko dryly.

As laughter came from the bridge bunnies, Misato fumed silently

Meanwhile, Wanda glared at Cosmo. "Cosmo, was that...super toilet you used?"

"Mm-hmm!"

"Cosmo, how could you? Even an angel deserves better than that!"

"Hey, I was nice! I even gave it a going away present!" Seeing Wanda's puzzled look, he elaborated. "I gave him a 4 pack of Angel soft toilet tissue, specially formulated for gentle use on assholes like him!"

Wanda groaned, then went looking for the Aspirins. Sometimes he gave her such a headache!

Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Shinji was dealing with his own headache.

"BAKA SHINJI! HENTAI!!!!" Followed by a resounding slap. The door to her room slammed shut. Sighing heavily and holding his jaw, he slouched into his own room and collapsed on the bed. Why did these things happen to him? He blushed as he recalled the incident. After exiting the bath, Asuka, clad in only a towel, bent to retrieve a hairbrush she had dropped. Shinji had had the misfortune of coming up behind her and accidentally being treated to a full view of her assets. Fortunately for him, she must have been in a forgiving mood. He had fully expected to be hospitalized by now! An icepack popped suddenly into existence, settling on his jaw. 2 more puffs of displaced air signaled the arrival of his Fairy Godparents.

"What is that girls' problem?" From an outraged Wanda.

"But it was my fault..."

"Like hell it was" exclaimed Cosmo. "She did that on purpose. And she calls you a pervert...!"

"Yeah, if she's so innocent, why was THIS in her desk drawer?" Grated Wanda. A photo materialized. Shinji wanted to melt through the floor when he saw it. The photo appeared to have been copied from security camera footage. It showed him emerging from the Pilot locker room shower, totally in the altogether.

"But but why?"

"Isn't it obvious? Girls' got it bad for you, it seems!"

"Lucky boy...!"

"But why always hit me? If she feels like that, why not just say so?"

Wanda's features smoothed out into a sad little frown. "I don't know Shinji. Maybe she's just scared."

"Scared? Asuka?!"

"Of rejection. Of being hurt. Could be that both of you are in the same boat."

Cosmo interrupted. "She still has to be taught a lesson, though. She's got to stop blaming everyone else for her troubles...or frustration in this case"

Shinji thought for a moment. He cared for Asuka and didn't want her to be hurt. But he had to agree; she needed to be enlightened a bit. Looking up, he caught their eyes. "OK, I'm game. Any ideas?" It turned out that his diminutive companions had hundreds.

The next morning, Shinji had to walk in front of Asuka, to ensure that he didn't get any chance for another peek. Or so she said. Of course, nothing stopped her from getting a great view of Shinji's posterior. (OY, such cheeks...I wanna give them such a pinch...!). At the school gates, they separated, Shinji to talk with Toji and Kensuke, while Asuka proceeded to regale Hikari with her version of the whole sordid affair.

"...And the little pervert deliberately looked under my towel, so I smacked him!"

Hikari, sensible girl that she was, was somewhat skeptical of her redheaded friend.

"Come on, Asuka, that doesn't sound Ikari at all! Couldn't it have been an accident?"

"Accident? Ha! The little freak is probably boasting about it to the other stooges right now! I swear, I'll never understand what you see in that primate..."

The two were now in front of their lockers.

Humph...could it be that you're Jealous, Asuka? I mean, I know you have a thing for Shinji..."

"Me? Have a thing for that pathetic mold spore? Don't make me laugh! Asuka, still facing Hikari opened her locker. "I could never care for a little boy like him. I want a real man!" Hikari didn't respond. Instead, her face suddenly blushed an intense red as she stared past Asuka at something inside the locker. In fact, there was a tremendous outbreak of whispers, squeals and embarrassed giggles. Asuka followed Hikari's gaze, and flushed an even darker red than her friend. Adorning the inside of the locker was a number of photos, each showing a muscular, nude man. And all were extremely well endowed, at that. To top things off, several well- known woman's magazines were there, including a German publication, "SCHLONG"! To top it all off, each and every one had her name as the subscriber.

At that moment, the stooges came by to see what the uproar was all about. Kensuke's camera immediately sprang into action, while Toji looked on in disgust.

"Cripes! And she calls US perverts".

Asuka couldn't believe this! It just wasn't possible! Things just couldn't get any worse!

"Ahem. Miss Soryu, could I speak with you in my office. NOW!"

The Principle looked anything but pleased.

Things had definitely gotten worse...MUCH worse.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Was sulking after being rejected by Evafics. (Bad Evafics...Tricksy, False.Gollum, gollum).

I love my rubber room! Bouncy, bouncy!!!