Title: Maybe, Just Maybe
Disclaimer: Please don't; purely for entertainment, creators of 'Buffy'. The characters I created are mine. So steal my idea, or 'borrow' without my permission, and I will be the one to sue.
Pairings:Buffy/Faith (Yes it really is Buffy/Faith this time!)
Feedback: Always, please tell me everything you think =)
Rating: R for adult scenes


Chapter 9

As much as I would have wanted to remember every single moment from now until what I imagined would be tomorrow morning, these moments were a blur for me.

First it was the kissing. Slow as it was before. She leant her head up towards mine and I leant into her, her warm embrace more inviting than it had been just a few minutes ago.

Her gorgeous warm lips pressed against mine…parched. That's what I was. Thirsty. For her. And to think, all this time she really did want me.

There was something so comforting in the way her hands straddled my waist that I didn't wanna move from her touch ever again.

This time it was her tongue that begun exploring my mouth, carefully…I think perhaps this time she was nervous. I slid a hand gently, down her back round to where one of hers was on my waist as we kissed, and entangled five of my fingers within five of her own. I pulled back first, inwardly growling at myself for ending the kiss. I looked into her eyes, scared for a split second that she might be tricking me once again.

I moved back further, our fingers remaining together. 'Come on,' I told her, just slightly above a whisper. I smiled a little, and the glow in her eyes told me she would follow.

She did just that. I could feel her eyes, for the first time, openly willingly on me, as I climbed the stairs, one by one, with her just a step behind me.

She knew exactly where we were going. And I couldn't wait any longer to be there.

The moment she set foot inside my room she pulled me back to her, this time almost greedily forcing her lips against mine, causing me to release a slight whimper.

I pulled back just once more, letting her feel how it ached to be deprived of the touch I longed for, for so long. I pulled her over to my bed and sat down, looked up at her with almost innocent eyes.

She looked down at me, this wonderful Goddess, a whirl of emotions that had finally come out to me, the one she wanted them to. And for once I could see it all in her eyes. The hurt, the anger, the pain. The frustration.

The love.

She stepped in towards me and I gripped the comforter beneath to push myself further in towards the bed. Soon she had come to kneel down onto the bed, and sit in front of me, the entire time our eyes searching deep within one another for something I had no idea she'd had until today.

She moved in towards me, gingerly, almost scared, I think. I intended to be non-responsive at first, just waiting, waiting, and waiting, until she was so close that like before, I could feel her breath upon my skin, and the sensation I would get from that. The tingling. Oh, the tingling.

I let my eyelids fall closed, and my lips depart, as she moved a hand to push back a stray hair. I think I felt her eyes watching it as she pushed it back behind my ear, and as she retreated her words were somewhat scorching. 'I'm…I'm scared,' she said through a timid exhalation, and I frowned a little, let my eyes open and looked into the chocolate whirls that were her eyes. So deep, so intense. Filled with so many emotions I had never realised were there before.

I could see what she meant, immediately. I couldn't make fun of this, because…I could see what she meant. I could see what she meant because…I felt exactly the same. Every…motion, every look…every breath.

I turned to face her even more. 'Faith, I know.'

'No…' she began. She seemed…almost tired. Fed up. She pulled her hair out of it's tie-back and I felt just that little bit more aroused at watching how it fell down around her face. She ran her fingers back through it and looked down, at the tie back in between her fingers. 'This is…important to me. Like…I've never…I've never…' She trailed off each time, looking down throughout.

I moved a hand to her chin, and used my index to move it up slightly, to make her look at me. 'Listen,' I began gently. 'It's alright. I know what you're feeling, because, I feel it too.'

I think I could see tears welling up in her eyes, and the anxiety behind them at that. 'It's…not that,' she said, still, sounding breathily frustrated. She tore her gaze away from mine and looked at the space in front of us, towards the end of the bed. 'I just…' She took in a breath and I moved my hand to her arm, stroked upon it lightly. Just to let her know she could take her time and I wouldn't rush her. 'I just…I wanna…' she continued, and looked back to me, her eyes still scared. More scared than I had ever seen them. 'Love…you.'

I felt my eyebrows un-crease, having no recollection of them being creased to begin with. I couldn't believe how calm I was with this at first; then I realised…I was the one being calm, being… 'What?' I asked her lightly, leaning towards her slightly.

She smiled a little and shook her head. 'It doesn't matter-'

'No, Faith,' I said, gripping her hand a little and I think for the first time I really did feel as if I was the stronger Slayer. The one…in control. 'It matters.' I shuffled a little and moved my legs into a more comfortable position, closer to her. 'It does matter.' I paused, looking into her eyes still. 'Of course it matters.'

'But I'm such a screw up, I don't wanna hurt-'

'Shh,' I began, pressing a finger lightly to her lips. I saw a tear begin to tumble down her cheek and I immediately moved in to catch it with my lips. I let them linger there a moment longer, before retreating. 'Faith,' I whispered, my lips still mere centimetres from her face.

I sensed her eyes were at her hands again, and she hummed a little, I think trying to keep herself from crying.

'I wanna love you,' I said, still there, beside her cheek, my eyes almost zoned out. I moved back a little, and saw her eyes move up to meet mine, followed by her offering the most timid smile I'd ever seen her offer. I replied with a gentle nod, feeling tears begin to well up in my eyes too.

She moved in to me and embraced me, laid her chin upon my shoulder, then kissed the skin there. I felt her arms wrapping around me tight, as if she had waited for a hug from someone for too long, and this was finally it. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, her hair at them, my fingers in them. I inhaled long, just…absorbing this moment, her scent. Everything around me was perfect. Just for one moment. For once, the silence was a good thing. I liked it. Although a part of me was nervous at what she would say next.

Perhaps now would be the right time for me to tell her everything. I opened my mouth to speak, just exhaling first, hesitating second. 'I love you,' I whispered, and feared my words were inaudible.

Then she was really crying.

I pulled back, and looked at her. 'Why are you so sad?' I asked her, my voice so quiet, barely above a whisper.

She shook her head slow. 'No one's ever said that to me before.'

I inhaled slow, feeling a little awkward. I did love her, but…I had no idea.

I sat for a moment, just watching this wonderful woman break down before me. Then I finally gathered my senses and spoke. 'Do…do you want me to hold you?' I asked, fearing my voice was too innocent.

She looked up at me, right into my eyes, and I was scared again. My stomach did flips as she watched me watching her, then finally, she nodded.

I nodded in my mind and pressed down on the bed at first, rearranging my legs so that they embraced hers, then, my body. I slipped my arms ever so slowly around her, taking note of every curve I had never touched before. I laid my forehead against hers a moment. 'Hey,' I said, gently, with a smile.

She sniffled a little and looked into my eyes one more time.

'I do, you know.' I licked over my lips and planted a slow, long kiss upon her forehead. 'Love you…I mean.' I wrapped my arms tighter around her, my gaze ahead of me, toward the door. I warm smile came to my lips and I let my eyelids fall closed.

And all I saw was her.

Faith.

- - -

I think this time it was Faith who was scared of what would happen between us next. I awoke to the sound of nothing. Just pure nothing. No…clock ticking, no owls cooing, nothing. It was still dark.

I listened to the screeching of the sheets as I moved across them and out of bed. It seemed as if we had both fallen asleep, although how and when were both escaped facts from my mind.

I walked careful steps along the upstairs hall, then step by step, downstairs. My eyes were open enough to check out every corner of the room I was in, every little piece of furniture.

I can't explain why I was so alert. But I just was. I held the wall as I walked around it, into the dining room. And there she was. Sitting. Up. At the table. Her elbows on the table, her arms, her hands supporting her chin. She had entangled her fingers in one another, leant her chin on them and was looking directly ahead of her, as I could see from this sideways view. I don't know what she was thinking about. All I can say is that it must've been intense.

I paused in my tracks and folded my arms beneath one another, inhaled and leant against the wall. She didn't notice me fore a good minute, at least. But as she looked round at me I can say her face was the least, expressionless.

Mine too. I knew I had no expression for her to see. I think I was trying to understand why she was so intently awake.

'I didn't see you there,' she uttered pretty quickly with a nervous chuckle.

I unfolded my arms and stepped further into the room, beginning to approach her now. 'Oh, I, just…wondered where you went to.'

She stayed silent, and nodded towards me a moment. Her eyes wandered, however, as if she had been somewhere and chose not to tell me.

I perched upon the dining table edge, looking down at her vulnerable form. I ran my fingers through the stray pieces of hair hanging in front of her face, pushed them back to allow me to see more of her face.

I crossed my arms and looked at her. 'Can't sleep?'

She sighed and shrugged. I don't know if she expected to answer me. I was a little surprised when she did. 'I couldn't stop thinking.'

I sighed to myself and pulled back the chair beside her and sat upon it, it's wooden form creaking beneath me slightly as it took my weight. 'Anything you wanna share?'

She shook her head and moved her chin back to her hands. I licked over my lips watching her decide this, then moved a hand to her lower back, just to comfort her.

I didn't realise it before, but I think she had been thinking about what I had told her before, when she cried.

'You can talk to me, Faith, I'm not gonna hurt you.'

She pressed her lips together for a moment and then looked towards me. 'Believe me, that's not what I'm afraid of.' Her voice sounded breathy, light. She sounded tired, still, and I didn't blame her. I had no idea what time it was but I knew that it didn't matter. Day was day. Night was night.

'So you're afraid of something?'

More silence. It was difficult when it came to Faith. Most of me thought I could understand her but it was when I realised one thing meant something completely different I had to re-evaluate everything she'd ever said to me.

'I'm just scared.'

'Scared of what?' I didn't understand why she would be scared. What of? Demons? Us?

'Everything I ever do.' She drew in a breath and sighed it out slow before continuing. 'My entire life has been a mess, and I'm just so scared that this is gonna be something else to add to my track record.'

'This?'

Silence. She looked at me and I could see the moon reflecting in her eyes. 'Us. If you…want there to be an us.'

I nodded. I tried to offer a smile but it seemed she turned away from me before I could.

'O-Of course, I do, Faith,' I said in a broken up exhalation. I was worried. Usually Faith would be so confident about being with a guy, it didn't phase her in the slightest. 'But what are you scared of?'

Silence.

'Faith, you can't keep bottling up your feelings to me, please, just tell me,' I whispered, my hand still at her back. I could feel the movement of her breathing through that and even though it was gentle, calm as it should be, something inside me said really she was screaming.

'I don't wanna lose you,' she said, and I just about heard it. Her voice was so tiny, tiniest I'd ever heard it before, barely audible. I think she was beginning to cry again, and her words were lost by her swallowed breaths.

I frowned a little and moved closer to her. 'I'm not going anywhere.'

She sighed out and shook her head. 'I'm not so sure about that.'

'What?'

'Erm…nothing.'

I didn't realise I wasn't breathing until I finally took one of her hands in mine and looked into her eyes. 'Faith? You see this?' I looked at our hands, then her eyes. 'This is me, bound to you. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I won't leave you. And whatever you're scared of – you screwing up, me screwing up – whatever…I love you, Faith. And I can't just walk away from that.' I inhaled. 'I don't wanna walk away from that.'

I didn't really know why I had just told her all of that. It's not that I wasn't sure of my words, but…I don't know. Something tells me, she didn't need assuring.

But as she moved in to me, planted her soft lips upon mine, everything melted away. All the rising pain of fear and hurt I had, everything that worried me, and once again there was just Faith. That's all I needed to know. That she was here and I was with her. That's all I wanted. And I was satisfied. I moaned in response to her lips; then her hand upon my leg, leaning in towards me. She was so goddamned gentle. Completely different to the Faith I had learned. She was so perfect about it, so calm and indomitable. Made me wonder what made her so scared.

I still couldn't believe how much power she had over making me tremble; just like that. Her touch made me shudder a thousand times over, made that special spot just soft enough to welcome her. I wanted so much for her touch so more that it made my nerves tingle and my flesh pimple. I could feel the once soft, now hard nipples beneath my shirt, and this was all because she had kissed me, and her hand had leant upon my leg, for support.

Then something made my body buckle and my eyes roll up. Her hand. Sliding. Up. Her hand was reaching up, inside my shirt, up my body. I couldn't warm to the touch at first, because I was so scared. I knew what to do but I didn't know how to do it. It slid round to my back and pulled me in closer, then we were standing.

I didn't understand how she was so unnervingly calm about this. Just gentle, serene as she had been before. I wonder if I had been building her up as much as she had for me…everything was beginning to become a buzzing whirr of inebriation between my thighs, inside my body and I couldn't control it. We moved back away from the chairs and towards the lounge, and before I knew it we were back in my room, the door was clicking behind me, and we were tearing clothes off of each other. Literally tearing. And as piece by piece they tumbled to the floor, I felt just that little bit closer the place I knew Faith was taking me.

And God forbid if this was going to be my heaven then my only wish was that I take Faith too.

Then for a moment we both withdrew. Both without an inch of cotton left, a shielding piece of material. Now we were both as pure before each other as we could be, and I let my eyes scan over every inch of her body for the first time, in her acknowledgement.

I reached for her hand and took it, ran it up my stomach, up along my breast. Then I withdrew, let her continue. And she was so perfect. There. Just knowing. Every single moment, movement, anything and everything I had every dreamed for, she gave to me.

Even as she departed my legs a little and manoeuvred herself between me, her hand running gently, smoothly along my inner leg, she gave me that ultimate sensation I had dreamed about for so long, from her.

My hips moved involuntarily towards her hand as her fingers plunged deep within me, and without reprimand I released a high-pitched almost lost whimper. I could feel my body drumming so loudly, drowning out the noises my mouth were making. I could feel the blood pumping crazily around me, flooding so fast that my breathing became quickened, uneven. As her fingers moved within me I clenched the sheets beneath me, and clamped my eyes shut, letting this up to four senses once more. My own body was becoming this powerful collection of pulses, innocuous and dominant over the soft strokes of two of her slender fingers.

'Look at me,' she whispered, so freaking gently that it awakened nervousness in me again. I did as she said, opened my eyes, released a moan through ragged breaths, straight into her eyes. This wonderful Goddess before me, so calm, resolute. Her fingers were pushing me further and further towards ecstasy and all I could do was let her.

'Faith…' I said through an exhaled sigh, and I grabbed the sheets tighter as she continued her pumping frenzy within me.

Her body moved in close to me and soon her lips met mine, gentle, calm, unwavering. I let out a moan into her mouth, on the edge of this cliff, telling myself not to let go. Not just yet.

Then she withdrew. Her lips. Her fingers. The motion stopped. I sighed out and just absorbed this feeling, not quite there yet, the feeling of depravation once more. I let my eyes drift closed and whispered her name. 'Please,' I continued.

Though she took hold of one of my hands, and moved it through the air, and soon brought it into contact with her own skin. I opened my eyes once again, seeing her expression as she pressed my hand to that sensitive spot. I sat up slowly, and she moved her hand away, to the sheets below. Her eyes drifted closed and I said a quick, breathy, 'No.' They bolted open again and I smiled a little. 'Look at me,' I commanded and I saw her swallow.

So there she sat, kneeling before me, me sitting in front of her, ready to go. She pressed down on the cool comforter with her hands on the sheets, on the verge of clenching them as I had done.

I slid one finger in at first, not slow, not quick. Then paused, watched her face. Her eyes were solid. They didn't waver, but something told me she was as scared as I was.

Once I began massaging, carefully as not to coax her, I let out a breath I knew I had been holding. I sensed her fingers enclosing cotton material in the palms of her hands, and her blood beginning that same frantic journey mine had.

Another finger went in and she let out a moan, furrowing her eyebrows as she did. Soon I could feel her walls beginning to clench against my fingers and I sped up my movements. Her hips couldn't keep still, starting this rhythmic motion back and forth, in sync with my fingers. 'Buffy,' she whimpered, taking her gaze away from mine, and I moved my free hand to her cheek.

'Watch me,' I whispered. She shook her head, and moved a hand to my busy hand, and I stopped my actions.

'Together,' she said through short breaths. And at once she moved her hand back to my entrance, departed swollen lips, pushed in and I shrieked. 'God,' I said at the quick motion of her sliding into me.

She let out a chuckle and I followed. 'Together,' I repeated and she nodded. And as we both began again and she moved in closer to me, rested her forehead upon mine, looked into my eyes, and I looked into hers.

We were both silent as we came closer and closer to the point we had strived for. And as Faith's head moved back, face moving towards the ceiling, she began to shake all over, and me too, although I think she was more at release than I was. All at once she seized up, eyelids fluttering shut once again, voice light and thankful, her lower lip trembling, shiny.

Then it was my turn. I clenched my jaw as her pumping frenzy within me continued, as far as she was into ecstasy, though still at reality, for me.

My moans became rhythmic, with every exhalation, and as I tried to stop they became louder. I felt my face almost going into wince, and as her fingers pushed even deeper, almost into the hilt of me, I whimpered.

It was perfect. I let my eyes open and she was watching me, her hand supporting me, my hand clenching her shoulder. And I let out a sigh as this built up energy reached it's highest point, then forced a tingling buzz upon me.

She lay down and I move upon her, and deftly, delicately, she enclosed me within herself. Wrapped her arms around me, entangled her legs within mine. I laid my head upon her chest and folded my arms up to my chest.

I let my eyes fall closed, let my ears listen to the calm of her heartbeat, let my senses absorb this perfect woman surrounding me. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest against me, and that calmed me. Almost sung me a lullaby. But it was her who let me sleep peacefully. Every single part of her.