Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

Reviews: :blushes profusely: I'm overwhelmed by the many praises the fanfic has received so far! It really feels great to know that there are people who enjoy reading it and even more so to know that many like the exact same things I find important while writing – the slow pace, the broader scope of the world portrayed and the attempt to stay true both to the character's natures and to the realities of both the series and history as such.

One of the things that appeared in the reviews most often is Sesshoumaru's character, and although most reviewers seem to be satisfied with how I portray him, I nevertheless decided to rant a bit on the subject in the general notes, so that's where responses to the finer details of the reviews on the topic can be found.

AriKitten: Haha, I'm glad to hear the notes are of any use ;) And as for the well being used – I made a bit of a mistake there, hopefully only because I was tired writing it, and just forgot to somehow explain how come the well's energy feels fresher than Kagome's scent. There's nothing mysterious to it, it's just that the well is named "Bone Eating/gobbling well" because the bones thrown into it would disappear after a while, so it seems to me that the well has to 'flush' itself, so to speak, from time to time. The issue of the well and time travel will reappear, but only much later in the fic and hopefully without unnecessary details...

SakuyaTsuki: I'm sorry, but if you're looking for a mushy romance of people falling in love in the manner of a lightning from a blue sky, then this is not a fic for you. There will be no melodramatic scenes of unbridled passions here and most certainly no mushie as such.

Anonymous: Thank you very much! I'm glad the speeding up went okay, I was a bit worried that the sudden change might seem a bit off. And I'm also glad to know that you think the chapters are getting better, since after all I'm a very non-experienced writer and am only now learning all those little things that make a story enjoyable to read ;)

Sexysaxist: Haha, I loved the idea of Sesshoumaru vs. everyday joys of having a child around too! And I'm also happy that you enjoy the speed, since the idea of growing together was generally very important to me when I first thought of the fic, and not only in relation to Rin and Sesshoumaru but also with all the other characters featured.

Tarwen: :blushes profusely again under so many compliments: Thank you very much! Receiving such reviews is the best thing that can happen to a fresh author:D And I wish I could write faster not only to supply those who like the fic with new chapters quicker, but generally because a story feels better when read continuously, but alas, I'm really slow when it comes to the difficult parts . I think though that I have pictured their relationship in such a way that it will be acceptably realistic, at least in the realities I have set them in. But, how can you want Sesshoumaru to get that stick out of his ass, he wouldn't be himself without it! ;)

Maore: The Yourei will be featured again, although their true nature and significance will only become important in the latter part of the fic, when it gets to the adventure with Inuyasha-tachi. And I'm not sure if a flea – or specifically Myouga – can swim or not, I just thought of his past and somehow came up with that story ;)

Carmen: Thank you! And as for your questions: I'm not sure how many chapters it will take, I never plan more than two ahead. I have the story ready in my mind, but I cut chapters out of it only when I write. But I'm afraid it will still be at least ten, if not more 0.0 And what happened to them? That's the mystery! ;)

puppet-cat: Unfortunately, I don't speak Spanish, but from what I gathered you are surprised to learn that Inuyasha is 150, in which case I agree, that's indeed old! ;)

mystal: Thank you very much and I'm very glad to hear the idea was appreciated. I too agree he doesn't really do things dramatically on purpose, although it often comes off like that, but I think he cares too little for others to actually make an effort to be dramatic ;) And you should watch the episodes as soon as possible! ;)

DPM: :blushes profusely yet again: Thank you very much! I do hope to keep Sesshoumaru – and generally the fic as such - in this style, so hopefully you will enjoy the rest of the story too :) And as for my take on his character, I replied in more detail in the general notes at the end of the chapter.

Note: This chapter is a bit strange, in that it comprises of three separate issues. The fist one – the Sesshoumaru-Shippou feud – is just a joke, nothing more than another attempt of humour on my part, and also a practice in writing something of an action sequence, since I will need to learn that for future use. The other issues are that of, how to put it, 'Adolescence: fresh and revisited' and probably many readers won't agree with my take on Sesshoumaru's 'sexual past', so to speak, but that's how I see it and the matter would have to be touched upon sooner or later. (Btw. I do intend to include some 'lemons', but nothing overly descriptive and detailed, but rather with the emphasis on the personal perspectives and not on the action as such.) The last thing is the issue that had been featured in Movie 3 – that of Sesshoumaru versus protecting somebody, and hence the torture I put him through in this chapter. ;) It is 'one small step for man, but one giant leap for Sesshoumaru' kind of thing, although he of course restructures it to be insignificant ;)

And some more ranting: Overall, this story is mammoth in size – I'm already at over 70 000 words and yet am only at the very beginning of the story! Moreover, it comprises of two stories, although they are inseparably linked together and remain predominantly a Rin/Sess story throughout. This inseparability is the reason for all those rumblings from Sesshoumaru's perspective on the nature of youkai and the like, since it will be something of a central issue in the second story and Sesshoumaru will play a vital part in it, and it will be for him to be 'the brains' of it ;)

Warning: This chapter contains a few choice swear words, when Shippou reaches into the depths of his vocabulary, and although I very much doubt anyone would be offended by such mild terms, I felt obliged to mention it ;) And if you don't know what 'ass spelunker' is, I advise you to check the meaning of 'spelunker' and all will become clear...

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

And yes, they are back!

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Cultural notes

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Kinds of youkai: Although most of the kinds of youkai in Inuyasha – including Sesshoumaru – are only the author's imagination, not a part of the popular folklore, the actual youkai stories really feature a very wide variety of various kinds of youkai. The differences between them are often so subtle and the divisions introduced by different authors so varied, that it's often hard to say what kind of a youkai a given youkai is. However, the four most prominent kinds are: youkai (the name is also often used for all ghost/demons/monsters etc) – monsters that are born monsters, in this case like Sesshoumaru or Shippou; they are not 'ghosts' as such, but simply more like animals with some super powers ;); obake or bakemono: something that transformed from something else, for example a deceased infant who becomes sort of a demon/monster; I think that in Inuyasha that would actually be Naraku ;); oni: creatures that inhabit the Buddhist Hell, featured frequently in art of other animes, like Dragonball Z; usually have horns, carry clubs and have varying number of eyes; yuurei: more like ghosts proper, like spirits of the dead and also the Yuki Onna, snow woman. Additionally, there is a category of henge: animals capable of shape changing (usually into something attractive and often using leaves), and Hachi and Kanta are I think the best representatives. All the terms are used rather loosely though, so for example Inuyasha sometimes gets called a 'bakemono'. Also, often the term mononoke is used instead, although it just means evil spirit/monster and so on, so any youkai is a mononoke.

Moreover, although in the West ghosts and demons are usually scary and ugly, in Japan youkai are usually depicted as beautiful and hence the name youkai, which comprises of two characters, one: 'attractive, bewitching, calamity' and the other: 'suspicious, mystery, apparition'. And thus, as Sesshoumaru notices in this chapter, the name 'youkai' is a name given to creatures like him by humans, it is not a rather empty descriptive term such as 'ningen' – human, which does not really carry any deeper meaning with it.

Menstrual issues in Sengoku Jidai: Although it's a bit of a spoiler, yes, in this chapter Rin faces the tragic fate of all females and learns the true meaning of 'uncomfortable'. Naturally, a dedicated researcher such as myself would not be satisfied just with saying "somebody gave her something to take care of it" and instead I tried to find out what exactly the Japanese women in Sengoku Jidai did during that time of the month. And here comes the first interesting bit: Japanese women started wearing underwear only after WWII, before they would just wear a kimono or a yukata and nothing underneath it. This led to various humorous issues and I found a phenomenal article about it here:

http:jbe. la. psu. Edu / textbooks / MJ / ch4 . htm

I do warn everyone reading it though: although it's a study article, it contains links to many images of nudity, so if you are easily offended by such things, you can read the article without worries, but do not click on the links! It also describes how different the Japanese culture used to be in its approach to 'shame' in relation to nudity. People simply didn't have it, and being naked, even totally naked, was not in any way an embarrassment, nor was it necessarily associated with sex. Women often were seen topless and men often wore nothing more but a loincloth and everybody bathed together anyway. This however applied to a lesser degree to the upper classes, who followed the principle mentioned in the article of 'being seen incompletely dressed is being seen imperfect', yet still did not consider nudity to be offensive or personal. However, this principle of immaculate dress would apply to Sesshoumaru, since he is a 'terrifying young noble' (that's the actual title of Episode 5, not 'aristocratic assassin', hmph!).

Then what did the Japanese women do about their periods? For this occasion they would wear uma, which was something of an underwear – a thin material belt that would hold up a strap of material that ran between the legs, the simplest solution ;). There were some more advanced types that looked better and were more efficient, but the general idea was the same – for those few days of the month a Japanese woman would wear a kind of underwear.

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Chapter 9

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The trip back took them just as long and soon after their return to the shiro the leaves once again turned red and began to fall, burying the lands under their brittle carpet. The days quickly grew shorter and colder, forcing Rin to stay inside more often, instead of wandering around with Shippou and Myouga. Her cold hating companions soon followed and the room that centuries ago belonged to a sophisticated lady was once again filled with stories, games and laughter... and sometimes also with the smell of roasting chestnuts.

Evenings thus spent passed quickly and soon they found the winter chills dispersing and giving way to spring again. And it was around the beginning of spring that Shippou accidentally found the perfect means of getting even with Sesshoumaru for bonking him so unscrupulously when he had only said the truth about him and Rin. He had been near a human village when he smelled a familiar scent, one that he immediately associated with Sango. Creeping into the village, he quickly found that his senses were correct – there were some taijia in there, currently engaged in smoking out a minor weasel youkai from one of the huts, and right next to one of them was lying a pouch full of a substance Shippou knew well – smoke pellets.

He swindled them easily when the taijia were busy killing the weasel and within the next few days concocted the perfect plan. And thus, on one crisp spring morning, he was sitting over the exit to the internal courtyard of the shiro, perched on the roof and waiting for the sound of Sesshoumaru's footsteps below. Shippou stifled a satisfied snigger; that'll show him! Yes, he had gotten used to being bonked, both by Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru, but that didn't make it right at all! How could they abuse a cute little kitsune like him!

His ears twitched as he heard the characteristic sound of Sesshoumaru's footsteps below. Oh yes, he was gonna show him, he hummed to himself , taking out a handful of smoke pellets and feeling that somehow he would have his revenge not only on Sesshoumaru but also on Inuyasha, in a way. Transforming promptly with a light pop, he chew on the pellets for a moment and, when the right instant came, leaned over the edge of the roof and belched a cloud of the extremely smelly gas smack onto Sesshoumaru.

It was only in that moment, when Sesshoumaru went strangely rigid for a split second and then collapsed onto the steps below with a loud thud, that Shippou's mind finally linked together various pieces of information he should've linked much sooner. When he had done the same thing to Inuyasha, the hanyou got almost knocked out and was very ill for a day. But... even Inuyasha admitted that Sesshoumaru had a much better sense of smell than him. Shippou peeked down to the unmoving body below in terror. Did he somehow manage to kill Sesshoumaru...? He felt his insides churn in fear; if he did, the dogs here would shred him into pieces so small that even he wouldn't be able to recognize them!

"Kyaaa! Sesshoumaru-sama!" He glanced down again to see Rin run over to the still motionless form of her protector to try to shake him awake. Shippou jumped down cautiously, feeling suddenly very remorseful. If he killed Sesshoumaru, Rin would never forgive him!

"I'm sorry! Very sorry! I really didn't mean to..." he started his frantic explanations but a low noncommittal grunt from Sesshoumaru interrupted him. Shippou breathed a sigh of relief. So he didn't kill him after all!

But, he realized, and his fear returned to him quickly, if he didn't kill Sesshoumaru, then Sesshoumaru was going to kill him! So far he only got repeatedly bonked at most, but there was no way Sesshoumaru would just 'forgive' him for something like that! He took a tentative step back.

"Shippou-chan, I think you better run," Rin was obviously thinking the same thing, and when Sesshoumaru started coming to and was collecting himself heavily from the ground, Shippou could only gulp and run away so fast that he left a trail of dust behind him.

Sesshoumaru sat up slowly, trying to avoid moving his head too much. His vision was foggy, he felt nauseous and there was a million Jaken's screeching loudly in his head. It was the worst headache he had in... ever, actually, and he would rather not make it even worse.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," a familiar voice reached his ears from behind the fog around him, "please don't kill Shippou-chan..."

The fox child? What did he have to do with... His eyes suddenly snapped much more open when his mind recalled sensing a scent of kitsune right before he had been assaulted by that foul stench. That hellish brat! That hellish, ungrateful, spoiled rotten, dead brat! He was going to...

"Please, Sesshoumaru-sama...?"

...not kill him. But, he decided, getting up and drawing in a few mind-cleansing breaths, he was going to make the brat pay, oh yes, he was. And as the best method made itself clear in his mind, he smirked to himself with satisfaction, and followed the still very fresh scent of the damned hellion.

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Would Sesshoumaru fall for the jizou trick? It was a very important question, and Shippou considered the option carefully as he hung limply from Sesshoumaru's hand, held firmly by the tail. Or maybe biting was the way...? If only he had run further away from the shiro, he thought, shaking his head regretfully and reflecting back on how he had gotten into such a position.

After running away, he had hidden up on a tree branch in the forest that grew at the foot of the hill the shiro stood on. He had been watching the shiro for quite a while, but nobody was after him, so he was beginning to relax. Maybe Rin managed to calm Sesshoumaru down somehow, he wondered, glancing up to the sky. He had seen it work before, when just the fact that she was there was able to placate Sesshoumaru, well, at least enough that he was no longer furious but just angry. So maybe he was going to be spared after all...

A quiet swoosh behind him caught his ears and he turned around quickly.

"Yipes!" he yelped when he found himself staring straight into the eyes of Sesshoumaru, the angry, cold, merciless eyes of Sesshoumaru. He leaped back at once, but a large hand instantly caught his tail and he was pulled up to once again stare into that pair of very angry golden eyes.

"Suman...?" he offered, blinking innocently, not feeling that sorry at all. But those eyes...!

Yet Sesshoumaru did not accept the half-hearted apology and carried him somewhere to the north, all the time having him hung like that by his tail. Glancing up ahead, Shippou suddenly sniffed out where they were going. A bog! There was a large foul bog up there! He, Shippou, was going to get dumped into a smelly, stinking, reeking bog!

"You jerk!" he yelled, twisting violently to get himself free, too angry to be afraid anymore, "you're not gonna do it to me! You git! Bastard! Ass spelunker!"

Sesshoumaru paused, quite astounded. Ass spelunker...? What the...? He pondered the meaning for a moment, but quickly found that it was something he would rather not ponder. But where on earth did the brat learn such an expression? And did he even know what it meant...? He raised the kitsune up to ask, although it was probably better not to, but the hellion was the first one to speak.

"You heard me!" Shippou yelled angrily, pointing his small finger to Sesshoumaru's face, "Ass spelunker!"

The brat was definitely asking for it, Sesshoumaru decided, and resuming his pace quickly arrived at the bog and, finding a sufficiently smelly and rotten pothole, dumped the violently resisting fox into it. Zama miro, he thought vindictively, pushing the little monster deeper in with his foot.

"Bluergh!" Shippou announced when he finally resurfaced and grabbed onto some firmer part of the pothole's edge. He got a mouthful of the moldy water and was covered head to toe with rotting pieces of wood and leaves, and it was not something he'd like to ever do again.

"You...!" he pointed again after the already leaving Sesshoumaru, but failed to find any words that would express the true depths of his contempt.

"If you ever do it again," Sesshoumaru turned back to him and a strangely frozen smile appeared on his face, "korosu zo."

"Eeep!" Shippou instinctively twitched back and fell again into the watery mash, finally understanding why Jaken would get so frantic whenever Sesshoumaru did it to him. It was one thing to watch it done to somebody else, but when it was you on the receiving end...!

But, he thought, resurfacing again, he had knocked out Sesshoumaru.

"Hehehe," he let out a snicker of satisfaction, "wait till you hear about it, Inuyasha!"

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It really was amazing how much one detail could change everything, Sesshoumaru thought, sitting against the frame of the external screens of his room and watching the lands stretching down the hill and beyond, towards the knolls and rivers. He had been sitting there for many hours now, just watching the scenery change with the passage of time. It was something he always enjoyed doing, just observing nature. Not only it somehow never got old, but it always made his thoughts flow more easily, peacefully. And sitting thus he had first seen fireflies dancing in the darkness near the river, bathed in moonlight, then, when the first smudges of dawn arrived, he saw mist appear above the ground, raised by the early morning chill, and when the sun finally rose above the tress, he saw everything become so incredibly lush, vivid and thriving. Just because the sun was there, he thought again.

A soft laughter from the room opposite to his own caught his ears and he suddenly made the connection between the brightly shining sun and this particular day. Yes, he thought, today is the day, and when he heard the shuffle of the door on the other side of the corridor being opened, he already knew what was about to happen. In but a moment, the door to his room would be just as energetically opened, a small child would nearly materialize next to him and a cheerful voice would announce 'Rin is twelve today!'. After all, she did it every year ever since she had first announced something like that to him.

The door behind him soon opened indeed, and Rin stepped inside, but instead of running over to him, as he had been expecting her to, she stopped mid-way and pointed at nothing in particular.

"I'm finally twelve!" she said in a satisfied tone and with a strangely victorious expression on her face.

Sesshoumaru looked her over carefully, surprised. Was there something important about being twelve that he didn't know about...? He couldn't remember anything special about his own twelfth birthday, but perhaps it was something very human that made this particular age important to her. Or maybe he had just forgotten. He considered the options, somehow intrigued by her unusual satisfaction, while she dropped out of it and came over to sit down next to him, smiling her usual bright and cheerful smile. But when she sat down and looked at him, suddenly her smile was replaced by a look of curiosity.

"And how old is Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked, inspecting him carefully with an oddly scrutinizing gaze.

Significantly older than twelve, Sesshoumaru thought, bewildered by her odd behavior. Was that what happened when humans turned twelve...? They became even more inexplicable than before? She was still scrutinizing him thoroughly, as if she expected to be able to tell by his looks alone. Feeling somewhat amused, he counted the years that have passed since the last time he checked his age.

"Three hundred and sixty one." He replied finally.

Rin stared at Sesshoumaru-sama, feeling her mouth drop open slightly. Three hundred and sixty one...? Three hundred and sixty one...? She blinked, stupefied by such a number, a number her mind was just unable to comprehend in relation to age. She knew that youkai lived longer than humans, yes, but... Sesshoumaru-sama looked young! Well, he was an adult, so he looked old like any adult, but he didn't look old old like for example the fire-breathing ojiisan she remembered from the time Sesshoumaru-sama fought with that possessed sword. She focused her eyes on his face to inspect him thoroughly again, while considering the information carefully. No, Sesshoumaru-sama didn't have even a smallest wrinkle, or anything else to show that he was as old as three hundred and sixty one, but... she could remember Myouga-sama mentioning a few times that Touga-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama's father, died over two hundred years ago. Frowning slightly, she wondered how could've she not made the connection before. If his father died two hundred years ago, then obviously Sesshoumaru-sama had to be older than that.

She blinked again, suddenly remembering something else. Sae-sama sometimes mentioned Touga-sama too, so... had she known him in person too...? Was she also so old like Sesshoumaru-sama...?

Getting up, she set out to find out and finding Sae-sama quickly learnt that Sae-sama was actually even older than Sesshoumaru-sama, by seven years. Curious, she asked the others too and found that Shippou-chan, who looked younger than her, was actually fifteen; that Jaken-sama was nearing two hundred; that Myouga-sama was well over five hundred. And asking Myouga-sama about others she learnt that Kagerou-sama, Sae-sama's mother, was almost six hundred and that Satoshi-sama was even older than that. Even Ryouken-sama, who looked not that much older than her, as she had realized recently, turned out to be old, he was around sixty.

Needing to think it over, she left the others to sit down on the steps that led down to the internal courtyard. So that's what Jaken-sama meant when he had told her that a hundred years was nothing to a youkai. Well, maybe it wasn't 'nothing', but... it was still not much to them while it was more than the whole of her life. She sighed heavily, remembering how she had asked Sesshoumaru-sama to not forget her if she ever died. Back then she didn't really know how much a hundred was, but Jaken-sama told her clearly that in a hundred years she'd be dead and she didn't like the idea of having to leave Sesshoumaru-sama, not ever, and felt that somehow, if he remembered her, she would still be with him. But... she didn't know then how easy it was to forget. She was twelve now and already couldn't remember a lot of the things that happened when she was seven. Was it even possible for Sesshoumaru-sama to remember her a hundred years after she had died...?

She sighed heavily, feeling somehow weighted down by the knowledge. And it wasn't just Sesshoumaru-sama, she realized, looking around the courtyard and the shiro. In a hundred years everything here would be just the same, her friends would still be here, still laughing, playing and eating roasted chestnuts, while she would just... not be there anymore.

"What's wrong, little one?" Sae-sama asked from behind her and moved to sit down on the steps next to her.

Rin wanted to tell her about what she just learnt, and have Sae-sama assure her that it wouldn't be like that, but... it wasn't possible, was it. She was a human, something that Jaken-sama always kept reminding her of, and she couldn't stay with them forever. She suddenly remembered her question to Sesshoumaru-sama from the previous summer. Was that why humans and youkai were different...? Was that why everybody seemed to think they lived in different worlds...? Because youkai could live for hundreds and hundreds of years, while humans would just... die?

Sighing again, and leaned over to put her head on Sae-sama's knees. "I wish I didn't have to leave," she said quietly, looking at the trees in the garden that as they swung gently with the wind.

Sae looked down to her in surprise. She wished she didn't have to leave...? What did she meant by that? There was only one thing Sae could think of - that Sesshoumaru told her that she had to. She sighed too, remembering how he had taken Rin to Urabe. She had been angry with him then, yes, but... she was also aware that it would've indeed been best for Rin. And he had done it, or rather had tried to do it, in a surprisingly subtle way, she thought, remembering how she had finally understood why Sesshoumaru would ever agree to go to a human festival. It was actually subtle enough that it could've worked, if he had given Rin more time to grow re-accustomed to her own kind instead of just dumping the idea on the child like that that is. But she never told him why his plan had failed, knowing that if she did, he would use the information to try anew.

She sighed again and reached out to stroke the unruly hair of the child leaning against her knees. She had grown attached to Rin, even if she shouldn't have. But... it was hard to remain unaffected by those bright eyes and cheerful smiles, and by the open and easy way with which Rin showed her emotions. This one little human child, she thought, smiling lightly, had brought back life to the old shiro that had been dark and stagnant for the past two centuries, ever since Touga-sama had died, and she didn't want to see the smiles and giggles fade away from within the old walls.

"Did... did Sesshoumaru-sama say something to you about it?" she asked Rin finally, not really sure if she wanted to know or not.

Rin raised her head from her knees, looking surprised. "No," she answered, with a face that told Sae that she must've somewhat forgotten about her visit to Urabe and Sesshoumaru's words.

"Then why would you have to leave, little one?" Sae asked, reaching out to pinch the child's little nose with her knuckles and hoping to make a smile grow in those large brown eyes.

But Rin didn't feel like smiling, even though she usually did when Sae-sama would pinch her nose like that. Looking at Sae-sama, she suddenly felt that somebody like Sae-sama, somebody who would still be here long after she was gone, wouldn't understand how sad it felt to be... human.

"Never mind," she replied and pulled up her legs to rest her chin on her knees.

Observing the swaying trees, she recalled Sae-sama's question from just a moment ago. Why did Sae-sama ask her if Sesshoumaru-sama said anything about it to her? Frowning, she focused to grasp some stubborn thought that was eluding her and finally remembered. It was because back then, when they went to see the Tanabata, Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to leave, to go live with Moshimune-dono. Then, she thought, glancing to Sae-sama, did Sae-sama think that Sesshoumaru-sama would still want her to leave...? She felt suddenly afraid that her time with Sesshoumaru-sama, with all of them, would be even shorter than she had just learnt it would. But... why would Sesshoumaru-sama want her to leave? She was still sure that he didn't ask her that back then because he didn't like her, but if Sae-sama thought that he would want her to leave... Her frown deepened as she remembered how she kept wondering how Sesshoumaru-sama really felt about her. Did he really like her...? He revived her, protected her, never got angry with her, and never said anything that would mean he didn't like her, but... why did he want her to leave? Was it because Sesshoumaru-sama too thought that youkai and humans lived in different worlds? Would... would he want her to leave again?

"You know," Sae-sama said with a small smile, interrupting her thoughts, "how about you have your bath now and then I'll show you something you'll like?"

Rin glanced to her curiously, tempted by the words. Something she'd like...? Whenever Sae-sama said something like that, it always turned out that it was indeed something she liked.

"What something...?" she asked innocently, but Sae-sama only laughed and told her to have her bath first. Then, Rin thought, getting up to go to the bathhouse, the sooner she started, the sooner she'd be done.

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Well, maybe that would cheer her up, Sae thought, picking up a small haori from her room and heading back outside. It was actually Sesshoumaru's old haori, from the time they were still children, and since Rin was always curious to know everything about Sesshoumaru and always wanted to hear any story that Sae could remember, chances were she'd be overjoyed to have something like that and hear that particular story. She had stumbled upon it recently, while searching for an old shogi set after Shippou had chewed up some pieces of her mother's set, supposedly because the game she and her mother were playing was so 'thrilling', and finding the haori had been actually surprised that the clothing had somehow survived for so long. Of course, it was youkai clothing, so it was durable enough to last, but she couldn't think of anyone who would've purposefully kept it after Sesshoumaru had outgrown it.

She looked down to the haori in her hand, tracing her finger along the three flowers on the white collar. It was the same style Sesshoumaru wore now, white only with flowers near the collar and on the sleeves, even if the flowers were slightly different, and holding it like that she could still clearly remember how he came to have flowers on his clothes in the first place. It had been winter then, and they had been playing in the snow behind her mother's room. Or rather she was playing, rolling the snow into balls and such, while Sesshoumaru seemed to be inspecting various aspects of the white powder, Sae remembered with a smile. Isei-sama didn't like it when they played together, but Sesshoumaru would nevertheless often go where he wanted, and in such cases they would usually end up doing something together, even if it was something as stupid as eating suspicious looking berries, she recalled, laughing inwardly.

It was then, when they had been enjoying the snow, each in their own way, that she had suddenly caught a strong smell of fresh spring flowers, and looking around in amazement she discovered that the smell was coming from Sesshoumaru, who was standing in the snow and looking at his hand with a surprised expression on his face. He seemed to focus then and something green appeared on the tips of his fingers, something that made the smell even stronger. She didn't know then that it was in fact poison, but had been so ecstatic that he could make such a smell appear in the middle of winter that she ran to her mother, shouting happily 'Haha-ue, Sesshoumaru just made everything smell like flowers!'.

Smiling lightly, she fingered the haori again. Yes, she had no idea then that in the future the scent would become the last thing many beings smelled before they died, but her mother must've been very aware of that detail, and also of what Isei-sama would make of her son being a poison user, and a few days later she brought a new haori for Sesshoumaru, the first one with the pattern of flowers, and told him that if he can make everything smell like flowers, he should always have flowers on him.

She wasn't all that sure now if that had been a good idea on her mother's part, since Sesshoumaru had enough markings as it was, but he must've liked it since he always had flowers on his clothes since then. The patterns would change, but it was always flowers nevertheless.

"Sae-sama?" Rin asked from behind her, and she turned to the now clean and fresh child. Showing her the little haori and telling her how Sesshoumaru-sama can make everything smell like flowers, she found that she had indeed been right. Rin was very happy to hear the story, although also a bit amazed, since Sesshoumaru apparently had never used his poison when she was around. She also seemed amazed that he had ever been small enough to fit into the clothing, and Sae could see how it could be amazing, since after all, right now he was indeed very tall.

But soon the look on the little girl's face changed, and her eyes became as gloomy as they were earlier that morning, when Sae had found her sitting on the steps.

"How many centuries ago was it that Sesshoumaru-sama was so small?" she asked quietly and somehow sadly, and suddenly Sae realized what exactly Rin was talking about when she talked about having to leave. She didn't mean having to leave because Sesshoumaru wanted her to, but about having to leave because she would die.

Sighing inwardly, she looked down to the little girl who was growing up so fast. To her it had been but a moment since Rin had first come here and she had found her curled up in one of the corridors, yet to Rin those four and a half years had been long enough not only to double in size but to become mature enough to feel the weight of her humanity. But... what could she possible tell her? She was just as aware that Rin's lifespan was painfully short, although she had learnt not to think about it, to push the knowledge into some deep recess of her mind where it could no longer bother her. It would've been best for Rin to do the same, although she suspected that telling her something like that directly and thus justifying her sorrow wouldn't really work.

Watching Rin still look gloomily at the small haori, she suddenly remembered what Shuukatsu-sama told Isei-sama, long ago, while she herself had been looking at the flowers on Sesshoumaru's haori.

"Future is never set in stone, Rin," she said, crouching down to the girl's eye-level. Rin looked at her, surprised, and didn't seem to understand what Sae meant.

"Yes, you are a human and your life is short," Sae added, watching the flicker of comprehension appear in Rin's eyes, "but you can't know what will happen in the future." Rin was about to protest, but Sae wasn't finished yet.

"And if you keep worrying about it, you will only end up wasting time instead of gaining it," she said, hoping that this time Rin would understand.

Rin kept looking at Sae-sama, mulling over her words. Yes, when Jaken-sama told her that in a hundred years she'd be long dead, she too felt that there was no way he could know that for sure, that she would somehow manage to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever. But... everybody seemed so sure that she couldn't, that she wouldn't. She bit her lip lightly, feeling once again weighted down by the knowledge. She didn't want to leave Sesshoumaru-sama, or Sae-sama, or Shippou-chan or anybody else, she just wanted to stay with them forever, to always be here like she was now. But, she realized, refocusing on Sae-sama who was still looking at her so seriously, Sae-sama was right. Not only in that she couldn't know what would happen in the future, her future, not that distant future Myouga-sama once told them about, but mostly in that if she kept worrying about it, she would just waste her time.

So, she decided, feeling a little better, she would just have to make her own future, and find some way to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, this way or another. And, she thought, looking back at the small haori in her hand, she might not have centuries to do so, true, but she still had a lot of time left, so she should better use it well.

"I understand," she said, smiling again, and when Sae-sama once more reached out to pinch her nose, she smiled even more. Yes, there were too many important things to be enjoyed and learnt for her to be so 'unproductively idle', as Sesshoumaru-sama would sometimes say.

Shuukatsu-sama might've been right back then, Sae thought watching Rin as the child went on her way, but Isei-sama was not as open to the issue as Rin. 'But the past is,' she had shouted and started shoving Shuukatsu-sama out of the room, until he fell through the external shoji screens and down on the grass. She smiled to herself, remembering how in her childish naivety she watched the scene half hidden behind the door and wondered how somebody like Shuukatsu-sama could ever be pushed through a shoji screen like that. It was rather obvious to her now that it was because he had let her, she thought, glancing towards the part of the shiro where the unlucky screens used to be, so that Isei-sama would find an outlet for the storm that had been raging within her.

But, she thought, sitting down on the steps again to watch sunlight dance on leaves, they had both been right. Future is never set in stone, but the past is.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Even though Rin realized the truth in Sae-sama's words, the issue of her humanity still bothered her from time to time, especially during the first few days after she had comprehended the matter with such clarity. But the cheerfulness of her nature and times spent with her friends soon diminished the effects of the knowledge on her mood, and even though the plan of somehow finding a way to stay with them forever remained explicit in her mind she was able to enjoy their company without being constantly reminded of that painful difference between them.

It was during one of those times, when on one warm summer evening she, Shippou-chan and Ryouken-sama had just been having a nice time playing Kemari with the ball that Kagerou-sama had brought for them from one of her journeys - or rather sort of playing since not only there were too few of them to play Kemari, but also they weren't entirely sure if they were doing it right - that she had inadvertently said something that made Sesshoumaru-sama, who had been sitting under a tree not far away from the courtyard, look at her with such a surprised expression on his face that she felt even more surprised and let the ball fall, making Ryouken-sama tell her she had to be less clumsy than that to play Kemari, which was not a very nice thing to say, really. But all she did was reply to Jaken-sama who had been watching them play and said something about how they're wasting their time instead of making themselves useful to Sesshoumaru-sama. So she reminded him that the last time he tried to be useful and used Muotoko to steal Tetsusaiga, she had to rescue him. And then suddenly Sesshoumaru-sama's head turned to her with unusual speed and he looked at her with that strangely surprised expression.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" she asked tentatively, but he just turned away, still looking somehow surprised. She knew that when Sesshoumaru-sama purposefully didn't reply like that it meant that he just had nothing to say, in a way, so she didn't ask again and returned to playing, but it really was intriguing what had it been that made him so surprised.

Sesshoumaru was staring ahead with somewhat unseeing eyes as he tried to reassemble his thoughts anew and accommodate into them what he had just realized. When he had been sitting here like that, his thoughts had somehow wandered again to Rin's unanswerable question and he had been entangled into the problem once more, watching the young ones play and wondering what exactly was it that made them different, what was it that made a youkai a youkai. But when Rin mentioned Muotoko he had suddenly realized that he had somehow managed to make a grave miscalculation in his previous thoughts on the matter. Whenever he thought about the difference between humans and youkai he thought of youkai like himself, or the fox child, or Jaken and so on, but he had somehow completely omitted various bakemono, yuurei and the like during his musings.

But youkai like that, youkai such as Muotoko, Muonna or hundreds of other youkai like them, were different from him or from all other inhabitants of the shiro. He himself was a youkai, yes, but he had been born in the same way as any human – from the union of a male and a female. But yuurei such as Muotoko were different, they were somehow created from various emotions, ideas or beliefs of humans...

He blinked, astounded by another realization. He had always thought of himself as a 'youkai', but... the name was not the same as 'ningen', humans, no, 'ningen' meant nothing, it was just an empty term, while 'youkai' was clearly a word created to describe beings such as himself from the perspective of the humans...

He got up abruptly, feeling that he needed to clear his mind and that the excited shouts of the children were severely disrupting his thoughts. And as he walked on past the garden and down to the forest, his mind kept twisting and turning around the impossible that was lurking within it.

Because it was not possible that he too had in some way originated from humans, that he, Sesshoumaru, was in some way derived from them. He was as different from humans as only possible!

But, he realized and stopped in his steps abruptly, raising his hand to his face and watching it carefully in bafflement, he had a human form... Yes, his true form was that of a dog, but he also had this form, human form...

He kept staring at his palm in confusion, feeling as if he was seeing it for the first time. How could it even be possible that he was somehow related to humans...? Not only he had been born the natural way - and had not just 'sprung up' suddenly, created from human things in a way that now that he thought about it was actually inexplicable – but so had been his father before him. And so had been his father's mother, the previous taiyoukai in their line, so far back in time that not many beings could still remember it. They, the inu-youkai, had always just existed, they did not originate from humans!

Yet... he did not know much about those times; not only was he but three hundred years old, but he had never before wanted to know anything about it. Past was past, things that happened, happened, and he always looked ahead rather than back. But... what if somewhere in that past, the past so distant that it was ancient even for a youkai, inu-youkai too just 'sprung up', created by something human...?

He frowned, feeling both infuriated and insulted by such a possibility, by that new perspective that had always been right there in front of him yet he had never noticed it. But it was a preposterous, impossible, moronic perspective, and he had only arrived at it because he had spent too much time thinking about things that he shouldn't have been thinking about. He had spent too much time thinking about humans, that's what it was, he decided firmly, reassuming his pace and pushing the issue as far away from his mind as he could.

Yet as much as he tried to focus on something else, something not human, this new, this absurd perspective was all the time there, somewhere in the back of his mind, taunting him so constantly and so infuriatingly that he could almost hear a mocking snigger ringing in his ears.

And when the night turned to day and the morning turned to afternoon, he felt that he had to solve the matter, that he needed to know that he was not in any way an offshoot of humans. What he should do, he decided finally, was address the problem to someone who had lived longer and should know more of such things than him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Yes, Kagerou-sama was without a doubt a very nice person, Rin decided, watching the lady in question and biting into the yummy - even if a bit unshapely - onigiri she and Sae-sama had made earlier that day, after Kagerou-sama had returned to the shiro, bringing some omusubi nori and takuan for her. She and Sae-sama had long since learnt how to cook rice properly, yet had never before tried making any omusubi, but Kagerou-sama had some knowledge on that matter and gave them pointers, so they spent the early afternoon experimenting once more and now the three of them and Shippou-chan were having a nice meal in the sun room.

Chewing on the rice, she looked around the room pensively. It was a very nice room, probably her favorite room in the shiro, maybe because it overlooked the garden and since it didn't have a front wall, they could enjoy a nice meal inside while being practically in the garden. Sae-sama told her that it was Izayoi-sama's favorite room too and that it was Izayoi-sama who called it the 'sun room' because it faced the west and you could always enjoy the sunlight playing almost at your feet while still being comfortably shaded from the summer heat by the roof.

Rin wasn't even entirely sure if it could be called a room as such, since even though it was elevated and roofed like the rest of the shiro, it didn't have not only the front wall but the side walls either, only the hanging bamboo screens that always made the sunlight creep inside and dance around when the wind would swing them. In the evenings, Sae-sama would often pull the screens up so that they would feel the cooling evening breeze and then it wasn't a room at all, just a roof and a floor. Still, either during the day or in the evening it was her favorite room, and she would often make Sae-sama come here instead of the writing room for her practice.

Looking back to the others who were all like her seated around the low table, she turned her attention again to Kagerou-sama. Kagerou-sama was nice not only because she would often bring something for her, like the Kemari ball or the takuan, but also because she was a very cheerful and easy-going person, and it was always nice to watch her eyes sparkle when she laughed.

It was odd though, she thought, observing Kagerou-sama carefully, how different she was from Sae-sama, despite being her mother. Sae-sama looked more like Sesshoumaru-sama, she had smooth white hair and golden eyes like him, and was also very tall, only half a head shorter than Sesshoumaru-sama, while Kagerou-sama had dark, almost black hair, interspersed with light colored patterns, and eyes the color of water in a forest lake, also dotted with light bits here and there, and was much shorter than Sae-sama. Sae-sama told her that they differed so much because her mother was a dragonfly youkai while she was an inu-youkai, and Rin found it rather amazing that they belonged to different kinds of youkai even though they were so closely related. But Sae-sama only laughed and said that with youkai you can never know what the child would be only by looking at the parents, which was another rather amazing bit of information.

She was just in the process of pondering the matter while taking another bite of the onigiri, when she suddenly noticed that Sesshoumaru-sama was standing in the entrance to the room and was looking at them all with an odd expression on his face, an expression that made her stop in the middle of the bite as she remembered that Sesshoumaru-sama really didn't like rice. Or any human food for that matter. True, he had found out already that she and Sae-sama would often cook rice, but...

Glancing to her side she noticed that the others seemed to be having similar doubts, since Shippou-chan stopped chewing on the rice that was puffing out his cheeks and was watching Sesshoumaru-sama while still holding his two onigiri's, one in each hand, and even Sae-sama stopped in the middle of taking a sip of her green tea. Only Kagerou-sama didn't seem worried that Sesshoumaru-sama could be displeased that they feasted on human food like that, although she turned her head away with a strained expression on her face, as if she was trying not to laugh.

Rin glanced back to Sesshoumaru-sama. Would he really mind it that they were eating human food...?

Sesshoumaru observed the scene carefully. He had been aware that Sae often brought rice and some other types of human food for Rin, and as much as he disliked rice he considered it a necessary evil, since Rin was very much a human and had the same needs as every human. But... when he had chanced upon them here like this, to see them talking and laughing, he found himself suddenly thinking of his childhood, of the rare times when all of the wandering inhabitants of the shiro would be here together, of how he would watch them. Whenever Chichi-ue – and Myouga with him – and Kagerou and Shuukatsu were all in the shiro at the same time, they would often spend their evenings like this, in the very same room, playing shogi or go, talking and laughing, and constantly trying to outwit one another. He could still remember it so vividly, how he was peeking out from behind the door to watch them and listening how Chichi-ue complained about them drinking the 'stinking sake' and how they laughed at Chichi-ue for having such a sensitive sense of smell. Yet even though Sae had been there too, laying on the floor engrossed in her own childish world, he felt that he couldn't step into the flickering light of the lamp, that he didn't belong with them.

Bakana koto, he frowned to himself, shaking the thoughts off from his mind. He had more important things to busy his mind with than some trifle memories.

"I'm leaving for some time," he told the still motionless group, and since they just kept looking at him expectantly, decided to elaborate, "to go see Bokusenou."

The fox child finally swallowed the rice he had been keeping in his mouth. "Great! A summer trip!" he announced with obvious pleasure, and Sesshoumaru felt somewhat surprised. A summer trip...? Well, yes, ever since they came to the shiro they would somehow end up going somewhere during summer, but how did that constitute as a tradition already? And when did he say the little hellion was to go with him to begin with?

"Can we come too?" Rin asked, as if answering to his thoughts, and looking at him even more expectantly than before.

"Do as you want," he told her and turned to leave. It mattered to him little if they went with him or not. Curious as he was about what would be Bokusenou's take on the problem, he was most certainly not going to hurry because of it.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, when are we leaving?" Rin's voice reached him when he was already half way out of the room.

"Now," he replied. At least he was leaving now, what they did was their business.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Sesshoumaru," the giant tree swayed lightly as the face of Bokusenou formed on its bark, "what brings you here this time?"

Sesshoumaru regarded the old tree spirit before him pensively. Would that old jijii really know...?

"Bokusenou," he said in response to the tree's greeting and didn't waste anymore time on idle chat, "what do you know about the origin of the youkai?"

Bokusenou seemed somewhat taken by surprise. "The origin of the youkai...?" he repeated, prompting Sesshoumaru to elaborate, but Sesshoumaru wasn't entirely sure how to phrase the matter. Asking directly would probably be best, yet he felt that voicing the idea that he was in any way, direct or not, derived from humans would in some strange way add flesh to the idiotic notion.

"What marks the difference between the youkai and the humans?" he chose to ask instead. It was still a rather silly question, but it mattered to him little what Bokusenou thought of him, as long as he replied.

"Why, that's rather easy," the tree shook lightly, as if indeed amused by the silliness of the question, "youkai are of the spiritual and humans are of the material." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing, and Sesshoumaru felt his eyebrows rise slightly in disbelief. How was that supposed to explain anything...? Youkai are of the spiritual and humans are of the material? He was just as material as any human, he thought, but quickly realized that it wasn't exactly so. Not only could he change his form, but also was not enslaved by bodily needs like humans, who had to constantly eat, sleep and generally take care of their bodies all the time, as it seemed to him from the example of Rin. No, he was the master of his body, while humans were slaves to theirs. But... he frowned, feeling that somehow it was not the root of the problem.

"The spiritual and the material?" he prompted Bokusenou to clarify. Yes, of course he knew there was a difference between that which was spiritual and that which was material, but... what was the difference exactly?

"The union of the spiritual and the material is what allows this world to exist," Bokusenou answered rather cryptically and Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at him again, but apparently the tree had nothing more to say on the subject.

"Then, Bokusenou-sama," Rin suddenly asked, peeking out cautiously from behind him, "could a human become a youkai?" Sesshoumaru looked down to her quickly, once more remembering what she had asked him after the whole Ongokuki affair. Was she already entertaining those destructive wishes after all...?

"Of course," Bokusenou answered, surprising them both, "there are many ways in which a human can become a youkai" he said, and Rin felt her hopes grow significantly. If she could become a youkai, then she could not only stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, but also wouldn't have to constantly listen to Jaken-sama reminding her she was a human. "But," the tree spirit added, "there is no way for a human to change into a youkai."

"Eh?" she asked somewhat inarticulately, yet Bokusenou replied nevertheless.

"Humans can become youkai, but only at the cost of their souls." he said, trying to be as clear as possible for the sake of the child's future. "A human who becomes a youkai, be it a vengeful spirit or an assembly of minor youkai who devoured him, loses the sense of self and is no longer what he used to be."

"What does it mean...?" Rin asked with her brows knitted in effort. Loses the sense of self...?

"It's as if you weren't there, you wouldn't know anything," Shippou answered from behind them, where he was sitting comfortably on Aun and watching that strange youkai who was supposedly two thousand years old, which was quite an achievement even for a youkai.

Sesshoumaru glanced back to him in mild surprise. So the brat was not a pea-brain after all, huh? But he swiftly turned back to Bokusenou, as the mention of souls reminded him of his own doubts concerning Yourei.

"Do youkai have souls?" he asked directly, hoping to resolve at least that issue.

"No," Bokusenou's voice sounded low among the merry chirping of the birds, "youkai do not have souls."

"Then," Sesshoumaru frowned, "what are Yourei? Are they not youkai souls?"

"They are," Bokusenou answered light-heartedly and they all looked at him as if he had gone senile, but the tree spirit's leaves only rustled lightly with laughter. "That's all I know myself. Youkai don't have souls, yet Yourei are youkai souls."

"And what happens to the youkai who die?" Sesshoumaru asked, somehow knowing already what the answer would be.

"That's not a matter I could answer with certainty, but... no youkai had ever been reincarnated." Yes, Sesshoumaru thought, it was just as he had always believed it to be – whatever happened to the youkai after death, it was not the same thing that happened to the humans.

"Could it be, Sesshoumaru," Bokusenou added with a tint of amusement in his rumbling voice, "that you have finally felt yourself to be a part of the world?"

"Hmph," was all Sesshoumaru had to say. Part of the world indeed, he thought condescendingly, turning back to leave the tree spirit and the old forest altogether, he did not 'feel' anything like that, he only wanted to find answers to the bizarre questions that had been annoying his mind lately.

And as he walked back through the narrow forest path while the others scrambled after him, he considered what he had learnt. As vague and rather unhelpful as Bokusenou turned out to be, one thing seemed obvious to him – youkai and humans were indeed very much different. They did not live the same way, did not die the same way, and – as the tree spirit had put it – the youkai were of the spiritual and the humans of the material. It didn't seem clear to him where the youkai such as Muotoko belonged – they were clearly not human, even he was in a way more human than them, he noted with disdain, yet... they came to exist because of human things, while he – and he was quite certain of it now – was not any offshoot of the humans. Then... what was it that linked him and a youkai such as Muotoko together? How come they were both 'of the spiritual' while being so fundamentally different?

In either case, he concluded firmly, it was of no matter. What mattered was that he was not in any way human; he emphasized the point in his mind and continued on his way, followed by the already arguing fox child and Jaken, and a running Rin, who apparently felt obliged to thank Bokusenou for his time and to say her goodbyes.

Myouga stayed behind for a while; it was rarely that he had a chance to visit Bokusenou and the last time must've been a few decades prior, so he decided to use the occasion to converse a little more with his old time friend. They talked for some time, catching up on this and that, since although Bokusenou was always well informed of the happenings of the world by the wind and the rustle of the trees, there were certain details that only a personal account could convey. Myouga had an additional purpose in the chat – he wanted to ask Bokusenou about his opinion on the disappearance and current whereabouts of the Inuyasha-tachi, but unfortunately it turned out that the old tree spirit was as much at a loss as he himself was. What he did know however, was that he had not heard any whispers of any of the group reappearing since then, and Myouga felt both more worried and yet somehow reassured. It was upsetting that they were still missing, yet it was good to know that they had not returned only to have gotten themselves killed somehow.

"Time is a mysterious entity," Bokusenou noted pensively, "and it does not flow the same way for all." Myouga had to agree; time was indeed a mysterious concept and in a way it eased his worry when he thought about it. Wherever it was that Inuyasha-tachi were, time didn't have to necessarily flow with the same speed for them.

"But it looks like time is flowing for the other of Inu no Taishou's sons," Bokusenou added, changing the subject, "The boy seems to have grown up some, finally."

"Hmmmm," Myouga replied ponderingly. He wasn't entirely sure why Sesshoumaru-sama had come here; it was generally difficult to understand him and his motives, but the peculiar nature of the questions he had asked confounded Myouga even more. He himself agreed with Bokusenou – the humans were of the material while the youkai were of the spiritual, yet both were an essential part of the world and that's all there was to it. Touga-sama had always agreed with the view and it was one of the things Myouga admired in him greatly. It was one thing to understand it when you yourself were but a tiny insignificant speckle, but to be powerful enough to be able to triumph over almost anyone and yet to choose to live in harmony with the world rather than to conquer it was something different altogether. Sesshoumaru-sama was not like that however; he did not consider himself a part of the world, but rather above the world, and it was a worrisome feature in somebody as powerful as him. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to have changed indeed, after all, he had even – in a way – accepted Inuyasha-sama as a brother. True, he kept slating Inuyasha-sama as much as always, but he had cooperated with him against Sou'unga – although both brothers would probably disagree with that – and even seemed to have protected Inuyasha-sama then. It had been a joyous occasion indeed, especially since Touga-sama had wished for his sons to be brothers, not enemies, and Myouga hoped to see them as such one day, as phantasmagorical as it was.

Oh well, he thought, bidding Bokusenou goodbye and ransacking a bird from a nearby tree to catch up with the others, it's always nice to dream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Leaving Bokusenou in his forest, they set out to return to the shiro, and Rin hopped onto Aun to carefully analyze what she had just learnt. She still wasn't entirely sure what it meant to 'lose the sense of self' but what Shippou-chan said made clear for her that becoming a youkai would be pointless, since she would not know anything, and that was not a nice prospect. But it didn't necessarily mean that there was no way for her to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, it just meant that becoming a youkai was not the way, and as much as it was a disappointment that she couldn't become a youkai, she was still confident that she'd find some way eventually. But... what if that wouldn't be enough? She glanced to Sesshoumaru-sama in a sudden worry. Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to leave him because she was human, as she had established recently, so what if he would still want her to leave even if she could stay forever somehow...?

And when she was observing Sesshoumaru-sama like that, as he walked on ahead, as always calm and composed, the question that had troubled her after they had been to Urabe returned to her mind. How did Sesshoumaru-sama really feel about her...? She was still sure he didn't dislike her, but... did he like her? Did he enjoy it when she was around? Would he miss her if she was gone?

Than night, when they stopped for the night in a small clearing near a stream, she decided to just ask Sesshoumaru-sama about it, since after all, it would be the easiest way to learn. But when she sat down next to him, as he sat under a large maple tree watching the starlit sky, and opened her mouth to ask the simple question, for the first time she realized that asking such questions was not that simple at all. Yes, she could ask him, but... what if Sesshoumaru-sama told her he didn't like her...? What if he said that he wanted her to leave...?

And as she watched him as he watched the stars, he suddenly seemed so distant to her, so far away. She was sitting right next to him, watching him, yet he didn't seem to notice her at all, as if she wasn't there at all. She turned her head away abruptly, feeling unhappy with what she saw. No, she realized suddenly, Sesshoumaru-sama probably wouldn't miss her if she was gone... Would he even notice it though? If she got up now and left, would he notice that she was gone...?

Pulling up her knees and resting her chin on them, she kept staring into the flickering light of the fire, not wanting to look again at Sesshoumaru-sama and see him seem so distant again. But, she thought, biting her lip lightly, if Sesshoumaru-sama really wouldn't miss her if she was gone, why did he keep her with him for so long...? Why did he let her stay with him? Why did he always protect her when she was in danger? Wasn't it because he liked her...? Or maybe he had some other reasons for it... And sitting thus and watching the fire dance against the darkness, she felt more confused and lost than she had ever been before. It had never bothered her that Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't talkative like Shippou-chan, or cheerful like Kagerou-sama, or somehow warm like Sae-sama, no, Sesshoumaru-sama was Sesshoumaru-sama and she had always been happy with him like that. But... if only she could know that she somehow mattered to him, that he would miss her if she was gone...

Sighing heavily, she got up to get closer to the fire and make herself comfortable for the night, trying not to think about how distant Sesshoumaru-sama had seemed to her but a moment before, and focusing instead on how he had always been nice to her, in his own way. It didn't matter, she told her mind forcefully, closing her eyes, it didn't matter that Sesshoumaru-sama never said that he wanted her to stay, it didn't matter at all. What mattered was that he had always been nice to her, never got angry with her, never told her to go away.

But even though she kept trying not think such bad things about Sesshoumaru-sama, the issue remained somewhere on the edge of her mind, resurfacing occasionally, not only during the journey back, but even long after summer turned to winter and winter to spring again. And in some strange way it somehow disrupted the relationship between them, it somehow changed something that had always been there before. She realized it clearly on one spring night, when she came over to sleep on Sesshoumaru-sama's futon, as she still did sometimes. Yes, she hardly ever felt alone in her room, there was almost always somebody with her, but... it just felt nice to go sleep on Sesshoumaru-sama's futon, especially when he was in the room too. It didn't matter that they never talked then, or that sometimes he wouldn't even look at her when she entered the room, but just continued what he had been doing, usually either watching the outside through the opened external screens or sometimes reading something. It just felt... nice to know that he was nearby, and whenever such an occasion would happen, which was not that often since Sesshoumaru-sama often was not in his room during night time, she would fall asleep feeling somehow calm and peaceful and always woke up still with that feeling, even if Sesshoumaru-sama was no longer in the room.

She could still remember clearly how about a year ago she came to his room to sleep, while Sesshoumaru-sama was reading some book. She had made herself comfortable under the kakebuton and just kept watching him for a while, from across the room, as he sat at the low table with his head inclined slightly forward. Sesshoumaru-sama did something surprising then; although he always would read sitting up straight, with his legs crossed and his hands at his sides or holding down the book, at that time he leaned forward to prop up his elbow against the table and rest his chin in his palm. It was something that she often did during her practice with Sae-sama, and somehow, when she watched him sit like that in the warm light of the candle, he felt so familiar and known again, so... usual to have around, just like the time when she had first heard his heartbeat.

But now when she would come sleep on his futon, he didn't feel like that at all. He seemed so distant again, so far away, and she didn't feel comfortable on his futon at all, and her mind constantly circled around the same question – would Sesshoumaru-sama miss her if she was gone...?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ohhh, that's really a nice view!" Rin announced when they reached the top of the grassy ledge. It was a nice, warm summer evening, and when she and Shippou-chan spotted Sesshoumaru-sama going out of the shiro towards the forest, they decided to go with him, although he was just going to walk around and probably sit down somewhere, just to watch things nearby, as he sometimes did. But it felt better to have Sesshoumaru-sama around, much safer. Not that it wasn't safe for them to go wander around on their own, no, it was pretty safe, especially if they stayed in a reasonable vicinity of the shiro. There were not many oni's or other aggressive youkai around here, the inu-youkai roaming the area usually kept them away, just with their presence. And they didn't have to fear the inu-youkai, because – as Shippou-chan told her once, when they run into a group of inu-youkai who had hunted down a boar and were, rather bloodily, devouring it – they both smelled of Sesshoumaru-sama, and supposedly, as Sae-sama told them, the inu-youkai here knew that the human child and the kitsune child who smelled of Sesshoumaru-sama were to be left alone no matter what they did. So even though the inu-youkai they had run into then looked rather scary – some actually looked like dogs, even if they were shaped like humans, and some were just dogs, only with red eyes – they didn't have to fear them at all.

But there were still many wild animals around, and sometimes even some vicious youkai too, so it was safer to follow Sesshoumaru-sama instead of wandering too far away on their own, and so they went after Sesshoumaru-sama all the way to a nice grassy meadow, where Sesshoumaru-sama just sat down, and they set out to explore the hill nearby. It was a bit rocky and jagged, but also tall and grassy here and there, and they could see some wild berries growing on the slopes. And when they reached the top – after cleaning out a few patches of the wild berries that is – they found a grassy ledge there, and the view was really amazing. They could even see the bluish shadow of the sea on the horizon to the west, between the other hills. And, she took a tentative step closer to the edge, it was so high up too! The rocks below seemed so small from up here! She leaned over a bit to get a better view, but before she even knew what happened, something under her foot went loose, and she was no longer standing on the ledge but falling down towards those rocks.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!' she screamed instinctively, feeling her insides churn in fear and waving her arms to catch onto something, to stop falling.

Sesshoumaru's head snapped to them the moment he heard the scream and in an instant he was already running towards it, and soon saw both the hill and the small figure falling helplessly towards the ground. But, he noticed at once, he might not make it there in time; she was falling too fast and he was too far away. That odd feeling of urgency suddenly intensified within him, everything around seemed to blur into smudges of green and brown, his eyes wouldn't leave the small falling form, she was almost at the ground, almost...

He leapt forward even faster and caught her but a foot above the rocks, and the force of his speed thrust them forward and they would've tumbled down the slope, but he pushed himself off with his hand, suddenly grateful that his other arm was almost entirely grown back and he could still hold on to her, and landed safely on the rocky ground, with the child still securely in his grasp.

He looked down to her and she looked back at him, shaken, her eyes wide and scared, and suddenly in those large eyes he saw his reflection and he seemed just as scared as she was. He blinked, surprised by seeing himself like that. Was he scared...?

She smiled suddenly, dropping out of her fear, and he felt strangely angry. Didn't she know how close she had been to crashing onto those rocks? To dying...?

"Wow, that was close!" The fox child's voice reached them as he descended towards them as that bizarre pink blob and transformed back with a pop. "You shouldn't have leaned out so much!"

Sesshoumaru glanced down to her again. She fell because she leaned out? He felt somehow even angrier with her, annoyed with such idiocy and with her carefree smile. How could she not realize how close she had been to being splattered on the rocks, to being smeared across them so evenly that probably even Tenseiga wouldn't be able to put her back together...?

"Rin," he said, setting her down and not caring how harsh his voice sounded, "if you ever do something as stupid again, I will not catch you." She looked up to him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide again, but he walked past her, not caring how she looked at him. Stupid child, he thought, walking back into the forest, and still feeling angry, stupid, foolish child.

Rin kept looking after Sesshoumaru-sama, feeling somehow worse than when she was falling. Sesshoumaru-sama was angry with her... She felt a strange lump appear somewhere in her throat; Sesshoumaru-sama had never been angry with her before, he just... never was. Why was he angry with her...? What did she do...?

"He has a point," Shippou-chan said next to her, "you really should've been more careful."

She blinked, looking after Sesshoumaru-sama again, and suddenly thought back to how he looked at her when he caught her, to how his eyes looked then. Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't angry with her, well, he was angry with her, but he was angry with her because he was worried about her! She felt something unclench inside her, making that strange lump disappear, and before she knew it she was smiling again while running into the forest after him.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin shouted after him, but he did not feel like stopping. He had nothing more to say to her; if she wanted to waste her life like that, it was her problem.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" she repeated, catching up and appearing in front of him to latch onto him firmly, pressing her cheek against the bow of his sash.

"I'm really sorry," she said in a surprisingly serious tone, "I'll never do something stupid like that again, I promise!" At least she got that much, he thought, yet still felt somehow annoyed with her.

"I don't want to make Sesshoumaru-sama angry with me ever again," she confessed quietly and he felt her arms tighten around his waist.

"But," she added, looking up to him, and smiling brightly once more, "I'm also glad, because it means Sesshoumaru-sama cares for me!" She let go of him after that, and ran forward ahead of him, yet he remained motionless in that spot. He... cared for her...? 'Cared'?

He stared after her, stupefied by the notion. He did not 'care' for her! He didn't give a damn what she did with herself! If she wanted to kill herself like that, he couldn't care less! He just caught her because... because... He blinked, incapable of finding any justification for his actions, and suddenly seeing his own reflection again, that oddly scared look in his eyes, and feeling that odd sensation of urgency, of necessity...

He... The world seemed to grow dull around him, and he stared ahead unable to structure himself coherently. He... he really had been scared... he had been scared because of that irrational human child... because she had been in danger...

He blinked again, and his thoughts suddenly rushed forward, but only to piece together dozens of little pebbles of memories, forming them into a pattern so palpable that he had no idea how he could've not seen it before. All that time, all the time she had been with him he always felt that odd sensation of urgency whenever she was in danger, and he always found it so unbecoming for her to be hurt in any way. But... it was not that it had been unbecoming for her to be hurt, he realized now and felt even more stupefied, it had been unbecoming to him that she should be hurt. There was nothing in her that made him protect her, no, she was just an ordinary human child, there was nothing of any merit in her. But... there was something in him that made him protect her, something in him that made him feel that he had to protect her...

And as he kept staring into the empty space of the darkening forest, the image of his father standing with his back to him appeared uninvited before his eyes and the words said then replayed in his mind; 'Omae ni mamoru mono wa aru ka?'

No, he replied instantly, just like before, no! He had nothing to protect, he did not protect, he, Sesshoumaru, protected nothing! But even though he repeated it once more, the words sounded so false and the image of his scared eyes was so vivid in his mind that he swiped angrily at the nearest tree, infuriated by the knowledge that he was lying to himself.

The tree fall forward and landed heavily on the ground with a loud thud that reverberated through the forest. The sound somehow brought his mind back into focus, chased away the angry fog shrouding it. How childish, he thought, looking down on his claws that had just acted almost on their own, how... silly. He was acting as childish as Inuyasha, he snorted to himself. He had nearly lost control of himself only because of some human girl.

So what, he thought, resuming his walk back towards the shiro and after the young ones who were somewhere ahead, so what if he protected her, so what if he... He grimaced disdainfully and skipped that part. It didn't mean anything. It was only natural that he would feel obligated to protect her since after all he had – however inadvertently – made her his responsibility. But sooner or later she would leave on her way and that would be the end of the story. Shaking the thoughts off from his mind, he sped up his pace slightly to get back to the shiro and out of their company quicker.

But even though he considered the matter closed, some stubborn pieces of it kept clinging to him, and he kept seeing both hers and his own eyes in his mind, kept returning to that moment and to all the other moments when her eyes were wide and scared. And it was not just when she was scared, he realized finally, watching the sunrise one morning, it was not only when she was in danger that he felt that urgency, that necessity, that... willingness. No, he thought, remembering her desperate cries when the monks wanted to take her back to a human village, and her dark and sullen eyes when he wanted to send her away, it was not only that he didn't want to see her hurt, he didn't want to see her unhappy either. And it was not because it was 'unbecoming' for her, as he had always felt it was, it was because he... he wanted to see her safe and happy.

He frowned, irritated both by the knowledge and by the odd feeling of relief the realization brought with it. Why...? Why was there something in him that did not want to see her hurt in any way? What was it in the first place...? She meant nothing to him, she was just a strange child, a human child that had attached herself to him. If she wasn't there he would hardly even notice it, and most certainly wouldn't miss all the irrationality and oddity she brought with her. But... if she had died... His frown deepened as his mind suddenly supplied him with an image of what would've happened had he been but a moment slower in catching her, of how she would've smashed against the rocks, her blood splattering over the ground. No, he thought, feeling something tighten inside of him, no, he didn't want to see her like that.

And when but a few days later she came over to announce with a happy smile 'I'm finally thirteen!', and he watched her eyes sparkle, the knowledge reached clarity in his mind. Yes, whatever was the reason for this inexplicable, this bizarre, irrational, idiotic, ridiculous, useless, unwanted sensation inside him, he somehow wanted to see her safe and happy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As the summer days rolled by – without any summer trip, much to the young ones' disappointment – Sesshoumaru discovered that his newly found knowledge was not as... unsettling as he had initially thought it to be. It still seemed bizarre, ridiculous and inexplicable to him that he had somehow came to be keeping safe an insignificant human child, but the knowledge turned out to be rather irrelevant when he had given it more thought. Her stay with him was only temporary, sooner or later she'd be old enough to realize for herself that her place was among her own kind, and, as he found watching her from a corner of an eye one day, if she was to realize it now, to get up and announce that she's leaving and that she'd never be back again, he'd deliver her promptly to wherever she wanted to go and be actually relieved to have that whole bizarre matter closed.

Whatever it was that made him unwilling to see her hurt in any way, he learnt, watching her as she was lying on the grass in the garden near him, it did not extend past that unwillingness. He was in no way 'attached' to her; he did not desire her company and hardly even noticed it when she wasn't around. Feeling somehow reassured by this assessment, he turned back to watching the trees sway gently in the breeze. No, the child meant nothing to him, and although he knew now that even if she did repeat her stupid act of falling from some tall hill he would still catch her, despite his words, but that was all there was to it.

However, he wondered, when another mighty sigh from her reached his ears, what on earth was wrong with her again? Glancing back to her slightly, he took in the scene before him. She was lying on her stomach a few feet away from him, and was absentmindedly doodling in a small patch of barren earth in the grass, while watching intently something in the shiro and occasionally sighing. Curious, he followed the line of her eyes. What exactly was she watching? There was nothing there but Senchi and Ryouken sitting on the external walkway that ran around the courtyard.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she spoke suddenly, heaving another sigh, "what does it mean to be in love?" she asked and he blinked in astonishment. What...? He had been expecting the unexpected, yes, but... What...? How the hell was he supposed to know, he snorted mentally, he had never entertained such moronic sentiments. Having no knowledge to offer her on the matter, he turned back to watching the sun play on the leaves.

But her silly question somehow made him ponder the issue himself and his mind recalled the days of his own youth. Younger youth. He had never been much interested in females as such, and could never really comprehend why so many youkai chose to waste their time on the matter. But when he reached the age of adolescence, his body quite forcefully announced to him that there was a particular reason for the variety in gender, and he found himself having various odd... desires, especially around attractive females. He might've been rather disinterested in the matter back then, just as he was now, but was perfectly aware of what mating was and quickly put two and two together, learning that he was simply entering maturity and the strange urges he experienced were to be expected.

He frowned irritably, displeased with being reminded of the issue. He never enjoyed being forced to adhere to his bodily needs, and it didn't matter whether it was eating or mating. But he had learnt then that just as it was with eating, the best way to make the odd sensations leave him was to simply give in to the need and just be done with it. If he remembered right, it had been a water spirit that he had first mated with, mostly because she seemed to be very keen on it and offered herself to him quite openly and he had had it with being distracted by females. He found that indeed it was the right method to regain full control of himself, since the urges subsides satisfactorily for quite some time. They did return occasionally, as annoying as it was, and there had been some other females, although he could only recall the names of two, but since the last time had been over seven decades prior, he assumed he was finally out of that bothersome stage of maturation.

His frown deepened, as he stumbled across a memory of one of the females he could remember very clearly. Although it never really mattered to him who the female he was with was, and never really had to make an effort to gain the attention of a female, opting instead to use the occasion of having one of them offer herself to him, as they sometimes did, there had been a time when he had been... infatuated, as he supposed was the best way to put it, with one particular female. He couldn't really understand even now what it was that made him attracted to her, or what the exact nature of the attraction had been. It didn't matter really, she had been eager to mate with him the moment he had given her the slightest indication that he was in any way interested in her, and he had found that this odd state of attraction disappeared right after the deed. But, he grimaced, it had been quite distasteful of him to be attracted to her like that, especially to the point where he would feel somehow dissatisfied with the idea of mating with any other female. It was one thing to have natural urges related to adolescence, but allowing it to cloud his mind in such a manner was something different altogether, and he had firmly decided then to not have something like that happen ever again.

And while Sesshoumaru was somewhat irritably reminiscing his experiences related to the matter, Rin was trying to carefully analyze hers. She wasn't entirely sure what it was to be in love, although she had some vague associations with the concept and they seemed to be related to the human couples she could see sometimes around the village not too far away from the shiro, whenever she and Shippou-chan would somehow end up in the area. The couples did various things, sometimes they were sitting together, embracing each other, sometimes they would be kissing – Shippou-chan explained what it was to her – and always they seemed to be enjoying each other's company.

She sighed again, observing the sight before her. It was not long ago when she had first felt that she really liked being around Ryouken-sama, not just liked, but really liked. She liked to watch him laugh, and to hear him talk, and to play with him, and to... just be around him. But, she sighed once more, she also started feeling somehow embarrassed when he was near, while before she always liked him, but never felt... awkward like that when she would touch him. But it wasn't a bad feeling, it was a bit embarrassing, but she felt she would like to touch him some more. She felt her cheeks heat up a bit, would she like to kiss him...? Well, maybe... she thought, feeling that nice embarrassment again.

But, she sighed yet again, Ryouken-sama didn't seem to notice her like that at all. He still treated her like a little girl, even though she was already thirteen! Sighing again, she rested her chin in her palms and started visualizing how it would be if Ryouken-sama noticed her finally. Maybe he would tell her he liked her, she wondered, smiling coyly to herself and watching him some more. She really wasn't that little anymore, so maybe he would notice her soon, she hoped, feeling her cheeks heat up again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It wasn't until some months later, when the winter chills were once again growing weak and slowly giving way to spring – and Ryouken-sama still wouldn't notice her! – that Rin learnt more details on the nature of male-female relationships.

And it all started when she and Sae-sama were about to have a bath one day. It was still rather cold, so they didn't go to the onsen, but to the bathhouse instead. When she had first come to the shiro, she learnt that bathing in the bathhouse was quite troublesome, since it would take so long to heat the water just for her, but sometime later – when she had been ill, if she remembered right – she learnt that there was a much easier way to do it, and that was to use Sae-sama. She smiled playfully, watching Sae-sama disrobe near her; Sae-sama might've been an inu-youkai, but she had inherited one important trait from Kagerou-sama – the ability to manipulate water, to an extent. She could make it collect itself into a puddle when it was spilled, just by touching it, and could also change the temperature of any liquid quite effortlessly, so it was very easy for her to heat up the water for a bath. Sae-sama would sometimes laugh at her, saying that the only reason Rin liked bathing together was using her as a 'water heater', but Rin knew those were just jokes and only laughed too.

Taking off her yukata, she felt that strange clenching sensation inside her. Although she was feeling fine in general, for the past few days her stomach had been somehow swollen and yet clenched at the same time, and she didn't like the feeling at all. She had probably just eaten something bad, she thought, but when she folded her clothes and put them away, she felt something wet on her legs, and looking down she saw a small line of blood trickling down her inner thigh. She stared at it intently, but somehow didn't feel scared or worried; she didn't feel any pain, apart from that odd sensation in her stomach, and she also had a vague feeling that it was something that was supposed to happen, some distant memory related to her mother seemed to be telling her so. But... what exactly was going on with her?

Smelling blood, Sae quickly turned to Rin and easily comprehended what was going on. It was as she had been expecting for quite some time now, ever since she noticed that Rin's scent was beginning to change. She was not an expert on the matter, especially since she did not suffer from periodical bleedings herself, but her knowledge was extensive enough. Yet it was not the same for youkai as for humans though, so some additional help was necessary.

"Put your clothes back on, Rin," she said, smiling lightly and wrapping her own kimono around herself again, "and don't worry about the blood for now, it will wash off."

"Eh...?" Rin asked, looking up to her with a rather puzzled expression and Sae laughed at the adorable image.

"We'll go to Miyoko-sama and she'll tell you all you need to know about your body," she replied, handing Rin's yukata to her.

Rin quickly pulled it on, wondering about what Sae-sama said. Miyoko-sama...? Yes, as far as humans went, Miyoko-sama was very nice, she had met her with Sae-sama before, but... What exactly was it that Miyoko-sama was going to tell her...? And why couldn't Sae-sama tell her...?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ah, so that's how it was, Rin thought as they were flying Aun back to the shiro. They had just been to Miyoko-sama's and the miko had told her what – as she could see now – she really needed to know. Miyoko-sama told her that such bleeding was a natural thing for a woman, and that she was going to be having those once every month. That, Rin decided, shifting uncomfortably on Aun, was definitely not good news. Not only was it somehow painful now around her lower belly, but Miyoko-sama also gave her strange underclothing, called 'uma', which was supposedly used by women to prevent having the blood smear all over their clothes, and Rin was feeling quite odd wearing something like that. And not only she had to wear it, she would have to keep washing the strips of fabric used to soak up the blood too! And it was going to continue for up to seven days!

She sighed heavily, once again wishing she was a youkai. After they left Miyoko-sama, she asked Sae-sama if she had such bleedings too, and Sae-sama told her that no, she did not, even though many youkai females did, although it varied on the kind of youkai, or the kind of the animal they were based on, if it was an animal youkai. But Sae-sama was – as she had put it – a relatively pure blood youkai and her body was not as animalistic as those of the lower class youkai, so she didn't need to go through the process to have children.

Rin paused in her thought, biting on her lip pensively. That was another thing Miyoko-sama had told her – that the first bleeding was a sign that she was becoming a woman and that soon she'd be able to have children. She did know where children came from – from the belly of the mother, but... how did the child get in there in the first place...? So she asked Miyoko-sama and Miyoko-sama explained to her, in sufficient detail. True, Rin thought, collecting various images in her mind, she had seen many men without clothes, most often Shippou-chan, and they were indeed built differently than her. And she had seen animals do the 'corporeal union' - as Miyoko-sama had put it, although Sae-sama laughed at such an expression – and they always seemed to be enjoying it, but... if she was to do something like that with Ryouken-sama, she thought, feeling her face redden to an extent it never had before, she would be more embarrassed than ever! She was already feeling so embarrassed just thinking about it! And, she frowned slightly, the whole thing seemed somehow... icky, and truth be told she didn't feel like doing it at all!

And there was another thing that seemed to be different for humans and youkai, at least youkai such as Sae-sama. Miyoko-sama told her that when she'd be sixteen or seventeen, she'd find herself a husband and only then do that thing and have his children, but when she asked Sae-sama, she learnt that it was different with youkai. Sae-sama told her that youkai didn't marry, at least not in any official ceremony, and that even though some would remain with the same partner for a long time, sometimes for their whole lives, some never entered such relationships at all and just mated for pleasure, or specifically to have children, only for a short time. And that was yet another difference, she learnt, while Miyoko-sama would call it 'corporeal union' or 'marital obligations', Sae-sama called it 'mating' and it seemed to Rin that for Sae-sama it was more related to pleasure while to Miyoko-sama to having children.

Either way, she decided, when they landed and Sae-sama told her to make herself comfortable in the sun room and that she'd bring her something good to eat, she was still too young for such things, and would probably learn all the more subtle details in due time anyway.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Humans really were stupid beyond any measure, Sesshoumaru thought, landing in the shiro's inner courtyard. He just had been to the eastern border of the lands, after Satoshi informed him that some bandits appeared there recently. He didn't care much what humans did among themselves, truth be told, but he would not have any half-witted humans think that they could come here as they please, so he did the only sensible thing and killed off most of them, allowing the remaining few to escape so that they would have a chance to retell the experience to any other equally stupid humans. Because they really had to be severely on the moronic side to had come here in the first place. Not only because those were his lands, but mostly because – from what he knew – the area was still known among humans as the 'youkai land' and even if he did not kill them, they would've soon met their end in the jaws and claws of the many inu-youkai here.

Really, human or not, even a child should be able to understand the futility of such actions, he thought, heading towards the bathhouse to wash off any lingering scent of the foul – even more foul than most – humans from his hands.

But almost instantly the wind brought another scent to him, and he turned to walk closer to the edge of the garden that faced the open-walled room of the shiro, Rin's favorite room, from what he knew. And when the room came into his view, his senses were proven right; Rin was sitting there, reclining against on of the pillars and there was a distinctive scent of blood on her. But... it wasn't the fresh scent of a blood from a wound, he noted, frowning in surprise, it was the heavy, somehow sweeter scent of feminine blood.

He blinked in astonishment, trying to fit the news into his mind. Rin was already old enough...? But... he looked her over carefully, she still looked like nothing more than a child! True, she had gone through another growth sprout last year and was reaching half-way up his chest now, but... her body was still that of a child, there were no external signs of maturity on her. And he was more than certain that her mind was still that of a child!

But... he blinked again, once more astonished, when he remembered her odd question from last summer and suddenly linked it with what she had been looking at then. Rin was already feeling attracted to males... To Ryouken, no less! He stood there, watching her absentmindedly, and somehow expecting her to transform into a grown female any moment now, while his thoughts were busy trying to analyze the news. So she was that mature already and yet still showed no signs of wanting to return to humans... He had somehow assumed that it would be a natural thing for her, that it would just happen on its own, but... Not only nothing like that happened so far, but she was actually being attracted to a youkai!

She still sat there, currently laughing at something Sae said, and he was suddenly surprised by a somehow new thought. What if she never wanted to leave? What if she grew and matured and still felt no need to be with her kind? What if she mated some youkai? That, he decided, turning back to head towards the bathhouse again, would be none of his business. He was quite sure that Ryouken would not take her as a mate, but even if he did, or if there was be some other youkai dim-witted enough to do so, it would be of no concern to him.

But... what if she didn't mate, neither a human nor a youkai, and yet still wanted to stay here? Would he force her to go away...? He suddenly remembered her initially smiling face when Bokusenou said that there were many ways for a human to become a youkai, and felt something recoil within him. If she stayed here, if he allowed her to, then sooner or later she would fall into that trap, she would realize how feeble and short-lived she was and tried to change it, killing herself in the process.

It was none of his business either, true, but... He frowned, washing his hands carefully while his mind returned to what he had learnt last spring. No, he did not want to see her die like that. But, he thought, feeling somehow frustrated and trapped, he didn't want to see her eyes grow dark and sullen when he would force her to go away either.

Sighing inwardly, he turned to leave the bathhouse. It was no use to think about it now, she was still but a child, of that he was sure, and allowing such thoughts to obscure his mind like that would still be useless for quite some time. He should rather wait and see what would happen once she reached mental maturity, not just physical maturity.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Language notes:

taijia – a demon slayer, what Sango is;

jizou – a small statue of a deity; what Shippou uses in Episode 9 to pin Inuyasha;

suman – a colloquial way of saying 'sorry';

zama miro – an idiom: 'serves you right!', 'you'll get what you deserve'; Jaken (and I think Shippou too) are fond of it;

korosu zo – here: 'I'll kill you'; what Sesshoumaru often uses towards Jaken; it's not really threatening or offensive, it's more just a statement of what will happen, which I think in Sesshoumaru's case makes it more unsettling;

shogi – the Japanese chess; the principles are a bit different but the general idea is similar;

kemari – the Japanese version of soccer, sort of; this is what the people in Inuyasha's memories of his mother are playing; the game was more about keeping the ball in the air by kicking it up than about scoring goals; usually played by 8 people;

omusubi nori – dried seaweed strips used to wrap rice balls;

takuan – pickled daikon radish. Daikon radish is the carrot like (but even larger than a carrot) white vegetable that for example Inuyasha and Kagome are eating in Episode 2 or 3.

Go – a territory surrounding game played with stones on a board.

bakana koto – 'stupid thing'; that's also what Sesshoumaru replied to Rin in Episode 162 when she asks him to remember her;

Omae ni mamoru mono wa aru ka – 'Do you have things you protect?' or 'Is there something you want to protect?'; It's what Sesshoumaru's father says to him at the beginning of Movie 3 and it also reappears in Sesshoumaru's thoughts later in the movie.

General notes:

Movie 3 senza spoilers: Without giving away any serious plot spoilers, in Movie 3 (which is a must-see for all Sesshoumaru fans), there are two interesting scenes between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. One is an image of them fighting back to back against a horde of zombies and another is when Inuyasha is about to get hit by a blast and Sesshoumaru pushes him away and gets hit instead, prompting the onlookers to say – in understandably astonished voices – that it looked as if Sesshoumaru protected Inuyasha. What he did in his mind is of course a mystery, so everybody is free to make what they want of it. And in case anybody is interested, Sesshoumaru's final answer to his father's question about protecting things is "I, Sesshoumaru, protect nothing!". Unfortunately, he says it while protecting people, a disturbed individual as he is.

Sesshoumaru getting 'knocked out' by Shippou: That may seem rather improbable, but considering how easily Inuyasha is affected by smells, I think that if Sesshoumaru was not expecting to be attacked the way Shippou attacked him – and he had no reason to expect it – then he'd really be knocked out on the spot. He does seem to have an even better sense of smell than Inuyasha, and anybody who ever had a cat or a dog and used a deodorant or perfume near them would know how much of an impairment a sensitive sense of smell can be.

Kagerou: I made a mistake in Chapter 6 and wrote that she's a firefly youkai, while I actually meant dragonfly. 'Kagerou' means dragonfly.

My rant on Sesshoumaru's character: Sesshoumaru's character is indeed very difficult to write and I think it's not only because he's uncommunicative and unemotional, but mostly because out of the all Inuyasha cast, Sesshoumaru is the character that had been – however accidentally – portrayed with greatest depth and also is the one who matures the most throughout the story. During his first two appearances (Episodes 5-7 and 18-19) he's pretty much linear – a stuck-up, arrogant, cold and merciless ass, who – most notably – had absolutely no doubts about either his actions or his views on the world. And as hilarious as his 'classic villainy' lines were (especially in the manga) there would be nothing more to it. But from Episode 34 onwards there's an obvious change (in Episodes 3435 he acts as if he had gone temporarily insane and actually taunts Inuyasha into hitting him with Kaze no Kizu) and the change – or rather changes – continue throughout the rest of the series. Sesshoumaru becomes much more hesitant about the righteousness of his views, which is most noticeable in Episodes 5152 when he seems to be contemplating Inuyasha's transformation in an oddly non-angry manner. He's also generally more – even more – quiet and distant, and does seem to question a lot of things. But he's still an arrogant arse and generally a very self-centered being when it comes to dealing with people, so it's quite difficult to show those both sides, especially in interactions with Rin.

That is also another source of problems – that he clearly acts different towards Rin than towards anyone else, which is most obvious in three glimpses: one in Episode 52 when he comes back and asks her "Did you behave yourself?" (a very odd question coming from him, if you think about it), then in Episode 96, after Hakkaku and Ginta ran off and he tells her: "Weren't you going to fish?" in an obvious meaning of "There's no need to be afraid" and lastly in Movie 3 when he first tells – rather harshly – Rin and Kagome to get lost because they're in the way of the fight, but when Rin wants to give Tenseiga back to him, his tone very noticeably softens. But in all those cases it's quite clear to me that he has no idea what to do with her, and how he is supposed to act around a child like that, but rather, as DPM has very aptly put it in the review, he constantly wrestles with the emotional barrage Rin throws his way.

To be quite frank, I'm not a particular fan of Sesshoumaru as such (I'm a fan of the manga Sesshoumaru, but it's a different character altogether), it's only in combination with Rin that his presence in the Inuyasha anime began to interest me, perhaps because of the charm of such a non-standard relationship. "A baddie changed by a female" is a classic theme in many manga or anime, but usually the element of attraction is sex, whereas here – hopefully clearly for all – there's nothing like that, he has no 'baser motives' for keeping her around, and the question why was it a small innocent child, a child that obviously accepted him just as he was, that somehow got to him, is in my opinion a central issue of this unexpectedly deep subpart of Inuyasha.

Well, end of rant ;)