Disclaimer: I hate these, and you're a moron if you think I own anything GW related.
Warnings: This is gonna get strange and dark,TWT, might move slightly into AU land, as I'm not quite concerned with the goings about of ending the war...
Pairings: 1x5, 2x1
Summary: Duo's always been in love with Heero and hoped that one day, perhaps not until after the war, Heero might return his feelings. One day, Duo's dreams come true, or do they?
A/N: This chapter didn't do quite what I wanted it to do either, but it got most of the points across, you just might have to look a bit harder for them. (And lookey, a new chapter completely out of the blue)

Short Circuit
by Amyeyl

Chapter Four

Despite the time, I don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep. I'm too awake now, and my brain's working on overtime. There's so much to think about, so much to decipher. And the star of said thoughts is occupying the bed across the room from me. I could feel his eyes on me moments ago, after I'd told him to go to sleep. I'm sure he was waiting for me to do the same, but it seems he has succumbed without me. That's all right, though, it gives me a chance to try and figure out what I'm going to say to him tomorrow.

I know he doesn't want to be here with me. He's worried about Wufei. Heero hasn't mentioned him since that day in the hospital, but I can tell. There's been no word from Wufei in the months that have followed that explosion, the one that landed me in the hospital. No sign of him either, according to Quat and Tro. They've both been using what scant free time they have to search for the missing Chinese pilot. That free time is rather rare, I imagine, as the three functioning pilots must take up the slack for the missing and the injured.

Curse this cast! Without it I'd be further along the road to recovery. However much that may be… The doctors hadn't seemed hopeful when they talked to me about it. They tried to hide it of course, but I could tell. Hah. There are few masks that can deceive me. They didn't know I was a gundam pilot, didn't know the stuff I'm made of, the things I've survived before. I can beat some measly broken leg. Right? What if I can't? How badly… and when I do, what'll become of what I have with Heero?

Will he leave? He wouldn't have been here this long if he didn't think I was severely injured. Wouldn't have stayed just because I wanted him to. Even now, he'd leap at the chance to be rid of me if I gave him the okay. Right? Why is he staying anyway? I can manage now without him. Does it maybe mean…? I can't read him right anymore. What has changed so?

He still hasn't told me where he was for those four months. What he was doing, or what was being done to him. Whatever happened, is that the cause of the changes in him? There are small things about him that just don't seem to fit with the Heero I knew. Of course, there's also one major thing… this obsession with Wufei. Now, where did that come from?

I can feel his need to look for him, it's this ache in my chest. Every time I catch him staring out the window… just a little longer every day. He probably thinks I don't know the significance of the direction the window faces. I do. That's his last link to Wufei. Every mission he goes out on, I can feel him, when it's over. He doesn't want to come back here; he wants to go searching for Wufei. Why?

Why? Why? WHY! My fist slams into my pillow. It's not what I want to hit. What do I want to hit? Wufei, for having some hold over Heero? Heero, for having the obsession? Myself for wanting something I shouldn't? For letting it become my own obsession? For thinking that maybe, maybe if Wufei doesn't come back, Heero will come to rely on me for the strength to get over it? That maybe his obsession for Wufei will transfer over to me? Yes, yes, that's it! That's a good enough reason to inflict damage upon myself.

Belatedly, I realize that I've already begun. My fist was no longer banging against the pillow or mattress. I was slamming it against the wooden headboard of the bed. The wood cracks and splinters, tearing the healed flesh of my hand. It's bleeding, there's blood on the wood and on my pillow. There's blood… on Heero's hand.

There's blood on his clothes now, as he brings my fist gently up to his chest. He cradles it there before pulling the rest of me against him. He's saying something…

"Shh… calm down, Duo. Calm down." For you, Heero, for you I can do anything. I relax completely in his arms. All the tension, fear and unease are gone now that he has his arms around me. If only it could be like this forever. Perhaps…

I tilt my head up towards him. "Heero…" I whisper, softer than the words he's been whispering to me. He stops speaking the moment I start, eyes fixing on my own. So he's quite aware of it when my eyes close and I drift closer to him. He has plenty of time to move away as I move my lips that much closer to his. Plenty of time to move away… but he doesn't… and then my lips are pressed to his. It's not much of a kiss, his lips remain tightly closed, and I can feel his eyes on me. They are wide with shock, I know it. He had plenty of time, but he didn't… and yet, he still runs away from me.


Returning a few moments after he'd fled, 'fled' for Heero, anyway, he had bandaged my hand and then retreated to the far end of the bed. It could have been worse. Neither of us had spoken since he returned. I plucked halfheartedly at my new bandages, and Heero stared at the sheets.

He wants to know why I'd done what I'd done. I could feel the question fighting for release. I wonder how long it will take him to gather the courage to ask it. Can he bring himself to ask it at all?

"I don't want to be alone," the words are out of my mouth before I make a decision to speak them. He looks up, as usual not understanding the meaning behind my words.

"You're not alone, Duo. I'm here with you as often as I can be. You know as well as I do that I can't neglect the missions-'

"I know, Heero. That's not what I meant."

"Then what?" He watches my movements as I raise my uninjured hand to rest against my heart.

"I don't want to be alone here. I don't know if you can understand something like that right now. It must sound foolish to you." I lower my eyes to the sheets; I can't stand to see the confusion that must be clear on his face. Can Heero even understand how I feel about him? I doubt finding a boyfriend is high on his list of priorities. But maybe, just maybe…

"I have pain here as well," he says slowly, shifting slightly on the bed. When I look up, he has his hand pressed against his chest. "However, pain that I can do nothing about should be ignored. Unless, do you know how to make it go away?" I stare at him for a long moment before opening my arms.

"Yes," I whisper, "come here…" And he crawls to me across the sheets.

This doesn't seem to like my old line breaks (or anythng for that matter)anymore... please make do with the horizontal rule line...

TBC...