BtVS and AtS drabbles.

All pairings, all characters.

Drabble #1- Losing Heaven

Buffy, Mid season 6.

She wonders when it began, hating herself. Sometimes she wonders why she hates herself. But the answer's obvious, isn't it?

She must have done something terrible to lose heaven. Why else would it have happened?

She can't tell anyone. That at night, she punishes herself. She goes to Spike, because he can help her let it out. The hate, frustration, self degradation.

She wants it, she needs it. She has to have it. She deserves it. But none of her friends notice. By day, she is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. By night, she is the lowest of the low. You always hurt the ones you love, he told her. You also hurt the ones you hate, she thinks. There are two of us that I hurt.

At night, it's like she's not herself. As if she's another person, a completely different person. Because she would never do these things.

But sometimes, when she allows herself to think, she still wonders why.

Drabble #2- Always the Quiet Ones

Spike/Tara, Post Older and Far Away

The smoke fades away into the darkness of his crypt. He sits there quietly, not moving except to blow smoke out of his mouth. He is a predator.

Who can't bite, of course, and who is in love with the slayer. Maybe it's not love, he muses. More like an infatuation. Wanting what he can't have, trying to possess her because of it. It's the other one he noticed tonight. Red's girlfriend, Glinda.

She was subtly mocking him earlier, but none of the others realized except for him. He never would have thought that she had it in her.

Well, there's a lot he doesn't know about her. It's not like he has ever taken the time to get to know her better, has he? It's always been all about Buffy for him.

Maybe he should take time to know the bint better.

Drabble #3- Definitely Not in Love

Cordelia, Post Lover's Walk

God, falling on that nail hurt like hell. It went right through her ribcage like butter. It didn't hurt as much as the other pain though. Seeing Willow and Xander together like that. If Xander cheated on her, she had always thought that it would be Buffy. Willow loved Xander, but Xander didn't love her like that. Besides, Willow had Oz now, right? Wrong.

It's the things you never thought you would care about that always get you down. She didn't love Xander Harris. She couldn't. And she certainly didn't care about him. She wouldn't think about him.

Because it hurt too much. And maybe deep down, if she really wanted to admit it to herself, maybe she loved him a teeny tiny bit. Not that she would admit it to anyone.

Oh, wait. She already told Buffy. She wondered who's side Buffy would take. Probably Willow's. And it's not like Harmony and the other Cordettes would pay attention to her. Hell, she was dumped by Xander Harris of all people.

As of now, she officially had no friends whatsoever. But she would be fine. Because she was Cordelia Chase, head bitch, Queen C. Don't mess with her.

Besides, it's not like she cared that she wasn't friends with the idiotic Scoobies. It's not like she was ever really friends with them.

And she most certainly did not love Xander Harris.

Drabble #4- Seriously, Instattraction?

Cordelia, Post previous drabble (Definitely Not in Love)

She doesn't know why she goes into the library the next morning. Maybe to flaunt her new self. She is wearing maroon leather, red lipstick, and looks fantastic. To be honest, she looks the way she used to before she softened slightly. She sees Giles putting books away in the stacks. He turns around.

Maybe you'd like to come help me with this later, he asks. She smiles. See? She still has one friend.

One condition, she replies. No pity whatsoever allowed. He smiles. Deal, he says. She leaves the library.

She is not feeling relieved, she tells herself sternly. It's not like she wants to be friends with the librarian or any of the other freaks.

She walks into the bright sunshine of the courtyard and sees Willow and Xander laughing at a table. She sighs and turns to go back into the school after seeing Buffy join them. Great, she thinks. Another person to judge me. Then Willow and Xander stop laughing and she turns around.

I can't believe the two of you. How could you hurt Cordy and Oz like that? And what was it, Xander, instattraction? You woke up and liked Willow? God, I seriously don't even want to be around you two. If the man I loved cheated on me, I would be out for some serious blood. Buffy smiles at her and then turns back to Willow and Xander.

Don't call me, she says. I'll call you. She hooks her arm in Cordelia's and walks out of the courtyard with her, leaving Willow and Xander staring in disbelief.

She looks at Buffy in shock. Buffy is chattering about ruining her new shoes on patrol and needing new ones, so they could go shopping later.

Then it hits her. She has a friend.