Title: Maybe, Just Maybe
Disclaimer: Please don't sue. The characters I created are mine. So steal my idea, or 'borrow' without my permission, and I will be the one to sue. Other characters remain...not mine. Otherwise, all the characters remain Joss Whedon's and 20th Century Fox
Pairings:Buffy/Faith
Feedback: Please review )
Rating: R
Jenna: Hey sweetie, in response to your review, it's not finished )
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, as usual thanks for reading, I hope you're still reading. Sorry I hadn't updated for a while, hope I can get back on track soon.
Final Note: To read the un-cut version of this chapter, contact me. Cut for obvious reasons (too explicit). It kinda ruins the end of the chapter, so if you are old enough to read and you want to, let me know and I'll send the full cut to you.
Chapter 22
I hoped I wasn't waking him. That whatever he was doing didn't end up with me disturbing him from it. But as I tread the concrete paving stones of the entrance I inwardly sucked at my emotions. Should I be doing this?
I inhaled slowly, hoping that nervousness wouldn't get the better of me. But as I tread the ground that led me further into this abode, my nervousness dissipated. I realised there was nothing to be nervous about.
He was sitting beside a fire. Something I'd never seen him do before. But he sat, watching. Perhaps thinking. I didn't know.
I don't know if he could hear me; my shoes failed to make a sound upon the ground.
'It seems the same, doesn't it?' he began, his voice slightly echoey throughout the place. I stopped in my tracks and tried to think of what to say.
Thank God my brain was still in order.
'Weirdly…it does.'
He glanced at me over his shoulder. 'You seem good.'
I continued to approach him and sat beside him on the concrete coffee table in front of the fire. I looked at him a while, as if examining his form. I wasn't just saying this, it was true. 'You look good.'
He nodded. 'That's what I'm saying. I'm alright. The world's…pretty much alright…Willow's fighting for her life and we're inwardly celebrating the success of destroying that tool. But…nothing's really changed.'
'We fought hard, Angel.' I placed a hand upon his upper arm, turning to face him a little.
'Life IS fighting. But it seems as if we're constantly having to fight for something that will always keep returning.'
'No matter what or who it is? No matter how strong, how powerful...it's our job, right?'
He took in a deep breath and stood and reached for the mantelpiece, where he began running his hand along the concrete. 'Yet no matter how beaten up we get, we persist.'
'Even if there is no incentive.'
He shook his head a little, his head dropped, before looking to me. 'I don't think that's true.'
'Oh no?'
'Well I had an incentive to get me through this.'
I smiled a little, wondering what it could be that would keep him in this reality at his own free will. 'Yeah? What's that?'
'You.' I hadn't realised how his eyes were searching mine up until then; that comment.
I raised my eyebrows a moment and looked down into the palms of my hands. He still had the ability to make me blush. I looked into his eyes and gave him a coy smile. 'Angel…'
'I know you're in love, and I'm not trying to…make you feel…' By this point I had risen from the table and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. 'Buffy, I…'
'I will always love you, Angel. Even if it's not in that sense.' I moved away from him, aware of his hesitation to hold me. 'I thank the Powers That Be they let you get through this unscathed. I don't know what I'd do if you died…for the third time…'
He let out a chuckle and I watched as his head fell and his smile widened. He finally gazed back up into my eyes.
Look at this man. He'd been through so much, it made me wonder just how much was left for him to experience. He'd done just about everything.
'Thanks, Buffy.'
I gave him a smile and moved my fingers to his chin, just touching him a moment. 'What we had was good, wasn't it?' I noticed his unwavering smile and he nodded simply.
'The best thing that ever happened to me.' And I could see it in his eyes. What he meant. For the first time in my life I felt as if looking into his eyes I was safer than I had ever been when I was with him. This Adonis of a man. Perhaps half demon, but…also half human. Very, very human. Beautiful.
'You know that I wish I could return the compliment…' I began, but he had already known what I had planned to say and finished it off for me, taking one of my hands and entangling his fingers within mine as he spoke.
'…But you're so in love with your other half that it just wouldn't be true anymore.'
I smiled gently at him, contented that he understood the nature of my words, that they weren't directed as an insult, but that I'd found someone who I could finally be at peace with, that I knew was perfect for me. We had our differences, we had our similarities, but more than anything we had each other. And above all of the doubt and fear in our hearts, that one bit of knowledge overcame it all.
'You know how much you mean to me, Angel,' I told him, my expression as gentle as my face.
He nodded gently, and I reached in slowly to plant a kiss upon his head. Thank God he was alive.
'Do you think it will ever end?' I asked him, gazing up into his wonderful eyes.
He shook his head. 'As long as there is life, there is loss. There is war, and there is conflict. We'll fight for the rest of our lives.'
'For something unsolvable,' I continued.
'Absolutely.'
- - -
The day had been long, I'd tried not to spend it thinking about how our lives would be filled with times like these.
Faith had been resting and I told her I'd be back by sundown, that I was going to make sure Angel was okay.
For some reason I couldn't stop thinking of that night, when we had talked about who might be next, and if we were strong enough to make it through. I know we were the lucky ones. Others…not so fortunate. But Thank God there was no need to think about another Slayer. Not just yet.
I let out a sigh as I closed my bedroom door and pulled my jacket from my shoulders. The darkness meant I couldn't quite rightly see what was what in the room. I hadn't realised Faith was sitting on the bed…meditating. And it seemed she had been doing for quite some time.
I tried as quietly as I could to take off my shoes and join her on the bed, in front of her, in the same position, and when I placed my hands on her knees, to connect with her, I was thrown into what I assumed was her world…her mind. Her subconscious.
I don't know if I hit climax or if I was close to release or what…but it seemed what her idea of relaxing was actually quite the opposite. She and I. Against the bathroom wall, myself pinned between her and the wall, her fingers…my body…the hilt of me. I shrieked as I thought was my own climax hit me and I opened my eyes, finding my conscious self panting heavily, and Faith smiling, eyes open, watching me. She was imagining me. And her…in the shower.
'Oh my god, Faith…do you always meditate like that?' I asked, my breathing still shallow, gasps almost erotic. I collapsed onto the bed, letting my limbs go completely, the utter inebriation of that 'subconscious session' honestly too real for me. I was actually experiencing ecstasy at this point.
She chuckled a little and lay beside me, facing me. 'Mostly. Just when I need it and can't get it. It's a good way to, uh…'
I grinned, my centre slick, smooth, I could feel it all oozing…
'Look. Feel.' She took my hand and as I imagined, stretched the waistband of her joggers and panties and moved my hand down, to where I was supposed to feel.
'Faith…' I said, sounding surprised with her. I was. I never knew she could do that. She could just…
'Come with me,' she started, as she removed our hands and pulled me up and off the bed.
I raised my eyebrows and followed her, hand in hand. 'I thought I just had.'
She smirked and looked at me. 'Again.' She poked her tongue out at me and led me along the hall. 'This way.'
We ended up in the bathroom and she locked the door behind me. 'You do know my mum's literally in the next room?'
'So? We'll "whisper."' She said, pulling me towards the centre of the room.
I scoffed as she took me. 'Faith, you don't know the meaning of the word.'
'Yeah I do…I bet you I won't moan once.'
'And if you do I'll never have sex with you again.'
She scoffed. 'We'll see how long you hold out for.'
I chuckled and she looked down at me. I remember when I used to let my eyes scan over her body, when she wasn't looking. Before she knew. But then I'd inwardly curse at myself for letting myself think about her this way.
She moved in close to me, eyes now focussed on mine. 'You know, even if I'm making love to you in my mind, it's still not as good as the real thing.'
I opened my mouth to speak, and she moved a finger to it. 'Shh. Let's do the silent thing.' She moved her fingers away, and I looked into her eyes, seeing that all of the humour had gone. Now it was all serious.
She moved in to kiss me, and as she did, I felt my heart going. Fast. Really fast.
And as she removed every piece of clothing, neatly, tidily removed my shirt and placed it on a pile with the rest of my clothes, and as we both lifted her shirt above her head, and as she pulled my hair out of it's tie-back, and as I did the same, I waited. Waited for that moment we'd promised each other.
She ran the soap along every inch of my body, and cleansed me, gently…compassionately moved her hands over my arms, my stomach, my chest, my legs, my back.
I did the same, making sure my eyes experienced the same feeling. I watched as my hand traced the journey of her body with the soap, and how the shower would remove any trace of bubbles.
