Disclaimer: I do not own anything thing to do with Inuyasha they are owned by Rumik Takahashi.
Chapter 6 Future's Burden
It had been several days since Kagome had saved Sesshoumaru. She had been avoiding him like he was the plague. The only people who saw her where the children and he could tell that they could sense something was wrong. More than once he had found Rin with sad eyes staring at Kagome. Even his own son growled whenever he came with in her sights.
He would stand outside her door or her window and listened to her cry herself to sleep. She always smelled of sadness and despair. He kicked himself for being stupid that day, but he knew it was the right thing to do.
He knew this shouldn't bother him but it did. It hurt him to see her crying because of what he did. He missed seeing her, and talking to her in those quiet moments they had alone while Rin and Kisho ran around pestering Jaken. The feeling she gave him was one he had not felt in over a century, not since his mother lived. He thought he had stopped his need of joy and love but Rin had awakened that part of him again.
But he had no experience with relationships. No, he should forget it, soon enough this would all be over. She would be gone and so would Kisho and his feelings would fade. Rin would be sad when they left but she would get over it soon enough and his life could get back to normal. He sat down and picked up a scroll he had been reading, knowing soon both her and the boy child would be gone from his life.
Kisho's dreams had been getting more frequent, in the last few days. He was sure that he would be able to start tracking it in the next week. He noticed the day his father had awakened that something was wrong. He could smell the bitter scent of despair and unimaginable sadness on his mother. He had hoped it would go away but now three days later it didn't seem to.
He saw that the light had faded from there eyes and neither where acting right. Rin had seen it too. She did not want to say anything to his mother for fear it would make her even sadder. But they couldn't track the shadow youkai with his mother in her state of despair, it would mean her death.
He knew he was going to have to do something about it, and if he was right his father had something to do with it. He was going to have him fix it. No he was going to make him fix it, not for him but for his mother.
He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to do it yet. But he would fix anyway. First he had to confront his father. He turned the corners of the palace making sure his mother or Rin didn't see him as he thought on what he was going to say to change things for the better, but he had to figure something out.
He stood in front of Sesshoumaru's study, he took in a deep breath. "Come in, child." His voice ushered his son into the study.
Kisho matched into the study, stomping his feet. He was going to find out what was going on and he was going to fix it, he reminded himself.
"What did you do?" he yelled at Sesshoumaru who looked up from the scroll he was reading.
"To who?" The cool voice sound disinterested and slightly unpleased
"Mother, what did you do you HER! FIX IT NOW!" Sesshoumaru was slightly taken back and annoyed by his tone.
"You will not speak to me in that manner." He sat down the scroll and stood up stepping towards him.
"Look what ever you did you have to fix it. Mother can't go out there the way she is." His voice was laced concern, but his eyes where full of anger.
"What are you talking about boy" he raised a bow and narrowed his eyes.
"The youkai, I am starting to be able to feel the victims in my dreams."
"Good then this whole thing can end and the two of you can leave."
The words slapped Kisho in the face. He realized that he was just told that his father did want anything to do with him. He glared into his eyes and saw no emotions in them. He thoughts swam, replaying his time here, then he shook his head, no this was not what he had come to talk about.
"What did you do? She was fine until you got hurt and ever since then she…"
"That is not any business of a child's," Kisho stepped back at the anger he saw in his fathers face, "Now leave." Sesshoumaru turn away sure the matter would be settled now. Even thought the pain he saw and smelled pained him slightly he was getting annoyed with the tone his son was taking.
Kisho knew he couldn't leave it like this and he knew he would be in trouble for doing this but right now he didn't care there was something far greater at stake than his or his father's pride. He had to make him fix it, or his past would be repeated here. He hardened his glare at his father and stepped toward him, "No, not until this is fixed." His was voice cold and his gaze unmoving.
Sesshoumaru glanced back at the boy who stood with no fear or anger in front of him, instead he was filled with concern and pure determination, "I told you it is none of your concern, now leave. You are trying my patients boy." Sesshoumaru clinched his fist in annoyance at Kisho's disrespect.
"No, I will not leave until you say you are going to fix what ever it is you did." Kisho stood there waiting to be slapped any second now he knew it was going to be coming for the way he was acting.
Sure enough no sooner than he finished his last sentence he was slapped hard jerking his head and sending him backwards a few feet.
"Do not question me again." Sesshoumaru watched him as he stumbled a bit, then he shook his head and turn his face back up to meet his gaze. His actions unwavering, as he stood himself straight.
"When will you get over your own pride." Kisho raised his hand and wiped the blood from his lip, then stepped closer to his father. He could here a low growl from his chest, as he continued to speak. "You have a pride that will kill you. No matter how strong or good you are there is always the chance that you will be…" His words stopped as he was again slapped a cross the face, sending him reeling back. But he again stood proud in front of his father, but he refused to get angry right now. Then he continued, "Always the chance you will be beaten, you should know that now."
"You almost died three nights ago. Doesn't that prove that even you can be beaten." Kisho saw pure fire in his fathers eyes, "You are not so strong as…" Again Sesshoumaru stuck the boy trying to stop his point less chatter, sending him falling back into the case. Yet again he stood and raised his chin proudly unwilling to let his father stop his attempts at convincing him, "not so strong as you can't be beaten. You need to work together, and she will die if she is like that, then you will follow her in death shortly after." Kisho had changed the tone of his voice so as not to offend him again as he stepped away from the bookshelf, watching his father's reaction.
They stood quietly staring at each other, neither willing to budge on their position.
"If you are done with your little speech now, you can leave." Sesshoumaru was seething right now and if this boy didn't leave he would be forced to be quite a bit rougher with him, marking sure he got point that his word should not be questioned.
Kisho stood there quietly watching his father's anger, he had to find a way. Find a way to make him care about something. The flee Myouga had told him wonderful stories of his grandfather and how he cared for a great many things. But when he asked what about his father, he was told that he was cold and uncaring.
'I have seen him care though when he was training me. I saw emotions in his eyes and on his face. He has smiled about something other than killing Inuyasha. I know that somewhere he does care, it is just he is too stubborn to admit it. So then how to I use this to get him to fix what ever he did to my mother. I know he cares I have seen the way the look at each other. It is sickening, I am never going to look at a girl that way, YUCK. What can I do short of getting myself beating to a bloody pulp. He is just as stubborn as Myouga said my uncle was back before he died.'
"Your just as bad as INUYASHA WAS!" his words laced with comtemped and pure anger, he threw his hands up to his mouth as soon as the words left it, realizing exactly what he let be said without thinking.
Sesshoumaru used his great speed, and had his son by the throat lifting him off the ground. He could smell fear now pouring off him as he dangled there wide eyed. "You will never compare me to that stupid hanyou, ever again. You maybe my son but I will not tolerate this type of act any more. I have tolerated it long enough. I am nothing like Inuyasha, you will do well to remember this in the future"
Tears welled up in Kisho's eyes. He willed them not to come but he could not stop them from falling. He looked into his father's angry gaze, knowing that was the wrong thing to say, but he didn't care any more. He was going to die soon any ways so he would rather have it at the hand of his father than the shadow youkai that haunted his dreams. Between sobs of defeat and shallow breaths he whispered to his father, "please… end… this."
The words where so low that Sesshoumaru hardly heard them, "End what?" he was confused as to what exactly he would be ending and that confusion was plain in his voice.
"My… life…"
His eyes widened when he heard those words, as he saw his son close his eyes waiting for the blow that would make it all stop. "Why?" His heart felt like it just hit the floor, when he reopened eyes gazing deeply into his own.
"I am tired, Tired of seeing people die, that I care about. Tired of watching the ones I love be hurt, and then die. I have to live with the knowledge that one mother is dead, and now I am going to have to watch another die to. I am tired of lying saying that it will be alright when I know now that everyone will die like they did before. I am so tried, Please… end it, so I won't have to see it any more. I don't want to see these things any more. I don't want to feel it any more, I just want it to be over. I want the feeling of peace, with out the pain that I have to bear. It is so hard so… Will you…Help me… Please…"
His voice never became more than a whisper, and the tears flowed freely from his pleading golden eyes. Sesshoumaru lowered the boy down to the ground, his chest felt has if it where going to burst, as he listened to his own son beg him for the release of death. This child, who walked into his life three weeks ago, now wanted him to make his life's blood flow freely from his body.
He couldn't do it though, he couldn't kill him. He could see parts of himself in this boy, even though he might look like Inuyasha. He inwardly hated fate for giving him that face, but still, he had made a place for himself in his heart. He had proven that he was indeed worthy of the blood that was in him. Sesshoumaru slowly lifted his hands and put them on the child's shaking shoulders, then he pulled him into his chest just holding his son feeling his tears soak through the kimono he wore. He squeezed his son trying to push all the fears that he had out of him. He could smell the fear and sadness fill the room. He was so sad about everything he had seen and been though. I wished he hadn't been so rough now with him. He wished he could take all those fears into himself so this small boy wouldn't have to think about such things anymore. He had tried to act like he didn't care but he knew he did, he couldn't stop caring.
He never felt so lost, as for what to do. Battling Inuyasha was easier than hearing this boy, his son, ask him to take his life. He knew what to do in a battle he had trained for battle all his life. Now he was going through a battle to be a father, no training he had could have ever prepared him for it.
"I can't do that." His voice seemed low and pained being just loud enough for Kisho to hear, "You have to stay here so that you can one day be Lord of the Western Lands."
"I know you said that but, I can't stand to see her die again and you… you cause her such great pain, and I can't see her die again. I see it every night in my dreams, I see her get swallowed up into the darkness and…"
Sesshoumaru not wanting to here anymore squeezed him tight enough he let out his breath cutting off his sentence. As he finally admitted to himself that he could not let either of them go.
"I can't end your life," Sesshoumaru set his chin on his head, feeling the child sob with such pure grief, "Don't ask this of me again."
The child sniffed into his kimono, "I can't take it anymore. I see that you are both unhappy, and mother is so sad. I never liked seeing her sad. I can't… I can't take her being so sad." Kisho wrapped his arms around his father hugging the man he never knew growing up, it felt right some how. A peace started to fill his being as he felt the calm embrace.
"I will take care of her. You just stay away from her today and keep Rin way as well." He pulled him away from his chest and looked at his swollen puffy face, "If you are around then she won't talk to me. I will have Jaken take you exploring someplace." He took his sleeve and wiped his face drying his tears. "Now stop crying. You can't tell her though do you understand?" Kisho stepped back, confused about why he couldn't be here, he didn't question it though, his father said was going to fix things, so he nodded and turned away leaving the room. Glancing back in a worried look, he smiled slightly before he shut the door.
Sesshoumaru stayed kneeling for some time, frozen replaying what just happened. He never thought that he would be so unable to take a life. After Kisho was long out of hearing range he stood up. He still felt pained by his words; his body was slow and sluggish as he looked down to the floor still trying to shake the eerie feeling in him. He said he would take care of Kagome, and he would. Having the children gone would make things easier, seeing as she couldn't hide behind them.
Sesshoumaru left his study to find Jaken. He would have him take them to the mountain fields just above the palace, for the day that should give him more than enough time.
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Hey everyone, I know I had Sesshoumaru get really rough in this chapter, but i had to make him it some type of breaking point. That made him realize was was going on. Let me know what you think.
Chapter 6 Future's Burden
It had been several days since Kagome had saved Sesshoumaru. She had been avoiding him like he was the plague. The only people who saw her where the children and he could tell that they could sense something was wrong. More than once he had found Rin with sad eyes staring at Kagome. Even his own son growled whenever he came with in her sights.
He would stand outside her door or her window and listened to her cry herself to sleep. She always smelled of sadness and despair. He kicked himself for being stupid that day, but he knew it was the right thing to do.
He knew this shouldn't bother him but it did. It hurt him to see her crying because of what he did. He missed seeing her, and talking to her in those quiet moments they had alone while Rin and Kisho ran around pestering Jaken. The feeling she gave him was one he had not felt in over a century, not since his mother lived. He thought he had stopped his need of joy and love but Rin had awakened that part of him again.
But he had no experience with relationships. No, he should forget it, soon enough this would all be over. She would be gone and so would Kisho and his feelings would fade. Rin would be sad when they left but she would get over it soon enough and his life could get back to normal. He sat down and picked up a scroll he had been reading, knowing soon both her and the boy child would be gone from his life.
Kisho's dreams had been getting more frequent, in the last few days. He was sure that he would be able to start tracking it in the next week. He noticed the day his father had awakened that something was wrong. He could smell the bitter scent of despair and unimaginable sadness on his mother. He had hoped it would go away but now three days later it didn't seem to.
He saw that the light had faded from there eyes and neither where acting right. Rin had seen it too. She did not want to say anything to his mother for fear it would make her even sadder. But they couldn't track the shadow youkai with his mother in her state of despair, it would mean her death.
He knew he was going to have to do something about it, and if he was right his father had something to do with it. He was going to have him fix it. No he was going to make him fix it, not for him but for his mother.
He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to do it yet. But he would fix anyway. First he had to confront his father. He turned the corners of the palace making sure his mother or Rin didn't see him as he thought on what he was going to say to change things for the better, but he had to figure something out.
He stood in front of Sesshoumaru's study, he took in a deep breath. "Come in, child." His voice ushered his son into the study.
Kisho matched into the study, stomping his feet. He was going to find out what was going on and he was going to fix it, he reminded himself.
"What did you do?" he yelled at Sesshoumaru who looked up from the scroll he was reading.
"To who?" The cool voice sound disinterested and slightly unpleased
"Mother, what did you do you HER! FIX IT NOW!" Sesshoumaru was slightly taken back and annoyed by his tone.
"You will not speak to me in that manner." He sat down the scroll and stood up stepping towards him.
"Look what ever you did you have to fix it. Mother can't go out there the way she is." His voice was laced concern, but his eyes where full of anger.
"What are you talking about boy" he raised a bow and narrowed his eyes.
"The youkai, I am starting to be able to feel the victims in my dreams."
"Good then this whole thing can end and the two of you can leave."
The words slapped Kisho in the face. He realized that he was just told that his father did want anything to do with him. He glared into his eyes and saw no emotions in them. He thoughts swam, replaying his time here, then he shook his head, no this was not what he had come to talk about.
"What did you do? She was fine until you got hurt and ever since then she…"
"That is not any business of a child's," Kisho stepped back at the anger he saw in his fathers face, "Now leave." Sesshoumaru turn away sure the matter would be settled now. Even thought the pain he saw and smelled pained him slightly he was getting annoyed with the tone his son was taking.
Kisho knew he couldn't leave it like this and he knew he would be in trouble for doing this but right now he didn't care there was something far greater at stake than his or his father's pride. He had to make him fix it, or his past would be repeated here. He hardened his glare at his father and stepped toward him, "No, not until this is fixed." His was voice cold and his gaze unmoving.
Sesshoumaru glanced back at the boy who stood with no fear or anger in front of him, instead he was filled with concern and pure determination, "I told you it is none of your concern, now leave. You are trying my patients boy." Sesshoumaru clinched his fist in annoyance at Kisho's disrespect.
"No, I will not leave until you say you are going to fix what ever it is you did." Kisho stood there waiting to be slapped any second now he knew it was going to be coming for the way he was acting.
Sure enough no sooner than he finished his last sentence he was slapped hard jerking his head and sending him backwards a few feet.
"Do not question me again." Sesshoumaru watched him as he stumbled a bit, then he shook his head and turn his face back up to meet his gaze. His actions unwavering, as he stood himself straight.
"When will you get over your own pride." Kisho raised his hand and wiped the blood from his lip, then stepped closer to his father. He could here a low growl from his chest, as he continued to speak. "You have a pride that will kill you. No matter how strong or good you are there is always the chance that you will be…" His words stopped as he was again slapped a cross the face, sending him reeling back. But he again stood proud in front of his father, but he refused to get angry right now. Then he continued, "Always the chance you will be beaten, you should know that now."
"You almost died three nights ago. Doesn't that prove that even you can be beaten." Kisho saw pure fire in his fathers eyes, "You are not so strong as…" Again Sesshoumaru stuck the boy trying to stop his point less chatter, sending him falling back into the case. Yet again he stood and raised his chin proudly unwilling to let his father stop his attempts at convincing him, "not so strong as you can't be beaten. You need to work together, and she will die if she is like that, then you will follow her in death shortly after." Kisho had changed the tone of his voice so as not to offend him again as he stepped away from the bookshelf, watching his father's reaction.
They stood quietly staring at each other, neither willing to budge on their position.
"If you are done with your little speech now, you can leave." Sesshoumaru was seething right now and if this boy didn't leave he would be forced to be quite a bit rougher with him, marking sure he got point that his word should not be questioned.
Kisho stood there quietly watching his father's anger, he had to find a way. Find a way to make him care about something. The flee Myouga had told him wonderful stories of his grandfather and how he cared for a great many things. But when he asked what about his father, he was told that he was cold and uncaring.
'I have seen him care though when he was training me. I saw emotions in his eyes and on his face. He has smiled about something other than killing Inuyasha. I know that somewhere he does care, it is just he is too stubborn to admit it. So then how to I use this to get him to fix what ever he did to my mother. I know he cares I have seen the way the look at each other. It is sickening, I am never going to look at a girl that way, YUCK. What can I do short of getting myself beating to a bloody pulp. He is just as stubborn as Myouga said my uncle was back before he died.'
"Your just as bad as INUYASHA WAS!" his words laced with comtemped and pure anger, he threw his hands up to his mouth as soon as the words left it, realizing exactly what he let be said without thinking.
Sesshoumaru used his great speed, and had his son by the throat lifting him off the ground. He could smell fear now pouring off him as he dangled there wide eyed. "You will never compare me to that stupid hanyou, ever again. You maybe my son but I will not tolerate this type of act any more. I have tolerated it long enough. I am nothing like Inuyasha, you will do well to remember this in the future"
Tears welled up in Kisho's eyes. He willed them not to come but he could not stop them from falling. He looked into his father's angry gaze, knowing that was the wrong thing to say, but he didn't care any more. He was going to die soon any ways so he would rather have it at the hand of his father than the shadow youkai that haunted his dreams. Between sobs of defeat and shallow breaths he whispered to his father, "please… end… this."
The words where so low that Sesshoumaru hardly heard them, "End what?" he was confused as to what exactly he would be ending and that confusion was plain in his voice.
"My… life…"
His eyes widened when he heard those words, as he saw his son close his eyes waiting for the blow that would make it all stop. "Why?" His heart felt like it just hit the floor, when he reopened eyes gazing deeply into his own.
"I am tired, Tired of seeing people die, that I care about. Tired of watching the ones I love be hurt, and then die. I have to live with the knowledge that one mother is dead, and now I am going to have to watch another die to. I am tired of lying saying that it will be alright when I know now that everyone will die like they did before. I am so tried, Please… end it, so I won't have to see it any more. I don't want to see these things any more. I don't want to feel it any more, I just want it to be over. I want the feeling of peace, with out the pain that I have to bear. It is so hard so… Will you…Help me… Please…"
His voice never became more than a whisper, and the tears flowed freely from his pleading golden eyes. Sesshoumaru lowered the boy down to the ground, his chest felt has if it where going to burst, as he listened to his own son beg him for the release of death. This child, who walked into his life three weeks ago, now wanted him to make his life's blood flow freely from his body.
He couldn't do it though, he couldn't kill him. He could see parts of himself in this boy, even though he might look like Inuyasha. He inwardly hated fate for giving him that face, but still, he had made a place for himself in his heart. He had proven that he was indeed worthy of the blood that was in him. Sesshoumaru slowly lifted his hands and put them on the child's shaking shoulders, then he pulled him into his chest just holding his son feeling his tears soak through the kimono he wore. He squeezed his son trying to push all the fears that he had out of him. He could smell the fear and sadness fill the room. He was so sad about everything he had seen and been though. I wished he hadn't been so rough now with him. He wished he could take all those fears into himself so this small boy wouldn't have to think about such things anymore. He had tried to act like he didn't care but he knew he did, he couldn't stop caring.
He never felt so lost, as for what to do. Battling Inuyasha was easier than hearing this boy, his son, ask him to take his life. He knew what to do in a battle he had trained for battle all his life. Now he was going through a battle to be a father, no training he had could have ever prepared him for it.
"I can't do that." His voice seemed low and pained being just loud enough for Kisho to hear, "You have to stay here so that you can one day be Lord of the Western Lands."
"I know you said that but, I can't stand to see her die again and you… you cause her such great pain, and I can't see her die again. I see it every night in my dreams, I see her get swallowed up into the darkness and…"
Sesshoumaru not wanting to here anymore squeezed him tight enough he let out his breath cutting off his sentence. As he finally admitted to himself that he could not let either of them go.
"I can't end your life," Sesshoumaru set his chin on his head, feeling the child sob with such pure grief, "Don't ask this of me again."
The child sniffed into his kimono, "I can't take it anymore. I see that you are both unhappy, and mother is so sad. I never liked seeing her sad. I can't… I can't take her being so sad." Kisho wrapped his arms around his father hugging the man he never knew growing up, it felt right some how. A peace started to fill his being as he felt the calm embrace.
"I will take care of her. You just stay away from her today and keep Rin way as well." He pulled him away from his chest and looked at his swollen puffy face, "If you are around then she won't talk to me. I will have Jaken take you exploring someplace." He took his sleeve and wiped his face drying his tears. "Now stop crying. You can't tell her though do you understand?" Kisho stepped back, confused about why he couldn't be here, he didn't question it though, his father said was going to fix things, so he nodded and turned away leaving the room. Glancing back in a worried look, he smiled slightly before he shut the door.
Sesshoumaru stayed kneeling for some time, frozen replaying what just happened. He never thought that he would be so unable to take a life. After Kisho was long out of hearing range he stood up. He still felt pained by his words; his body was slow and sluggish as he looked down to the floor still trying to shake the eerie feeling in him. He said he would take care of Kagome, and he would. Having the children gone would make things easier, seeing as she couldn't hide behind them.
Sesshoumaru left his study to find Jaken. He would have him take them to the mountain fields just above the palace, for the day that should give him more than enough time.
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Hey everyone, I know I had Sesshoumaru get really rough in this chapter, but i had to make him it some type of breaking point. That made him realize was was going on. Let me know what you think.
