Title: Wires and Waves
Author: Ella
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post "Skin"; spoiler free should continue with extreme caution. Anything that's aired in the US is fair game.
Disclaimer: My mother never trusted me with sharp playthings, either.
Summary: They're still dancing.
Notes: Oiy! I was holding out on posting this until after 11.13 aired, although I think at this point I didn't need to have worried so much. In light of the most recent developments on ER, I think this is going to be more wish-oriented and less show-oriented. I have a loose plan, spanning quite a few chapters, of the story that I envision for Carter and Abby: the telling of their new love interspersed with moments from their past.
Before I forget - because I know I will - the lyrics in this chapter belong to Counting Crows, from the song "A Murder of One." And somewhere in the first two chapters, there's a line I stole from Em, too. I'm not sure where it went, though ;) And I wanted to thank everyone who gave me feedback on the first chapter, especially those who left me more personal reviews; you guys are wonderful.
We pick up right where we left off. So carry on ...
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Chapter Two: "A Murder of One"
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I've been watching you for hours
It's been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
-
John Carter inspects the progress made in his absence with the precision and heart that could only be found in a surgeon-turned-ER physician. A few finishing touches and all will be complete: what was once a daunting undertaking is now on the final leg of a year-long relay. With satisfaction, he completes his once-over and concludes that all has gone according to plan for the first time in his thirty-five years. Although his best laid plans generally do not involve his mother waiting on the back patio.
He knows that she's been waiting outside, but he hasn't quite the energy yet to deal with her. John Carter the physician understands that this is escape conditioning, while John Carter the embittered son feels differently. As he steps out onto the patio, the temperature drop goes unnoticed in the tension that radiates from the atmosphere.
"That certainly took a long time, John." That was it: no welcome home, no polite inquiries as to the quality of his trip, no attempt to hide the edge to her voice. His mother, for all of her grandeur, could never manage to foster anything of affection in her son.
"I told you I was busy."
"The airport said your flight got in on time."
"I was busy."
"For six hours"
"I had to see a friend."
"And you couldn't come home first"
"I did. You weren't here." He answers her curtly, his voice reflecting his waning patience.
"Then you should have waited."
"I told Abby to meet me at eight."
"Abby" At this, her face contorts itself knowingly. "You mean that nurse"
"Doctor, mom. She's been a doctor for almost two years now."
"And you had to see her today"
"Something like that, yeah." His body heaves a sigh in response as she half sits, half collapses in one of the posh patio chairs. Mother and son would never see eye to eye. It's a few moments of uncomfortable silence before Eleanor speaks again.
"The house looks ..."
"Leave it, mom. I don't want to do this tonight."
"I was just going to say everything looks great." Off his questioning look, she continues. "You're doing a good thing here, John."
Unable to respond, he simply nods his head in acknowledgement. A peace, of sorts. Exhausted and slightly jet-lagged, he retreats to the house again before their unspoken truce wears off.
-
Abby wakes the next morning to the sound of someone knocking on her front door. She rolls over and checks her alarm clock before quickly securing her robe. She sighs; there are still five minutes before the alarm is due to go off.
When she opens the door, she is still not quite awake. It takes a few seconds to register that the body standing in the hallway belongs to Carter as she squints her eyes to adjust to the light.
Carter almost chuckles to himself as he remembers that Abby is not - and never has been - a morning person.
"Good morning, sunshine." Abby just steps aside to let him in. "A resident still sleeping at almost nine AM isn't getting any work done."
"You woke me up five minutes before my alarm is set to go off. If you've just come here to mock me, you could have at least brought coffee." Touché.
"I tell you what: you go take a quick shower, and I'll have the coffee waiting for you when you're more awake."
She cannot see any point in declining his offer, so she willingly obliges. He catches himself watching her retreating form, but his eyes refuse to be deterred. And only after her robed figure disappears can he force his attention back to the task at hand.
He busies himself with the coffee machine, and his mind wanders to the many previous mornings spent in a similar manner. He would wake up earlier than she, disentangle the mass that was limbs and twisted bed linens - Abby was, after all, an endearingly restless sleeper. When she would finally emerge from the bedroom, she would always wear his bathrobe, a concept he did not understand as it was several sizes too big and the extended sleeves gave her the appearance of an innocent child. But like so many other of her quirks, he learned to appreciate without questioning.
When he hears the puttering from the bathroom slowly die out, he remembers how she used to look in the mornings and, for a fleeting moment, half expects to see her clad in his old robe. As he remarks on her perfect timing - a first for them, if he's not mistaken - he finds himself reflecting that his robe was more becoming, and he forces himself to hold his tongue.
Now is neither the time nor the place, he regrets.
They sit at the kitchen table that he graciously cleared while she was in the shower, and he initiates conversation with an apology for his quick exit the night before. An explanation that is unnecessary, for she knows all too well that there are occasions when family obligations become overwhelming and must be dealt with. She sympathizes openly.
Conversation proceeds accordingly to the topic of his grandmother's house. His excitement for the project radiates off his face. She listens intently as he shares the details of the converting the Carter mansion into a treatment facility for underprivileged pediatric oncology patients. She is reminded of a prepubescent Eric, animated and eager, without a care in the world.
She wants to capture the moment somehow. Freeze it and preserve it under glass for all of posterity. Though no glossy photograph or expensive frame can portray emotions as full and vibrant as these, and for good reason. Photographs are memories, but they have no magical powers, no omnipotent forces that can transport the viewer back to that moment in time. They cannot preserve this moment in John Carter's life any more than they could prevent the emotional downfall of Abby's beloved baby brother.
He is just about to mention the opening banquet and his speech when there comes another person knocking at her front door. This person, however, seems to be extremely intent upon her coming to the door as soon as possible.
"Shit" Abby nearly jumps in surprise, running to get the door before Carter even has the chance to raise an eyebrow suspiciously. He recovers in time to rotate in his chair and allow himself a better view of the mysterious newcomer.
There is mumbled conversation coming from the general direction of the door. He cannot get a good enough look between Abby and the half-open door, discerning only that the stranger is tall and male. More, admittedly, than he wants to know. She appears to be apologizing profusely, and he hears that male voice again. A voice he should remember from somewhere, but he just cannot place ...
And then it hits him: Ray.
Dr. Ray Barnett is the man Abby invites into her apartment while still apologizing for missing their breakfast.
"Well, when you didn't show after ten minutes I tried your cell phone and your pager, and I didn't get a response so ..."
"You were worried! Ladies and gentlemen, Ray Barnett has a heart after all" She smirks at him, and he shakes his head in return. It seems almost an afterthought when she adds"You remember Dr. Carter"
"Of course ... Dr. Carter." He extends his right hand in a would-be friendly greeting, which Carter returns with a similar gesture.
"Dr. Barnett." The gesture is lacking something, however, of its usual pleasantries. Each appears to be marking this territory as his own somehow.
He is aware of how this situation must look to an outside observer: Abby, still in her bathrobe and having missed a breakfast ... meeting, was it? And he, who had been absent from the emergency room for going on eleven months now, suddenly turning up in her apartment on that same morning of the missed meeting. Ray's eyes dart from Carter to Abby back to Carter again, and Carter knows that he is drawing exactly that conclusion.
And while he finds that this does not distress him in the slightest, he fears that it probably does bother Abby.
"I'd better be going anyway." He decides to make his exit now, before any more damage can be done.
"Oh, no. John, you don't have to leave."
"I've already intruded enough for one day. The Foundation calls, I'm sure." He rolls his eyes playfully in an effort to lessen the tense air.
"I'll see you later this week" She inquires in an almost whisper after escorting him to her door.
"You couldn't keep me away." He turns around only two steps into the hallway. "Would it be safe to assume they're still understaffed in the ER"
"Don't go suggesting such things to Susan unless you're prepared to report this afternoon."
"That bad"
"If you call today, you'll be on the schedule by the end of the week."
Twenty seconds later, with the corridor empty and the door shut firmly behind her, she quickly decides that she should put on some clothes before going over charts with Ray Barnett.
-
What remained of that week flew by quickly for both Carter and Abby. For Carter, there were preparations for the upcoming Foundation banquet interspersed with resettlement in the city he had once called home. Having given up his townhouse when he left town the previous spring, he would return to apartment living for the time being. It's more sensible, he reminds himself. Though on occasion, he finds himself bitterly adding, That's all I'll ever need anyway.
For Abby, there were shifts and shifts and ... more shifts. Somewhere along the line, she had been delegated as the unspoken leader among the second year residents. When someone needed to stay late and finish up, she would frequently be the one asked. If there were a number of incoming traumas or a crisis situation, she would be the one the others would look to for guidance. Her professional life as a resident is both complete and fulfilling, which enables her to allow her personal life to take a backseat for prolonged periods of time. So occupied she is with her job that it comes as a surprise when she arrives at work on Friday morning and finds John Carter's name on the schedule.
His shift is nearly over when their paths finally cross, however. Drunk driver versus a line of pedestrians waiting to make purchases from a newsstand a few blocks away keeps the trauma rooms occupied for several hours, and a small army of allergy sufferers does significant damage to the remaining staff. It's only as Dr. Lockhart needs a second opinion on a supposed slip-and-fall that she calls upon Dr. Carter as she passes him in drug lockup. He confirms her suspicions that the patient is drug-seeking and subconsciously attempts to linger. His attempts are thwarted by the efforts of a hopelessly incompetent med student in curtain area one.
She affirms that she will be just fine to handle the case on her own, telling him to "go forth and save the less competent." He leaves her in the knowledge that she is more than capable of treating the next addition to the turkey file.
Both caught in the current of new patients who keep rolling in, neither realize that their shifts have been over for an hour when eight o'clock rolls around. As a matter of fact, it is Dr. Dubenko who first notices this when he gets paged to one of Dr. Lockhart's patients. Carter overhears their snippets of their conversation in passing, including Dubenko's suggestions for some light reading material and his assurances that her patient will be safe in his hands. At this, Carter hastens to sign his few remaining patients out to Kovac and catch Abby before she leaves for the night.
But she is gone just moments before he enters the doctor's lounge, exiting through one door as he enters through the other.
-
About a week after his return to work, Carter feels almost as though he never left. The traumas, the patients, the hours upon hours of dealing with the odds and ends of modern society; everything blurs together into an average day, turns into week, turns into month. A never-ending cycle that does not change. The only thing that is different this time is her.
As in intern, she struggled to find her place in the world of physicians. Her volatile career status - jumping from nurse to med student and back again - did not help the transition. Graduation from medical school is an intense change for any student, but in Abby's world its significance was almost inconceivable. In the course of 24 hours, she suddenly found herself expected to be more responsible, more capable than she had been just a days before. All the while, she still had to wrestle with her predispositions as a nurse. It is simply impossible, she found, to act as both nurse and doctor to the same patient. She had to adjust to giving orders and making decisions, to becoming her patients' advocates to the physicians in other departments whom she would call upon for consultations.
And then there was the matter of her abduction.
It happened just as she was beginning to find her place, one terrifying day erased all of her progress. He remembers that day back at the hospital, the annoyance at not being able to find her, the flippant remarks he gave a worried Neela, the nausea that he tried to bury somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach when he finally acknowledged that something might be wrong. The way she looked when he found her: sitting on a bench in the ambulance bay, huddled like a child and shivering.
Neela and Susan were the treating physicians, working under the assumption that - whatever happened - Abby would be more comfortable with women. Unable to be of any actual help in the ER and unwilling to go home, he waited the evening away in the convenience store that replaced Doc Magoo's. With his back to the other customers, he did not see Jake until the med student was just a few feet behind him and his reflection became apparent in the store window.
"Dr. Carter? Mind if I join you for a few minutes"
"I ... Umm, no. That's fine." He motions to the stool next to him, and Jake willingly seats himself.
"I was just at the hospital for a study group, and I thought I'd stop here for some coffee before heading into the ER to see what's going on."
"You aren't on tonight, are you"
"Nah, but Dr. Lockhart is pulling a double and I thought maybe I could give her a hand."
Sorry, buddy. Dr. Lockhart won't be pulling that double after all.
"I don't think that would be the best idea ... right now. They got slammed this afternoon and everything's just calming down ..."
"... and having the inexperienced, lowly med students would only complicate things. I get it; go home when she tells me to."
Jake shares a small smirk with an invisible third party. The idea that Abby might be that third party, that their relationship might even verge on more than just professional, makes him intensely aware of his subconscious objective to keep Jake away from her on every level.
His beeper goes off just a few fortunate seconds later, calling him back to the ER. He does not give a second glance back at the med student sitting at the counter as his focus returns solely to Abby and whatever happened to her that day.
The days that followed were difficult ones. After returning to work, Abby was withdrawn, extremely nervous, and prone to volatile behavior in her dealings with both patients and staff. No one seemed to be able to reach her, try as they might. She kicked Neela out of her apartment, would barely speak to Susan or Sam unless it pertained to a patient, and rejected every one of Carter's advances. In fact, the only person to whom she would respond was Jake.
Carter kept watch over her from afar and, in turn, noticed the changes in her relationship with Jake. He wanted to placate himself with the thoughts that his mind was succumbing to paranoia, but he would not be reassured.
It took several weeks for him to finally gather the courage to ask her about it. He cornered her in drug lockup in a manner reminiscent of hers when she interrogated him about past relationships.
"So ... you and the med student"
"Leave it, Carter. Just leave it. It's none of your business."
"You admit to it" He was expecting the confrontation.
"It's none of your business."
"I just want to help. It's against hospital policy; he's your med student."
"And you dated a nineteen year old." But that he had not been expecting.
"I should probably get back to work, I guess. But I'm off at seven if you want to grab coffee or something ..." He leaves the offer very open in the hopes that she might accept.
"I'll think about it."
For the moment, it was just enough.
He supposes, in retrospect, that had been the turning point. Their coffee breaks were never long, but they became more frequent as the days progressed. Abby was clearly living one day at a time, surviving the only way she knew how. But Jake - Jake was enamored. He felt Jake's presence acutely in his dealings in the ER, felt as though he were being watched.
It was almost two weeks after his encounter with Abby in drug lockup when Jake finally approached Carter. The two happened to be waiting for the same set of incoming traumas while Abby was talking to the parents of an HIV positive teenager.
"I wanted to thank you for not saying anything, Dr. Carter."
"Anything? About what"
"About me ... and Abby. I know you two have a ... history, even though she won't say anything." And once again, Carter notices just how taken Jake is with his female supervisor.
"And you care about her? Because the last thing Abby needs right now is ..."
"Of course I do. But her heart ... she'll never care about me the same way."
He wants to tell him that he knows, he understands. That he found himself in the very same place. He waits a second too long, though. And the sirens from the incoming vehicles drown out any hopes of completing his thoughts.
Two days later, Abby asks Carter to grab coffee with her on break. She does not have to tell him that they broke up. The look in her eyes does so instead.
For these reasons, it takes Carter by surprise when he enters the doctors' lounge before an evening shift about a week after his return to work. Abby stands leaning against the lockers with her back to the door. She is deep in conversation with a man that Carter recognizes immediately - even in the dim light of the lounge.
He feels a knot form in his stomach with the realization that the man in question is none other than Jake.
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Worth the wait? I hope you think so. Let me know!
