Aaah, the dreaded Subaru/Kamui chapter. Just so you know... I personally don't -like- Subaru/Kamui... though I love both characters, the two of them together is just a disaster waiting to happen. Yes I am biased.

Also, yes, Subaru is seme, Colin pointed out that I didn't really make that clear. I don't really think it matters though. snerk

And that brings me to warnings: Lime content, implied sex, and if you can't get the parallels running through this chapter, then I rented that mack truck in vain.

But argh, I hope you enjoy

Props to Colin for beta-ing, and to Catie for inspiration, slave-driving, running commentary, and real-time beta/correction. Sorry for so much infliction, love XD;;

-- Hey Pretty --

I watched my shillouette in the dark glass of the window, backlit by the faint glow from the bathroom light.

I was still, almost frighteningly so, considering I had been there for hours, only moving to flick the ash off my cigarette or to light another. Thinking, or rather something deeper. Meditating. Letting the last few days process, I suppose.

Sighing, I crushed my cigarette in the overflowing ashtray. I had moved out of my apartment that day, to a spare room on the CLAMP campus. It was comfortable, roomy in a way that was near-to-impossible to find in Tokyo.

Still, I was ill at ease. Unlike my apartment, here I was surrounded by people who knew me, who in a way depended on me. And they had no respect for my privacy, for the fact that I actually prefered to spend time alone.

My mind turned to Kamui, still recouperating from his injuries. After two weeks, they had finally decided to move him from the hospital ward to his own room, with Sorata to look after him. Tonight was the last night he'd stay there.

I glanced at my watch.

It was late. I wondered if he was still awake. It was something that had become a regular habit, checking on Kamui. Though he hadn't shown any signs of relapsing into his coma, it was still a distinct danger.

The hospital ward was dark, still. It was huge, with rows of neatly-made beds. Kamui seemed to be the only patient, currently.

I paused in the door, letting the faint light from the hallway wash over the young man. He was curled up on his side, head hidden in his arms. I frowned. He looked asleep, but I wanted to be sure.

I stepped forward, trying not to make any noise. If he was simply sleeping, I didn't want to disturb him.

"...Sumeragi-san?"

The voice was thin, soft, and almost heart-wrenchingly frightened. I paused.

"Yes."

A single eye peeked out from the protective enclosure of his arms. It shone with tears, even with the dim light. I sighed, and walked over to the side of his bed, sat down. He gasped slightly, pushing up to look at me better.

I thought then that I should have said something, but I didn't know what. Nothing makes it better. So I laid a hand on his head, brushing his hair back reassuringly. He relaxed slightly and sighed, a shuddering, tortured breath. I could see the streaks of moisture smeared over his face, and his eyes were dark, almost bruised looking.

I let my hand slide down to rest on his shoulder, and he let his head fall down, bringing his bandaged hands back to his face. I could feel the slight tremors that racked his body as he sobbed quietly.

I'm not sure when he ended up in my arms, his tears soaking into my shirt, cheek pressed almost uncomfortably on my collarbone. But I remember the way his body shook, as if it would break apart.

Perhaps I started it, with the comforting press of lips on his forehead. It was only meant to soothe him, to reassure him that he wasn't completely alone.

He stilled, breathing deeply, and for a moment I was afraid that I had frightened him. But he didn't move away, instead his hand tightened on my arm.

"Sumeragi-san?"

"Mn?"

"... Nothing." He sighed, and I shifted slightly, trying to catch his eye. He stared off into the distance, dark and withdrawn. I knew that look too well.

Suddenly, his eyes found mine again, and there was something else in there, something desperate and wanting and painful, and before I could speak, he pressed against me, his mouth finding mine in the shadows.

His lips trembled against mine, the most vulnerable and soft kiss I had ever received. And I froze, inhaling sharply, my muscles stiff. He pulled away quickly, and I kicked myself. He must have thought that I was rejecting him, like everyone else.

"Kamui?" My voice was soft, calm. I paused for a second, but he didn't repsond, but he withdrew more, if that was possible. So, instead of trying to talk him out of it, I leaned down, pressing my lips to his.

He inhaled sharply, but didn't pull away. After a moment, his eyes fluttered shut, and I let my own close, concentrating on the kiss.

We kissed for what seemed an eternity. Slow, soft... completely different from the almost bruising intensity of Seishirou's kisses, or the empty motion that was kissing Kazuhiko. I let myself sink into it curiously.

A prayer. Ritual purification, the washing clean of a soul riddled with disease. That was my first impression, and probably Kamui's too. It was just so... innocent, I suppose, that first kiss.

It was supposed to be an assurance, proof for Kamui that he wasn't unwanted. But some souls can't be washed clean. And even the best intentions are seldom completely innocent. I should have stopped it then, could have made it so much simpler.

Instead, I kept him drawn to me, an arm firmly wrapped around his back as I kissed him, and my free hand trailed up his arm, to his neck, brushing his unruly hair back from cheeks slightly sticky from tears.

I smiled when I kissed him, when he jumped ever-so-slightly as my hand dropped again to his hip, sliding under his loose nightshirt to lightly caress his skin, and wondered what Seishirou would have to say about this.

I let his mouth slide from mine, pulled back to watch him. His eyes were wide, dark, and his mouth was slightly open. He caught his lower lip with his teeth, and looked down, his hair brushing my shirt.

Suppressing an utterly inappropriate laugh, I leaned down to nuzzle the hair right above his ear, my hand stroking his hip gently.

"Kamui?" The whisper in his ear made him jump, and he looked up at me quickly.

"Yes?"

"I like kissing you." I leaned in to catch his mouth again, briefly, then sat back. I didn't want to force the issue.

With a soft, desperate cry, he threw himself into me, his arms locking around my neck, knocking me back. I let the motion push me down to lie on the bed, looking up at a somewhat surprised Kamui.

"Subaru?"

"Hn?"

"Do you... like me?"

I paused, not knowing quite how to answer him. Instead I reached up, smiling, tucking a loose strand of hair back.

Finally, I settled on something noncomittal as possible. "Would I be here if I didn't care for you, Kamui?"

He smiled in relief, and I shivered.

I knew that expression, full of hope and wonder and love.

Seishirou, holding me held me as I cried, staying with me until I slept. The next day, I couldn't stop smiling. Hokuto dragged me to the mirror, made me look at myself. "My brother is in love, ladies and gentlemen!" she declared, to my protests that were perhaps just a little quieter than usual.

Seishirou... did you feel as empty as I did now, faced with such emotion?

I wanted to drive that emptiness away, fill it with something, anything. I leaned up, kissing Kamui again, pulling him to me.

He didn't resist. He should have. He could have told me to leave. I would have. He should have sensed the coldness in my hands.

Then again, maybe he did.

The sex was awkward, more tentative than I was used to, but sweet, tender. I watched Kamui greedily, drinking in every emotion revealed in his face, the reverent brushes of his hands. It made me shiver, feel a distant sort of longing.

That boy in love could have been me.

He lay next to me, and held my hand, fingers pressing lightly on the pulse point of my wrist. I frowned as I watched him. He lightly brushed the back of my hand with his lips, and I couldn't help trembling slightly.

He looked at me, inquisitively, and I shook my head. "It's nothing. I should go."

"Subaru..." Kamui's voice was thin with exhaustion. "I-"

"I know." I sighed, forcing a soft smile as I looked at him, untangled my hand from his. "You should sleep, Kamui."

He nodded, leaning over to steal another, shy kiss before collapsing into the pillow. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. I stayed there for a while, watching him slip into sleep

I lit a cigarette, as I walked away from the room, not caring that I was still inside, that I was still in the hospital wing. I shoved my hands into my pockets