Xavantina and The Curse of the Black Pearl

Author: Xavantina

Rating: R for now.

Pairings: WT/JS and others…

Summary: Shameless Maeglin Yedi styled Mary Sue. Imagine waking up onboard the Black Pearl.

Disclaimer: Every single pirate, monkey, blacksmith and navy-guy belong to Gore Verbinski, Disney and some other people, I'm sure. Too bad, isn't it?

Warnings: Swearing. Slash. Stuff.

XXX

Chapter Four: Commandeering and Life on the Interceptor

I wonder if it is because Barbossa's boots are slightly too big for me, or because they are just plainly impractical, that they fill up with water like this. I don't get why we have to run around in water to begin with.

"We're gonna steal a ship?"

I give Will's neck a sarcastic look, and turn to admire the Dauntless. She sure is impressive. And a lot bigger then the Black Pearl. I want one of those when I get rich.

"Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship," Jack says, pointing at the Interceptor. He sounds like he's thinking just as I'm thinking. Can Will get any stupider? I give myself a mental slap for thinking about Mr. Hot like that.

I tune out and try to think. What should I do after this? I mean, I'll go with Jack and Will to Tortuga, but that's all I have for now. A part of me starts lecturing me about being good and true. But really I wanna go back to Ragetti and Pintel. And Barbossa. Hell, I'd be happy to get sneered at by Bo'sun. I don't know why. Jack just isn't behaving like I hoped he was going to.

"Good. No worries then." Jack starts trotting on. "Let's make haste, kids."

"No way." I make my way in the opposite direction, heading straight for the Interceptor.

Jack finally shows any reaction to my doings. "You can't do that Missy."

I smirk. He sounds worried that I'll screw up his plan, I guess. "I don't climb, and I'm not going under that boat. I'll see you on the Interceptor." Saluting, turned and marched on. Honestly, how hard can it be to sneak onboard a ship?

XXX

Hard enough, it would seem. Five muskets are pointed at me, their owners each looking pretty angry. So, I'd made my way to the Interceptor without much trouble. And I even managed to sneak onboard. But then came the navy people. "Hi guys," I try hopefully. Maybe they're as stupid as the ones Jack had to deal with. I'll give it a shot, "Mind if I borrow this little boat of yours? I gotta go see a pirate about a necklace his monkey stole from me."

They don't buy it. In fact, one of them calls out for "Commodore!" and I guess that's a bad sign. What had I expected anyway, I'm a woman wearing a pirate outfit and trying to pull a Jack-Sparrow on them.

I snap out of it, when I suddenly come to realise who is coming my way. Another fangirlish moment. (I wonder why Jack and Will didn't make me all giddy? They must be shagging.) What do you know, Norrington is looking all buff. And like that wasn't enough, he has Groves and some other fans following him like little puppy dogs. Or buttmonkeys, depends on how you see it.

"Commodore, this lady tried to sneak onboard the Interceptor." Norrington eyes me up and down. Stops at my chest, and I figure that the shirt is being open again.

"Did she really?" Oh dear, he's using his slightly sarcastic and evil voice. I think I'm melting into a puddle. "Lock her up." The big bad commodore begins walking back to shore, Groves in his tail.

I roll my eyes, and let myself be dragged along. This plan turned out to be shit, if only... I stop abruptly, and twist my head around. Jackpot. "Commodore, your Lieutenant seems to be distressed about something."

Norrington stops, and give me a searching look. I nudge my head backwards, and he pulls out his spyglass. I refrain from giggling at his baffled expression. But he quickly becomes all calm and collected again. "Rash, Turner, too rash. That is without doubt the worst pirate I have ever seen." How I'd wish to be there when Groves goes 'Best pirate I've ever seen'. But I'm in no such luck.

Norrington barks orders around quickly, and like I hoped only a single guard is spared to lock me up again. And as soon as we are around the nearest mountain of different cargo, I flash him and then kick him in the balls. Works like a charm.

Turns out it's a lot easier to sneak onboard a ship when it's leaving. Nobody brothers to even give me a second look, so I calmly install myself in the captain's cabin. It's not Barbossa's but it'll do for two days.

We make it out of the bay pretty quickly, and soon I spot the Dauntless out the window. She's massive this close up. Feeling a little too smug for my own liking I stroll outside on the deck, and watch as each and every single person apart from me jump over on the Dauntless. I wonder if anyone would actually be stupid enough to do that in real life. Ah well, this is a movie after all.

"Howdy boys," I greet cheerfully and tip an imaginary hat at the two heroes as they come swinging. They only stare at me. While Will cuts the robes, I follow Jack to the helm.

"Ya sure is psychic," Jack remarks. Well I'm happy you noticed pal! He turns around and notes that Norrington has become aware of our brilliant (if I should say it myself) commandeering. He shouts with a smile, "Thank you, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way. We'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves."

I duck down as they start shooting at us. Jack is grinning like a madman. I slowly inch away from him. I get up when the shooting stops and looks back at the Dauntless. They're running around like ants, and I guess that they just found out about Jack destroying the wheel or whatever. I smile softly and quote my favourite line in this part of the movie, "That has got to be the best pirate I've ever seen."

Jack smiles broadly at me, obviously flattered. His teeth are better then the other pirate's. That proves that evil has bad teeth, I deduct. So in case I run into anybody and I can't label them good or bad, I'll just have them show me their teeth. Sounds like a plan.

I wonder if Gillette is all right. I ask Jack if he has one of those binoculars. When he stares, I try asking for a spyglass. Bingo. I can't see any people in the water around the Dauntless, but then again this is a very fast ship and we have moved a long way already. Even though the dear Lieutenant is a stuck up tight-ass with no sense of fun, I still can't help but pray he didn't get mashed by the giant ship. Or any of the other ship/boat guys. Because that would really hurt like hell.

Eventually I remember that Gillette appears again. Could have saved me some worry. I wish I could memorise the whole movie, it would make this a whole lot less painful.

So this allows me to focus on the stuff that matters. Like being stuck on a ship with the two sexiest men ever.

XXX

How anybody in the world can't see this, is a mystery to me. Will constantly gives Jack fleeting looks. Jack is just undressing Will with his eyes. And normally I wouldn't mind. But I'm actually feeling pretty left out. Maybe I should have stayed in Port Royal and hooked up with Norrington. At least he would have stared at my cleavage. Unless he's getting it on with Gillette. With my luck these days, he probably is.

The night after we left Port Royal I wake in the middle of the night. Moaning from Will's cabin. Loud. "Oh Jack, yes... Right there." I smirk in the darkness, the slasher in me having a party.

But after 20 minutes of "Oh God Jack!", "Harder! Faster!", "Fuck, Will, you'r so tight" and such it starts to annoy me. I am tired, and apparently Jack and Will both have medals in the art of 'keeping it up' or so to speak. Burying my head in the pillow, I try to block them out, and eventually fall asleep.

XXX

There's no coffee on the Interceptor. Only very little rum, and I'm worried that Jack will find it and drink it all if he notices that I'm drunk. It's terribly hot today. Jack sings worse then Pintel, and he seems totally oblivious to it. Maybe I'd be able to manage if I were drunk.

But all those things pale compared to the worst fact of all. Will practises three hours a day all right. Shirtless. And I swear I'm about to jump off this stupid boat right now. But instead I've decided to sit myself next to Jack, who is at the helm, and enjoy the view. Only watching. Damn it's hard not to drool.

"Nice ass," I comment.

When I turn me head to check Jack's reaction to my remark, Jack grins at me. "Fine indeed." He notes for me to get up, "Take the wheel, love. I 'ave to go tighten the ropes on the foresail."

I have no idea what the hell that is, even though I'm pretty sure Ragetti mentioned it once. Nevertheless I get up and carefully take the wheel. Jack strides down past Will, smacking him on the ass as he walks by. I close my eyes and squeeze the wooden handles on the wheel. Not jealousy anymore, but a desperate want to see them shag. Wonder if Jack would mind?

Will squeaked when Jack smacked him. I take the time to giggle, which earns me a nasty glare from Will. Wonder how someone who can shout and moan (and a lot of other sounds) when shagging, can still manage to be so uptight. "You seem more... tense then you did last night," I say, leaning against the wheel and smiling like the Cheshire cat.

Will frowns and changes his stance to what I label as 'defensive'. "What do you mean?"

He's asking for it. "I mean," I start, deliberately talking way to slow, "That you jump when he gropes you now, but last night you didn't seem to be bothered." When Will looks like he is about to deny, I interrupt in a twisted parody of the young Turner's voice. "Oh yes, Jack, right there! Fuck me harder, Jack! Don't stop! I'm coming! Oh, JACK!"

Will is torn between fleeing and crying, from what I can see. His blushes violently, but then again I'm blushing too. Can't believe I just did that. Will's reaction is making a U-turn. He strides over to me, sword pulled out. Fuck. Major fuck.

"Can't blame the lass for telling the truth. You did get pretty vocal."

Jack! Saved by the pirate who did the shagging. I sigh in relieve as Will sulks but puts his sword down. Jack winks at me, and takes the wheel again. Will goes back to practising, and the two of us watch him in silence for some time. "You shagged his father too, non?"

Jack stares at me wide-eyed, then shifts uncomfortably, "Aye, I did." I guess the dear Captain is beginning to realise that I know more then I let on. In this case however, it was a lucky guess. And very likely, if you ask me.

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I borrow your eyeliner?" I ask, because I know how bad I actually look without make-up. And eyeliner is a must.

Jack looks confused, "Borrow my what?"

Oh yeah, it's probably not called eyeliner. Eh, come on brain, you've read tons of fics, it's has got to be in one of them. "Coal!" I cry triumphantly.

Jack frowns at me, but digs into one of his pockets and pulls out a piece. I accept it with a grateful smile. And realise that I have no mirror. After searching around the entire ship for a shiny surface, and finding nothing but windows that reflect really poorly, I decide to try my luck.

And nearly poke my eye out. Bloody wonderful. I'm so busy cursing and holding a hand to my injured eye, I don't even notice Jack kneeling down beside my, "Easy love," he whispers in a comforting voice. "Let Captain Jack have a look."

I practically freeze, but allow him to pull my hand from my eye. Tears are streaming down steadily, and I sniff as my nose starts running too. Jack is awfully close as he examines my eye. Prick. I'm getting naughty thoughts now, and he's shagging Will.

"Nothing serious," he says, petting my cheek, "Only a bit red."

"Hurts," I mutter. I wonder why he is acting so nice all the sudden. Maybe he has figured that I'm on the verge of breakdown.

Jack picks up the coal piece, "Sit still." Very carefully he applies it under both my eyes, "A lil' Sparrow junior."

I smile at him, and allow myself to be pulled up when he offers. I do notice that Will is glaring at me. He almost looks... jealous? Dearest William, jealous of a girl? I feel like laughing. As far as I can see in the windows that reflect like crap, I'm looking a whole lot more badass now.