I was looking at my account thingy today and I was like wow, I really haven't updated or written anything new in a while. And I was actually looking over some of the reviews and was like wow, there are people out that that actually enjoy my writing. Haha, usually I just write on impulse and then the impulse is gone and it dies...along with my fan fiction. BUT NO MORE! I'm going to try harder now! Starting with this fic. I realized I really liked the idea and I want to continue it. Even though it belongs to a category where you post it one day and the next its on page three but whatever! I will try! Haha, so here it goes...after being gone for...a long time-
Syaoran sat on the black leather sofa in Tomoy's living room. Rubbing his feet nervously on the soft carpet. A nervous habit. Tomoyo sat across from him looking uncomfortable as well, trying to collect her thoughts as where to begin in her explanation.
"In truth, I'm not really sure when it began. I guess that doesn't make me a very good friend for not notice but I guess it was because she always looked so happy around us, and I was with Eriol a lot and I didn't see it really till she was really out of it. I talked to Kero, he said she cried a lot at first when you left. She missed you. That I could tell. But in our own way we all missed you. But Sakura felt something more for you and I guess that's why it hit her the way it did. But I don't know, after a while she seemed to brighten up a bit. I mean she would have her sad times but it wasn't till I really looked at her that I saw my best friend withering away."
Syaoran kept his gaze on his feet. Fearing that if he were too look up at Tomoyo's pained expression he would see how much pain he had caused. He could hear a small sniffle from her direction and knew she was trying not to cry. He tried clearing his voice, he wanted to say something comforting but all that came out was, "What happened to her?"
Tomoyo sat kind of hunched over, her elbows resting on her knees as she sat, her chin resting on clamped hands making her look up. "I talked to her. Really sat her down, tore off the mask she had us believing and talked to her. Like you do with a best friend. She wanted to die Syaoran. She really did. I remember her flipping through the cards. Looking at them and remembering how you guys caught them together and how you helped her change them. We cried a lot that day. I didn't think she, or I would stop. Then she saw it. It was like they dropped out of the deck on their own, seeking to heal their mistress' pain. The erase, and the void. Kero said he thought about them only earlier that day as well. I knew what she was thinking and I tried to convince her not to use them. But a part of me kept telling me, if it would help her get better... But I had to leave and I had to leave her to Kero. But by then she had gone from sad to angry. She hated you then Syaoran. I mean deep down I know she still loved you, but anger...can cloud those feelings sometimes and make you do things."
Syaoran made a low 'hum' telling her he knew the experience and understood all that she was saying. He knew Sakura had hated him, Kero had told him. He knew it was his fault. But he hadn't known she had suffered this much.
Tomoyo continued, "The next day I got a phone call from Kero, telling me what Sakura had done and what we had to do so nothing triggered any memory of you. I don't know, by Sakura forgetting about you, and how we all saw her start new, really start new again, we all kind of caught the feeling and everything seemed normal again. Sakura was happy, genuinely happy again. And I had my best friend back. Everything was fine! It was perfect! Why did you have to come back! Why now! Why didn't you ever call her! Write her! You know how often she cried! Do you know how much you hurt her! She loved you GOD DAMN IT! AND YOU JUST THREW HER AWAY LIKE SHE WAS NOTHING! How could you do that to her! You just left! And you knew how she felt! And you still did nothing!" Tomoyo was standing now, her face wet with tears and her face flushed in anger. She was breathing heavily and Syaoran was no longer looking at his feet. He was looking up at her wide eyed. In all the years he had known Tomoyo, he had never seen her angry at anyone. His eyes shook with emotion as he knew, he wasn't wanted here. He was stupid for coming back; and his eyes became solid again, he was him self once more. Not the weaker love sick, heart broken teenage boy. He was Li Syaoran, head of the Li clan a grown man with a reputation to uphold. Li's, don't cry. No emotion is necessary and that's the way it should be.
"I'm sorry Tomoyo, for putting you and Sakura through all that. There were...circumstances beyond my control at the time and I couldn't do anything. 10 year olds, don't have much power or say with the Li elders and neither does love. Its a fickle emotion that is used to weaken and exploit. But I am sorry and I wont deny that it was all my fault. I take full responsibility for what happened. I'll let myself out."
Tomoyo stood wide eyed. She was...un nerved by the way Syaoran had spoken to her. Like she was in business and he had just made a grave error for the company. He talked to her like he was in some freaking board meeting and she was one of his clients! This was the Syaoran Li that the 'elders' had conformed him into.
She was no longer angry, she had clamed down now. Talking about the past always made her lose her cool and she now regretted having yelled at Syaoran. She knew it wasn't easy on him either. She was being unfair to say that Sakura was the only one that struggled. They all had. She felt tears prickle in her eyes again as she flopped back onto the sofa crying lightly. "I'm sorry."
"Tell me right now! Tell me! A part of me hates him and knows he's trouble but another part trusts him and some how I feel comfortable talking to a man, THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! BUT SOME HOW I HAVE PICTURES WITH HIM, AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT! Now tell me Cerberus, and tell me the truth cause I swear to God, that if you lie to me now...I mean it Kero. Tell me why the hell my brain is so fucked up!"
Kero sighed, he could have guessed something like this would happen sooner or later. There was really no use in hiding it when she already knew, and plus, he knew Sakura had the powers to back up her threat. "Sakura...that...gaki, kid, man" Kero growled in frustration at having to correct himself on the gaki so many times before continuing. "That man, his name is Syaoran Li."
"Well I know that."
"Are you going to let me explain or not? Thank you. Now Syaoran, he came here when you were about, oh...10, 11? When you first opened the clow book. He helped you capture the cards. Kind of an arrogant sonuvabitch at first but by the end of all the cards, he was a decent kid. I could tell he liked you. You liked him too. Took you guys both long enough to figure it out though. You guys were really young, too young to know what love really was but it was there. But Syaoran, being a Li, had to go back home and take care of his clan. Big clan that one, powerful as hell too. Direct descendants of Clow Reed him self. He left. 6 years he was gone. Broke your heart too. Till you were 15 I knew you weren't happy. You tried to make us believe you were ok, but inside you were hearting. You cut yourself a lot. Ended up in the hospital a few times."
"No, the cutting was because Dad and-"
"No Sakura, your dad never being here and you feeling rejected wasn't the reason. Part of it maybe down the road, even after you memory was altered, but not the main reason."
"Why don't I remember any of this? And what do you mean, my memory was altered?"
"You used the erase and the void Sakura. 2 and a half years ago, you had enough. You were upset and angry. Really angry at him and at yourself. You used the erase to erase all your memories of him and the void to get rid of the feelings you had for him. But I guess...it didn't work entirely. You hate him Sakura, for what he did to you, but deep down you still love him."
Sakura sat on her bed, confused as hell. She was just told of a childhood that she never knew and of a person of whom she was supposed to love, but she didn't even know him. The kid she had met in school today, was her...first love?
When did everything get so confusing! Why couldn't it be simple like it used to be! Why did she have to feel these things. She leafed through the cards, her cards. Her accomplishments, they weren't all hers. She had had help. She had fallen in love. Can you really love someone that deeply at such a young age? How are you supposed to know what love is when you're so young?
"Kero. Can I...Can I use the void?"
Kero looked at her with a confused expression. "Why the void? That's a dangerous card Sakura. You don't know what will happen if you use it. You could end up with no emotions at all!" "I'll take the risk Kero. I just don't want to be all confused and muddled up inside. I want to be normal like I was before. I'll know Syaoran, recognize him, but I wont feel anything for him. He'll just be, that kid, in the hall way."
Kero sighed, "You're the card mistress. Its your life, make the choice yourself." Sakura nodded confidently taking the card from the deck and activated her staff. "Void!"
The card engulfed her in a strange black blanket and for a fleeting moment a small tear rolled down her face as her heart screamed a silent sorry to a face she no longer felt anything for.
Kind of a sad chapter I know but I had to get it out and over with.
I guess you'll have to wait till the next chapter to find out who the creepy lady in chap 3 is. -
Thank you for all that reviewed before and I'm sorry it took me sooooooooooooo incredibly long to update. I kind of lost this fic. ."" But I promise form now on I will update this fic more regularly. As for S+S, We'll just have to see where it goes with them.
