Arigato minna! Each and every reviewer has proven to be as pika pika as Ryuichi! My gratitude to all of you will be in the form of the greatly anticipated Ch. 12 of STLF! cheers Gomen for the delay!

MY EXCUSE: Well, at first I had writer's block, so I wrote my one-shot to help inspire me. Then I began to argue with myself on how to continue the fic. And after that, the worst thing happened... my computer went boom! Eek! So I had to wait until it was fixed. Gomen nasai!

Oodles of huggles to my Onee-chan... yay! You finally caught up! I miss you... so come back home soon! Oh, and no making out! Ewie!

Extra special huggles and Pocky for Fishy-chan... arigato! I am absolutely in love with the latest poem you e-mailed to me and it is much appreciated! We will definitely do a collaborative effort towards a song/poem that will be published in STLF! It'll probably make its debut in the final chapter as a declaration of love from Shuichi to... who knows? evil grin We'll see as the story continues. Bits and pieces if not the whole of previous and future poems sent to me will be used in STLF as new songs that Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper produce. Before, I only used the original lyrics of songs by BL and NG, except 'Be There'... that was mostly mine. snatches away possessively

In this chapter, Fishy-chan's lyrics, 'Can't Resist' will be featured by Nittle Grasper. Everyone can choose their own beat and tune to go with it.

The winner of the 'to kiss or not to kiss' poll won by more than three times the loser! And the winner is...

Disclaimer Insert standard Gravitation disclaimer here.

Regular italicized writing indicates thoughts

Bold italicized writing indicates conscience

Chapter 12: No Promises No Regrets

Ryuichi was leaning in very slowly... giving Shuichi the chance and the choice to move. Because he knew what was coming- what his idol intended to do.

But just the realization of what was to come stunned the pink-haired boy. The shock slowed down his reflexes, or was it that he didn't want to move?

In the precious seconds that the younger vocalist had left before the decision would no longer be his, two different voices screamed at him.

Iie, iie, iie! Don't do it! Think of Yuki!

Ryuichi-san was talking about me?! I'm that important to him?!

And when the seconds were up and it became a now or never decision, Shuichi made his choice.

The kiss fell softly on Shuichi's lips... softly, but urgently. As if Ryuichi was seeking much more than a kiss. As if he wanted to devour the younger boy.

Hovering above the younger musician, the Grasper trembled as his mind caught up with his emotions.

Kami-sama! What did I just do? Shuichi is going to hate me.

But all doubts were pushed aside as he realized that he might never get this chance again.

Meanwhile, Shuichi remained undecided as to whether or not he should respond. Pheromones finally took over and the kiss was returned.

When he used to kiss Yuki, it felt as if he were being pulled in, unable to resist. He was drawn inexplicably to the blonde man with the mysterious gold eyes and a Pandora's box of secrets.

It wasn't mere physical attraction or emotions that had brought them together. It was something more powerful, and even less rational.

It was nothing less than a force of nature.

On the other hand, Shuichi was able to identify many, if not all, of the things that attracted him to his idol.

Ryuichi had sincerity, loyalty, compassion, dedication, and heart. And with each passing moment locked in a kiss with him, the younger boy was able to feel all of that expressed and more.

Ryuichi had charisma, pure and simple.

As the kiss was finally broken mutually, they were both rendered speechless. Finally, Shuichi broke the silence before it built a wall between them.

"Ryuichi... doushite? Why didn't you tell me?" The pink-haired boy reached out to rest a tentative hand on the Grasper's shoulder. The older man visibly flinched, as if he was expecting an assault for the liberty he had taken.

"What good would it have done? You can't see anything in this world besides your Yuki." The answer was bitter, but it also was the truth. Bad Luck's vocalist shook his head, trying to sort out his emotions for his idol.

"Demo, at least I would have known. I don't know what to do. I mean I do care for you." The God of J-pop raised his head to meet the violet eyes.

"Not the way I care for you though." The bitterness turned into sadness as the truth was spoken. Shuichi bowed his head and withdrew his hand, unable to argue with reality. But the older man continued when it became apparent that the pink-haired singer wasn't going to deny the accuracy of the previous statement.

"I-I know I can't replace Yuki... I never once tried to fool myself into believing that. Demo... is there even the slightest possibility that you would give me a chance?" The question was asked without much hope, but he knew that he had already put his heart on the line, and there was no sense in holding back now.

Bad Luck's vocalist shivered at the prospect of being with his idol.

What do I do? Can I really move past Yuki? Or do I stay trapped in my memories?

The older musician held his breath as he waited for an answer. He watched as the boy struggled with the conflicting emotions.

At last, the violet eyes rose from the ground.

"Ano, Ryuichi... I-I can't make any promises." The pink-haired youth began and the Grasper remained quiet as he waited for the sentence to continue.

"I'm not sure what I really want anymore. I-I really like you... and in my own way, I love you too. Demo... will that be enough? Are you willing to accept me, even if I really can't get over Yuki?"

In a blur of motion, Ryuichi took Shuichi into his arms. After the initial moment of surprise that held the boy frozen, he returned the embrace with all the warmth he could muster.

"I'll accept you however you are... even if it isn't all of you. We'll make it work."

And with that, another kiss was born from two of the brightest stars of Japan.

Lurking in the shadows behind the two new lovers, a dark figure snapped a single picture that would appear on the front page of every tabloid magazine and newspaper the very next morning.

The next day

The opening notes of 'Blind Game Again' filled the townhouse as the lights flashed on the screen of Shuichi's cell phone. Next to him, Ryuichi moaned softly in his sleep as the pink-haired singer reached for the phone to figure out who was calling so early in the morning.

With a quick glance at the wall clock, he realized that it wasn't so early after all. The clock read 11:47am... almost noon. Another glance told him that it was Tatsuha on the other end of the line.

Checking to make sure that his new boyfriend wasn't going to wake up, the vocalist made his way off the couch they had fallen asleep on the previous night. After the events that led to their union, they had found themselves outside of Ryuichi's door. At that point, it was nearing three in the morning, thus the suggestion of a sleepover sounded very appealing to the weary duo.

And it remained innocent enough, despite being alone together for such a long period of time. There wasn't any pressure to 'do' anything at all. Instead, they were merely satisfied with holding each other and spending some time together.

Pushing the 'talk' button, the musician greeted his caller, trying to keep his voice down despite the fact that he was now on the balcony.

"Moshi moshi. Shindou here." As soon as he spoke into the phone, the singer remembered some very important facts about this particular caller.

First of all, this was Yuki's almost identical younger brother. Second, he was obsessed with the lead singer of Nittle Grasper. And third, Tatsuha had a spare key to Shuichi's home; therefore he probably already knew that the vocalist was not at home.

But what he wasn't expecting was an enraged voice screaming at him at an inhumanly high pitch.

"YOU DIRTY FUCKING SLUT! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY HONEY?!"

Shuichi winced as the teenage priest began his rampage.

"N-nani?! What are you screaming about, Tatsuha?" Unable to decipher all of the younger Uesugi's screeching, the vocalist held the phone away from his ear to preserve his hearing.

"DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW YOU TWO-CENT WHORE! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF TAKING MY RYUICHI?!"

"Your Ryu...? Oh. Oh! How did you...?!" Stunned to know that other had found out about his new relationship with his idol, fear brought a cold sweat across the pink-haired boy's body.

"DON'T TRY TO PLAY WITH ME, YOU SHITHEAD HOOKER! EVERYONE KNOWS NOW! WHO WOULDN'T KNOW WHEN YOU GO AROUND PUBLICLY MOLESTING MY POOR HONEY?!"

"NANI?! How is it that everyone knows? It just happened yesterday!" Confusion mixed with anxiety caused the singer to begin trembling.

"LISTEN YOU LITTLE PRICK! KEEP YOUR HORNY SELF AWAY FROM...!"

At this point, a double beep indicating another call gave Shuichi an excuse to cut off the raging priest.

"Uh, I've another call! I'll talk to you later, ja!"

"MATTE YO...!" And with that, the singer clicked over to the other line.

"Moshi moshi. Shindou speaking."

"Shuichi! That was absolutely brilliant! Your latest stunt has created more publicity for Bad Luck than all of NG's effort ever could have managed! How did you get Ryuichi to agree?" The exuberant voice of Bad Luck's gun-toting manager made Shuichi shiver in apprehension. Whenever K was extremely happy, it meant everyone else probably wasn't.

"K-san... what's going on?! I just woke up to a very angry call from Tatsuha babbling something about Ryuichi."

"You sly dog! As if you don't know already!"

"I DON'T! So enlighten me."

Within a few more moments, the manager was thoroughly convinced of how clueless his vocalist was concerning the recent situation. After a brief explanation, Shuichi's end of the line became suspiciously hushed.

"Oi! Shuichi? Are you alright?"

Unbeknownst to K, the pink-haired boy had long since dropped the phone and rushed back inside to turn on the news.

"For the latest shock in the world of J-pop, it seems that Bad Luck's vocalist has found a new romantic interest! And who better than the legend himself... Sakuma Ryuichi! This shot was taken last night in the midst of one of their rendezvous'. So whatever happened to his former lover, famous novelist..." Unable to listen any longer, Shuichi flicked the power button on the remote.

Tears swelling up in his eyes, the boy shook as his heart silently broke into a million pieces.

Kami-sama... how do I tell Ryuichi? What is he going to say?

And Yuki... what will he think once he sees this? He'll never come back.

What is it that I want? To be with Yuki or to be with Ryuichi?

A warm embrace pulled him out of his misery as his new koi embraced the wretched Shuichi from behind.

"Shu-chan... don't cry. Onegai... you don't need to be sad."

"Ryuichi... you heard." It wasn't a question, just a fact that was asking for a reaction.

"Hai. Does this make you that sad? To have everyone know?"

"I-iie! That's not it! It's just that... I'm so confused. And now that everyone knows, they'll always be harassing you and asking stupid questions about me. I don't want to burden you..." The boy's rambling was cut off abruptly as his lover finally decided to put a stop to the nonsense.

"So you'll say 'so long' and flee?" The pink-haired singer immediately became quiet as the words ricocheted inside his mind until it found a niche where it fell into place.

"Gomen, Ryuichi... I just feel so lost." A sad smile from his lover had the Grasper wishing that he could just take the boy away from all of the conflicts that troubled him.

"I know. I understand... really. I want above all else for you to be happy. And if it makes you unhappy..." Reluctantly, the legendary vocalist understood what the only way out of their problems would be.

"Iie! I didn't mean it like that!" Eyes widening with realization at what his lover was referring to, the younger musician objected desperately to the solution.

"You don't have to pretend, Shuichi. I know that this hurts you... even more than you let on. And I hate seeing you like this." But Ryuichi maintained his persistence, half hoping that the boy would find another way to fix the problem.

"I... I don't want to give this up yet. Not yet. Not when we're just beginning. We weren't even given a chance. It's not fair." The pink-haired singer shook as his emotions overwhelmed his body.

"I know Shuichi, I know." Nothing more was said. The words held neither hope nor cynicism. Only quiet agreement with the truth. There was nothing else to say.

Ryuichi's embrace around his lover tightened possessively as tears burned inside his eyelids. More than anything in the world, he wanted to protect him... this innocent angel whose heart kept on getting broken by the harsh reality of life.

But no matter what life threw at him, Shuichi had never lost his faith in the world. Life didn't hold the power to break this angel. Even at his darkest moments, Bad Luck's rising star never lost his light. And that's what made him the brightest star in the sky.

Because even Ryuichi had lost his shine when darkness became his only company.

Because Ryuichi had once given up on life... and he had been broken before.

There were only a select few who were privy to this knowledge. For if the public had ever found out, Nittle Grasper would have been buried long ago.

And this secret was the reason the legendary Grasper wore a mask.

NG Studios

The family-size bottle of aspirin sitting on top of a certain blond-haired executive's desk was depressingly empty. There wasn't even one left out of the five hundred-count bottle.

How sad.

For this time, Tohma could not save the day.

In the past, the President of NG Corps had always found a solution to any problems that threatened the well being of anyone in his care. But this time, a solution was beyond even him.

Just as it had been when the news of Shuichi's promotion had been released, he had received the news through NG's attorneys. And they were not happy.

The newspapers and magazines sprawled on top of his desk screamed bad publicity

It couldn't be anymore obvious. There it was, blaring on the cover of every tabloid. The infamous photograph that gave a blaringly apparent image to every reader in Japan.

As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, a thousand words and were still being said. Rumors and gossip were flying high and spreading faster than the flu epidemic.

Tohma groaned aloud as the picture causing all the controversy flashed behind his closed eyes. He had memorized every detail so well, he could see it in his sleep.

Now that this piece of new had been fed to the media, they would be drooling for even more.

And that was bad... really bad.

Because some things are better left alone. Things like a past that nearly destroyed Ryuichi.

But it would only be a matter of time before the media dug it up for the world to see. And even Tohma with all his influence and connections could squash this particular threat.

"What more can go wrong?"

The next day

Yuki knew; he had learned of the news almost immediately thanks to the Internet.

He didn't know what to think or say. And he certainly couldn't sort his emotions at that moment. If anything, there was only shock.

No anger, no bitterness, and no jealousy.

He felt... empty. As if all his senses had left him at once. Without his usual attitude of indifference, there was nothing else to hide behind.

It wasn't that the writer didn't care, just that he didn't know if he had a right to.

Because it was your choice in the first place. You were the one that walked away.

I... know.

Is it that big of a surprise that someone else could see Shuichi for what he was really worth? Didn't you know that once you left, that would open the door to others?

Mn.

That's it? You don't have anything more to say?

What can I say? I dropped him and Ryuichi caught him, simple as that.

And you're just going to go along with it?

I... don't know.

What do you mean by that?

Maybe... he's better off. I never loved him the way he deserved to be. This might be better for him.

So you're giving up?

Mn. Not really.

HUH?! What does THAT mean?

I'm still going to finish my business here. I still want to make peace with my past.

And...?

I'll still keep on searching for something that lasts forever. It's not over yet.

NG Studios

Ryuichi had demanded that a press conference be held immediately. Not asked, but ordered. Tohma agreed numbly, unable to think of a reason to refuse.

And so, at 3:00pm, a press conference was held inside the auditorium of NG Studios.

Everyone had been invited and apparently everyone had come. The enormous room that could comfortably hold up to four hundred and fifty people was filled to the brim and overflowing.

At one point, the police had to block the entrance in order to prevent riot and chaos from erupting.

It was 2:58pm, and the one who had called the meeting had yet to make an appearance. There wasn't a trace of either of the vocalist involved in the scandal.

3:00pm... no show.

3:15pm... nothing.

At 3:27pm, Tohma was prepared to cancel the press conference with the help of the local law enforcement. He made his way to the microphone at center stage, expecting the worst from the already irate media.

And that was when Ryuichi finally decided to make his appearance.

"You sure love to make an entrance." Tohma glared as he hissed the reprimand at his fellow Grasper. The God of J-pop merely smirked.

"Yeah, well they wouldn't pay attention to everything I said unless I made it clear that I'm here on my own terms."

"Whatever. Just get this over with, okay?" With a nod, the vocalist took over the stage as Tohma made his way backstage.

A roar of questions filled the air as lights flashed blindingly. As the legend remained silent and impassive, the voices died down after a few minutes.

It became apparent that they weren't going to get any juicy pieces of gossip or sappy declarations of love. This was Ryuichi's show. He was in charge and he would begin the performance when he chose to.

A soft chuckle echoed inside the auditorium, magnified by the microphone.

"So, are you ready to listen to me now?" The voice was like silk over a steel blade. Soft but dangerous.

There was a unanimous agreement among the audience and the quiet continued.

"Good. Everyone is here by invitation. This is my party, understood?" The Grasper smiled in a not-so-nice way.

When it became clear that there wouldn't be any disagreements, Ryuichi continued.

"I understand that this is your job. And it's never bothered me before. But this is where I draw the line." The audience held their breath, awaiting the legendary singer's edict.

"If I said your treatment of Shindou Shuichi was unfair, than everyone would just tell me that life's not fair, ne?

Demo, that's the truth. Simple as that. What you're doing is wrong, and you know it.

We may be celebrities, demo we're still human. And it's about time that you remember that.

The things you say and do... they affect us. And it hurts.

How do you know that everything that you see is the truth? Can you say for sure?

I for one refuse to live my entire life hiding from the media. I shouldn't have to.

And neither should Shuichi. So I'm only going to say this once...

Drop this ridiculous scandal and just walk away."

As the speech ended, the silence dragged on for another moment. Whispers filled the room as each journalist gathered their thoughts and began to make their decisions. One spoke up as they made their choice.

"Alright, Sakuma-san. On behalf of Tokyo Times, we will grant your request." Soon, others spoke up as well.

"Music Culture will do the same."

"Japan International News will follow your wishes."

"Tokyo Courier will not go against you, Sakuma-san."

"Kyoto Gazette as well."

"And J-Pop Live Magazine too."

"If that is what you want, Channel 9 agrees to do the same."

After all was said and done, Ryuichi had his request granted by every respectable source of media, as well as a few gossip tabloids. NG security and the police escorted anyone not agreeing out of the building.

When all the excitement had died down, the remaining journalists waited for the Grasper to either end his statement or continue.

Ryuichi smiled at his victory. He had solved this problem without having to ask for help from anyone, even Tohma.

"Arigato, minna! I truly appreciate your cooperation with me in this matter. As a thank you, I want to sing a song that will only be sung this one time. It's an original piece I wrote a few days ago... demo it will never be released beyond these walls."

Thunderous applause of approval resounded inside the auditorium. Ryuichi bowed to the audience as Tohma and Noriko peeked out from behind the stage curtain.

"Heh... think we should help him out?" Noriko's eyes now sparkled with mischief though just a few moments earlier, they had been dark with apprehension.

"I think he deserves it. He did save the day." Tohma gave his brightest smile as relief wiped away the wrinkles of worry that had been marring the beautiful face.

And with that, stagehands appeared from thin air as equipment was brought forth. The two Graspers made their presence known as Ryuichi turned with a smile of delight.

"I did alright, ne Tohma?" The child inside of the man still wanted his friend's approval.

"Hai, you did just fine."

"Yeah, nicey-nice and all that crap. Get your act together! We don't even have the lyrics or music to play!"

"Ah Nori-chan, I do! Here!" From his jacket pocket, several crumpled papers appeared. A quick once-over and Noriko gave her grudging support.

"Not bad for a baka. When did you learn to write music?"

"Never mind that. Ryu-chan, your fans are waiting for you." Tohma went into his business before pleasure mode bringing the group into full swing.

The stage was set... it was time.

"This is called 'Can't Resist.' This is its first and last debut."

There was no further explanation, but the journalist could feel that this song should be treated with reverence, especially since it would never be heard again. They waited, listened, and were awed.

"Can't resist... I'm weak against this feeling

It's stronger than me, and I'm drowning inside.

I can't resist the temptation to be here

And I know your answer... but I need to try."

This song was different from the start. Not because of the quality, but because of the performance itself.

"Because I'm captivated by your smile

And I'm held prisoner by your eyes.

So I have no choice but to take that gamble

It's my last chance to get it right."

Many, if not all of Nittle Grasper's songs held a touch of melancholy in its lyrics. That in contrast to the energetic and soulful execution through vocals and melody created a magnetic attraction.

"And you can see... but you don't understand

And you can hear... but do you know what I say?

And if I lean closer... will you hear me?

And if I push farther... will you run away?"

This time was no exception. That same attraction was there. But instead of the usual high-energy performance, Ryuichi projected an even deeper and more powerful mood.

"Can't resist... I'm weak against your spell

The fire inside of me won't be contained.

I can't resist when I see your face

I know what I feel... and we're both afraid."

Instead of cheering, there were tears from the audience. This wasn't just a song- it was a story. And on a certain level, everyone could sense the truth behind the words.

"It's dangerous because I can't lie to you

When I look in your eyes and see such truth.

And it's dangerous because I can't hide from you

Even when I try, you only see right through."

Leaning against the rear entrance behind the stage, a boy dressed in sunglasses and a baseball hat listened to his lover's song.

"And it's dangerous for you to trust me

When it's you that I'm longing for.

And it's dangerous for you to stay here

Because I'll end up wanting so much more."

Ryuichi... doushite?

"Can't resist... I'm weak against myself

I don't want to stop feeling this way.

I can't resist reaching out for you

And I have to ask... but what will you say?"

Why did you fall in love with me?

"I know I'm not who you want to be here

I know I'm not who you want to see.

I know you've got what you want down

But I've got to ask- what do you need?"

Gomen, Ryuichi. Demo... I can't pretend that I love you as much as you love me.

"And isn't there a chance the answer's me?

Demo... I will try. If it will keep you smiling.

As the song ended and Nittle Grasper took its final bows, the pink-haired vocalist of Bad Luck left as silently as he had appeared.

New York City, New York

A solemn figure stood beside a lonely grave inside a desolate cemetery. The barely rising sun cast a single faint shadow across the graveyard.

It was unusually cool for May, and a light wind threw the blonde hair into a shape of disarray.

The tall man smiled grimly down at the weatherworn tombstone. It was unkempt from years of neglect.

After all, it belonged to someone who everyone would rather forget.

The dedication had been worn down to the point it was no longer legible. Now only the name could be read.

The blond knelt down to the level of the tombstone and brushed his fingers over the name of the deceased.

He had never done so before... it had seemed blasphemous.

He never felt like he even had a right to come and visit this grave.

But today was different. Something had changed inside the man crouching inside the cemetery. Fear and bitterness and left... and strength had replaced it.

Strength and hope... a gift from the one he loved the most.

No, the only one he truly loved at all.

Because the one rotting beneath the ground he was standing on had never truly been the one he loved. That was different.

Yes, much had changed since the last visit to this grave. Life changes, loves changes, and most of all people change.

That was the gift of being alive... change. And there wasn't anyone who had changed as much as the man beside the tombstone.

He smiled again. It was finally time.

"I'm back, Yuki... and I have so much to tell you, so much to say." The smile faded as he felt nostalgia run through his thoughts.

"And I have something of yours that I want to return. Something I don't need anymore."

TBC...

Phew! That was really hard for me! Gomen for taking so long, but the plot has been getting thicker and more difficult to figure out. As a warning to everyone, I might start updating every two weeks instead of every one. I'm having a tough time trying to put the pieces together... and I also have a timeline to deal with! I never realized that so much time had passed since the beginning... we started out on January 16th and now we're all the way at May 25th. Sugoi! Onegai read and review! I hope you enjoy!