Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

Reviews: Thank you once again all the wonderful people who took the time to review, especially those who review regularly and in great detail:D I'm really glad that the Shippou-Sesshoumaru feud was found humorous, and the adventures of the mischievous fox will return in the next chapter, although this time with less input from Sesshoumaru.

Sexysaxist: Hahaha, I agree completely – 'phantasmagorical' is without a doubt an incredible word and the moment I somehow thought of it in relation to the vision of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru as loving brothers, I felt that no other word could ever possibly describe the idea as aptly ;)

Ena: Thank you! And I agree – the relationship between Rin and Sesshoumaru is very fascinating and I very much enjoy delving into it :)

sesshomaruhasafluffytail: Hahaha, thank you, a review that warms up the heart of every author!

DarkestNite: Thank you very much and indeed he is a serious bastard to write, I always have to spend the most time on his thoughts, grrrr. And you should definitely write your own fic, especially if it's a SessRin (and with lemons!) ;)

RabidAnimeGurl: :blushes profusely: Thank you very much for so many kind words:D And I'm glad you'd still read it even if it would not develop into a romance, since it will still take a bit before it does get to that point, and I suspect I've lost a lot of readers already because of the slow pace of the fic o.o

And I couldn't agree more about the English version, I know some people like it, but I find it to be an atrocity committed on the fantastic original voice acting – the voices sound horridly artificial, every other character seems to have a speech impairment and keeps pausing in the least expected moments and the translation often quite substantially diverges from the original! But, I have to confess I don't own the manga either, I downloaded it (minus two or so volumes) and only check the original version on the Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi site. I'm planning to buy all the almost 40 volumes as soon as I have that much 'spare change' :shakes fist in determination: ;)

silenzstarz: Thank you very much and he is indeed as difficult to write as he is undoubtedly difficult for people to live with ;)

Oni-kun6553: Thank you:) I am planning to have him grow, but quite understandably it won't be an easy process...

Jen: Thank you :)

picara71: Thank you very much:updates promptly yet locks the door nevertheless: ;)

Jesse.the.girl: Thank you and don't mind if I do ;)

Menoma-Minx: Actually, miko's didn't have to be virgins, they were just generally unmarried, but it's not the same. And indeed it's not just a 'priestess', as evidenced by the fact that Kagome is called a miko only on the basis of having spiritual powers, but that's how it was translated in the English dub, at least as far as I know.

Maore: Thank you :) Turning Rin into a youkai is indeed an easy solution, and in my opinion it takes away a great deal of the depth of their relationship and it is generally too unrealistic, even in the context of the by definition unrealistic story of Inuyasha. I'm also very happy to know that you still like the slow pace, since I very much enjoy writing it slow yet constantly worry that people will get fed up with so much 'rumblings'...

mystal: Thank you very much! And if it is my privilege to rant, I'll abuse it some more ;) I'm very glad that you noticed the undertones of the Sess-Shippou fight, since it was indeed my intention to show that even for Sesshoumaru it's not possible to constantly be around somebody and yet remain unaffected by it. (Hence for example he uses Shippou's expression while Shippou adopts the "I, Sesshoumaru" one).

And I agree with your view on Sesshoumaru – he does seem to do a lot of things just because, not offering any explanations either to himself or to others, but – as you have noted too – it doesn't seem to apply to emotions of, in any way, caring for somebody, like for example in relation to sparing Kohaku in Episode 80 or helping out Kagome and others in Episode 104 – both times he states "I just –insert explanation–, that's all." Poor confused thing ;)

And as for the abrupt change, I agree once more, it does seem sudden, both in the manga and in the anime, nothing seems to forecast it in his earlier appearances. I think though that it might just be that the author didn't intend to give him any deeper role in the story and it only occurred to her later on, but who knows.

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Edit: This chapter had been edited and Kagura had been cut out. Not for good, only temporarily. Why? Because I found that I had inserted her too early into the story, while doing it only later would allow me to exploit the possibility more. Most notably, it's related to the fun of intertwining this story with Jiyuu na Kaze. It's not very doable to do it for a long time at the moment, because this story will still keep 'speeding' through years for a bit longer, while the other story would progress more slowly. So I will just push it in time, to the period of this story when time will be passing more slowly for Rin and Sesshoumaru.

This also means that Jiyuu na Kaze has been deleted for now, although the good parts of it (if there were any to begin with...) will be kept for later use. I have also copied Shuukatsu's perspective on Rin from there into this chapter, and had to edit out some minor mentions of Kagura.

Moreover, I'm undergoing a serious creative crisis at the moment, since I have recently discovered how really crappy I am with writing. Not only in content structuring, although that seems to be the least of my worries, but mostly when it comes to dialogue, action sequences and the control over the reader's attention. I simply can't pull it off, and have realized that this fic is only semi-popular because it's a Sess/Rin story, not because it's a good story, if you catch my drift.

And so, I began worrying about what the readers would like to read and found that I can't write even a simplest sentence anymore without constantly thinking about it. Most notably, I kept worrying about the length of the 'stream of consciousness' pieces and the general pace of the story. Basically, I kept feeling that what the readers want is the romance part, and I kept trying to speed up, speed up, into some sick spiral of writing and deleting until nothing made sense anymore. But the original point of the story was not the romance as such, but rather the presentation of the world that grew in my mind. And playing with the juxtapositions between people, showing how people who have seemingly nothing in common can influence each other (and I don't mean just Rin and Sesshoumaru). Sadly, a lot of it had been cut out already. So the story by no means ends with a lemon, like it happens with many stories, although I can never understand why, since going to bed with somebody really doesn't solve all your life problems, and is in fact only the true beginning of togetherness.

So to wrap it up (at the long last), I'm not so sure when I will write some more, since right now whenever I write a paragraph I feel that the readers will skip it anyway and only search for the Rin/Sess bits.

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Chapter 10

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When the season changed to winter and then summer arrived once more, Sesshoumaru found himself sensing an incoming 'house guest' and grimaced in displeasure, even though he had been expecting the man to show up ever since he had returned to the shiro. Shuukatsu, he thought, walking towards the genkan after sensing that the man in question was – for once – approaching on foot, instead of just unceremoniously dropping down from the skies in the inner courtyard. Took him long enough, Sesshoumaru noted, observing that it had already been years since he had returned here.

Although it wasn't really that surprising that the annoying washi showed up only now, after all it was in his habit to just disappear to somewhere for unspecified periods of time, often to return when least expected. Sesshoumaru never could understand how Chichi-ue could not only tolerate something like that, but actually always seemed somehow joyful whenever Shuukatsu would show up again. Although, Shuukatsu was in no way Chichi-ue's subordinate, they were 'friends', and it had been like that not only for as long as Sesshoumaru could remember, but for as long as almost anyone who had known Chichi-ue could remember.

How exactly they could be friends in the first place was another thing Sesshoumaru could never understand, since the two of them were so diametrically different in character. While Chichi-ue was serious and to the point, Shuukatsu was laughing and needlessly talkative, while Chichi-ue was reasonable and composed, Shuukatsu was irrational and childish, and while Chichi-ue was moderate and restrained, Shuukatsu was wanton and unstructured.

And yet, Shuukatsu was the only person Sesshoumaru knew of who could whack Chichi-ue in the back of the head and call him 'an old fart', as distasteful as it was, and not only get away with it but actually make Chichi-ue join him in such childish antics, or in same frivolous adventure that usually led them into more trouble than they had bargained for. He frowned among his steps, displeased with remembering the two decades of his early adolescence he had spent much closer to Chichi-ue than during the rest of his life. It had been after Chichi-ue had deemed him old enough to be properly trained, and, after he had spent another decade gaining control of his powers, would often take him along for one of his journeys. And whenever they were just together, Chichi-ue was serious and somehow... distant, while if Shuukatsu would join them, Chichi-ue seemed cheerful and relaxed.

It was of no matter however and Sesshoumaru pushed the thoughts aside, arriving at the genkan, where the washi was standing already, looking as annoying as ever. It was probably the fact that he seemed to constantly mock and laugh at the world that made him so particularly annoying, Sesshoumaru thought when the man in question came into his view. Shuukatsu was a strong yet agile man, forever dressed in black - something Sesshoumaru could never understand - and a bird apparent from appearance, since he had black hair shaped like long feathers with brown tips and piercing yellow eyes. And, he noted not without satisfaction, was also slightly shorter than him, thus allowing Sesshoumaru to counter his annoying smirk with a condescending look.

"Shuukatsu," he greeted the man, and the washi's response was as always not what it ought to be.

"Indeed," he answered poignantly, as if confirming a child's speculation, "On the bosom of the Western Lands once more."

"What you do with yourself is none of my business," Sesshoumaru informed him evenly, "although undoubtedly you have your reasons in coming here."

"Undoubtedly," Shuukatsu agreed in mock solemnity and Sesshoumaru felt the same urge he usually felt when the man was around – to punch him squarely between his yellow eyes.

However, he thought, turning around to go to the room he – like his father before him – used for talking to people he had no desire to talk to, knowing that Shuukatsu would follow him, as annoying as the man was, he had to be tolerated. Not only because he was Chichi-ue's long time friend who had helped Chichi-ue consolidate the Western Lands and the three inu-youkai packs, but also – as... irritating as it was – he was undefeatable for Sesshoumaru at this particular moment in time. Frowning slightly, he recalled how he had learnt the unexpected to him at the time truth that power was not everything. Shuukatsu was not strong in youki, he was weaker even than Inuyasha, and yet defeating him was still unattainable for Sesshoumaru, simply because the man could move faster than Sesshoumaru's eyes could see and was competent enough to make the path of his movements unpredictable.

He had been but a youngster then, when he had asked Chichi-ue how come Shuukatsu was considered a frightful enemy when he was actually weak. Chichi-ue gave him a peculiar look and told him to ask Shuukatsu to show him. Which he did, and when the washi told him to attack with his best, he had swung his sword at him, releasing a considerable amount of youryoku, sufficient to at least severely injure Shuukatsu. And yet as soon as he finished the swing, he felt the edge of Shuukatsu's katana against his throat, even though the man had been standing at least thirty feet away, in the way of the blast, and he did not see him move at all. Later on, when he had been better trained, during a similar exercise he was able to see a shadow of the washi's path and smell the wind caused by his speed, yet it was equally useless, since as soon as he would register those signs, Shuukatsu's katana was already at his throat.

It was only then that Chichi-ue told him that he doubted whether he himself could defeat Shuukatsu, although it was hard to say since they had never fought against each other, and Sesshoumaru still remembered feeling annoyed at Chichi-ue for not mentioning it sooner. And even though he had made sure to remember the lesson well, he still believed it to be an indisputably underhanded method of fighting.

Behind him, and still in the genkan, Rin was looking after the two men in contemplation. She had often heard Sae-sama and Kagerou-sama mention Shuukatsu-sama and had been curious to meet him, so she was glad she had followed Sesshoumaru-sama to the genkan. Sae-sama told her that Shuukatsu-sama was generally a very likeable and kind person, although Kagerou-sama laughed then and added that a likeable person as he was, he was an insufferable man, and that any sensible woman who valued her sanity should stay away from him, but Rin wasn't exactly sure what that was supposed to mean. Still, she thought, recalling that he seemed to be smiling even when he wasn't, he seemed to be likeable to her.

Yet, she wondered, thinking back to his conversation with Sesshoumaru-sama just now, it seemed to her as if they didn't like each other much, and she couldn't really see why, since if they were both nice then she would expect them to like each other. Still, she thought, leaving on her way, the more the merrier.

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How atrocious of the fates, Shuukatsu thought, watching Sesshoumaru pace 'dignifiedly' ahead of him towards the room Touga too had often used for 'serious talks', that the boy looked so much like Touga on the outside, yet differed so fundamentally on the inside. Yes, Touga had often been a stern man too, but it was something altogether different; it was poise, not guard, centeredness, not emptiness. And, he glanced again at the back of the boy walking ahead of him, feeling an inane urge to tickle him, the same urge he used to sometimes feel around Touga when his friend would act too serious for his own good, Touga actually laughed when tickled, while Sesshoumaru would probably only look at him as if he had gone insane.

Sesshoumaru entered the room and, coming to a stop near the open external screens, turned to him, raising a questioning eyebrow, and Shuukatsu felt amused to see that the boy actually expected this method to work, and raised his own eyebrow in reply, giving the boy, whom he could still clearly remember as a toddler he had once stopped – much to the child's disappointment – from eating a mud covered earth worm, the time to structure himself properly in front of his father's 'annoying' friend.

And so they stood there like that in silence, with their eyebrows raised. Shuukatsu could swear his had gone numb, and was idly trying to remember if he had ever felt it like that before, until even Sesshoumaru's patience waned thin.

"Any particular reason for your visit?" Sesshoumaru asked evenly, and Shuukatsu allowed his eyebrow to finally rest.

"Just dropping by, nothing more," he replied, wondering briefly if the boy really did expect him to have some fiendish motives, although admittedly, the last few times they met, even civility had been lacking in the air, "Or do you perhaps object to my presence here...?" he questioned, raising his abused eyebrow again.

"What you do is none of my business," Sesshoumaru repeated himself, perhaps unconsciously. Or not, it was always hard to say with him.

"I'll take it as a cordial invitation and will make myself at 'home'." Shuukatsu moved to leave, but turned back to fire the parting shot, one that he had been particularly looking forward to fire at Sesshoumaru.

"I see your arm has grown back," he pointed out casually, perfectly aware that Sesshoumaru had to be seething inside to know that the man he had never been able to outdo in sword mastery had been informed that his arm had been cut off by the 'filthy, lowly hanyou', as he had once so lovingly named his brother, when they had been discussing the future of the somewhat dirty and practically gone wild child, "then perhaps later on you will show me whether you have improved any."

"With pleasure," Sesshoumaru answered somewhat coldly, confirming Shuukatsu's assessment of his emotional state.

Yes, it really was atrocious of the fates, Shuukatsu thought again, leaving the room and walking down the corridors towards the room he used to consider his, that the son of a man who had so much natural warmth and kindness had turned out like this, so... frozen, unable to reach out to the world around him. Would you be happy, Isei, Shuukatsu asked a memory that was still lingering within the walls he himself had helped to build, to know that the glove fits?

Although, he wondered, glancing to the courtyard he was passing by, and watching the young girl whose astounding story he had already heard from Kagerou, having ran into her on Okinawa during winter, and smiling back when she flashed him a phenomenally innocent and bright smile upon noticing that he was looking at her, if the boy could still feel compassion, then perhaps it might grow too small one day after all.

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How... annoying, Sesshoumaru thought, returning to the shiro after he had once again lost to Shuukatsu in a sword spar in the clearing at the hill's foot. The washi was not only impossibly fast, but was also an outstanding swordsman, and ever since Sesshoumaru began learning how to use a sword, he would take every opportunity available to spar against him – Shuukatsu was 'kind' enough to remain at Sesshoumaru's speed level on such occasions - knowing that if he could defeat Shuukatsu, he would have undoubtedly reached mastery himself. Yet, so far he had not managed it, and even the fact that Shuukatsu had centuries of an advantage in practice was not a redeeming factor in Sesshoumaru's eyes. He was excellent as it was, and he ought to be able to do it, and yet...

"Sesshoumaru-sama was great!" Rin announced, catching up to him. She and the others had watched the match and she felt very impressed seeing Sesshoumaru-sama like that. She had seen him fight before, true, but those were usually short and often dangerous to her occasions, and so she had never before realized how fast and agile Sesshoumaru-sama really was. But now, seeing him move so quickly that she could see and afterimage of him, and change positions so effortlessly, she could fully understand why Jaken would so often emphasize how great Sesshoumaru-sama was when it came to fighting.

And, she glanced up to him, recalling the image of him during the fight, with his eyes narrowed and his white hair scattered on the air, Sesshoumaru-sama looked very pretty then, which wasn't really that surprising since Sesshoumaru-sama was generally very pretty to look at. But he looked somehow different then, somehow... She focused, trying to pinpoint the exact nature of the difference, but found that it would not yield itself to words, other than that Sesshoumaru-sama looked somehow both incredibly graceful and yet strong at the same time. Yet it wasn't really it, since the same applied to Shuukatsu-sama, especially since during the fight he moved somehow differently than anything she had seen before in a fight, but... She frowned, trying to come up with an apt description for how watching Sesshoumaru-sama made her feel, but Sesshoumaru-sama's words interrupted her thoughts.

"If this had been a real fight, I would've been decapitated," he said, somehow resentfully, but Rin frowned once more.

"Decapitated...?" she asked, not knowing the word.

"It means I would've chopped off his head!" Shuukatsu-sama's cheerful yell reached them, and Rin glanced back, only to feel her mouth drop in surprise. Shuukatsu-sama and the others were still at the foot of the hill, while they were almost at the top...

"Shuukatsu-sama can hear from that far away...?" She asked Sesshoumaru-sama, vaguely needing a confirmation. Yes, youkai generally could do a lot of astounding things, but... it was seriously far!

Sesshoumaru glanced down to her in surprise. She had lived among youkai for years and yet still didn't know that youkai had much better senses than humans? True, he noted, glancing behind him, that was far, even for most youkai, but it was not remarkably far. He himself could hear fine from greater distances.

"Yes, so can I," he informed her, wondering briefly what else she had somehow managed to miss in her knowledge on youkai.

Definitely an interesting day, Rin thought casually, accommodating her newly found knowledge – along with the knowledge of how great Sesshoumaru-sama was in a fight – into what she knew of youkai already. It actually explained many things, for example how come Sesshoumaru-sama always seemed to know everything, even if nobody specifically told him about it. Very interesting indeed.

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Yet interesting as it was, Rin's thoughts soon returned to the issue that had been bothering her the most lately – whether she should tell Ryouken-sama how she felt about him. She had been satisfied before with just liking him from afar and spending as much time as she could around him while hoping that even if he didn't notice her now, he would, sooner or later, but ever since she first thought of the possibility of making him see, the option kept growing more and more prominent in her mind. Though, she sighed, he really should be able to see she was no longer a child, not only she would soon be fifteen, but also her breasts finally began to grow. True, she noted, glancing down to herself, they were still rather small, but... it was an obvious sign that she was no longer a child! And, she appended with a sigh, recently she began feeling so... yearning when she was near him, as if there was something inside of her that kept wanting to touch him, to... kiss him, and maybe even do something more, even though she still felt that the whole idea of 'corporeal union' was somewhat... icky.

And it wouldn't leave her mind, even in her dreams, often making her stay awake for hours or wake up too early, and she would keep circling around the problem, unsure what she felt, what she should do and even what she would want to do. Sometimes, she would have enough of it, feeling that somehow, this uncertainty and yearning didn't belong with a feeling as nice as liking somebody, and would get up early, just to walk around, trying to occupy herself with something else.

It was on a morning like that, but a few days later, when she was walking through the, full of the still fresh sunlight, corridors, that she heard a sound of a flute and following it, quickly found that it was Shuukatsu-sama. He was sitting on the steps that led down to the internal courtyard and was playing a yokobue. The melody was strange, very pretty but somehow sad without being sad; 'nostalgic', she supposed was the best word out of those she knew, and it somehow didn't suit Shuukatsu-sama, who seemed generally cheerful. It had already been a few days since Shuukatsu-sama arrived at the shiro and she found that Sae-sama had indeed been right in that he was a very likeable person. She especially enjoyed it when he and Kagerou-sama would play shogi – Sae-sama told her that they had been playing against each other for centuries, and yet still kept a score, which reached into thousands by now – and the two of them would constantly joke around, teasing each other, even when they were talking about something more serious. It was really nice to just sit around and listen to them, feeling somehow cheerful herself just because they were cheerful, even if she sometimes didn't understand what exactly they were talking about, and their explanations often didn't help any.

Shuukatsu-sama finished the melody, breaking her reverie, and she moved to sit down on the steps next to him.

"Shuukatsu-sama can play very nicely," she complimented him, smiling.

"Why thank you little lady," he replied, smiling back, and she felt pleased as always when he would call her 'little lady'. At least somebody noticed she was not a child anymore!

"Want to try?" Shuukatsu-sama asked, offering her the flute, and she accepted it happily. It would be nice to be able to play like that too, to be able to create something pretty. Yet lifting the flute to her lips and drawing a tentative sound, she found that it wasn't as easy as that, even though the sound itself was still nice.

"You know," Shuukatsu-sama said casually, leaning back on the steps, "that could be considered an indirect kiss," he pointed to the flute that had just passed between their lips, and she felt herself grow red, but quickly noticed that his eyes were laughing, so he was just teasing her.

"A kiss is not a kiss if it's not direct," she replied, pretending to be scornful, and Shuukatsu-sama laughed.

"Wise words, little lady, although the shadow can be sometimes prettier than the object itself," he said, yet she wasn't entirely sure what he meant, even though she could understand the comparison.

"You can keep it," Shuukatsu-sama added, standing up, "the purity of its sound suits your eyes."

"Won't Shuukatsu-sama miss it?" Rin felt obliged to ask, although she would very much like to keep it.

"Don't worry about it, little lady, I have more of them. You see," he leaned towards her with a playful glint in his yellow eyes, "it's always nice to have more of that which brings you pleasure," he said, and Rin knew that he wasn't talking just about flutes, but this time she had a vague idea of what he was alluding to, having heard Kagerou-sama call him a 'sukebe', although Shuukatsu-sama dismissed it saying that he was 'but a humble admirer of the perfection that is female'.

"Arigatou," she smiled, choosing to ignore the sukebe comment, since she didn't want to talk about something she still had so little knowledge of.

"But," she added when Shuukatsu-sama was already walking away, "could Shuukatsu-sama teach me the melody he was playing? It was very pretty."

"I could," Shuukatsu-sama replied, turning back to her, "but it's my melody, and you should find your own."

"Find my own melody...?" Rin prompted, unsure how exactly she was supposed to do that.

Shuukatsu-sama laughed again, "Just keep playing until you find it," he said and left her to her thoughts.

'A kiss is not a kiss if it's not direct', Shuukatsu thought, laughing to himself as he was leaving Rin to enjoy her new yokobue. She had so effortlessly thwarted the logic of every other poet with that statement! To be that young again, he mused, shaking his head as he walked through the garden.

She was absolutely adorable, he summed up, an incredible embodiment of innocence and purity. He could see now that anyone who still had at least one bit of compassion left in him wouldn't be able to remain unaffected by seeing her randomly killed by wolves. Hopefully, she would stay with Sesshoumaru for some more time, her presence had undoubtedly done the boy some good already.

When Sesshoumaru had been a child, he had been sure that, as retreated as the boy had been nearly from birth, he had a fine enough heart, and that he would grow into the world, in time. But Touga's death changed his view on him; he must've had rooted out every single last bit of compassion from himself to be able to abandon his own kin to death like that. Which was why it seemed unthinkable to him at first that Sesshoumaru could ever feel for a meaningless and useless to him child, a human child no less. But he had no reason to doubt Kagerou's words and had decided to come back to the shiro after all, despite having previously decided not to return here again should Sesshoumaru ever do so.

And he found that even though the boy was still as frozen as had been for most of his life, there was also something different about him. For the first time in centuries, Sesshoumaru seemed to him to be... He scrunched his eyes slightly, trying to pin point the subtle impression. 'No longer so unshakably bent on power and control', was probably the best estimate, he found. It was always a start, even though it was still a far cry from what he would expect from a son of Touga. And this cold-heartedness of the boy was the reason why he was now on his way south to visit that twat Hourou. He had found that some of Hourou's pack had begun attacking humans recently, and Sesshoumaru took no action against it, perhaps because he never agreed with Touga's view on the matter of humans to begin with. However, he himself happened to more than just agree with it, and unfortunately for the arrogant and snobbish black dog named Hourou, was also capable of 'convincing' others to see things his way. Surely, he thought, changing into his eagle form and flying south, Hourou must've had seen it coming.

'Keep playing until you find it', Rin repeated in her mind, still on the steps to the courtyard. And as she tried drawing various sounds, her thoughts somehow wondered back to the fact that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like Shuukatsu-sama. She had asked Sae-sama why, and she told her that many people felt uneasy around Shuukatsu-sama because they thought that he was laughing at them. But it seemed to her that he was laughing with people, not at people, and that it was a very important difference.

Yet, she wondered, perhaps it depended on whether you yourself wanted to laugh with him to begin with. Was that why Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like Shuukatsu-sama? Because he didn't feel like laughing? She frowned, vaguely knowing that she had seen Sesshoumaru-sama laugh before, but she couldn't recall the image of him laughing. Or even smiling actually. Yes, he would smile sometimes, but only as a sort of threat, and his eyes weren't smiling then at all. She couldn't remember even one time when Sesshoumaru-sama would have smiling eyes.

Didn't Sesshoumaru-sama know how nice it was to smile and have your smile returned, she wondered, leaning back on the steps to look at the blue sky above her, didn't he ever feel like smiling? No, it was not possible that he never did, everybody did. Nor was it possible that he didn't know how, it was just as silly an idea, since it was something as natural as breathing, something that happened on its own.

Letting out a sigh and playing with the flute some more, she decided that she'd like to see Sesshoumaru-sama smiling or laughing, not knowing that her wish was soon to be granted.

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It had already been a few days since he had lost to Shuukatsu, and yet Sesshoumaru kept feeling annoyed by such a simple thing. It was annoying to know that as well-trained as he already was, he was still not a master of the discipline, still had more to learn. True, unlike the washi, he had more youryoku than he needed to defeat an enemy, and did not have to depend on such secondary factors as speed and skill, but he was also aware that sometimes such secondary factors could be the factors in a battle, and he'd rather not be overcome because he failed to see that truth. However, he reminded himself, considering his age it was only to be expected that he'd still require more time to reach complete mastery, just as he still required more time to reach Chichi-ue's level of power.

He frowned, feeling even more annoyed, and at nothing more than the simple fact that he was still a youngster at that, but his thoughts, and his pace through the shiro, were suddenly interrupted by angry yells coming from nearby.

"How is it my fault that I'm a human!" It was Rin, he determined, and felt his eyebrows rise in surprise. He couldn't remember ever hearing Rin yell angrily, no matter how he tried, and feeling intrigued, followed the voice towards the 'sun room', as Rin called it, where she was currently with Sae, but upon walking into it, he spotted something dashing through the air towards him and his hand shot up to catch the object, a ceramic plate, as he soon found.

Rin stared at Sesshoumaru-sama, her mouth wide open as she realized that she had just thrown a plate at Sesshoumaru-sama. Her anger quickly evaporated, and she suddenly felt very childish and silly for getting angry like that. But, she remembered, with a painful ache in her heart, she had good reasons for it... But an hour ago, she had finally told Ryouken-sama what she felt about him, and... She bit on her lip, trying not to cry, at first Ryouken-sama only laughed, saying 'You can't be serious, Rin-chan', but when she had assured him that she was, feeling herself grow even redder than she had already been, he became serious too, and told her that he could never consider her a girl, because she was a human. She couldn't understand it at first, but he made it clear for her by saying that he'd have to be very stupid to take a human mate. Stupid? It was stupid to reject people because of something like that, that's what, Rin fumed inside, feeling her ire rise again. It was even beyond stupid!

In the mean time, Sesshoumaru was observing the plate he had caught, trying to remember why it seemed somehow familiar. It was... he focused, grasping the memory, that's right, it was the exact same plate he had eaten from when he had the misfortune of trying out human food. It was when he had been around seventy or eighty, and some humans came to see Chichi-ue, although he couldn't really recall why. He wanted none of their company, but Chichi-ue made him join them for a human meal, and he could still very vividly remember his revulsion upon discovering how horrid rice was. It felt sticky and clammy in his mouth, both tasteless and suffocating, and he kept feeling that taste in his mouth for two days straight afterwards. He had very firmly decided then to never try something like that again, under no circumstances.

"Hmph," he bid a contemptuous goodbye to the plate and let it fall to the floor and shatter against the wood, shifting his attention back to Rin who was looking at him with a surprised and inquisitive expression, no doubt curious as to why he would let the plate fall like that.

"I had been... made to eat from it as a child," he offered offhandedly.

"It was that old...?" she asked with her voice full of incredulity, her mouth wide agape, and Sesshoumaru was struck by the ridiculousness of the comment and found himself laughing lightly, somehow bemused by the bizarre clash in their perspectives on his age – there he was, annoyed at being but a youngster, while to her he was that old!

Rin felt her mouth drop even more at the sight. Sesshoumaru-sama was laughing! True, it was more of a chuckle than a full-blown laugh, but his eyes were actually amused and laughing! And, she noted, taking in as much of the sight as she could, Sesshoumaru-sama looked utterly beautiful when he laughed! Yes, he always looked pretty, but now he looked so radiant, so... perfect. But he stopped laughing all too soon, and, growing serious once more, walked over towards her.

"Rin, what is this about?" he asked, and she suddenly felt very embarrassed that she had acted so childishly and gotten so angry when Sae-sama tried to console her and told her that it was just the way things were. But... even so, it was still not fair! It wasn't fair that Ryouken-sama would reject her because of something like that and it wasn't fair that she had to be a human!

"I don't want to be a human," she confessed stubbornly, feeling horribly weighted down by the unfairness of it all, and Sesshoumaru-sama raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"I want to be a youkai and I don't care what it takes!" she added rebelliously, looking down with her jaw tight.

Sesshoumaru felt something inside of him twinge alarmingly. Had she really succumbed to such disastrous desires...? Would she really try something as ludicrous as willingly discarding her consciousness...? Could she really be so blind as to not see what it meant?

"If you do that," he said sternly, his own jaw clenching as he felt it was imperative for her to understand, "I would have to kill you."

Rin glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama in shock. He would have to kill her...?

"You would become but a vile hybrid feeding on the remnants of your soul," Sesshoumaru added just as sternly, fixing his eyes on hers. She was still a child, yes, but her mind should be mature enough already to understand a truth as obvious as that.

Rin kept staring at Sesshoumaru-sama, speechless. He would have to kill her...? Was it really something so bad...? A vile hybrid...? Her thoughts circled in her mind confusedly, but when she kept looking at Sesshoumaru-sama like that, while he was looking at her so sternly, she suddenly felt that he was looking at her in a different way than normally, that what he was saying was very important and that he expected her to be able to understand it. She felt strangely grown-up when he was looking at her like that, and felt that she would not want to disappoint him.

"I understand," she replied seriously and in earnest, "I will never do anything like that," she promised, even though she still felt that there had to be some way for her to at least stay with them forever as a human, even if she couldn't become a youkai, and that it was just a matter of finding it.

Sesshoumaru-sama nodded, satisfied with her answer, and left on his way, leaving her still feeling somehow adult. Rin glanced to Sae-sama, who had been standing nearby and observing them, and smiled apologetically at her, feeling once more very embarrassed for having acted so... childishly, but Sae-sama only smiled back and said that it was alright, as long as she kept her promise to never attempt to become a youkai. Rin confirmed once more, and moved to clean up the broken – and old – plate.

"Sesshoumaru-sama should laugh more often," she said pensively, picking up the broken pieces and thinking back to how amazing Sesshoumaru-sama looked when his eyes were smiling.

Sae-sama laughed herself, agreeing wholeheartedly, "He should indeed."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Although seeing Sesshoumaru-sama laugh was undoubtedly a memorable and amazing thing, Rin still felt very downtrodden by having had her feelings rejected so callously and her mood wilted considerably for many summer days, including her fifteen birthday, which somehow seemed much less pleasurable than her previous birthdays.

But after a month of moping around sulkily and constantly trying to avoid Ryouken-sama, Rin discovered something that she felt she should've seen much sooner. If Ryouken-sama thought that he would have to be stupid to take a human mate, then, she found in a spark of resolute insolence, he had to be stupid as it was, and thus she should most definitely not waste her time feeling sad because of him! True, it was easier said than done, but repeatedly calling him 'baka' in her mind whenever she would see him sure helped a lot, and soon after she discovered the technique her mood began improving.

She had also realized that she should not worry about such trifle things as the stupid Ryouken-sama, that there was still so much in the world for her to experience, and her mood improved even more. And when the summer began declining into autumn, Shuukatsu-sama returned again, after having disappeared to somewhere even before she had confessed to Ryouken-sama, and – having quickly pieced the story together - made her feel even better by saying that Ryouken was indeed beyond stupid to have rejected a lady as lovely as herself. And, she recalled with a pang of vindictive satisfaction towards Ryouken-sama and gratitude towards Shuukatsu-sama, Shuukatsu-sama said it when Ryouken-sama was around and could hear him, and she saw Ryouken-sama's cheeks grow red at being called stupid by Shuukatsu-sama, whom, as she had gathered, he admired a lot.

Next time she would be more careful about whom she liked, she decided finally on one warm evening, sitting against a pillar of the opened sun room, while searching for her melody on the flute and vaguely listening to Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama's banter as they were trying to overcome one another in shogi and wit yet again.

"Really, Sae," she heard Shuukatsu-sama say after Sae-sama said something to him, "how many times do I have to tell you that you're too old to title me? Being called 'sama' by you makes me feel like I'm some thousand year old ghoul," he shook his head in mock scorn.

"You are over a thousand, Shuu," Kagerou-sama cut in dryly, making her move on the board.

Shuukatsu-sama gasped in feigned outrage. "Foul slander! I am but two hundred," he assured them firmly, and Rin eyed him doubtfully along with the others. Honestly, Shuukatsu-sama might've not looked old in any way, but it was too easy to count that he had to be much older than that, so he could've picked some more believable number.

"I feel but two hundred," he emphasized indignantly in reply to their dubious looks.

"Oh, I can easily believe that," Kagerou-sama countered lightly, and Rin could sense that she was about to deliver the finishing blow, "after all, I remember you saying that you had been 'an absurd oaf' at that age."

Shuukatsu-sama laughed, admitting her victory, "Defeated by my own words! So cruel, Kagerou!" Rin laughed to herself too. Yes, it really was nice to sit here like this, not doing anything in particular but just enjoying the warm evening and the cheerful company, she concluded once more, turning her attention back to the flute while they continued their duel behind her, this time about some 'underhanded methods' Kagerou-sama had sometimes used to push her shogi score against Shuukatsu-sama ahead, and – Rin tuned in into their words again – apparently it involved challenging Shuukatsu-sama while they were bathing somewhere, but - as Kagerou-sama stated in her counter – that 'his lecherous nature' kept distracting him was 'hardly her fault' and it was only 'fair play'. Rin laughed again; yes, that was only fair play indeed.

Soon, Shippou-chan too appeared from among the trees, and hopped on into the room, joining in the jokes and laughter that grew even more abundant with his help. But, Rin noted, somehow both surprised and not, she had never seen Sesshoumaru-sama join them, not only now, but ever really. True, he wasn't a laughing person, even though he could indeed laugh, she remembered with a sly smile, but didn't he find it nice to just be around people? Didn't he enjoy an evening spent like that?

She peeked out towards the rest of the shiro, wondering were he might be at the moment, and – deciding to find out – jumped down from the room almost straight into the garden. Walking through it, still bathed in the soft light and laughter from behind her, she quickly found Sesshoumaru-sama. He was sitting under the large willow tree in the corner of the garden, which seemed to be his favorite spot since he often sat there, and his whiteness was standing out clearly among the darkening garden. She could easily see why he would like the place, since it was one of the few places in the garden from which one could see past the trees that grew around it and on the slopes, and far towards the lands ahead. And, she noted with a smile, glancing sideways, it was also close to her favorite tree in the garden, a lonely cherry tree. It was her favorite even though throughout most of the year it looked less impressive than most others, because when it bloomed, even though it was just for a week, it outshone all other trees easily.

Sitting down under the willow too, she glanced to Sesshoumaru-sama pensively. He was looking ahead, although he did seem to notice her when she approached him, but didn't say anything about it.

"Does Sesshoumaru-sama like being around people?" she asked tentatively, her thoughts returning to the issue that made her come here in the first place.

Sesshoumaru glanced to her, once again taken unprepared by a question of hers. Did he like being around people...? What exactly was she asking about, he wondered, unable to come up with an apt explanation right off the bat, but when a faint laughter from the shiro caught his ears, he realized what she meant.

"No," he answered truthfully. He did not find pleasure in such inane tomfoolery, never had.

Rin took in the answer without much surprise, somehow knowing that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like being around people. Or maybe she should've asked whether he disliked being around others... Sighing, she absentmindedly raised the flute to her lips to practice playing again, but another thought occurred to her.

"Does Sesshoumaru-sama mind it that I'm here?" she asked again, this time not having any premonitions about his answer. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama never told her to go away or not to bother him – unless she was making a real ruckus, which had not happened in years – but on the other hand, he often just... didn't notice that she was there.

Sesshoumaru found himself once again unable to come up with any definitive reply. He did not mind Rin being around, unless she was being noisy, although it seemed she had stopped that somewhat recently, but it wasn't that he somehow enjoyed her company, she just... was there. But as he once more heard a faint laughter – the washi's laughter – the picture became much clearer in his mind. What he would mind was having to spend time in the company of the annoying man, and it didn't even matter in what form or manner. The washi seemed to contaminate the air around him with irritating and disordered jauntiness and it only added to how annoying he was in acting as if he knew more about others than they did themselves. And, he thought glancing to Rin, the sheer contrast clearly proved that she did not bother him in the slightest.

"No," Sesshoumaru-sama replied once more and Rin felt herself smile happily. It felt good to know that even though Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like being around other people, he didn't mind her being around. Yes, she emphasized, making herself comfortable against the bark next to Sesshoumaru-sama and returning to searching for her own melody, it definitely felt very nice.

And as they sat under the streaming branches of the willow, teased by the soft hums of her flute, Rin felt that there was something about being around Sesshoumaru-sama that was not there about being around anyone else. It didn't matter that Sesshoumaru-sama would laugh only once in a blue moon – or even less often actually – or that he would hardly even talk to her. There was something about being around Sesshoumaru-sama that made her feel... right, as if it was just... right for her to sit here with him like this, watching the stars bloom on the night sky above, knowing that Sesshoumaru-sama did not mind her company.

And, she felt, glancing towards the shiro and where her previous companions were, in some way it felt better than being around them, as if there was something here that only Sesshoumaru-sama could offer her, and that only she could accept.

Yes, it definitely felt nice.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Language notes:

youryoku – 'youkai power'; this term is often used in Inuyasha for describing the energy that for example Inuyasha emits with Tetsusaiga or with his claws; the difference between this and 'youki' is quite subtle, but it seems to me that 'youki' refers more to 'youkai spirit, essence' and it's often used when sensing a youkai, and seems to be somehow a defining feature of a youkai, though I'm still unclear on the subtleties of the distinction;

washi – eagle;

yokobue – transverse flute, 'side' flute; like that one Sara played in Episodes 133 and 134; in case anyone is interested, Shuukatsu's melody is in my mind an actual melody taken from the Inuyasha OST1, from the middle of track 15 'Mura no Ichinichi';

sukebe – lecher; that's how Miroku is very often referred to ;)

General notes:

Sesshoumaru's age: Although at first glance it might seem that Sesshoumaru was intended to be an adult as such, Rumiko Takahashi has stated that Sesshoumaru is to correspond mentally to the age of 19, which makes him a person only entering the final stages of mental maturation, not one already there. And since 19 is in my opinion the age when one begins to consolidate oneself in character, while making the last minute – and often the most important - corrections and asking oneself many uncomfortable questions, I think that it's pretty much accurate.

Shuukatsu: I found it interesting to introduce a character who still sees Sesshoumaru as a child and has a different perspective. Notice that so far all the characters are either children or youngsters, minus Myouga, who somehow doesn't strike me as so mature himself, and all still have many issues to solve. Shuukatsu – who has a story and some issues of his own nevertheless – is more of an adult, so he can be structured as somebody around 30 I suppose. I also found it interesting to present Sesshoumaru in confrontation with somebody from a generation above him, so to speak, since in the whole span of the anime/manga the only such person is Bokusenou and the tree obviously laughs at Sesshoumaru and is not all that polite (Bokusenou does not title Sesshoumaru in any way), yet Sesshoumaru more or less holds his tongue. Furthermore, Touga is presented in the series as somebody who often helped others and was generally a likeable, even if a bit uptight at times person, so I would assume he had to have some friends ;)