Gomen, minna! I know that the last chapter was really short compared to my past ones, but I was amidst a strain of writer's block due to stress and sleep deprivation.

I promise to make up for it in this next chapter. And arigato to all my loyal and new reviewers that stuck with me despite the lousy update. Aishiteru minna! huggles

I miss having lots of reviews... so REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!! I'll give you Pocky and Ramune if you do! Oh, oh... and a Kumagorou plushie too!

Oi, Jenn-chan... here's the extra long Ch. 11, just as I promised. Hope you like... enjoy!

Darksaphire-chan is back, na no da! Yay! I missed you! Welcome back... three chapters later!

Arigato to my Anonymous reviewer who sent me a poem for Ch. 9... gomen for not thanking you previously, but I've been a little absentminded. I loved it just as much as the first one you sent... huggles and Pocky for you!

Hugs to my Onee-chan, Yui-Mag... who has left me once again to return to college. Now excuse me while I cry in the corner.... sulk

{Disclaimer} Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.

Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts

Bold italicized writing indicates conscience

Chapter 11: Whatever Heart Breaks

The usually bright and cheerful townhouse was now dark and gloomy. The lights had not been turn on at all that day, though the sun had dropped below the skyline hours ago.

The space inside seemed to envelope the motionless figure sprawled against the wall underneath the open window.

Outside, rain began to drizzle as if to tell the individual inside the room that it was okay to cry.

That the heavens would cry with him.

Or maybe that was just a poetic approach of how to view the scene.

A constant and blaring repetition of 'Spicy Marmalade' echoed inside the desolate habitat. And the figure against the wall mouthed the words silently, as if trying to imitate the original singer's feelings.

But that's all that it was in the end.

An imitation.

The figure lowered his head in resignation. He knew that his game of pretend would no longer suffice. Now that someone had finally been able to see beyond the mask that he wore, he couldn't wear that mask again. Not without having piercing violet eyes accuse him of insincerity.

Doushite? Why did it have to be him? Why was he the one that couldn't be fooled?

Ryuichi leaned his head back against the wall. His tears had stopped long before the rain had started, and to be honest... he didn't have anymore left.

He's so oblivious to the world that stares him in the face. And yet he's able to see through my carefully arranged facade without even trying.

The singer closed his eyes, trying to erase the memory of his rival's violet eyes burning down at him from the stage eight days ago.

What should I do now? Do I continue this game with Shuichi... or should I just give up?

Since Bad Luck's appearance on Hit Stage, the legendary Grasper had dropped from view. His answering machine was overloaded with messages expressing concern for the God of J-pop. Everyone from his fellow Graspers to his former manager, as well as his acquaintance through mutual friends, Tatsuha. The latter had been very close to crossing the line between anxious fan and obsessive stalker.

They don't really care about me. The just see me as 'Ryuichi the Nittle Grasper.' Not as 'Ryuichi the human being.' None of them understand how I feel.

A heavy sigh punctuated the thought. The chorus of 'Spicy Marmalade' mirrored his beliefs.

"Vanish into the night! These days, people really seem,

To be led astray, with faces hidden by sadness."

Can I really give up now? Is this how it will all end?

A crash of thunder answered him, shaking the window violently. The vocalist gave a heartrending smile, knowing truth.

Iie. I can't give up now. This isn't the end, and I can't just walk away.

Opening his eyes once more, the legendary Grasper settled his sights on the CD player that was echoing the final notes of his rival's new single.

"Shuichi... I won't let you win so easily."

{NG Studios}

Meanwhile, a pink-haired boy sneezed all over his lyrics. Hiro was immediately grossed out by the snots that had been emitted from his best friend.

"EWW!! Watch where you aim that crap! You almost got it on my guitar!"

"Gomen, Hiro. I don't know where that came from. You think someone was talking about me?"

"Who isn't talking about you?!"

"Demo, I wonder if it someone I know."

"Never mind that. You've been getting a lot of work done recently... don't get off track now!"

"Hai, hai! As I was saying, this is how I want the new song to go..."

{Las Vegas, Nevada}

Having turned in his manuscript to his editor, a certain writer had a lot of free time on his hands. The said manuscript was actually four months early, thus there wouldn't be any pressing deadlines for the blond novelist for the next few months.

His new novel would be published and out in store around the world in approximately three more weeks.

With that in mind, a decision to fly to New York was made.

Was it a good decision? Maybe not. After all, that was where the writer's biggest skeleton was buried.

But I don't want to run away anymore. I have to face him... and the ghost he's left behind.

Remember what happened the last time you visited his grave? You almost gave into his ghost.

I know, but this is something that I have to do.

Are you strong enough to face him now?

I, I don't know. But if I ever plan to move on with my life, than I have to move past him.

Eiri, you know this might be too soon.

Hmm. But it's now or never.

{NG Studios}

"Ne, Shuichi!" The second keyboardist for Nittle Grasper waved urgently at the passing boy. The violet eyes brightened as he turned to face his former colleague.

"Noriko! Gomen, I didn't see you there!" The singer rushed to the Grasper's side enthusiastically.

After the she rolled her eyes tolerantly as the younger boy hugged her, Noriko pat him awkwardly on the head, trying to calm him down.

"Okay, well I wanted to ask you if you'd seen Ryuichi lately." Her patience evaporated as necessity took over.

"Ano, he's missing?" Panic rose in the boy's eyes as worry became etched across his face. Now that he'd thought about it, he hadn't seen his idol since the concert.

"Iie, and I'm getting concerned. Both Tohma and I have been trying to contact him for over a week now, but he's not responding at all. His answering machine picks up at his home number and his voicemail picks up his cell number. We tried stopping by his place, but there's no answer. Tohma's key to get in doesn't work, so we assume that Ryuichi changed the locks. We have no idea what's going on or where he could be."

"That's... weird." Unsure on how he was expected to react to the information, the singer chose a fairly neutral answer.

"Yeah. So would you do me a favor... cause you owe me one?" The lavender-haired woman smirked as she began her blackmailing of her former coworker.

"NANI?! Why do I owe YOU a favor?!" Shuichi was quite reluctant to concede to the older woman that he was indebted to her.

"You want a list?" But Noriko wasn't going to let it go.

"Fine, what do you want me to do?" And of course, the vocalist had never been one to resist peer pressure.

"I want you to find him yourself." The request sounded innocent enough, if not for the fact it was Sakuma Ryuichi that they were referring to.

"M-me?! Why me?" Confusion clouded the violet eyes as the idea of hunting down his idol overwhelmed him.

"Because I think you'll actually be able to get through to him." The simple answer seemed to hide an ulterior motive that even the fluffy mind of Shuichi could detect.

"What gave you that idea?" Suspicion seemed to emanate from the pink-haired boy, as he demanded an explanation.

"Just a hunch. So humor me and do it, okay?" But unfortunately for the singer, the Grasper was unwilling to enlighten him as to her motivation.

"Fine, but after this, you owe me." Reluctantly, the younger musician dropped the subject and accepted the piece of paper the keyboardist shoved at him.

"Whatever. Here, take this. It's Ryuichi's address, home number, and cell number. As soon as you get in contact with him, let me know." The urgency in her voice made apparent the worry that the Grasper had previously been trying to hide.

Reaching into her purse, the lavender-haired woman withdrew a familiar stuffed animal and placed into the singer's open hands. Shuichi's eyes registered surprise at the item, accepting it nonetheless.

"Ano, why do you have Kumagorou, Noriko?"

"He left it behind at your last concert. K-san found it and gave it to me. You can use it as an excuse to see him, okay?"

"Alright. Demo, remember..."

"Hai, hai... I know. I owe you one."

{The next day}

The legendary vocalist had finally returned to the day-to-day task of living his life as usual. This meant doing things such as taking a shower, eating, and reviewing his messages.

And at last, the lights in his townhouse were turned on again.

His home once again appeared as if someone was living there.

Now that his answering machine had been cleared out, there was room for more messages. And that was a good thing since the singer still didn't feel particularly inclined to answer the phone. But at that moment, someone that he actually wanted to speak to decided to make a call.

The phone rang and as usual, Ryuichi let the answering machine pick it up.

"This is the Sakuma residence. No one is home right now, so please leave a message and I will get back to you. Arigato." The machine beeped, indicating that it would begin recording.

"Ah, moshi moshi! This is Shuichi." The Grasper froze as he heard the familiar voice over the answering machine.

"Ano, I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. Nobody's seen you around, so we were all getting worried." Ryuichi hastened towards the voice.

"Just call me back whenever you get a chance so that..." The God of J-pop grabbed the phone and quickly hit the talk button.

"Shu-chan!" The serious personality evaporated and was replaced by the usual genki one.

"R-Ryuichi-san?! Is that you?" The voice at the other end was shock to hear his idol's voice.

"Hai! It's me! What's up, Shu-chan?" Excitement made the man-child bounce up and down on his toes as he answered.

"Well, I was calling to see if you were okay. Nobody has seen you for the past few days." Concern seemed to travel through the phone line from Shuichi's end to Ryuichi's.

"You were worried about me, na no da?" A warm feeling enveloped the older man as he asked the younger boy the seemingly innocent question. But behind the question was an actual thought.

Do you really care if I'm okay or not?

"Hai. Besides, you said we could hang out together sometime." And in turn, the pink-haired boy answered back very seriously.

I do care.

"Shu-chan wants to hang out with me, na no da?!" The Grasper squealed with delight at the idea of the Bad Luck artist wanting to spend time with him.

"Of course! And I have something to return to you too." The younger vocalist responded with enthusiasm.

"Nani?" Confusion brought a wrinkle to the legend's forehead.

"You forgot Kumagorou at my concert, Ryuichi-san. Haven't you missed him?" At the other end, the younger musician wrinkled his forehead as well. It wasn't at all usual for his idol to misplace or lose Kumagorou and not throw a tantrum or get hysterics.

"OH! Kuma-chan! Gomen ne, Shu-chan! I forgot where I had left him!" Ryuichi finally noticed the absence of his fuzzy toy and immediately became repentant.

"Ah, that's alright. So when do you want to get together? I'll bring Kumagorou when I see you." Relief was apparent in Shuichi's voice as he heard the familiar sound of panic over the loss of the pink bunny.

"How about in a few hours, na no da! Can you meet me somewhere?"

"Sure, where?" Within a few more minutes, arrangements had been made to meet at a local karaoke bar. As the Grasper hung up the phone, he released a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding.

The legendary vocalist quickly made his way to his bedroom to get ready for the rendezvous with Shuichi. As it was Ryuichi's first time out of his home in over a week, he wanted to look as good as possible. Besides, it wasn't just anyone he was going to meet.

Humming softly to himself, Ryuichi wore an expression that hadn't appeared for a while.

For what was gracing his face was a smile. But it wasn't just any old smile; it was one that shone with genuine happiness.

A smile that was the reflection of his heart.

The humming was eventually accompanied by words as the vocalist continued to get ready for his outing.

"Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly turned to ash,

In some miracle we could still brush into each other."

{Three hours later}

Shuichi sat at the table farthest from the bright lights inside the karaoke bar where he had arranged to meet his idol.

Across from him, a pink stuffed rabbit sat on top of the table. Its beady black eyes stared at him, making the singer nervous. Kumagorou had never made the musician feel uncomfortable before, but for some strange reason, he felt as if the bunny was expecting something to happen.

The Bad Luck's vocalist snorted to himself.

Yeah right. Like a stuffed animal can actually expect anything. It's not alive, much less can it think. Kami-sama, I must be working too much. Maybe I should take a vacation.

"Oi! Shu-chan!" A voice coming from behind him startled the singer out of his thoughts. Turning quickly, his eyes settle on the approaching figure that had called out to him. With a warm smile, the he waved to familiar face.

"Konnichiwa, Ryuichi-san!" In a rush of motion, the figure speeded up at the greeting and proceeded to glomp the boy enthusiastically.

"Shu-chan! Were you waiting long? Gomen!" The Grasper squealed his apology in his child-like voice, maintaining his embrace around the pink-haired musician's neck.

"Iie, iie! I just arrived a few minutes ago myself." Shuichi hugged his idol back to assure him that he wasn't upset at the delay.

After they seated themselves at the table, they order a few snacks and drinks. Ryuichi happily accepted the awaiting Kumagorou and thanked the younger boy profusely.

For the next hour, they enjoyed friendly conversation about fun and non-essential topics like the weather, favorite Pocky flavors, where Kumagorou had come from, and stuff like that.

It was totally random and pointless, but at the same time it was relaxing and enjoyable. They were able to enjoy each other's company without any tension or rivalry getting in the way.

In the background, someone in the audience requested 'Sleepless Beauty.' As the song began, a man began to wail out the opening lyrics to the Nittle Grasper classic. The tunes were way off beat and the words came out mutilated.

Everyone in the audience cringed at the horrible rendition of such an awesome song. There were several less than polite requests for the man to leave the stage, but all were ignored.

Kumagorou was hiding underneath the table, covering his ears. Ryuichi and Shuichi looked at each other, flinching occasionally as the man on stage unsuccessfully attempted a high note. In unspoken agreement, they rose from their seats.

"I was getting bored here anyway." Bad Luck's vocalist grinned with anticipation.

"Yeah, it's about time that we left." The God of J-pop nodded as they made their way towards the stage.

Removing their disguises that consisted of hats and sunglasses, the two music stars revealed themselves to the audience, who in turn began to shriek in recognition. The music was immediately cut off and staff ushered the man who had been attempting to sing 'Sleepless Beauty' off the stage.

Each taking a microphone, the two musicians began their introduction.

"Gomen, minna! Demo, Shuichi and I could take that torture any longer."

"Hai, hai! It should be against the law to sing any song like that, much less 'Sleepless Beauty'! Ryuichi and I want everyone here to remember what it's supposed to sound like. All right? Here we go!"

The music began to play once again. But this time, the audience cheered the singers on.

"From far away, let your eyes shine; those who have awakened are still waiting.

Seduce the ramparts of the night in the cast-off pile of skins left by things that now live elsewhere."

They alternated verses with Ryuichi starting first, both of them singing the intervals, and Shuichi singing the second verse. They continued this for the entire song.

"{without an exit} If you intend to survive the impact.

{to the point where you fall apart} Enrapture the deceits."

The audience was astounded by the harmony of the duet. There was nothing but silence from them now.

"You who have been reborn, color your eyes without smiling alone.

Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly burned to ash, in some miracle we could still brush into each other."

The management of the karaoke bar gathered at the side of the stage, pleased with the publicity they were receiving from the duo.

As the song ended, cheers erupted along with fans rushing towards the two singers. Taking their final bows, the vocalists rushed off the stage and out the exit before the crowd could detain them further.

After reaching a safe distance, the two singers paused to take a breather and check for anyone who might still be following them.

"I think we lost them all." Shuichi peeked around the corner from which they were hiding behind, giving the all clear.

"Good. That was fun!" Ryuichi was all smiles, hyped about their performance together.

"Yeah, but dangerous." The pink-haired boy agreed with a nod, still watchful for any fans that may have pursued them.

"Well, now what do you want to do?" The genki Grasper swung his toy around in the air, excited about how their day was going.

"Ah, I don't know. You want to just walk around for awhile?" Bad Luck's vocalist scratched his head, unable to come up with any other ideas.

"Sure! Let's go, Shu-chan!"

{New York City, New York}

Upon arrival at JFK airport, a limo had pick up the blonde novelist and driven him to his hotel. The seven-hour plane trip was nothing compared to the on he had taken previously from Japan to Nevada. But he writer was tired nonetheless.

At this point, he wanted nothing more than to take a warm shower go to bed.

He'd skip dinner until the tomorrow.

After a long shower, he threw on some boxers and a pair of pajama pants. Throwing himself onto the king-sized bed, Yuki stared at the ceiling lights without seeing them.

Two more weeks. Then my book comes out.

Why are you thinking about that again? Shouldn't you be thinking about some other things?

Like what?

Like the fact that you're in New York again? The fact that you're going to visit Kitazawa?

I'm actually trying NOT to think about that.

Why? You made this decision yourself. Are you starting to regret it?

Iie. But how am I supposed to make peace with what is already gone?

Well, How did you think you were going to do it before you came?

I don't know. I can't get forgiveness from the dead.

Why would you want to? All you did was defend yourself.

Yuki was so kind to me. He was my best friend and I loved him.

Nothing is what it appears to be.

Demo, he betrayed me. I don't understand why. Was it because underneath it all, he actually hated me?

Both of you wanted to be with each other... but it just wasn't meant to be.

So instead, he hurt me? Is that why he did that?

You and Yuki were completely opposite forces. No matter how much either of you pushed or pulled, you could never meet.

Even if he didn't hate me back then, he must hate me now. After all, I killed him.

So is that what you seek... redemption?

I really don't know what I expect out of this visit. Maybe nothing at all.

When are you going to start searching for what might last forever?

I've been searching for it all along.

Oh, were you? You mean you didn't just say that to make Shuichi feel better?

I never say things just to make anyone feel better. If you're me, you should already know that.

Hmm. So I guess this means that you really are serious about changing.

I never said I wasn't.

Do you think you'll find out the meaning of forever here?

I don't know if I'll find it here, but at least I'll find out where it isn't.

{General}

The two celebrities of J-pop had been walking around aimlessly for the past two hours. The sun was on its way to setting and the streets emptied slowly as everyone began to depart to their homes.

Carefully avoiding any topic that might cause discomfort between the two singers, they jumped from subject to subject until the difficult topics were all that was left. When that happened, they fell into silence and avoided further conversation.

But both of them were dying to ask the other some of those difficult questions. And after a long silence, Shuichi finally broke it.

"Ah, Ryuichi?" The boy began in a hesitating tone, afraid to anger his idol.

"Eh, hai? Nani yo, Shu-chan?" The Grasper looked up from the ground to face younger singer.

"I was wondering, you know when you were recording 'Be There' in the studio?" Encouraged by having the older man acknowledge him, the boy continued.

"Hai? What about it?" A feeling of apprehension grew deep in the Grasper's chest, somewhere near his heart.

"I wanted to know... why were you crying?" Blurting the question out before he lost his nerve, the singer bowed his head as if to apologize for being nosy.

"Ano... so you did see. I thought you did." The child-like personality vanished immediately, only to be interchanged with a grim replacement.

"So why?" The pink-haired boy dared to prod further, curiosity taking over.

"Because I was thinking about someone very special to me. Someone I care about a lot. And it made me sad." The answer was punctuated by a heavy sigh, catching his companion's attention.

"Doushite? Why sad?" Confusion caused a single eyebrow to be raised as he waited for an explanation.

"Because that person isn't mine. Because they don't even see me as more than a friend. And they love someone else." The answer came out in a mere whisper, as the man couldn't manage anything more than that.

"Oh. Gomen ne Ryuichi-san!" Sympathy for his idol brought dampness to the younger boy's eyes. The older man raised his head and sought the violet eyes with his own. His expression changed from sadness to something that was unfamiliar to pink-haired vocalist.

"Shuichi... do you know what it's like? To want something that you know you can't have? Something that's forbidden to you because it belongs to someone else?" The legendary Grasper advanced slowly towards the boy.

Shuichi in turn retreated backwards without noticing. Soon his back was against a brick wall with the God of J-pop blocking his only exit.

"N-nani?!" Fear began to rise inside the younger boy's heart. He desperately tried to calm down, attempting to convince himself this was just one of his idol's erratic mood swings.

"Have you even ever felt that way before?"

Instead of merely standing in front of the boy, the older musician placed a hand against the wall on either side of Shuichi's head. Bad Luck's vocalist was effectively trapped.

"R-Ryuichi-san?! Nani yo?" Even more confused than ever, the pink-haired boy felt his heart thumping deafeningly in his chest.

What's wrong with him? Why is he acting this way? Is he angry with me?

"Shuichi, can you understand how I feel?" The Grasper's eyes seemed to darken as emotions clouded his mind against better judgment.

"Ryuichi-san, are you okay? Why are you acting like this?"

The Grasper flashed a sad smile at the naive boy who had captured his own heart and leaned forward slowly...

TBC...

MWUHAHAHAHA!!! Now THAT was the god of all cliffhangers! What is Ryuichi going to do?! I love being evil! Now everyone must review! ONEGAI REVIEW!!! Gomen for the short update last chapter, demo this should more than make up for it! Arigato minna! Onegai review and send me ideas of what I should do for next chapter. To tell you the truth, I haven't made up my mind on what Ryuichi is going to do when he leans forward. So send me your votes via reviews! ARIGATO!!