Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

Reviews: Once again, thank you all wonderful people who took the time to review! I really love reviews, both long and detailed and simple and short :D

I'm really glad to know that so many of the readers found the characters to be true to their natures, I have indeed been very much trying to keep them as such, but it is quite difficult when growth and change is involved, and since all the characters in this fic grow and mature, it's beginning to be quite challenging... 0.0

mystal: Thank you very much! I'm glad to know the story's subtle progress is actually liked :D I do have to admit though that I see now why there are so many Adult Rin/Sess fics – it is very tempting to just jump ahead, but unfortunately it means that their relationship is in a way suspended for 10 or more years. There are many fanfics that can successfully pull it off, some are my favourites, but as you too agree there are also many in which the readers just have to "believe" that Rin has somehow changed (read: "mushified") Sesshoumaru during those years.

Maore: I'm really glad that you liked that scene, it's one of my favourites too! And I assure you that is very much my pleasure to be writing down this story :D

animelava: Thank you and I'm glad to oblige and update already! :)

Shippou and Myouga would indeed go back to Inuyasha (as this chapter describes) if they could. But unfortunately nobody knows what happened to Inuyasha-tachi and it will still be a while (Rin has to grow up and all) before the Inuyasha adventure can start.

Ena: Thank you very much, and I'm very happy to know that you liked the Sun-Moon contrast, and I too wouldn't be surprised if it really was the author's intention ;) I'm also very glad you liked the Shippou-Sesshoumaru scene, together they have a great potential for humour and I really enjoyed writing it! There will be some more too, after all, Shippou is a mischievous little fox ;)

Note: This is something of a filler chapter, even though important things happen in it. It actually covers two years of Rin's life – notice that she's 11 by the end of it, and I tried to indicate in the pattern of her thoughts that although she's still very much a child, her way of thinking is slowly beginning to change. However, that's the heart of the problem – it's easy to write Rin as a child, and it will be fun to write her as an adult, but what to do with the years in between...? I didn't want to skip it, and suddenly make her 16 or even older, especially since there are many things that have to happen on the way, but the fic would grow seriously boring if I just kept making up some filler adventures and tried to depict the actual changes of her. So instead I decided to cover only important episodes that either bring something to the plot (even if it doesn't seem so at this point) or develop the relationships between the characters, and hence the chapter is a bit "jumpy", in often jumping forward while completely omitting everything on the way, like for example the actual visit to the armorer. It would be rather boring to describe it since nothing happened there in my mind – they hopped over to Kyushu, Rin and Shippou splashed around in the sea and ate some previously unknown to them kinds of food, Jaken grumbled, Sesshoumaru got his armor and Myouga enjoyed the sun. See? Booooring. Then why did I make it Kyushu and not something closer? Beats me. They just keep doing things in my mind (seriously) and even though the main plot is clear in my mind, the minor "happenings" happen on their own.

This mid-stage of Rin will continue for the next 2 or 3 chapters, until she will finally get to the age that can be considered somewhat adult. There will of course be many important things happening between Rin and Sesshoumaru in the process, some probably already in the next chapter. End of rant. ;)

Oh, no, wait, one more thing – although it seems to be the standard to make Rin see Sesshoumaru's true form in some dramatic circumstances, I found it more appealing to make it as mundane as possible, perhaps because she's still a child. So it's very anti-climatic, yet – hopefully – still in the spirit of the relationship between them, as I'm depicting it at least.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter. Very few this time however, and no cultural notes, although don't be relived yet – they will come back...

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Chapter 8

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Since the alleged sword maker turned out to be not alleged but instead very dead, Sesshoumaru decided to return to the shiro for the winter, as he had nothing else to do in the north and was now all too aware that the autumn, so fresh and new at the moment, would soon grow cold and very disadvantageous to Rin. And despite his recent "bad luck", they managed to return to the Western Lands without any further mishaps, unless one counted his visit to Hataki, who did make a new armor for him, but not without shaking his head in wonder and saying something about how strong the youkai he was in the habit of fighting had to be to destroy such magnificent armor. Yes, very 'strong youkai' indeed, Sesshoumaru thought mockingly, if you counted a human miko as one that is. But he knew of no one better who would be willing to make armor for him, so he decided against voicing his opinion of Hataki's skill.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, look!" he heard a thrilled voice exclaim and he looked down to see Rin pointing to the shiro that had just come into their view. "We're home!" She added, smiling broadly, and – for no reason, none whatsoever – latched herself onto his leg, hugging it tightly, and then bolted down the hill they paused on, sprinting towards the shiro. Shippou followed her, somewhat less animatedly, and even Jaken opted to go on ahead before him. If they were that glad to be back, why on earth did they leave in the first place...?

Sesshoumaru looked down at his leg that had just been so thoroughly cuddled. Although at first when they started out on this journey Rin acted somewhat cautious around him, sometimes looking at him in a strangely contemplative way for extended stretches of time, as the weeks and months rolled by she seemed to revert to her old self, with no trace left to evidence that she had ever looked at him with those dark and sullen eyes. And even though he still felt irritated at her for having done so in the first place, he had to admit that her usual manner suited her much better. But the downside to it was that her clinginess returned too, and she continued to latch onto him for the slightest of reasons, and sometimes without any at all. And as always, he just couldn't understand her and her motives – why did she keep doing it? What was it that appealed to her in hugging him...?

Yes, in some bizarre way he had grown to expect it from her, but it did not make it any less inappropriate than when she started doing it, nearly a year ago. Sadly, he had even less of an idea of how to make her aware of that inappropriateness now; after all, he had been unable to make her aware of a truth as obvious as the fact that it would be much better for her to return to her kind, and the issue of her clinginess and its inappropriateness was considerably subtler, to the point that even he didn't know how to phrase it.

It was only a few days later that he found his solution however, when she was approaching him fast with the intention written all over her face and he remembered sidestepping her once before. He had done it somewhat instinctively at the time, to avoid having her smell left clinging to him, and she hadn't even noticed that he had done so. But perhaps, he thought, carefully observing her advance towards him to find the perfect moment to move aside, if she had noticed...

He stepped aside at the very last moment, leaving her to reach for empty space, and as she found nothing to balance herself against, she wobbled forward and fell onto her knees, supporting herself with her hands. She looked back to him, surprised, but instead of the slightly saddened comprehension that he had been expecting to see on her face, he saw her lips quirk upwards in a sly smirk and a mischievous gleam appear in her eyes. She said nothing about it however, only got up, dusted herself off and went on her way, still with that most unexpected expression and leaving him filled with a slight sense of foreboding.

Which, he found but a day later, had been a most justified sensation, since instead of disappearing, as he had hoped it would, her clinginess only doubled and he found himself nearly tackled by Rin's small form twice just within the few hours that passed since she had woken up. There was an additional change – instead of doing it openly, like she used to, she would try to sneak up on him, jumping at him from behind corners and screens, probably completely oblivious to the fact that he had been perfectly aware of her presence and only didn't move aside because it never crossed his mind that she would actually launch herself at him like that. But now that it hadcrossed his mind, he was able to sidestep the next few attacks easily, leaving her on the ground again, yet it seemed to be to no avail, once more. That oddly playful gleam in her eyes returned every time and she did not cease her folly.

The game continued for the next few days, with her creeping after him like some roguish imp and him pretending not to notice anything, until he felt he had enough of both the game and her inexplicable irrationality. If there was no way for him to make her stop, short of telling her so directly even though he still didn't know how to explain it to her sufficiently for her to comply, then at least he'd like to know what was making her behave in such an extraordinarily bizarre manner.

"Rin", he said warningly when the wind in the garden told him she was trying to sneak up on him from behind the tree he was sitting against. How could she expect to succeed while advancing with the wind was beyond him. Not that she would have succeeded even without the wind, he could also hear the beating of her heart and the puff of her breath, and since he was on constant alert against her attacks, he wouldn't have missed that either.

Rin stopped the moment Sesshoumaru-sama said her name, feeling a bit anxious. Was he angry with her for hugging him so much lately...? She did feel a few times that maybe it was too much but... She bit her lip guiltily. When Sesshoumaru-sama just moved aside for the first time, and she realized that he did it so that she wouldn't hug him, she felt that it was a challenge and that it would only make it more worth it when he did get used to it. She didn't feel discouraged that he moved away, after all, at first she hadn't liked flying on Aun, she kept feeling that she was about to fall, but in time she not only got used to it, but started liking it too. And it was probably the same with Sesshoumaru-sama and touching people, she felt, so it would take time, but it wasn't impossible.

But then she started enjoying the process of sneaking up on him and it was a lot of fun in itself, especially when she would manage to. Glancing to Sesshoumaru-sama, she wondered whether she hadn't overdone it simply because she had been enjoying the game so much.

"Why do you do that?" he asked her suddenly, turning his head slightly towards her. She frowned in effort, trying to understand what he meant. Why did she do what? Try to sneak up on him?

"Why do you insist on touching me?" he asked again, as if answering to her thoughts, and she blinked, unsure what to say and feeling that perhaps being honest about trying to get him used to being touched was not the best idea.

"What do you mean, Sesshoumaru-sama?" she finally chose to ask, moving closer and sitting down near him.

He remained silent for a few moments before finally replying. "Why do you want to touch me?" he asked, looking off into the distance.

It was easy, that one. "Because it's nice," she answered, smiling at such an obvious question.

Sesshoumaru-sama looked down at her, and when she saw that he still didn't seem to understand, she decided to elaborate. "It's just nice to touch others," she said simply.

"Why?" he asked, astonishing her with such an odd question. Why...? It just was, she thought, surprised to discover that she couldn't find any words that would match the feeling. And why would Sesshoumaru-sama ask about it at all? Didn't he know how it felt...? Had he really never felt nice just touching somebody?

Looking at him pensively, she got up and moved a bit closer, to reach out and touch his cheek. He blinked in surprise, but didn't move or say anything and she stroked his smooth skin with the tips of her fingers for a few moments, carefully inspecting the feeling within her.

"It makes me feel that Sesshoumaru-sama is real and that I'm not alone," she said finally, still not fully satisfied with the explanation. But it was as close as she could get to describing it properly.

He blinked again, looking at her somewhat puzzled, before he turned his head away from her.

"I see," he said and she pulled back her hand that was no longer touching him.

He didn't seem angry or annoyed, but it was obvious to her now that he had not been enjoying their game and she wouldn't like to make him angry, no, not at all, she thought, suddenly remembering her fear of being sent away. But...

"Can I still do it, sometimes?" she asked tentatively, hoping that she could. Not just to make Sesshoumaru-sama used to it, no, it somehow didn't seem that important now, but because she felt she really wouldn't like not being able to touch Sesshoumaru-sama anymore.

But he didn't reply, just kept looking off into the distance, so she sat down again, watching the colorful leaves occasionally fall from the trees around them and wondering whether it was good that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't say no or was it bad that he didn't say yes either.

Sesshoumaru was watching the leaves too, although not very aware that he was doing it. He told her that he understood, but in fact he was as much lost as he had been as to why she found it enjoyable. It makes him real and she feels not alone? What was it supposed to mean...? The first thing that came to his mind when she said it was that her grasp on reality was so feeble that she needed to reassure herself by touching him, but it was a preposterous idea and he quickly discarded it. Yet even though he couldn't come up with anything better, he could somehow sense that it was important to her and her question only strengthened that impression.

And he also realized something that he should've realized long ago – she didn't attach herself to him just because she had nobody else and he was strong enough to provide her with protection, since if she wanted just that, she had others now who could do the same, be it Sae or Moshimune. No, she attached herself to him because of something more personal, something about him in particular, even though he had no idea what could it be that made him a desirable companion in the eyes of a child.

He should detach himself from her then, let her forget that he ever existed, have her leave on her way. But when he thought of telling her to never again touch him, to never again come near him, the image of her eyes from a few months ago appeared uninvited in his mind and he felt that something alien and bitter stir within him again. No, if he told her so and she looked at him like that, with her eyes so sullen and dark, he would've felt as if he had stricken her physically, and he knew that even if she did leave then, she would've remained in his mind constantly looking at him like that, making him feel as if he had... He blinked suddenly, stunned by the thought that appeared in his mind. It would make him feel as if he had betrayed her, betrayed the trust she had in him. Was that why she was looking at him so darkly back then...?

He felt suddenly irritated. He never asked for her trust, never asked to be the one she picked to attach herself to, never wanted to be the one she smiled at for no reason at all. She did it all out of her own volition, and she should face the consequences, not him. But... he revived her, he let her follow him, he protected her and rescued her, even when she didn't ask him to. He frowned, realizing that the actions he did so carelessly made him in fact partially responsible for the situation he was currently in. And that was probably why hurting her intentionally in any way always seemed so... wrong to him, he decided, glancing at her from the corner of an eye. Looking at her, he remembered her question and wondered what on earth he should reply. It was still just as inappropriate as it had been but... he knew now that it was also important to her, probably because he was somehow important to her.

"Don't do it too often," Rin heard Sesshoumaru-sama say suddenly after the long silence. He was still looking at something away from her, but she smiled happily, knowing what he meant.

"'Kay!" she replied promptly and turned back to watching the leaves, feeling satisfied with his answer. It meant that she could still do it, only not as often as she had been lately, since if Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to never touch him again, he would've told her so directly. So maybe he was getting used to it after all, she thought, smiling secretly to herself.

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The autumn soon turned to winter and life seemed to slow down for all of them. Jaken and Myouga fell into their usual winter stupor, Shippou and Rin continued their education, even if Shippou still preferred to approach the matter rather sloppily and often disappeared to seek his own adventures, although usually remaining in the vicinity of the shiro, just in case.

And Sesshoumaru had to admit that although he did not understand the whole of his conversation with Rin about touching him, she had in fact finally stopped her irrational clinginess. She would still latch herself onto him occasionally, but no longer for no reason whatsoever, only when she felt exceptionally excited or in some other way agitated. He found it to be a very welcomed change and since he had also finally understood that she would not leave until she was old enough to comprehend why she should, or perhaps found somebody more important to her that she'd like to attach herself to, as he believed human females were in habit of doing, she did not cloud his thoughts with frustration that often anymore. Although perhaps the fact that he had grown accustomed to expect the unexpected from her helped him keep his balance no matter what she did or said. It was actually months before she did something that astounded him again, even though in this case it was not her fault to begin with.

It was an evening of one particularly warm spring day and he had gone out just for a simple walk around the forest nearby, feeling yet again more alive, as he did almost every spring. Rin had decided to join him in the activity, but kept to herself, engaged in inspecting the spring changes of the forest. She had been busy jumping after some particularly large frog that was trying to escape the odd pursuit, when he noticed that they had wandered into the part of the forest he had not been in for centuries. He paused, surprised by a memory he had not thought of for almost just as long. He must've been not even 20 then, no, not even 15, but a tiny child, still awed by the wonders of life. Probably just as awed as Rin was now, he thought, glancing to her as she was still tailing the unlucky amphibian, and remembering that in his naive amazement that they existed he too used to chase various small animals, long ago.

But that time, when he had come here, it was not in a chase after some frog, no, it was more of an escape if anything, he remembered with distaste, recalling the image of himself toddling desolately down the hill the shiro stood on. He had enough that day, enough of living in the shiro, enough of everybody looking at him as if they expected him to grow an extra head any moment, enough of the disdainful looks from his mother and enough of always being told what he should and shouldn't do. He wasn't trying to run away, he might've been little, but definitely not stupid and knew he wouldn't survive in the wilderness on his own. But he just wanted them all to go away, to be alone, not alone with others around, but really alone. So he sneaked out, even falling from one of the shiro's elevated walkways in the process, if he remembered right, and somehow wandered here, just as he had now.

He turned to look at the narrow passage between the trees that had made him remember that day. To somebody who had never entered it, it looked like some random space between trees, but he knew there was a path behind it, even though it had not been a path made by youkai, humans, or animals. It just... existed, as nothing more but a continuous space between trees, leading towards the small stream that crossed the forest here and further, to that clearing he had found back then.

Pushing away some of the branches, he entered the path, feeling as if he was following himself from over three centuries ago. It had also been evening then, but it was during summer, and the forest was humid and mellow, full of faint buzzes and mysterious murmurs, and framed by the unearthly glow of the remaining raindrops on the leaves. He felt suddenly amused at his past self, remembering how he just stood there in childish fascination, feeling as if he had been spirited away to some bewitching magical realm. Yes, the world of a child is indeed simple, he thought, walking past the memory and down towards the stream.

He crossed it quickly and followed through the trees, wondering if they were even still there, those odd creations of the youkai world he had stumbled upon back then. Reaching to push away some more branches, he had to admit he was curious to see the phenomenon again, and... they were indeed still there, he found, reaching the edge of the clearing, and just as mystifying as they used to be.

"Oh! What is it? It's so pretty!" Rin announced from somewhere down, and he glanced to her, surprised to notice she must've been following him. She was pointing to the center of the small clearing, and her face clearly told him she was just as amazed as he had been.

"They are called Yourei, youkai souls," he told her, turning back to look at the puzzling entities. They were not round and even balls of light like human souls, not at all, Yourei were like stars that had fallen from the skies, sparkling and shimmering, and as if dancing within the white misty cloud that shrouded them.

"Youkai souls...?" Rin asked, wanting to know more, but he had no more information to offer. He didn't know if they really were youkai souls, he only heard that they were, long after he had first seen them here. It was doubtful if they really were, however, since from what he knew youkai didn't have souls. He didn't know what happened to the youkai who died, whether they continued into some kind of afterlife or just ceased to exist. True, all the youkai that brat Hakudoushi killed seemed to end up in the border between this life and the next, but what happened to them afterwards remained a mystery to him. Still, he had never heard of any youkai who would have his soul stolen, like it happened all the time with humans, so he was more inclined to believe that youkai had no souls, that they just vanished after death.

"They really are pretty," she concluded on her own, and before he had a chance to stop her, ran into the clearing and towards the Yourei, leaving him to watch her in amazement as she approached them freely, and they seemed to enclose her within their midst. He blinked, once again thoroughly perplexed. He had done the very same thing when he was a child, yet then the Yourei quickly dispersed the moment he rushed forward, as if scared away by his presence.

Curious, he took a tentative step onto the clearing, but as soon as his foot touched the ground the star-like souls fluttered and disappeared, leaving just the two of them within the suddenly darkened forest. He couldn't help but wonder why was it that they would run from him, yet stay with Rin. Was it because he was a youkai while Rin was a human...? But if those were really youkai souls, shouldn't it be the other way around...? Or maybe it was because she was just an innocent child? He knew that the factor of 'innocence' played an important role in many human legends, but it couldn't be something like that, since the first time he had been here he was half the size of Rin now and as innocent as he would ever get. Unless that wasn't enough, he thought, frowning when his mind recalled the various allegations about himself he had heard as a child.

In either case, he decided, leaving the clearing with Rin in tow, there were too many contrasting factors between him and Rin to draw any definite conclusions at this point.

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Thank goodness he finds me somehow useful, thought Myouga watching Sesshoumaru-sama walk on in front of them and thinking back to how he had informed his current master of Kanjin, a renowned armorer from Kyushu. Although he had said that he had only remembered about it on that day, and hurried to inform Sesshoumaru-sama of the fact instantly, Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to have seen through his screen at once. And when Sesshoumaru-sama leaned over towards the table Myouga was perched on, and, bringing his face far too close to his small form for his liking, narrowed his piercing eyes dangerously, Myouga felt his heart leap fretfully and his legs twitch to jump away as fast and far away as only possible. But, thank goodness yet again, Sesshoumaru-sama didn't do anything to him, only - after a few moments of inspecting his vassal in that blood chilling manner - moved back and said that Myouga was to accompany him to Kyushu, and that he better be right about the armorer.

The rest of their unusual group was eager to join the two of them, and since Sesshoumaru-sama didn't seem to mind, they were now traveling in their standard manner, very much to Myouga's relief. Although he had known Sesshoumaru-sama ever since the taiyoukai was born, he could not help feeling afraid of him on many occasions, and the company of two children whom Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to tolerate greatly helped to maintain the acceptable standards of personal safety Myouga always struggled to keep. It was very likely, Myouga thought, observing the deceptively gentle way in which Sesshoumaru-sama walked, that his fear originated from the time Sesshoumaru-sama had pounced on him as a child, displaying very predatory instincts for somebody who couldn't even talk properly yet. Myouga shuddered, remembering his terror from that day, when he had been warming up his bones in the summer sun of the shiro's garden and suddenly noticed a pair of narrow – and very dangerous looking – golden eyes approaching him fast and a small – yet already clawed – hand reaching out to grab him. To say that he had been frightened would be a serious understatement, he had nearly jumped out of his skin, trying to scramble away as fast as he only could and not stopping until he was deep within the shiro and very much out of the child's proximity.

It was not just because he had been afraid of young Sesshoumaru-sama that he had escaped so fearfully, however, it was also because it reminded him of how he had met Touga-sama, and it had been one of the most dangerous situations he had ever found himself in. He had been still a youngster then, no more than thirty, and in his youthful stupidity had decided to visit a human village and a festival held there, lured by the beauty of the village's young ladies dressed festively for the occasion. He had been so absorbed in admiring their fresh beauty that he had failed to notice a few young boys, around 10 years of age, who had spotted him and decided to capture such an odd looking youkai. He had been caught and put in a small bamboo cage, serving as an entertainment source to the rambunctious youths. They were just children, he knew that, but it soon turned out that their childish cruelty would be the end of him, since after they had been keeping him in the cage for over two weeks, he began weakening greatly and the various pokes and jabs he had received were not helping any.

They had even taken him to a river, wanting to test if he could swim or would he drown – he had assured them that he would indeed drown, which was probably not the best thing to tell them, but they just ignored him anyway – when they had run into Touga-sama, or rather Touga-sama ran into them, as they found out when they heard a very stern voice ask what did they think they were doing. Even now he could still remember Touga-sama as he stood there, behind the boys, when he saw him for the first time. He looked very youkai, very powerful and very authoritative, and the boys must've had the same impression since they scattered and ran away immediately, dropping the cage – and him with it – and screaming "youkai". He had been immensely relieved to see them go, but when his rescuer's feet approached the cage and he remembered how uncompromising the voice he had heard sounded, he wondered whether his already disastrous situation had not just gotten even worse.

But then the cage was lifted up and he saw that his rescuer's countenance, which had been so unyielding but a moment ago, had changed into an amused smile and he heard the not so uncompromising anymore voice say 'That's quite a predicament you got yourself in, little flea', and he knew that he had indeed been rescued. Touga-sama had easily released him from his prison after that, and even let him satisfy his hunger on him, and Myouga had soon established that his rescuer was not only the best protector imaginable but also a very pleasurable companion, and thus he had decided to repay his debt by entering Touga-sama's service.

Myouga shook his head to himself mournfully. It might have been over two hundred years since Touga-sama's death, but he still felt miserable whenever he thought of it. To him, Touga-sama was not just an Oyakata-sama, he had also been a friend, one of the most cherished friends Myouga ever had, and his death had been a great shock. He still couldn't believe that it had happened sometimes, that somebody as powerful as Touga-sama could've been defeated. But that's how life was, he thought, glancing once again at Sesshoumaru-sama, who looked so much like his father at times, no matter how powerful you were, there was no way to control everything and some things would always be able to overcome you, just like that. He could only hope that Sesshoumaru-sama was aware of that truth by now.

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Rin glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama, to see if he was angry. He didn't seem so, even though there was that crease between his eyebrows again, she noted, and refrained from swinging her legs, waiting patiently while Sesshoumaru-sama was carrying her somewhere through the woods. It wasn't her fault that they were in this situation really, it just happened, she decided resolutely, thinking back to what had just transpired between them.

It had been a very nice and warm summer afternoon, and they had taken a stop near the apple trees Shippou-chan had spotted. She and Shippou-chan climbed the trees to pick up some of the fruit, but soon found that eating straight from the branches was much more fun, so they stayed up there, eating and chatting and just having a nice time. Until she lost her balance when reaching for one of the apples, and – even though she quickly tried to grab onto something – would've fallen to the ground, had Sesshoumaru-sama not caught her. It was really nice of him to do so, since the trees were fairly tall and the ground looked rather firm, so it would've hurt quite a bit. And she really wished she had eaten fewer apples, since then she probably wouldn't have felt sick on the impact and wouldn't have thrown up all over herself and Sesshoumaru-sama's armor. And it was the new armor, she sighed regretfully, the one he had made only a few days ago, and the one they had come all the way to Kyushu to get. It looked just like his old armor, but she knew it was much more durable, since Sesshoumaru-sama had been satisfied with it when he had tested it.

But Sesshoumaru-sama didn't say anything when she threw up on it, he just turned and walked back into the forest, still carrying her. And, she sighed again, he was carrying her using both his arms, even though his left arm had grown back only half way past the elbow and she knew it had to be rather uncomfortable for him. She had noticed that it was growing back some few months ago, although she had never really been aware that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't have it to begin with. She knew he didn't, but it just wasn't noticeable really, since she couldn't remember any time when Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't be able to do something because of it. But it was still very intriguing, that it would grow back that is, so she kept trying to catch a glimpse of it, until Sesshoumaru-sama finally asked her what she was doing and she told him, feeling a little embarrassed since it wasn't very nice of her. But Sesshoumaru-sama didn't seem offended, he just confirmed that it was indeed growing back. She asked him if it hurt, to grow it back, yet he said that it didn't hurt, but itched a lot. She had been very surprised to learn that Sesshoumaru-sama would feel itchings like everybody else. He somehow didn't seem like somebody who would ever feel itchy. But if he said that it was itchy, then it had to be so, and she felt very conscious of it now when that arm was supporting her legs.

She glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama again, but he was still just walking through the forest, without saying anything or looking at her. Where exactly were they going...? She pondered various options, but soon saw for herself. They were headed for a stream in the forest, probably the nearest one, and she had to admit it was a good idea, since they were both still covered by the rather smelly substance, with some small chunks of apples in it even.

She was about to thank Sesshoumaru-sama for having thought of it, but then they got to the stream and instead of setting her down as she was expecting him to, Sesshoumaru-sama just dumped her into the water, but she quickly found it was only deep enough to reach to her chest, when she resurfaced after being dumped in like that, that is. Looking up to Sesshoumaru-sama, she felt that perhaps he was angry after all, and was about to say she was sorry, since she really was, even though it wasn't her fault, but Sesshoumaru-sama just leaped into the stream after her, yet somehow without splashing the water as much as she had.

The stream didn't even reach up to his waist, so he sat down in it, to make it wash away her vomit off him – there was even some on his clothes too, she noticed somewhat guiltily – and flicked off some stubborn apple pieces that didn't want to leave the spikes of his armor. It was somehow so odd to see Sesshoumaru-sama like that, sitting in a stream and flicking off vomit pieces from himself, that she just had to giggle, wondering how Sesshoumaru-sama was going to dry himself off, since he wore so much and now even the fur he wore was all wet and clumped together.

She found out soon though, when Sesshoumaru-sama hopped out onto the bank, his clothes and hair as wet and clinging to him as she thought they would be, and suddenly the air around him swooshed and his eyes became all red, and when she blinked, surprised, instead of Sesshoumaru-sama she saw a giant white dog standing on the bank.

She felt her mouth drop; it was... huge! Even its single claw was larger than the whole of her body! And it reached even above the trees! But when her eyes slid up the animal past its red eyes and towards its head she noticed something that made her gasp. The dog had a blue half-moon on its forehead... She blinked again, more astonished than she had ever felt before. This dog, this huge, gigantic white dog was Sesshoumaru-sama...

Her thoughts stumbled in her mind. It had been so long since she had discovered that Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog, and it mattered so little to her, that she had somehow completely forgotten about it. She refocused on the huge dog again. Was that really Sesshoumaru-sama...? Was her Sesshoumaru-sama still somewhere inside...? The dog suddenly did a very dog-like thing and shook himself off, spraying water all over the area and making her feel as if it was raining. Somehow, it cleared her mind a little and when she looked at him again it seemed obvious to her that it really must be Sesshoumaru-sama. Not only because the dog was missing his left paw, had a moon on his head and stripes around his maw, but mostly because of the white fur, all dry and fluffed out now, that looked so much like Sesshoumaru-sama's pretty hair. And he even had some longer fur that looked like white flames over his right shoulder, just like Sesshoumaru-sama.

She felt suddenly very curious and somehow excited to see Sesshoumaru-sama like that, in his true form, and tried to observe as much as she only could of it, but the contours of the animal all of a sudden began to blur and in but a moment he shrank back into Sesshoumaru-sama, all dry now, no less. She let out a sigh of disappointment, regretting that she couldn't watch him as a dog some more. It was really amazing that Sesshoumaru-sama could change like that! She had seen him do many amazing things, but this one easily outdid everything else!

Sesshoumaru glanced to her curiously, watching her reaction. Truth be told he had completely forgotten that she had never seen his true form, perhaps because the rancid smell of vomit had been clouding his mind, or perhaps because it had never before crossed his mind that she hadn't. It was only when he had transformed and heard her gasp that it occurred to him, along with a brief thought that maybe that was the proper way to make her understand the true nature of the difference between them.

He waited patiently, curious to see if it had worked any, while she quickly washed off any remaining pieces of apples from her clothes, and clambered up the bank. She did not seem to have comprehended anything particular, since she was approaching him with one of the widest smiles he had ever seen on her.

"Nani ga ureshiii," he asked her, with a distant feeling that he had asked her the same question once before.

But her smile only widened, even though he would've doubted that it was possible.

"It was great!" she announced happily and promptly moved closer to latch herself onto him, nearly bumping her head against his armor in the process. She had grown quite a lot during the last year and that was probably why she had switched from latching onto just his leg to latching onto the whole of him, despite the fact that she still didn't even reach his waist yet, and that this novel technique usually made her collide, painfully, he assumed, with his armor.

"Thank you!" she added, letting go of him, still with that wide smile.

"For what...?" he asked, somewhat unsure what she meant. For having been puked on...?

"For letting me see it! Sesshoumaru-sama's true form!" she replied, all bright and cheerful and he knew at once that she had indeed missed the point entirely, even though she apparently knew that it was his true form, not just another form.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she inquired preliminarily, as was her habit when she wanted to ask something nonstandard.

"Nanda?" he replied, as always.

"How does it feel?" she asked, looking up to him, with curiosity all over her face. "To be that huge, I mean."

Huge? He was hardly large, certainly not huge. True, Chichi-ue had been enormous and in time he would grow to a comparable size, but at the current moment his true form clearly showed that he was still a youth. And it didn't have any particular feel, it was basically the same thing, even though the perspective of the world and the balance of his body were different. The greatest difference was probably the feel of his youki which flowed through him much more markedly in his true form.

"Strong," he answered simply, but she seemed satisfied with it, since she nodded to herself knowingly.

Yes, it probably did feel very strong to be like that, Rin thought, observing Sesshoumaru-sama when they were walking back to the others, and recalling the image of the huge dog in her mind. But why did Shippou-chan say that Sesshoumaru-sama was 'large' in his true form, she wondered, 'large' was very much not the word in her opinion! If Sesshoumaru-sama was as large as a bear or horse then yes, but he was taller than the trees! She blinked once again, surprised to remember that Shippou-chan and Myouga-sama said that Sesshoumaru-sama was still small in comparison to his father. Then how gigantic his father had to be...? She struggled to picture a dog in comparison to which Sesshoumaru-sama would be small, but it was somehow beyond her imagination. But thinking about that time she talked to Myouga-sama and Shippou-chan about it made her remember something else the two of them had said back then. She could still remember clearly that they had said that Sesshoumaru-sama was scary in his true form, but... he wasn't scary at all! Well, yes, she frowned, straining her imagination again, if he wanted to be scary he would probably be terrifying, but when he didn't, he was just as not scary as he was in his human form.

Satisfied with her thoughts, she glanced again to Sesshoumaru-sama. She had been right back then when she decided that it didn't matter at all whether Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog or not, because she felt the same now, even though she had just seen his true form. He was still Sesshoumaru-sama and she was even more confident than before that nothing could ever change that.

But when they reached the others and her eyes fell on Shippou-chan, she felt there was something more that she wanted to know, and promptly set out to satisfy her curiosity.

"Shippou-chan," she asked, walking over to him, "if Sesshoumaru-sama is really a dog because he is an inu-youkai, then shouldn't you be a fox because you are a kitsune-youkai...?" She looked him over intently, somewhat expecting him to change into a fox any moment now.

Shippou looked back, surprised. "Well, I am a fox..." He always felt it was rather obvious, even if he often got mistaken for a tanuki.

"So you can change into a fox...? A real fox I mean?" She was still looking him over carefully, observing all the little things that marked him as a kitsune.

"Err... well, no, not yet, I'm too young, but wait till I'm grown!" he replied confidently. Shippou didn't like to be reminded that he was still a weak child, and the fact that he had hardly grown any while Rin seemed to have nearly doubled in height from the first time he had seen her only served to emphasize his small size. It was good to be small, in a way, since everybody ignored you in a fight and the like, but it would be much better to be stronger.

"Then you'll be able to change into a fox?" Rin asked again, even more curious.

"I think so," answered Shippou, tapping his cheek in thought. He should be able to do it when he's older, both of his parents could. But his father looked like a fox even in his 'human' form, while his mother had been a very humanly looking youkai, like himself for most part, who only could change into an actual fox. Which was why he looked like a human but had fox feet and a tail, his father had told him. Still, so far he had all the powers his parents had, so he couldn't see why he should turn out to be unable to turn into a fox too, in time.

After a moment of silence, Rin found there was something more that was nudging at her mind.

"Can Myouga-sama change into something too?" she asked Shippou while looking around to see where Myouga-sama could be.

"Hmmmm," Shippou pondered it for a moment, "I don't think so, I've never seen him change into anything." He said finally. "But he can really stretch, and I mean really stretch. So much that he's the size of my head!" He shook his head in wonder, remembering how rotund and bouncy Myouga was when filled with something.

Rin pondered it too, trying to piece all the information together. So some youkai could change into something else while others could not...? She focused, trying to figure out what the difference between the two kinds of youkai could be, but no appropriate answer came to her mind and she had given up on it in the end, although the issue still played on her mind, enough to make her ask Jaken-sama if he could change into something too, but Jaken-sama only humphed and told her that she was a stupid girl and that he didn't need to change into anything. She assumed that meant he couldn't.

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It was only some days later that her thoughts have finally pieced together various bits of information, although instead of arriving at any conclusions, she only reached another question, much more important than the initial one. It still didn't seem clear to her why some youkai could change while others could not, but the whole issue of Sesshoumaru-sama's true form and being reminded of her conversation with Myouga-sama and Shippou-chan made her return to the matter that had occurred to her then too – how exactly did youkai differ from humans? Almost everybody she knew now was youkai, yet... she couldn't come up with anything that would link them together, except maybe that they could do many things that she couldn't.

But everybody seemed so certain that youkai and humans were different and somehow lived in different worlds, although she couldn't really see why. It seemed to be just one world to her, and youkai and humans weren't that different at all, just like she had concluded at that time. Then... how were they different? Was there any point when one was no longer a human but a youkai, or other way around...?

It seemed very important for her to learn that, especially since she was living in the 'youkai world', whatever that meant, and it wouldn't stop harassing her thoughts, so she finally decided to ask the best source of information she knew.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she began, moving to sit down next to him, under the tree he had picked to sit under when they stopped near it for the night, "what makes a youkai a youkai?"

Sesshoumaru looked down to her inquisitive eyes, very much taken by a complete surprise. Yes, it had been quite some time since she had astounded him last, so he should've seen it coming. But... He frowned, thoroughly unable to find any answer. Not just any appropriate answer, any answer. And it wasn't some silly question about something human, no, it was very much a valid question, one he should be able to answer easily. Yet... there was nothing he could think of that would make a youkai a youkai. In all the years of his life he had never stopped to ask such a question, and it seemed odd to him that she already had. Although considering that he had lived all his life among his kind while she had been uprooted from hers, it wasn't really that odd at all.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" Rin decided to ask again, even though she knew that even if Sesshoumaru-sama didn't answer at once, it didn't always mean he wasn't going to answer at all, but he sometimes seemed to forget that she had asked him something and then asking again was often very helpful.

"I don't know," he answered, looking somehow surprised, and she felt rather surprised too to learn that there was something Sesshoumaru-sama didn't know. He always seemed to know and notice everything, or at least much, much more than her, so it was strange that there was something neither of them knew. But if even he didn't know, then it was very likely that nobody did, she concluded, and decided to give the issue a rest.

But Sesshoumaru couldn't stop thinking about it, not only that night but during the rest of their trip, or even when they finally returned to the shiro, getting there only with the winter. It seemed so... inappropriate to him that he wouldn't know that, that there was nothing he could think of that would clearly mark a youkai as a youkai. And it wasn't only that; he had very quickly arrived at the underlying question – what was it that differentiated a youkai from a human...? True, youkai had youki, a very noticeable trait, but humans had life energies too, only much weaker. Was the difference marked only by the intensity of the energy then...? No, he could feel instinctively that the rift between them ran much deeper than that. Yet there was no satisfactory explanation he could come up with, no common characteristics that would link all humans or all youkai.

It couldn't be that youkai were immortal while humans aged so easily. No, some youkai aged, not as easily as humans, but nevertheless still aged, and he had a vague feeling that there were some humans who could live much longer than others, unless those were only myths.

It also couldn't be that humans were irrational and bizarre while youkai were not. Not only was the idea silly, but some youkai were just as absurd as humans, and some humans were surprisingly logical and collected.

It just as much couldn't be that, another silly idea, that humans were foul and repulsive while youkai were not, it was not so, as the simple examples of Chushihou and Rin showed.

Could it be then that it was the absence or presence of a soul...? Could it be that Yourei were not youkai souls after all, and that youkai simply didn't have souls...? But if that was so, then why...? Why didn't youkai have souls? To even out the balance between them and humans...? Was there really some governing entity, be it fate or whatever else, that had created them all and for some inexplicable reason decided that one kind should have souls while the other should not...? And what was a soul to begin with? What did it do for humans apart from making them liable to have it stolen...?

But when he came to that point, he felt that he had enough of this mental puzzle. It was getting him very much nowhere, except maybe into annoyed confusion. There was no apparent answer to the problem, so it would be best for him to give it a rest and occupy his thoughts more productively, he decided finally, not knowing that in the end he reached the same conclusion Rin had. Yet, as easy it was to do for her, for him it proved a much more difficult task and the issue kept sneaking up on him from time to time, entangling him again in the obscure web of how's and why's.

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One of those times happened hardly a few months later, during late spring. He had been reading another of Chichi-ue's bizarre books on humans, or rather for humans, feeling once again often perplexed by the various instances of human behavior described in it. It was less confounding than that Shounagon woman's book however, since it was some kind of an adventure story and he could much more easily relate to combat – very poorly executed as it was – than to the intricacies of the court life. He had to admit though that reading was not the worst way to spend his time when he had nothing better to do, as he had at the moment, although he would rather read something less... human. Yet overall, he was not in a bad mood and that was perhaps why he had not only listened but also agreed to Myouga's suggestion, when the flea came over to hop on the table and lay out his idea, the gist of which was that he and the fox child wanted to go to Musashi, to see if perhaps Inuyasha and his group had come back in the meantime.

It was actually not that bad of an idea at all, he found, since if they had, then perhaps he could learn more about the future of the youkai directly from the original source of the information – the miko. And thus they soon set out to Musashi, with Rin tagging along, as seemed to be the custom by now. It took over a month to get there, since her human needs and their childish antics – Myouga and Jaken included – slowed them down considerably, but Sesshoumaru didn't mind. They were as much not in a hurry as only possible, and had no fixed amount of time neither to get there nor to return. As long as they made it before winter that is, since he was very aware by now that if he even mentioned not returning to the shiro for winter, the resulting ruckus would probably deafen him for days.

But it was still summer and they had a lot of time to return to the Western Lands, he thought, looking over the lush green forest around him. A considerably more peaceful than usual forest, he noted, since Shippou and Myouga went to that human village Inuyasha and his group somehow considered as their own. He had no desire to go to any human settlement, whether any future mikos were to be found there or not, and for some reason Rin refused to go with them too, so they had been left with Jaken and Aun in a clearing nearby to wait for the two to come back.

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Shippou and Myouga were indeed in the village, asking anyone they could find if Inuyasha or Kagome had been seen in the area recently, but they soon found out that nobody had seen neither hide nor hair of their missing companions. Myouga was beginning to feel rather worried. He had assumed before that most likely Shikon no Tama had taken them to Kagome's time, but if that was the case why would they not use the well to come back? True, time travel was a mysterious concept and it was possible that even if they did use the well, they ended up in some other time, yet... Kagome, or Inuyasha-sama for that matter, never had any problems in returning to this exact point in time, and not only that, it had always also been as if time was flowing with the same speed on both sides of the well. Then where were they? It had been almost four years and he considered that to be a rather long time for a human, so why would they not come back? Were they not in the future after all...?

When they were returning to the others, Myouga felt his anxiety double. He had also always assumed that it was the will of Midoriko-sama to take Inuyasha-tachi somewhere to "do something good", but... it didn't have to be like that at all, he realized, since after all Shikon no Tama contained both the soul of Midoriko-sama and of the youkai who had dealt her the mortal wound, and thus could be either good or evil, depending on who held it. If it had been Midoriko-sama's will that had taken Inuyasha-tachi somewhere, he would've felt certain of their safety even if they did not come back for fifty years, but... what if it had been the evil side of Shikon no Tama that had triggered the jewel's unexpected powers...?

He shook his head sadly; there was no way for him to know that now, he could only wait and hope that perhaps one day they would come back. But he had grown rather fond of Inuyasha-sama, perhaps because the boy's strong-willed and – when the push came to a shove – kind-hearted nature often reminded him of Touga-sama, and although Sesshoumaru-sama was not that bad a master either, apart from being somewhat frightening on occasion, he still preferred Inuyasha-sama.

"So? Are they back?" Rin asked as soon as they returned to the clearing. She didn't really know Inuyasha-tachi that much, but thanks to Shippou-chan stories they all seemed like friends to her now, so she was looking forward to getting to know them better in person.

But Shippou shook his head. "No, nobody has seen them or even heard anything about them..." It was quite a disappointment for him, he really somehow felt that they'd be back by now. True, he was having a nice time with his current lifestyle, but Inuyasha-tachi always stayed in his mind, in a way, and he really would've liked to see them again. He sighed heavily; were on earth were they? Did they really just leave him behind...? No, he was certain Kagome wouldn't do that, even if Inuyasha would tell her so, which he doubted too. Inuyasha was definitely an ahou, but he wouldn't abandon his friend like that.

"Where is the well that allowed the miko to time travel?" Sesshoumaru said suddenly, getting up, and they stared at him, surprised.

"That way," Shippou said finally, pointing towards Inuyasha's forest on the hill next to the one they were on, "but it ain't gonna work for you, you know. It worked only for Kagome and Inuyasha."

But Sesshoumaru didn't reply and just left in the direction Shippou pointed to, and after looking at each other in puzzlement, the others followed after him, curious as to what he might be having in mind.

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"See? Told ya it wouldn't work!" Shippou shouted down the well, after Sesshoumaru jumped into it. He did tell him it wouldn't but he's as stubborn as Inuyasha, Shippou thought, watching the taiyoukai. Yet Sesshoumaru didn't seem in any way surprised that it indeed didn't work, and just stood at the bottom, seemingly in thought. Curious, Shippou jumped in after him, or rather lowered himself down the ivy, thank you very much, leaving Rin and Jaken to peer down over the well's rail, like he had been doing.

"So...?" he asked, hopping over some bones to walk over to Sesshoumaru, who crouched down and picked up some of the earth from the bottom, inspecting it carefully. "Digging ain't gonna work either, I tried it once." Shippou informed him, just in case he didn't know.

But Sesshoumaru ignored him again. He was to busy tuning his senses onto the subtle fluctuations of energy in the well. True, it didn't take him to the future, not that he expected it would, but... there was a very distinctive feel to the well, something alien, something he had never felt before. It was probably some residue energy of whatever it was that made the well link to the future, but it somehow felt murky, as if it had last appeared here quite a while ago. Yet if it had been employed last four years ago, when the miko was still using it to time travel, the residue would've been much fainter, just like the miko's scent that was still present here, although so faintly that even he could only detect it more as intuition than knowledge.

Frowning, he got up, feeling annoyed at not being able to come to any decisive conclusions yet again, despite being at the very place that connected this world, his world, to the world where there would be no youkai. The future seemed somehow even more explicit now and yet so... unbelievable, he thought, looking around the well that seemed so shabby yet would outlive the youkai. Would the youkai really just die out...? Or perhaps, he wondered, thinking back to Rin's unanswerable question, there was something in the future that would no longer allow their very existence...?

"Do you think they'll ever come back...?" The fox child's oddly solemn voice interrupted his thoughts and he glanced down to see the little kitsune stand in front of him with a surprisingly serious and adult expression on his face.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, feeling even more annoyed at not knowing. It was actually grating him so much to know virtually nothing about such vital issues that if he could somehow travel to the future, to that inexplicably human future, he would use the opportunity at once, just to see what the hell happened.

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Language notes:

Nani ga ureshii – What are you so happy about? It's what Sesshoumaru says to Rin in Episode 35 when she smiles at him for the first time;

Nanda – what?; a Sesshoumaru classic;

Tanuki – racoon dog; like Hachi;

ahou­ – fool, simpleton, idiot; Shippou often calls Inuyasha that, especially when Inuyasha gets himself repeatedly 'sat' by Kagome;

General notes:

Yourei – this is my own creation, not some actual word. I made it up out of a combination of 'youkai' and 'soul';

Kanjin – means simply 'armorer'

Shippou's speech: Shippou actually speaks in a dialect, or maybe it's just a colloquial way of speaking, and replaces the copula "da" with "ja" as in "Kitsune ja!" – "I'm a kitsune!". I tried to reflect it by using English colloquialisms, but if it seems off, then I'll stop.