Title: Maybe, Just Maybe
Disclaimer: Please don't; purely for entertainment, creators of 'Buffy'. The characters I created are mine. So steal my idea, or 'borrow' without my permission, and I will be the one to sue.
Pairings:Buffy/Faith, and a special surprise!
Note:Around Season 3, before 'Bad Girls,' and just so you know, I'm rough on my viewings of S3 so if I get things wrong please let me know. Still not sure if 'Bad Girls' will happen. Not sure yet. We'll see as it unfolds.
Feedback: Always =)
Rating: R
Chapter 6
I walked into school with a spring in my step. Literally. I was bouncing off the walls, the ceiling, even the floor. The past few days had had both bad and good qualities, but last night had topped everything I'd ever experienced. Even with Angel.
I pushed both library doors open and bounced in, my bright blue mini and pink cami top seeming efficiently and appropriately relative to my attitude.
I saw Faith, sparring with Willow. What a sight. They looked so great, in their own individual, unique, COMPLETELY different ways. I dropped my bag on the side counter and continued approaching them. I saw Faith was stretching out her hand and wiggling her fingers, and Willow was containing a blocking stance. A very good one, at that.
'Hey, guys. Isn't it a bit early?'
Willow shrugged. 'I wanted to get an early start and Faith offered to meet me here.'
I raised my eyebrows, smiled, and looked to Faith. 'I love that attitude.'
Faith shrugged and then moved back into a blocking stance, looking directly at Will, focussing at how she contained herself. Such piquancy. She looked at it strangely. Not, what would she do next? Not, how could she get her on the ground? Not…what was her soft spot? The question was…how juiced would she be to throw such a hot punch?
Faith saw it as some sort of game…I'm sure. And she somehow always won.
'Never can be too prepared, huh, B?' Was that a sentence filled with subtext and subtext on top of that? I huffed out a little and smiled warmly, standing back, deciding to watch them spar for a while.
Willow was very good. I'd never really seen her properly use martial artsian type moves on Faith but she was using them pretty well. She was a quick study. A very quick study.
I folded my arms across one another and smiled. 'Will, so how are you liking it?' She landed a backhander across Faith's face – something she had gotten FROM Faith – and grunted out a, 'I'm loving every moment…of it.' She threw more moves during that sentence but I only caught every other word.
Faith had to concentrate. I think she underestimated Will's…willpower. She was immaculate. Vicious. Almost as perfect as us. Right there with what to do next. She'd only been training a very few days.
'It's intense,' she continued. 'I don't quite get it but I keep at it.'
'We've been here since six a.m,' Faith chimed in as she fought. My jaw dropped.
'Wow. Well I had just about gotten to sleep by that time.'
Faith smiled. 'Somethin' keep ya up?' As quippy as I think it was supposed to be, my smile fell from my face.
Silence. Grunting…fighting.
'Oh, I er…no.' I sucked in a nervous breath. 'Just…you know…'
I looked around the room, deciding not to focus so intently on their sparring anymore, because Faith might think I was looking at her body, and perhaps today she'd notice my eyes a little more, and where exactly they travelled when looking at her.
I turned on my heel. Where was Giles? 'I'll be around, you guys don't need me,' I grabbed my bag and headed out, only to be stopped by Faith calling my name loudly, followed by a loud moan, and she blocked a punch from Will and shook her head, I think telling her to stop. I swallowed as I looked "blankly" towards her. 'You, me. Lunch. I need to…' She respired quickly as she used her finger to show a winding up motion.
I nodded. 'Okay. Will, you up for it?'
Faith closed her eyes and reached for her knees, and continued on correcting her breathing.
Willow shook her head. 'I have to meet someone who needs a bit of homework help. I said I would days ago so I can't back out now.' She shrugged and I silently thanked god that it would just be Faith and I, and Willow wouldn't be jealous.
'Faith already knew, she asked me this morning. About tonight's patrol, right? You can just call me later, right?' she said as she grabbed some water and her bag.
Faith nodded and made a "phew" sound as she stood up. 'Basically just meet at mine, at nine.'
Willow smiled warmly and looked out to nothing in particular. 'I'm pretty excited, patrolling for the first time…properly, fighting and stuff.' She "imagined" a few seconds more, then leaned towards Faith, and placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezed it a little. 'Thanks for training me, I really appreciate it,' her lips lingered on their instinctive expression as she walked past, and her voice, delivering those words…sounded as if she was…hitting on Faith??!?!?
I high-fived her as she walked past, and kept her hand in mine, and winked at Faith before turning and exiting with Will.
- - -
'So how'd you like my recruit?' she asked as we strolled along the grassy knoll, past various other students.
I nodded and smiled. 'I was the one who let her in. I wouldn't have if I didn't like her,' I said jokingly, and shrugged. 'She has…'
She placed a hand on my upper arm as if to stop me. 'No lemme, lemme, say it.' She inhaled a breath as if to get herself ready for a spelling bee. 'Potential. Think she is one?'
I chuckled and shook my head slightly. 'I could've said it better.'
'But I said it first,' she said, pointing both indexes at me.
'I was born first,' I retorted as if to say, "I am just plain better."
She laughed. 'Oh, that isn't fair.'
We walked for a little in silence, just staring out, absorbing our surroundings. Until finally she spoke, and funnily enough, I opened my mouth to speak too. It came out, 'So for tonight's-oh…'
'About yesterday…errm…' I sighed and upturned a palm towards her.
I offer up my gift to share. Mine being the gift of silence. She smiled before continuing. 'It…doesn't matter. I think…what you wanted to say takes priority, right?' she said, looking at me, and I looked out ahead first, squinting my eyes from the blinding sun.
I chuckled timidly and played with my cuticles a little. 'Well…I was just gonna say…yesterday…night, was…'
'A game?' she finished…I think.
I nodded, my mouth presenting her with an "O" shape once again, my eyes immediately looking away, then a quick once-movement-of-the-head nod. 'A game,' I sighed out almost bashfully. We continued to walk in silence, then she sighed out loud.
'I just realised how you took that.' She chuckled short and moved her hair back behind her ears. It was glowing, and so was she. She reached out a hand to my upper arm to stop me walking, then moved it away. 'Listen, I'm…' I think she was searching for the right word to use because she was frowning and what not, making gestures with her hands. Sort of that circling motion again. This time with both hands. 'Greedy. I live by, three rules. Want. Take. Have. Simple as that. Then…' she shrugged and let her arms fall to her sides. 'I usually…discard. If it's at all possible,' she said, inhaling and raising her eyebrows as she did. She exhaled very slowly; I think a sign of a heartbreaking speech of how we would never be together because she didn't want me. 'It confused me, even more.'
'Faith, I-'
'No, I.' She raised a hand quickly to my lips to shush me, though quickly moved it away and her gaze fell. 'I'm selfish. And greedy. And I have no clue what I want.'
'Oh.'
She made a face as if to say "oops." I wanted the Hellmouth to open up and eat me. Of course she didn't want me. How could I be so stupid to think a girl like her would want someone like me? She was straight. And until Faith, I thought I was too.
'I see.'
There was silence, and I didn't know whether to leave or stay. My eyes tried to search for the answer in the grass. Finally I walked away from her, at first just focussing on getting away, then, on running my fingers back through my hair, then…bringing that hand back down to my mouth…then…the tears. I strolled. I needn't hurry. It's not like she wanted to follow me.
She stayed back, a hand over her mouth, gingerly. Her eyes seemed sorry. 'Ninety nine, per cent of the time,' she said to herself. 'You're the one per cent of the part of me that knows what I want.'
- - -
Willow knocked on Faith's door and stood back, thinking I was already there. She waited a moment, then Faith opened the door. She seemed quite…dismissive of her being there. As if she had forgotten patrolling tonight.
Willow looked into the motel room for me, and looked back to Faith when she didn't see me. 'Where's Buffy?' she asked timidly, stake in hand, sense in the other. She stepped in after Faith nodded her head towards the inside of the room, and closed the door behind them.
'She couldn't make it.'
Willow turned to Faith and nodded, who seemed distressed. 'Oh. So it's just you and me, then?'
Silence.
'So we're not patrolling tonight, then?' she said, a little less enthusiastic than her voice previously was. She sunk down to the bed and put the stake down. 'I should've known.'
Faith's forehead creased. 'Should'a known what?'
She sighed. 'That you didn't want me there.'
Faith rolled her eyes and sat beside her on the bed. 'We love that you're with us now. Physically, I mean. I like…love, training with you, and you have amazing potential, which we established, and I personally can't wait until-'
'Am I a waste of time?' she asked, insecurely.
Faith looked into Willow's eyes. 'No, no, of course not, girlfriend.' Willow smiled upon Faith saying that. 'I want you to be with us. You know the three girls, we'll be a trio, you know. And then, the Bronze.'
'Really?' She seemed so hopeful, listening to Faith's previous lines. 'I…I actually like the Bronze, as much as it seems like I don't, I-I do…and when I saw, you and Buffy that night, I-I wanted to…to be you guys, you know?' she explained as she turned to face Faith a little more. 'Like…I wanna feel sexy, and wear…tight clothes and-and leather! Oh and fishnets! Because I like tights!'
Faith pressed a few fingers to Willow's lips to shush her, and Willow immediately let her eyelids drift over her eyes.
'I wanna…I want…' Faith removed her hand slowly, and watched Willow intently as her eyes remained closed and she dreamed. 'I want you to…to do…the things you do to her…'
Faith immediately pressed her lips to Willow's, not letting her speak anymore, though she had drifted off so much she guessed she probably wouldn't say anymore.
She reached a hand up to the dip of Willow's neck and rested it there, and used her fingers to lift her face a little more towards her own. She was gentle, sweet, careful. Possessed that same amount of passion and sweetness in the kiss that we had yesterday.
When she pulled away she ran that hand on her neck, down along her arm, and down to her hip, where she straddled it gently, as not to alarm her. She did not smile, though gazed, directly into Willow's green pools, and she gazed back into her own chocolate ones.
'What are you…?' Willow said, barely above a whisper.
Faith shook her head a little. 'Just trust me.'
'I…I've never…' Willow began.
'Neither have I.' Faith concluded, softly speaking, her hand still at her hip.
Willow replied with a timid nod, repeated a good few times, and Faith nodded also, as if trying to understand this.
She used her other hand to move up Willow's body, and at first ran her hand along her stomach, then up, along her breast, further up along her chest, then up to her chin, up to her lips, then up, to her hair, where she pulled her ponytail out and let her red hair fall around her shoulders.
Willow smiled timidly. 'I didn't think you knew.'
She shook her head either, looking at how Willow's hair was so neatly around her face, yet somehow sexy. 'I only just realised.' She moved in to kiss her again and this time Willow wrapped an arm around Faith's shoulder. She grasped the back of her neck in her hand and massaged it, ran her fingers along it, just touched it, and responded to the feel of it. And as Faith's tongue slipped so softly, gently into her mouth, she moaned, and frowned slightly, as if this was right but…
…But what about…me?
- - -
I sat up quickly, before shoving the sheets off me and hurrying out of bed. I had to throw up and I had to throw up now.
I watched the pretty contents of my stomach fall into the toilet, then sat back and let out an exhausted sigh. Then, after holding my stomach for a moment or too, I felt…moisture. Not…sweat… I lifted my top up, and saw…blood. I was bleeding. There was a HOLE in my stomach, bigger than a bullet wound, like someone had driven a barge pole through me, or a…a very…large…
I sat up rapidly, before throwing the covers off me and scurrying out of bed. I had to throw up, and I had to throw up NOW.
I winced as the contents of my stomach plopped into the toilet, and then stood back and leaned against the wall, keeping my tired eyes shut. I held my stomach…then paused…and breathed a moment. I had just done this. And my stomach…
God, I didn't wanna look at my stomach. I ran my fingers up along my stomach, it already turning from what I was sure I had just seen. I felt nothing. Nothing.
Nothing.
It was nothing. Just a dream.
I sighed and removed my hand, before turning to look in the mirror, but unfortunately, as I did, I saw blood on the floor. A pool of it. I lifted up my shirt quickly and there was a hole…cut out of my…it wouldn't stop bleeding…I was gonna bleed to…
I bolted up in bed, scared shitless at what I had just been through. My breathing was so surely the rate of a hyper ventilator, and I clutched the sheets as the contents of my stomach churned. I looked under the sheets, lifted up my shirt. My stomach was still there, no blood. Oh god. I was fine.
It was just a dream.
But I still needed to throw up. I pushed the sheets off my legs and hurried to the bathroom, where the contents of my stomach spilled into the bowl of the toilet. I clutched my stomach and breathed. When I opened my eyes I saw blood all over my hands. I yelped as I yanked up my shirt and my stomach was gone.
I opened my eyes and my hands gravitated to my stomach. I needed to be sick.
I moved at a quickened pace from my room to the bathroom and lifted up the toilet seat.
Wait.
I covered my mouth and lifted up my shirt. My stomach was fine. Though I couldn't hold the contents for very longer and watched as they fell into the toilet bowl.
I closed the toilet and sat on the lid. Just a freakin' dream.
My eyes were closed, and I rested my hands on my stomach. I moved to get up though slipped off the toilet seat onto the floor. I steadied myself, and pressed a hand down on the toilet seat to get me up, though I shoved myself away from the seat when I saw a pool of blood.
I lifted up my shirt, and for crying out loud-
- - -
'It's a re-occurring one,' I told Giles as he flicked over a page of an ancient book and held a mug of tea in his other hand.
'Sounds like it.'
'It was disgusting.'
'Literally. You're losing your stomach. And every time, you say you lost it?'
'Yes. I vomited and it came out through my mouth.'
He frowned, looking at me. I think it disturbed him. 'Then it was gone?'
'Like a "Death Becomes Her" montage. It didn't hurt, though.'
'It's a message,' he said, pointing to a line in the book. 'Jordipe's messages can by encrypted in the strangest of ways. From a normal, straightforward dream to a foreshadowing of events to come – a, a premonition. It is the way in which the interpreter depicts it, that it affects the nature of the events – the, consequences.'
I nodded. 'It was well and truly sick.'
He looked at me once again. 'For lack of a better term,' he said before taking another sip of his tea.
'Of, c-Yeah.' I nodded and shook my head all at the same time. We were in the library, and it was Friday afternoon. I hadn't seen, spoken to or heard about Faith in the past few days. I had only been thinking of her, apart from last night's…dream.
'Did you jot down every detail?' he asked me, as he bookmarked the page he had read from.
I nodded. 'I was gonna let you read it but I wanted to actually tell you.'
'Doesn't seem like something you'd want to do.'
'Yeah, I know, I guess I'm not one for spilling my guts to-' At that moment in strolled Willow, with an "Advanced Chemistry" book held close to her chest.
'Hey, Buffy, how's it going?' she said, the usual perky way she would. 'You don't look so hot,' she said, her mood falling a little upon seeing my facial expression. Traditional "Spilled Gutsian."
Wait. Hot? Did she just say, hot? Willow never says that.
'She's been going through some psychological…dream…maze,' Giles told her.
'And to top it off, I don't have the stomach for it.' I nodded and watched as she sat down in a chair around the table with us.
'Well how did you interpret the dream?' she asked, tentatively, caringly.
I shrugged. 'That whatever it was, I didn't have the stomach for it.'
She nodded. 'What exactly happened?' I slid the book to her and flipped it open to the dream, and sat back.
Giles looked from me, to Willow, to the book, to his book, to me, to Willow. To me. Then to Willow again.
- - -
I listened to the scuff of her shoes on the hardwood floor as she approached us all. It was obvious that she was in a good mood as she chimed in soon with the whole, 'How's it all hangin'?' question she always pops whenever she sees us together.
Giles opened his mouth to speak and Willow looked up as Faith spoke, a smile immediately coming to her face. She looked at me briefly, then back at the journal, and began speaking. 'Buffy had another dream.'
Faith smiled. 'Oh, what happened this time, did the big bad mean Pipe Guy barge pole you in your undies?' she said as she strutted to Willow and placed hands on either side of the table in front of her, and leaned extremely close to her ear as she looked at the book.
How could she do that? How could she just be there, and act like nothing had happened between us? It was eating me alive, every moment I saw her. Why would she want me? I was so stupid. But I still can't deal. And she's already forgotten.
Giles looked at Faith after taking a sip of his tea, and after a few seconds of eye contact, let out a chuckle. 'Yes, that would be the…abridged version, as it happens.' He rose him his chair and headed into his back office, to get more tea I think.
And I just watched her. How she chuckled as she so often did, and how her eyes skimmed each line…She was leaning in awfully close to Will, who…
I think my thoughts were confirmed as I watched her facial expression. She was enjoying the closeness. Her eyes were all adrift…fluttering almost closed…she'd forgotten about the dream.
So I was in competition.
Faith gasped as her eyes read over a line, and Will jumped and her eyes bolted open, and she glanced at me, then looked at the journal. 'What, what's up?'
Faith pointed to the line and I timidly leaned over, making it priority to avoid eye contact with her. After making such a fool out of myself I wasn't going to look her in the eye…ever again. If I didn't have to.
But that would be a hell of a challenge. I loved her eyes.
'"I ran my fingers up along my stomach, it already turning from what I was sure I had just seen. I felt nothing. Nothing. Nothing." So you were in sections?' She shifted her weight onto one foot and looked straight at me. So did Willow, seemingly timid...a lot more than Faith.
I glanced at Willow, then at Faith, then looked at my upturned palms resting in my lap. 'Yeah…' I shrugged. What did it matter. It was reality for me right now.
Faith scoffed. 'That's so freakin' nasty. So…what did it feel like, all…excruciating pain and…blood and guts-'
I raised my eyebrows and jumped a little at Giles closing his office door and returning with a fresh cup of hot tea and a few more books. She looked up at him too, and Willow also.
I broke the silence and stuttered a little. 'It was a dream. But it felt real. No pain.' I drew in a long breath and broke my promise. I stared right into her eyes, noticing Willow was looking at the journal. Faith looked at me and I think she understood me completely. For once.
'Oh. That's…nice.' She tore her gaze away from mine and sat on a chair beside Willow's, and almost immediately started playing with the tassles on her shirt.
She used to play with various items of clothing I had. If not clothes, then my accessories. I missed that and watching her play with Will's shirt was an athame to my heart.
'I have some dream interpretation books, I think it might be useful to look at them. Here…' He slid one to me, then one to Willow and Faith and he set one on the desk in front of himself.
'I think it could be a premonition,' Faith mused, then shrugged, and I looked up at her briefly.
'Thanks, Faith,' I said, I think very tired in the not bothered kind of way.
She clucked her tongue and flipped a couple of pages, her eyes intent on finding something on the pages before her. 'No probs.'
I watched Will slide her chair a little closer to Faith's, and then lean forward towards her, to take a "closer" look at the book. Faith didn't really react to that, although a few moments later she seemed startled and looked at Will, then smiled. Warmly.
My eyes were on them all the time. I couldn't really understand what had just happened but I was pretty sure Willow was hitting on her. I pushed my chair back a little, pretending to pull the book into my lap, and looked under the table where, alas! Willow's hand was on…Faith's…no…
They were holding hands? No…oh no…just Willow's hand on her thigh. Faith's thigh. Wait…Her hand was on Faith's thigh and she was LIKING IT?!
I cleared my throat and frowned, shook my head a little and pretended to be turning a page (which I actually did), and to my surprise they jumped and Will sat back a little, away from Faith.
So that's why she didn't want me. She wanted to be with Willow.
Oh.
I felt like hitting her over the head with my small, smelly brown book and crying at her, because she made me fall in love with her and then…kissed me, then told me she didn't want me…the next day. How rotten. No. that would be this book.
I raised my fingers to my nose and sniffed them slightly. They smelled of the book. I lifted the book to my nose and sniffed it, and as I looked up to think about what the smell was like I realised there were three pairs of eyes on me.
I let the book back into my lap, slowly, and smiled coyly. 'Mouldy book.'
Willow and Faith both nodded (in unison I might add) and Giles took a sip of his tea. I have to say that the slurping noise he made was less annoying than WILLOW'S HAND ON FAITH'S LEG!!! I bet they were playing footsy as well. Damn it. I was so jealous. The one person I thought no one else (out of us) would want and everyone wants her. First Xander…now Willow. Not Giles. I hope.
This was frustrating me. I had to get away from them. 'I've gotta go, actually,' I told them out of nowhere and closed the book with my left hand, then leaned forward and grabbed my journal with the right. I picked up my bag and slipped the books in and got up, headed for the door.
'Wait, Buffy, where are you going?' Will asked sweetly, smiling a little. As if nothing was wrong. I couldn't hate her.
'Class.' I continued walking and listened to my annoying heels on the floor, and the squeak of my leather jacket against my bag. The only comfortable item of clothing I was wearing was a black skirt. That I had borrowed from Faith.
I heard shuffling. 'I guess I better go too. Don't we have Literature first?' she called to me as I walked. I slowed and reached a hand out to the counter beside me.
'I don't care…' I trailed off, shaking my head a little, then quickened my pace and pushed the library door in front of me, headed out.
Willow frowned a moment, I think a little surprised at my attitude. She looked to Faith and shrugged. 'I'm free at lunch.'
Faith got up from her chair. 'Well, I'm…'
'No training today, girls?' Giles asked as he removed his glasses from his face and grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket to cleanse his lenses.
Faith nodded. 'After school?' Willow nodded in response, feeling satisfied at the decision.
'And…before I forget, what happened with last night's patrol?'
Faith and Willow looked at each other, then at Giles. 'Er…the usual,' Will said quickly, perky. She moved out of her chair, as did Faith, and began leaving, Faith pretty much by her side.
'See you soon, Giles,' Willow said softly, her voice echoing through the library. Faith waved at Giles and grinned before catching up with Will and grabbing one of her hands, and sliding a finger into her mouth so solemnly.
Willow laughed, vicariously…and Faith followed suit. 'So…' she began as they left the library. 'What did you think?'
'Of last night?' Willow asked, as Faith returned her hand to her. She looked out ahead of her. 'Amazing.'
Faith leant her head on her shoulder for a moment and whispered, 'I think it was so much more than that.' She moved away and flashed a grin at her, and Willow rolled her eyes.
'So, do you think Buffy knows?' Will asked, slowing a little until finally reaching her locker. Faith leant up against the neighbouring locker and cocked her head to the side a little.
'About…?' She made a hand gesture as if to say "between us." 'I dunno, I don't think so. Why should she?'
'I think she really likes you, you know,' Will said as she reached for her brush and ran it through her hair a couple of times.
Faith watched her a peaceful moment, her features softening at the sight before her. 'No. You know Buffy's only into guys, she wouldn't look at me twice.'
Willow nodded. 'Well I thought she was open-minded.' She shut her locker, having reached for a couple of books and a pencil case. They resumed walking and Faith watched her feet.
'Even if she was…she'd never look at me twice.'
'How do you know she didn't?' she mused.
Faith shrugged, moving her hands into her pockets. 'I don't.'
Willow sighed out. 'Everyone looks, you know.' Faith glanced sideways at her and Will returned that. 'Well, it's true. I've looked at…Buffy. Xander…he…I've looked at…you…and…' A soft laugh escaped her lips.
'When did you realise?'
They had walked out into the open front of the school and the sunlight was strong. Faith squinted as she looked sideways to Willow.
'I guess some part of me always knew.'
Faith nodded understandingly. 'Right.'
Willow asked the same question. 'When did you?'
Faith rolled her head a little. 'I just…I'm greedy. I'm up for anything you know?' They stopped walking and Faith looked right into her emerald eyes. 'I want, I take…then I have…and you…' she told her, beginning to move closer in to her now. 'You…are the one, I want…' She pressed her lips momentarily to Willow's, and Willow moved in to the kiss.
I couldn't believe what my eyes were telling me. I had told myself to go that way to avoid bumping into Faith but it just so happens, there she is. With my best friend. Her and Willow. Lips locked…
I didn't realise my jaw was open until they moved apart. I turned on my heel and headed in the opposite direction, forcing myself not to cry.
