Hi all, thanks to TheTraveller411 who once again reviewed a chapter just to say he liked it. And to his question about my other fic, I'm concentrating on this. I haven't updated warrior in years so I don't know if or when I will. And for shame on the rest of you! All you have to do is click a button! Anyway I don't own any of this so all you creditors leave me alone! YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!
Consciousness returned slowly. From what I remember Naraku was using me as a tennis ball and going all dark jedi on my ass. My body still feels the burns of his poisons and the pain of him impaling me several times. Since I am feeling pain I guess that means somehow I survived. Unless the Gods and Demons want to make me suffer until they wipe me out of existence first. I would think the Gods were above that but after what Kami did….well I think I lost faith. Imagine that, you meet Gods and you lose faith in them. Usually it's the not meeting and knowing about them that makes a person lose faith!
I seem to be on something soft. Bed probably. That means someone must have dragged me from the battlefield. For the life of me I can't figure out who would. Not like I have any friends left and thanks to my stellar efforts I can safely rule out divine intervention. I can't seem to open my eyes. Alright. That's fine. I got my hanyou senses! I sniff. Hmmm, smells like a hut. Sort of feels like a hut. I'm laying in a bed. I'm in a hut. Ok, that's not helpful in the least.
I sniff again. Alright, that smells a bit familiar. Mix of humans and demons. I doubt most demons would help me. Hmm, same for humans. They are both very close to each other. Probably in Outkast. Maybe someone from the village went to investigate the battle and found me? That doesn't make sense though. Naraku had me at his mercy. He has NO mercy. He wouldn't have let me live. As much as I hate to say it I don't think anyone in the village could have made him leave. What could have HAPPENED?
I catch a rustle and a very, VERY familiar scent washes over me. I feel my insides tear up. I'm in hell. That's the only other explanation. The last encounter is still fresh in my mind. I have no desire for an encore performance of the ripping of my still beating heart again. I groan and force my eyes to open. BRIGHT! I close them quickly and grunt as I try again. The light is still bright but I try to make my eyes adjust. I can see a face peering curiously at me. Damn, it's just a mass of black. But the smell. By all that is mighty the smell! I know it so well. But it can't be. I can still remember the burning hatred in her eyes. That kind of hate doesn't just go away.
As my eyes start to adjust it can make out what my other senses already told me. I open my mouth and only let out a hoarse croak. I can see she walked away to come back with a cup. She put it to my lips and I drank the water greedily. She looked sadly at me. "How are you feeling?" She DIDN'T just ask me that did she?
"Hmm, I feel like I've just been used as a practice dummy. I feel like I've been burned inside and out. I feel like everyone I loved has betrayed me. But enough about my selfish self, hey how are you?" I glare at her through pained eyes. What, did she think I'd be all peachy that she got me a glass of water? I can see her eyes fill with tears as she flinched at my caustic tone. I press the battle of wills to her sensing blood. "What? Think just after that whole big thing in the forest I'd be just fine and dandy? I open myself up to you. I tell you things that I'm pretty much dealing with myself and you just ATTACK me!" She glared at me through her tears. "What did you expect Tomas? You tell me you pretty much screwed up the Creators plans and destroyed more lives than can truly be comprehended and think I'd just smile and say it was for the best?"
I growled from my immobile position on the bed. "No, I expected you to help me through it! Not to judge me because, HEY, I KNOW how I'm going to be judged! This is my last god damned life! No reincarnation, no eternity of divine damn life or even eternity in hell! My soul is going to be OBLITERATED!" Kikyo's eyes lost their anger and looked at me in confusion and horror. "How could you know that would be your fate…?"
I look down at my chest from the bed. "The Creator told me of it in hopes to dissuade me from doing what I did. Come on, Creator of everything, I'm pretty sure I am pretty easy to read from Her." I can smell the salt from her tears but I refuse to look up. It might rob me of any kind of defiance I have to her. "But, if you knew that was to be your punishment…"
I snort derisively. I can't help but raise my head to look at her. "What, why'd I do it? Come on Kikyo! You KNOW me! At least I thought you knew me. After earlier I doubt that very much." I look back toward my chest. I can hear a chair scrape across the floor. I hear her footsteps as she runs out of the house. I hear….people falling over? I look toward the door and see my brother walking in. Hmm, I guess he heard everything. These ears of ours don't just frame our face you know. He just walks to the wall, crosses his arms and leans on the wall. I smile at him. "Hey bro, what's up? Guess you heard the whole story, huh?"
He shrugs. "I heard it. Kinda surprising, but then again not. I have to admit, the one thing about you is you ain't boring." I shrug myself and wince. Damn, not healed yet. My brother notices the flash of pain. "You were pretty badly beaten. You've been out the past few days. Kikyo hasn't left your side for more than a few minutes." My mood darkened when I heard her name. He notices my scowl and continues. "Hey, I ain't saying you don't gotta reason to be pissed, but she WAS worried." I glared at him. "So worried that she practically threw me away the moment she saw I wasn't perfect? Where was her concern when I was worried for the very state of my SOUL? I never intentionally lied or hurt her! I stood by her side for decades. Then when I needed someone, when I needed help I was on my own!" He glared right back. "That was your own damn fault! You just left. You didn't even TALK to any of us. We just had Kikyo storming into camp looking all pissy!"
I closed my eyes and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "If the woman I loved and sacrificed so much for spurned me so friggin hatefully, what could I have expected from people who didn't know me nearly as well?" I opened my eyes and saw a bit of understanding. A hanyou's life was not what anyone would call easy. If you had someone that you trusted and they trusted you it was worth more than all the riches in the land. When that person betrays you…..well you'd not be in any kind of social state of mind. Inuyasha would know that best….
He crossed his arms and looked at me stubbornly. "You could have at least talked to me! I know we haven't exactly been a close family but I would have thought you could come to me when things got bad." I shake my head at him. "Yasha, first off I just had the last of my hopes crushed by the woman I've loved with all my heart and soul. I damn well sacrificed my soul for her. I wasn't in any good of shape of mind! And, no offense, but you HAVE tried to kill me more than a few times." His ears dropped and he mumbled "A few were accidents…" I roll my eyes. "We are probably some of the few people that can try to kill each other by accident!" He barked a short laugh at that and we grinned at each other.
I took a deep breath. "How did you guys find me anyway?" Inuyasha kept his grin on his face. "When Kikyo came into the clearing pissed as hell we got the story on what went down. She was all for not finding you but Kagome talked some sense into her." Hmm, he seemed awful proud Kagome was able to get through to her. "Anyway, we managed to get through the barrier after it was weakened by some freaky golden tornado. Know anything about that?" I smiled a bit. "Was a trump card. I had Naraku right where I wanted him…" I clenched my fist. "But a damn GOD let him go!" Yasha just blinked at that. "A God? As in divine ones? Ones that hate evil Demons type of God?" I nod. "Yeah, said he was maintaining the balance since a Demoness let me into the barrier." Inuyasha just shook his head and held out his hand. "Please stop! You're hurting my damn brain. Demons helping you, Gods trying to stop you, damn confusing!"
I smirk at him but he can tell the smile doesn't reach my eyes. "Welcome to my life. So you got into the barrier. How did you stop Naraku?" That's the million dollar question. Naraku was powerful. Too damn powerful even for a full demon much less a hanyou! Inuyasha looked a bit angry. "He said he'd spare you…..if he got our half of the jewel." I felt the bottom fall out of my stomach. "You guys of course told him to go to hell, right? RIGHT?" Inuyasha winced a bit. "I did, but he was….killing you. Kikyo took the jewel from Kagome and threw it at Naraku. He took it and left you." I could feel my head pounding. I'm pretty sure the next village could hear my scream "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?"
Mean while Kagome, Sango, Shippo, and Miroku were all at Elder Nena's house when they heard the scream. Sango looked alarmed but Kagome just sighed and Miroku looked unperturbed and continued his meal. Sango looked at the others. "Aren't you a bit worried about that?" Kagome shrugged and chuckled nervously. "I heard that kind of scream before." Shippo just kept eating and stopped to look at Sango. "From the sound of it, seems like he heard about what happened to the jewel." Sango just blinked and muttered "Oh…" She then felt something brush against her rear. Turning red faced she whirled angrily to the monk who was eating like he didn't have a care in the world. She looked at his face snarling, then calmed and her eyes drifted lower. She flexed her hand and formed a fist…..
Back at the hut I was trying to calm my breathing. How could she do such a stupid….I hear a girlish shriek. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I am shocked out of my anger and look at my brother. He said one word. "Miroku." I nodded. Now that I think about it I heard his great grandfather shriek like that once as well. He somehow managed to piss off a wandering Amazon. I shake my head. "So Naraku has the whole jewel?" My brother nodded solemnly. I try to get up but only manage a gasp of pain. Inuyasha looked at me startled. "Damn it what are you doing you fool?" I glare at him. "Naraku has had the jewel long enough. The more time we waste the stronger he'll become. He already was too strong and that was with HALF the jewel!" He glared back. "What are you going to do, hobble towards him? You can't even sit up. You need a few more days rest at least!" I grit my teeth and pull myself somewhat upright. "Damn it, we don't have the time! Naraku can't win! I can't let him win.."
Inuyasha moved towards me and pushed me down on the bed. Being a bit startled by the move my body returned to it's horizontal position. "Rest, we'll get Naraku, don't you worry about THAT!" I look at him more than a bit confused. "Who are you and where is my clueless brother?" He just smirked at me. "He had to grow up a bit since his twin keeps getting into trouble." I just narrow my eyes. "Do not!" His eye's light up. He remembers this game when we were kids. "Do too!" We used to confuse the hell out of villagers that bothered us with this routine. They'd just look at the two identical hanyous pointing their fingers at one another saying 'Did not, did too' or something similar.
We were at it for two minutes when the door opened and I see Kagome looking at us in amusement. So was Shippo and Sango. Miroku….damn Miroku! His face was extremely pale and he was hunched over. I notice his legs are also closed tightly and he seemed to shuffle in. Damn perverted monk is too much like his ancestor! I said for a final time "Do not!" Before he can cut in I greet my visitors. "Hi guys, how are things?" He mock glares me and I just stick my tongue out at him. My timing has never been very good. Why can I get my relationship with my brother to a nice level only when I'm faced with eminent destruction? I don't think the Gods liked me even before I crashed their computer.
Kagome's eyes danced merrily. I guess she's never really seem Yasha's playful side. "How are you feeling? We all…" she chuckled a bit nervously "..heard that you found out about the jewel." I sighed. "What's done is done. Lord knows I've done a few things I wish I hadn't…" I notice they all looked down at that. Yup, they all know alright. I see a small dot barreling at me. "MASTER!" Reflexively I swat the flea out of the air towards Inuyasha where swats him toward the floor. I mutter "Sorry Myoga, you kind of startled me there." He got right back up like nothing was wrong and hopped onto my bed into my lap. "My Lord! I am so pleased that you have regained consciousness. We were all very worried." I look around at the earnest faces. They really WERE concerned. With my eyes burning I grunt out "Thanks guys."
Inuyasha just rolled his eyes. "Enough of this mushy stuff. We need to find the jewel and take care of Naraku!" I nod. "Well, once I get better we can track him. But what will we do once we FIND him. The guy kicked the shit out of me. My trick won't work twice, he'll be looking for it. I don't know anything we can do to break his power or somehow separate him and the jewel." Inuyasha growled. "There must be a way. You're the one that's always going on about no one being unbeatable, well THINK of something!" I look at him deadpan. "Yeah, think of something, why didn't I think of that…."
"Enough!" Miroku gasped. His voice seems to have lowered to a masculine level. "Squabbling is pointless, we must all think of a plan that we can use once Tomasaru's wounds are healed." He tried to stand a bit straighter but we all heard a surprised grunt. He turned pale again and quickly hobbled out of the house where we all heard retching. We all blink at each other. All except Sango who has a self satisfied smile on her face. Damn I got to remember to stay on her good side!
Hmm, the jewel is the source of Naraku's power. It has to be evil for it to work for him. The only way to purify it is for Kagome of Kikyo to touch it. I doubt Naraku will let them run their hands over his chest. The jewel is the problem. Without it he's no match for any of us. I decide to speak about what I'm thinking, maybe they can come up with an idea. "The way I see it we got one problem." Inuyasha cuts me off. "Naraku!" I roll my eyes. "NO! He's only a by product of our problem. The real problem is the jewel itself. It's the jewel that gives Naraku his strength. The more he corrupts it, the stronger he becomes. The jewel is his power. We need to figure out how to cut the power!" Shippo looks like he's trying to solve a calculus equation. "So if the jewel is purified, he can't use it? Why not let Kagome purify it! Then we can smash Naraku!" They all look at the child fondly. I reply "Well Shippo, the only problem is that Kagome would have to TOUCH the jewel to purify it. But if she's that close to Naraku he'll tear her apart easily." He looked a little frightened at the idea of Kagome dying so brutally. The poor kid looks to her as he would his mother.
Sango rubs her chin. "Does she HAVE to touch it?" I look at her in confusion and I know I'm probably not the only one. She continues "As a Miko, her aura also has the power of purification. Could she not somehow extend that aura? Make is so it is as effective as touching the jewel?" Hmm, interesting. Inuyasha jumps at that thought. "Kagome can't do that! She can barely fire an arrow, much less control her aura like THAT!" Kagome turned to the hanyou looking decidedly angry. "Who says I can't do it Inuyasha? I'm sure all I need to do is practice and I can do it!" He just snorted "Your brain is broken if you think it'll be THAT easy! Kikyo worked for years on honing her powers and that's not even something SHE can do!" Kagome went deathly still and her face lost all emotion. Oh shit….I've seen that enough with Kikyo to know no good can come of this look.
"Well Inuyasha, I am SO happy you have such LITTLE faith in me!" She started crying toward the end and I think even my brother saw how his words affected her. "Wait I didn't mean it like…" "SIT!" Ended my brother's attempt at removing both his feet from his mouth. She stormed out of the house with tears starting to roll off her cheeks. Sango excused herself and ran after her friend. I watched my brother trying to pull himself from the ground as the spell faded. Shippo was glaring at him and I'm sure my eyes weren't looking too happy with him as well. He looked at us and muttered a sarcastic "What the hell are you guys looking at?" I shake my head. "Shippo, can you go check on Kagome? Me and my brother need to chat." The little boy was only too happy to get out of the room containing the hanyou that upset Kagome.
"Inuyasha. What the hell is WRONG with you?" He looks at me with anger in his eyes. Damn it. We go from happy to angry so damn quickly. I think this family is somehow bi polar! "Come on Yasha. I know how you feel about her. Hell I've been where you are. Only thing is your situation is a hell of a lot simpler than mine!" He crossed his arms and looked away from me "Feh! Nothing about our situations is similar. And why should I be concerned what that stupid girl feels anyway?" I shake my head at his stubbornness. "You love her, that's why!" He looked at me with his amber eyes glaring at me. "I do not…." He growled and forced himself to continue. "…I do not love her, OK! Happy now?" I can tell her forced himself to say that. Why the hell is he so damn stubborn?
"Does your pride mean so damn much to you Yasha?" He looked at me curiously. "What's wrong with loving her? She obviously loves you. I know you can't be THAT dumb. It's in the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she looks at you. And last but not least her scent!" He growls and looks like he's ready to take me apart. "Dammit talk to me bro! What the hell is going on in your head? Why is it so damn wrong to admit you love her?" He looked down. He's silent for several seconds and speaks softly. "She doesn't deserve some hanyou vagabond. I have nothing to offer her. She doesn't really need me. She's got her future and I'm here in the past." My eyes widen. "That's just part of it. You're just scared!" He looked up angered by the very accusation. "Scared? I ain't scared of NOTHING!" I smile, got you bro!
"Oh yeah, you're scared. And it doesn't have a thing to do with not being worthy and all that crap. That might be some of the reason but I think I know the main one." He narrows his eyes at me. "Ok, what is it smart guy?" I smile warmly at him. "You're scared of her leaving." I can see he stood stock still and I continued. "You said it yourself. She's from the future, you're from the past. When this whole thing is over you're afraid she'll be gone, leaving you in the past as she heads to the future!" By the way I see his ears move I know I'm on the money. I sigh. He looks a bit confused at why I sounded so happy one second and looks sad the next. "Yasha, I'm pretty sure you know everything about me. And I'm also sure you heard about how I was when Kikyo died. I was a wreck. I can see that now. I kept moving, kept wandering, I never stayed in one play. I fought so I wouldn't have to think of the gaping hole where my heart was." I stopped and swallowed. That was not a nice fifty years I had.
Continuing "What made it worse was the regrets I had. I never really told her how I felt. Not completely. I mean I showed her, saved her, but I never outright said it." I looked deep into his eyes. I know he can relate to this. "So when she was gone, all the reasons I had to hold back, all the reasons I thought I was doing the right thing flew right out the window. Yash…Inuyasha. I'm not preaching, do what you feel is right. But I'm telling you that you are going to have some major regrets later on in your life. You might stay with Kagome forever or you might lose her once things are said and done, but…" I close my eyes, trying to think of the words. "But, at least you'd have been with her. You'd have those memories of her, her smile, her laugh, things to help keep you sane being apart from her. My biggest regret is that I didn't tell Kikyo sooner how I felt. Now look at us. Things are so damn crazy I don't know what she feels for me and I'm not sure how I feel about her!"
Yeah, life is damn frustrating at times. I really don't want my brother to go through all the crap I'm going through right now. Especially if what Kami said would come to pass and we all die. I want him to truly know love at least before the end. He looked at me with his face expressionless but I can see the warring emotions deep in his eyes. He speaks hesitantly "I just….I don't want her to feel the same pain I feel when she's not around…" Through all that gruffness the Yasha I played with is still in there. He was such a sensitive kid. Damn bigoted bastards forced him to grow thick skin! "Yasha, don't forget it's her choice as well. And what hurts more? The idea of being separated or the idea she hates you? Cause my experience having the woman you love say she hates you is the worst thing you can feel. Also look at it from her perspective when you do shit like that making her think you hate her!" He looked at me with widened eyes. "There's no way that stupid girl could think I hate her!" I just look at him. "Bro, listen to yourself sometimes when you talk to her. ESPECIALLY to what you said prior to her sitting you! She sure as hell doesn't do that for kicks."
He looks frustrated. "Damn it what should I do?" He's looking at me and I painfully raise my hands. "Don't look at me, not like my love life is the stuff of romance novels! Just do what you feel is right. But don't wait too damn long. Life is too short and with Naraku holding all the cards it's probably going to get shorter from now on." He nodded seriously at that and walks out the door with purposeful strides. Damn, with my background in relationships how the hell did I become Dr. Ruth? Well with Yasha I'd think him talking to Dr. Kevorkian would be more appropriate! I really hope things work out for him. We've not had an easy life to put it mildly. Although from the crap I'm getting put through maybe there's not much more left in this shit storm I call a life!
"Well done Master Tomasaru!" I look and see Myoga coming out from under my bed. Sneaky damn flea. I shrug. "I just told him to get his ass in gear and be a bit mature about things." He shook his little head. "Master, you are always too modest." I grin. The damn flea can butter people up with the best of them. "I assume you've been told everything?" He nods seriously. "Yes, it came as quite a surprise! However looking back on things I can definitely see that you were different." I snort in amusement. "Different is putting it mildly Myoga. Any ideas on how we could defeat Naraku?" Myoga may be a coward, but there was a reason he was my Father's most trusted advisor. He was damn smart and a good strategist. "Well, I would think if you combined the talents of Lady Kikyo as well as Lady Kagome, the aura effect, as Lady Sango put it, might be effective to weaken Naraku at a critical point." I nod. A sudden power decrease during an all out attack could be all the opening they'd need.
Myoga continued. "What about that attack you used earlier Master? That golden Tornado, as you said yourself, was extremely effective against Naraku. If used again it might bring him to his demise!" I shook my head negatively. "Won't work. That attack uses an opponents own energy to rip themselves apart. To form the attack I have to lead my opponent through a spiral. He knows the attack now so he won't follow me into the spiral." Myoga looked deep in thought. "Is that the only way Master? Could you now form it yourself or think of another way to form it?" I shook my head only to stop midway. I may not be able to do it myself, but who said I was by myself anyway? I felt a grin forming. Oh yeah, I'm thinking of a way to form that attack, maybe even making it stronger. I'll need help, but then again, that's what friends are for! I felt a warm sensation in my chest. It's nice to be able to rely on others.
"I think there might be a way Myoga. I'll definitely need Yasha's help though." Myoga looked pleased himself. "I'm sure the young Master will aid you!" I could only nod. I think back to the idea of Kagome and Kikyo working together and my mood darkens. Kikyo….
Damn, did she not know me at ALL? She seemed so damn surprised I did what I did knowing all the consequences. Did she think I could abandon her so readily? "Master, thinking about Lady Kikyo again?" I snort. Myoga knows me for the past few decades. This isn't the first time I've gone into a 'Kikyo funk'. "Just disappointed in her. I thought she knew me and when I think I can trust her she stabs me in the gut!" Myoga sighed theatrically. "You and your brother unfortunately inherited your Father's stubbornness. If he was right no one better stand in his way to tell him he was wrong. Except for one woman. A human one at that!" I look at him with my face clearly showing my shock. He never really went into how my Father and Mother met. "Yes, your Mother, may the God's bless her spirit." I swallow the lump in my throat. The Gods aren't as benign as people make them out to be. And I can tell from what Kami did that they certainly can hold a grudge. "Your Father traveled to a moderate to high end human village to punish them for not paying their taxes. He protected them from extermination several times yet they STILL refused my Lord's demands. He came into the village and started to destroy it. To teach the humans a lesson about honoring their agreements. Anyway he was about to destroy another building when a human female stood before him defiantly. My Lord thought it amusing, suicidal but amusing. Then the human started to actually berate him for destroying her village for no reason!"
Myoga shook his head as he seemed to be back at that day. "She yelled at your Father, your Father yelled back. Apparently the village's crops were destroyed in one of the battles to protect it. His vassals never told him since they thought that protecting humans were beneath them. She actually pulled My Lord's ear and led him to the devastated fields. Naturally your Father was not taken with her presumptuousness of touching her Lord in such a manner. They argued again. Then he left but returned to the village again for some reason or another. Every time they'd be arguing about something. Until, finally…" I blinked. "You mean to tell me my Father met my Mother because she…." Myoga finished "Because she refused to bow before Him. Just because He was her Lord didn't mean she would allow Him to run over her or her people. She deeply respected him, of that there was no doubt, but she refused to be bullied into anything. My Lord, however, was fascinated by her. He could destroy her with no effort at all. She knew that as well as he. It was not because she was ignorant of His power that she was not humbled. She simply refused to bow before His wishes when she felt He was in the wrong!"
Myoga chuckled lightly as if remembering something amusing. "I have no need to tell you that did not please Him. It also intrigued Him. So he spent more time with her in hopes He could figure her out. And then more time. By the time he knew it He was deeply in love with her. With that new found love came respect for humanity as a whole. He grew to respect that she would not simply give in because he was more powerful than her. Your Father set aside His pride as the Lord of the Western Lands for something far more important." I can see in Myoga's eyes what he was trying to tell me with this story. Love before pride. But one thing bugs me…"Hey Myoga, what were my parent's names anyway?" He looked shocked. "You do not know?" I shake my head. I honestly never thought to ask. "Your father was called Raniyasha, and your Mother was the Lady Akanicko." I face fault and then grit my teeth in the agony the sudden movement cause. Why the HELL aren't I surprised? Their names are basically Ranma and Akane? Shit, I know I've run into other anime stuff while here but this is too damn blatant!
Myoga looked at me concerned. "Are you alright Master?" I can only nod. Can't I wake up and things be boring? Maybe 'Oh we destroyed Naraku and purified the jewel, go back to sleep' instead of the damn world is ending and your parents names are straight out of another anime! Myoga interrupted my internal rant "I will find Lady Kikyo and bring her here, you two have much to discuss. This petty squabble cannot be allowed to continue." I glare at his retreating for and mumble "It's not petty…."
"Perhaps, perhaps not." My ears swivel toward the door and I see Kikyo. Her eyes are still a bit red and her cheeks are damp but she seems fine. I look at her and say quietly "That was quick…."
She smiles at me a bit. "I was not far. I returned only minutes later and heard all the conversations." I look at her trying to keep my face impassive. "Eavesdropping Kikyo? Seems YOU might be getting a bit untrustworthy!" She flinches at the barb and I mentally curse myself. She's trying to make things right and I'm not helping. "Sorry. But you really pissed me off." She looks at me with sad eyes. Damn, I never wanted to make those eyes sad again. "All that talk about trust and togetherness, but when I seriously need help you just turned your back on me and called me a monster!" She looks down and I can se her shoulders quietly shaking. Damn it…
"Come over here Kikyo." She looks at me with her eyes starting to dampen again. She moves to sit down on the chair and I wave her off. I pat the bed and scoot over to give her some room. I try to grit my teeth and not show the amount of pain that little move gave me. I'm not sure how successful I was but she did sit where I asked her to. Damn it. I can't go through this anymore!
"Kikyo…" I use my hand and lift her chin so she's forced to look me in the eyes. "I love you. Yes even after all this crap I love you. I need to know, do you love me?" I can se more shimmering but I hold her gaze with mine. She looks like she's about to bolt. As she rises I grab her wrist. "Please Kikyo. Don't run away. I NEED to know. Please!" She shakes her head and I can see the tears falling. "I can't…I just can't…" I bring her captive hand to my lips and kiss it. "Kikyo, time is something I don't have anymore." I feel she stopped trying to pull away but the tension is still there. "Kikyo, it's time to stop all these games. We have too much to do to be doubting one another. No more doubts! No more guessing! Tell me how you feel because this, NOW, is all I have left!"
She looked at me. I don't see the sadness anymore. I don't see the pain. I see some sort of acceptance. Like she knows and accepts what she has to do. But that's all I can tell. She gently tugs her captive wrist and I let it go. She sits down on the bed her eyes never leaving mine. She takes a deep breath. "I know. And yes you deserve to know. It is that after everything that's happened, all this time and I still know how I feel!" I look at her. She's not making much sense to me. "You told me everything, hid nothing from me, yet I hid things from you." The hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up. "The truth is I want to be in control. I need to be. I always have been. Ever since I completed my training I have always been in control. Even when I was with your brother I was the one in control, not he." Where the hell is she going with this? Is this a break up line? It's not you it's me?
She sighed again. "Then I met you. Our whole situation was beyond anyone's control, especially mine. You remember the village? When we began our journey over fifty years ago?" I smirked and nodded. "Yeah, I doubt I'd forget seeing you march over the dead to get to Naraku." She looked sad at the memory but nodded. "Yes, I was not fully in control of myself. I would have killed myself if you hadn't stopped me." I smiled at her. "Not a problem, but you were pissed when you woke up." She smiled as well. "Yes, though it I believe 'pissed' may be understating how I felt. After I was released I looked at you and could only hate you." Funny how hearing 'hate you' can do to a person's heart.
She continued. "You, like Naraku, took what I cherished most in this world. Control. Throughout our entire journey I was not in control. You were. Always doing something foolish, helping someone along the way when I wanted to hunt down Naraku…" I nod. I don't know where she's going with this. I'm a guy, guess I'm not supposed to. "Yet, you always took care of everyone. I was not in control, yet it did not matter. If I was weak, you'd nurse me back to full strength. If someone was in danger I did not have to worry because you were there. You made me realize I did not HAVE to be in control in order to ensure my happiness. And so all the training I had undergone, all the work I performed in keeping tight control of myself slipped. And yet when it did, it did not matter. If I struck at you in anger, you'd just get up and grin at me. If I showed sadness you would comfort me."
I squeeze her hand. "Hey Kikyo, above all else you were my friend. I did it for everyone." She smiled and squeezed back. "Yes, and that was the problem." I looked at her confused. Even after fifty years the woman confuses me! "You treated me as you did everyone else. When I started to have feelings for you I had no idea how you would react. Then when I found the courage you would totally ruin it by bringing up your brother." She looked pointedly at me and I winced. "I was trying NOT to betray him at the time. I told you that repeatedly." She nodded. "Yes you did, and that made me want you more. I had lost almost total control around you, and yet, I felt completely safe. Even more safe than I can ever remember feeling. When I died…" I stiffened, I didn't like remembering my greatest failure.
"When I died, I was completely at peace. I saw you and the others around me and my only regret was not having been with you longer. I knew you'd do exactly what I asked of you. I had no control and yet I was still completely at ease. The same when I was resurrected. I was especially harsh with you then because although I could not remember you, I did not fear you. From the depths of my being I knew you would not harm me. Again, I had no control over how I felt about you."
I shook my head. "Kikyo, I can see that control is important to you, but what's wrong? What's the point in all this?" She smiled at me. "Typical, I'm paying you compliments and you are telling me to get to the point. And that EXACTLY is the point!" I raised my eyebrows. "Ok, you lost me." She looked at me fondly. "Fool. The point IS that when I learned of your crimes, when I learned what you did to get back at first I was unconcerned. Unconcerned because YOU did it. If you did it then it must have been necessary, that somehow it was fine as long as you did it. When I realized THAT, I got a bit emotional…." I looked at her skeptically. "A BIT?" She had the grace to look embarrassed. "Ok, more than a bit! However after realizing that I got scared. Extremely scared." My guts twisted at that. She was scare….of me?
She seemed to read my mind. "Oh no, not of you! Well not exactly. What I was scared of is that I had lost so much control. That I relied on you so much. Then when you told me what happened I realized that you make mistakes." I stopped her. "You realize NOW I make mistakes? Sheesh Kikyo, you've seen all the crap that's happened to me! This came as a SHOCK?" She smiled a bit at that. "Well, yes. All your mistakes were relatively small. Mostly embarrassing for yourself." I blush and grumble. Damn woman….
"So when I found that you did this…..act. And on such a large and grand scale…it overwhelmed me." I looked at her incredulously. "Overwhelmed YOU! Hey I'm the one that did it and I'm STILL overwhelmed when I think about what I did…." She looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. "Yes, I know. But it scared me that I'd still actually want to be with you even after what you've done." I look at her with hope in my eyes. "You….still want to be with me?" She answered with a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. "Yes, so help me yes. Even that you are being pursued by every God and Demon in creation." I smile at her, feeling that I could take them all on with her by my side. "I promise Kikyo I will protect you. You won't have anything to worry about!" She looked on me sadly. "Until you die…" I look away. "Perhaps. But that's something to worry about later. We have plenty to worry about with Naraku!"
Earlier, when Shippo leaves the house.
"Stupid Inuyasha, hurting Kagome like that…" the little boy growled to himself as he searched for the woman who's been like a mother to him. As he walks he hears a groan. He looks to find Miroku with a black eye. His legs are still tightly together. The little boy can only shake his head in disgust. "Man Miroku, why do you do this to yourself?" He smiles at the child through his pain. "Because she is a Goddess!" He looks at the monk in awe. "If you feel that way, why do you treat her so bad?" The monk puts on his serious face. "I do not treat her badly at all, I merely show her my interest as only a man can." Shippo still looks at the pervert in amazement. "But she HATES it when you grope her!" He shook his head as if he heard something humorous. "Now now Shippo, she is just shy." Shippo heard some of the words the Demon Slayer tossed his way. "Sango is a lot of things, I don't think shy is one of them…." He shook his head. "Ah the innocence of youth…."
They were cut short when a determined hanyou was making a bee line to where Kagome had run off to.
Inuyasha knew where she was. Her scent was permanently etched into his being. The scent of his tears made his insides feel like Sesshomaru was digging around in there on his way to get the black pearl. He needed to do this. There was no way he was scared! Especially not of a little girl like her! He stormed into the house where her scent came from and he can see her in tears crying on Sango's shoulder. If looks could kill the demon slayer would have set the hanyou ablaze. He looked at her through angry eyes. "Get out, I need to talk to her." Sango was about to tell him where he could shove his request when Kagome's voice cut through the silence of the house. "What do you want Inuyasha?" Her voice was so sad, so devoid of all the life he'd known and expected from her. Steeling himself as best he could he replied "I need to talk to you, alone!" he said the last part to Sango with a pointed look. With a slight nod from her friend she sent a glare to Inuyasha and stormed out of the house.
Looking at Kagome he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was the reason she was here crying her eyes out. He just wanted….dammit he doesn't even KNOW what he wants. Kagome is just looking at him through blank eyes. That hurts a lot more than he thought it would. Her eyes were one of the things he loved about her…..LOVED?
Kagome's eyes started to focus as she saw Inuyasha's face. At first it was curiosity as his face was serious one minute, then pensive, then sad, then frustrated, then surprised. He's going through so many emotions that she can hardly keep up! Watching him struggle like this brings a smile to her face. Obviously he doesn't want to be doing this and yet he's here. Finally shaking off her depression she asks again "Inuyasha? What is it you want?"
Frustrated he speaks without thinking "Want, what would I want from a stupid girl like you?" Seeing her face and remember his earlier conversation he replayed his words in his head as he can see her mounting anger. Finally seeing that perhaps that he may have worded his response a tad incorrectly he waved his hands frantically. "Ok ok, I just wanted to know how you were since you ran off so suddenly after using that damn word!" He crossed his arms in a huff. He HATED that damn sit command. She looked on with an unreadable expression. "So you were worried about me?" He was about to tell her no and not to read into things when he decided to use a very atrophied muscle. His brain. He thought about what he was about to say and the probable result. A nasty sit. Seeing that she's waiting for a response he racks his brain for something that won't offend her.
"Well you're not much use when you're bawling your eyes out to us." He can see her eyes glint a bit and wondered what he said wrong when she responds to statement with "SIT!" She looks at him with barely contained anger. The reason it was barely contained was she sat him. While laying on the ground Inuyasha just decided the hell with this thinking crap. That's Tomas's thing. He'd just wing it like he always does! As soon as he was able to stand he glared at her. "Why the hell did you do that? I was paying you a compliment!" Kagome's face ticked and she said the word again. More internal cursing involved for the hanyou as he again struggled to rise. He glared at her again. "Would you STOP that? How the hell am I supposed to talk to you if you keep sitting me!"
She got right into his face. "Maybe I wouldn't if you weren't such a JERK!" He huffed and crossed his arms. I'm NOT a jerk, I just don't know what the hell to say to you!" That brought her anger under control. She looked at him curiously. Curious was better than anger so he continued. "Alright. MAYBE I sometimes say the wrong thing. It's not like I MEAN it or anything." She looked at him skeptically. "How am I supposed to know what you say is serious and what isn't?" Now it's his turn to look at her in curiosity. He remembered the conversation with his brother but now he's putting it to the back of his mind. He can deal with this himself! "You mean you don't know? Come on, what more do I have to do here Kagome?" She looked at him a bit angrily. "How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on in your head? You don't talk to me unless it's to yell at me or tell me how stupid I am!"
He clenches his fists. "Come on, I saved you more than a few times, that says enough." She looked at him in complete bewilderment. "So, you saved villagers too, as well as the others?" He looked at her a bit angry and hurt. "Damn it! You CAN'T be that dense!" Her eyes flashed and she pointed her finger at him. "And here we are back at the insults! What the hell do you want from me Inuyasha? I know I'm not Kikyo, you told me that more than once! I'm just stupid Kagome, who can't do anything as well as the great Kikyo!" Her voice started cracking and her tears fell again. Inuyasha just closed his eyes and reigned in his temper. He could fight anything in the whole damn world but the one thing he couldn't fight with his fist is currently sobbing in front of him. Taken by an unknown urge he walked the two feet remaining distance and hugged the sobbing girl…woman to him.
Kagome's tears stopped as her eyes widened in shock. "In…Inuyasha, what are you…" He growled. "I….don't think you're stupid." Her eyes sought his in confusion and faint hope. "Ahh, damn it! I'm no good at this talking stuff!" He tried to disengage the hug but she held fast. He could have broken free but found he really didn't have it in him when she looked at him like that. "Please, tell me Inuyasha." He looked at her and could see she desperately needed to hear it from him. "Well, I don't see you as Kikyo anymore." He could tell he said the wrong thing when he saw the light in her eyes dim. Her hold on him loosened and he panicked. He held on to her tighter and now curiosity with a hint of anger were in her eyes. He continued on. "I see you as Kagome. That's the girl I….er…like…" He blushed a bit after saying that and she looked at him in a bit of shock. She stammered "You….like….me?"
He looked at her with a little annoyance. "Why the hell do you sound so shocked?" Her shock passed bringing her anger right back. "Why? WHY? Because it IS a shock! I mean, this is out of NO WHERE!" He frowned at her. "No where? I've liked you for a while….." realizing what he was saying his face glowed red. Kagome blushed a bit too, but annoyance was winning the day. "Why all the insults? Why all the put downs? If you really DO like me?" He growled again. "Damn it! I told you I didn't mean them, what more do you want?" She got out of the embrace and put her hands on her hips. "I want an answer that's what I want!" Crossing his arms he looked away from her as he replied "At first it was cause you looked like Kikyo. After I got over that it became a bit of a habit." She looked ready to kill him. "You mean to tell me you insult me all the time because you got into the HABIT of doing that?" She said it in a sweet way but he could tell by her eyes that she was more than a little upset. Backing away slightly he stammered "Ok, MAYBE a bad habit. I really didn't think you took it seriously! If I thought you were stupid I wouldn't listen to you at all!" He closed his eyes, waiting for the sit to end all sits. After a few seconds he opened his eyes to see her with her eyes closed and shoulders shaking. Thinking she must be getting ready to explode in rage he tried to appease her. "I'm….sorry…" he ground out. The shaking stopped and he could see her looking at him with wide eyes.
Annoyed he huffed "What?" She continued looking at him but he thought he saw a hint of a smile. "You apologized to me…" Losing his temper his mouth shot out "Cause I was wrong! I didn't think you took it THAT seriously you dumb gi….rl…" His eyes widened as the word poured out of his mouth. As he looked at her he could see the mask that slid into place blocking out what she was feeling at the minute. Knowing he was a sit away he whined "I didn't mean that either…." He could see her smile and her mouth was forming a word that started with S. "Sssssssssssss….." he closed his eyes to brace for it. "sssssssSucker!" he opened his eyes to see her supreme amusement at his plight. He crossed his arms and grumbled "That's not very funny…" She darted toward him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Looking at her in shock she turned around and put her ands behind her back. As she left him standing there he could hear her voice "Neither is calling me stupid, dummy…"
Once again a few minutes of storming from Sango as she left Inuyasha and Kagome alone.
Sango was grumbling to herself on the many ways to skin a dog demon when she ran into someone who already ruined her day twice. Growling in a good imitation of a demon she made her way around the distracted monk in hopes to evade his advances. She was unsuccessful.
"Lady Sango, how are you this fine day?" She cursed all her Gods and turned to see the somewhat beaten monk. With grim satisfaction you noticed his legs were still very close together and his eye was turning a nasty shade of purple. Unfortunately he STILL had the damned serene smile on his face. She growled out "What do you want, monk?" Looking startled he asked her in a straight voice "My word Lady Sango, are you alright? You sound incredibly angry." He moved toward her as if to offer her a hug. She jumped several feet away in the opposite direction. Blinking a bit in bewilderment the perverted monk asked "Is there something troubling you? It seems you are very high strung."
Growling she shook her fist. "If you come any closer I'll show you how high strung YOU can get!" He sighed theatrically. "Lady Sango, you really should not so readily resort to violence. The path of Buddha is one of peace. You have nothing to fear from one such as I." She just looked at him in undisguised disgust. "I don't fear you. You….sicken me!" He looked a bit surprised at the statement, and surprisingly hurt. "Come now Sango, I'm sure you do not mean that." She just continued looking at him with same look of revulsion. Sensing she was not kidding he continued "You truly believe the myself, a man of Buddha, to be somehow sickening?" He asked in true confusion. Sango could not help but look at him in surprise.
"You truly think of yourself as a servant of Buddha when you molest women and act like a lecher?" He put his hands in his robes and made to look like he was thinking. "When you put it like that it paints me in a bad light…" After facefaulting she glared at the pervert. " I will admit you are a good warrior and your spiritual powers are an asset to our mission I DO NOT like you nor will I ever like a man who gropes and fondles women like you do!" He just shakes his head and steps forward. "Now Sango…" She takes his outstretched hand and flips him above her head and releases him. He soars into the sky, flips and lands on his feet. Straightening his robe he merely arched his eyebrow. "Was that TRULY necessary Lady Sango?"
She shakes her head and growls again. "Let me make this perfectly CLEAR to you MONK! Are you paying attention, good. I do not like you! I never liked you! The thought of you anywhere near me sickens me to the point of vomiting. Are you getting the picture now? Are you STARTING to understand?" Looking at her with clear purple eyes he replies "Such a beauty. And so shy as well." She stands firm, she doesn't face fault, she doesn't scream, she just glares at him. "I don't care WHAT you believe about me. Just understand THIS! Do not touch me. I don't want you anywhere NEAR me, is that understood?" He simply smiles politely at her. "Lady Sango, I believe you are taking this.." she cuts him off with a yell and cutting motion with her hand "IS. THAT. UNDERSTOOD?" He looks shocked. "This isn't a game to me monk! I'm tired of beating you up looking over my shoulder when I bathe! You are making my life into a living HELL and you don't even CARE!"
Miroku lost his smile and he is looking at Sango like he just met her. "You are serious…." She tried very hard not to growl but she was shaking so much in rage it was hard not to. In clipped tones she said "YES! I am very VERY serious! Now I am going. I am going to eat, or do SOMETHING to keep from killing you! Do not talk to me, do not come near me, I don't want to even THINK about you! Understood?" Looking decidedly pale he simply nodded. When she left he slumped down on the ground near a house. Shippo decided to come out of the bushes and talk to the surprised pervert.
He looked at the child and said in almost disbelief "She hates me?" Shippo had to roll his eyes at him. "You JUST realized that? Didn't the below the belt punch as well as the multiple bruises she gave you hint to that?" He looked at the child seriously and put a hand to his chin. "I thought she was merely shy…" Shippo shook his head and left the monk to his ponderings. Grown ups sure were dumb!
Alright, that's it, another chapter done! I broke from my usual first person writing style to give you readers an insight to the other characters. I wanted most of the affairs in order because I am going to be making hell on Earth soon. They all are going to be facing a lot of trail by fires and even a war to end all demon wars. Maybe not ALL wars but it's going to be close. Stay tuned….well all the five people reading this….
