Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

A/N: Thank you for all the great reviews. I see there was even one from Sca- I mean, Lieutenant Hess! ;-)


Chapter 4

We'd nearly reached Sick Bay when Malcolm spotted one of his armory team up ahead of us.

"Crewman!" he called out, before I could stop him. The guy ran over and stood smartly to attention. I wonder why I can't get my people to do that?

"Yes, Sir," he said. His name is Watkins, I think.

Malcolm narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. "Crewman. I want you to put a tail on Porthos."

Oh, no! Not beagles again. The poor Crewman looked baffled.

"Sir?"

I eased my way behind Malcolm, and tried to get Watkins' attention by jerking my head back and forth. Watkins' eyes were bouncing from his boss to me and back again, as he tried to figure out what was going on.

"You heard me!" rapped out Malcolm, in his best command voice. "Put a tail on that beagle. I want a full report on his every movement."

Watkins jaw dropped open as he goggled at Malcolm.

I tried to intervene. "Uhh, Malcolm, don't you think that's a little…uhh… extreme." I was shaking my head at Watkins now.

Watkins shook his head in time with mine.

Malcolm spun about to look at me and I tried to project innocence. Then he started laughing. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was all a joke. He was just putting one over on me. I grinned at him.

My grin froze as Malcolm spoke once more. "Haa. Put a tail on Porthos! He's already got one hasn't he? They come with their own built-in tails because they are so damned suspicious. Haa. Well, put another one on him then!"

Watkins was staring at him, not able to make any sense of this at all, not surprisingly.

I said, "You heard the Lieutenant, Crewman. We're just off to - Sick Bay - now, so we'll leave you to it." I gave him a knowing nod.

Watkins face showed a glimmer of understanding. "Uhh, yes… Yes, Sir. I'll get right on it."

"Yes, jump to it," called Malcolm after Watkins as he made his escape. "And watch out for any Andorians!"

"Andorians?" I couldn't help myself. Malcolm may have been deluded, but he sure was inventively deluded!

"Yes, Commander. They're working with the beagles. Don't worry. I've got it all in hand."

"Good. I'm pleased to hear it." I gave Malcolm a little push in the direction of Sick Bay. "Come on, the sooner we get this over with, the better."

"I still don't see why this is necessary, Trip," he grumbled, but he didn't offer any resistance, to my relief.

"Trust me. It is. Ahh, here we are." I've never been so glad to see those doors. We entered the haven of Sick Bay.

I left Malcolm standing just inside the doors while I went to have a discreet word with Phlox, who was off in an alcove.

"Doc. There's something wrong with Malcolm."

"Ahh, Commander. And what seems to be the matter with the Lieutenant?"

"Well, he seems kinda disturbed." I grimaced as I remembered my laughing at those very words earlier on with the Captain. They didn't seem quite as amusing now. "To begin with, I thought he was drunk, but I don't think he is. He's-"

My observations were interrupted by a gale of laughter from Malcolm, who was now poking around Phlox's animal collection. "Trip! You've got to listen to this. What this lizard says is so funny, don't you think?"

"Oh?" I said weakly. "I can't hear it, to tell the truth."

"What is it saying?" asked Phlox, in a tone designed to coax out confidences. He sounded intrigued. I wasn't sure that encouraging Malcolm like this was a smart move. But then, of course, I'd already been exposed to his surreal world. Phlox was still an innocent.

Malcolm giggled. "He says, what do you call a Denobulan doctor?"

No, Malcolm, don't go there…

Phlox clasped his fingers over his stomach. He smiled benevolently. "I don't know, Lieutenant."

Malcolm carried on obliviously, "Doctor Quackers, because they're all quacks!"

Uh oh. I stole a glance at Phlox. His normal jolly demeanor had vanished. "Lieutenant…"

"He doesn't know what he's saying, Doc," I said quickly.

Malcolm said, "Another one! What do you call a Denobulan with eight legs?" He giggled uncontrollably. "A tarantula!"

"I don't understand human humor at times," said Phlox, seeming a little disconcerted.

"Yeah, well, that doesn't exactly count as humor," I assured him.

Malcolm was on a roll. "An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Denobulan go into a bar…"

"Please, Malcolm, please. Be quiet for a moment and come and sit down, huh?" I patted the biobed.

"But I thought you wanted to know what they're all saying?"

"Later. Sit down. That's an order, Lieutenant."

Malcolm sighed, but did as he was told. It was good to discover his respect for my authority - such as it is - was still intact, even if he did believe the Captain to be in league with evil beagles. The various instruments hooked up to the biobed sprung into life. Phlox waved a small hand scanner over Malcolm, who was already starting to fidget.

Phlox studied the results and peered at Malcolm who peered back.

"Doc," I said, pulling Phlox away a little so Malcolm wouldn't hear. "He was shivering a short while ago, but that's stopped now. Like I said, I don't think he's drunk. I wondered if it might be his head injury that's causing this?"

Phlox stared at me and pushed my hand away. "Leave the diagnosis to me, Commander, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, of course. It's just that I've never seen him like this, and I'm worried."

Phlox gave a small smile. "I understand. Well, you are correct - there is no trace of alcohol in his system. His behavior, however, is not consistent with what I would expect from a head injury of this nature. Could he have taken some other stimulant, perhaps?"

What! I scrambled to put the Doc straight on that.

"Uh, no way, Doctor. After all the things they get us acquainted with during training, there's no way any of us would want to mess with that sorta stuff."

"But alcohol is acceptable, hmm?"

I squirmed a bit at that. "Yeah, well, I guess it's more of a known quantity, isn't it? All I'm saying is that Malcolm would not take any type of-"

I didn't get a chance to finish what I was saying, as at that moment, Malcolm decided he'd had enough.

"Right-oh! Is that it then? I'm off!" he announced, and made a determined advance on the doors.

"Lieutenant! We haven't finished!" exclaimed Phlox. "Sit down!"

Malcolm ignored him and got as far as pressing the door button.

I leaped across and blocked the way, quite heroically in my opinion. I could see his cheery mood was dissipating fast. I tried to forget about the time he decked me.

"Commander-" Malcolm frowned at me – possibly figuring me for a beagle sympathizer perhaps?

I swallowed my apprehension. "Lieutenant, sit back down again. That's an order."

I crossed my fingers.

It didn't work.

"You have to let me go! The ship is in danger." Malcolm's voice was cold, implacable – kinda scary.

He tried to stare me down. He flexed his legs. I saw his fingers twitch.

Uh oh! This might mean unarmed combat after all. I tried to remember the 'essential tips' from my last session several months previously. It was all kinda hazy, to be truthful. Something about watching the eyes, or was it the feet… or the hands? If I had been near a plasma relay, I coulda just zapped him with it - the resuscitation equipment was only over the way there, after all - but no such luck. I was on my own.

But then Phlox bustled over. "The ship is in danger?" he echoed, as I frantically shook my head at him. I was grateful for the diversion but a less... threatening... topic might've been better. I dunno, something about the lizard again? It seemed to be an undiscovered comic talent according to our armory officer.

But it was too late. Malcolm went off on another beagle rant, eyes narrowed and spitting out the words. "Yes. Porthos is now under surveillance, but that doesn't mean we can relax. There might well have been others transported aboard whilst I have been wasting my time here."

"Others?" said Phlox, frowning. "Transported aboard?" I don't think he is ever going to understand humans at this rate.

"He means other beagles," I told him helpfully.

"That's right," said Malcolm, crossing his arms. "And the Captain and T'Pol could be involved as well. You see how important it is I return to duty, Doctor?"

Phlox is quick on the uptake, I'll give him that. "Yes. I do indeed. Come, Lieutenant. Let me finish my scans. You need to be in top form to deal with the… umm… beagle menace."

I held my breath. I really did not want to use force with Malcolm in his current state.

Malcolm gravely considered Phlox's words and then gave a curt nod. "You're right, Doctor. They can be cunning little devils." He strode back to the biobed and sat down again.

Phlox and I heaved joint sighs of relief and exchanged pensive looks. How best to deal with the beagle avenger?

Phlox had the answer. "Right, Mister Reed. I believe you were going to tell me what my animals were saying. Why don't you bring me up to date while I finish my scans? It won't take a moment."

Malcolm blinked. "Oh. Okay then, if you want me to do that." He sounded surprised.

"Yes, please. I am sure it will be most fascinating."

I could see Phlox gritting his teeth. Malcolm started in on his commentary.

Phlox muttered to me out the corner of his mouth, "I believe I will be able to handle this. You may go, Commander."

I felt a massive gush of relief, but then equally massive guilt at leaving the Doctor to cope alone. "Are you sure, Phlox?"

"Yes. I hope that with you out of the picture, he will forget about the… uhh... D. O. G. S. and settle down."

Malcolm gave an uncontrolled gust of laughter as he finished his latest 'joke'.

Phlox winced, and added, " 'Settle down' being a relative term, obviously."

"Obviously," I agreed. What Phlox said did make a kind of sense. "I'll be in Engineering. Give me a call if you have a problem. Give me a call when you've finished in any case, will ya, Doc? I'll come collect him."

"Yes, Commander. I will certainly do that."

I left Sick Bay at last, hearing Malcolm's raucous laughter as I made my escape.

Poor, poor Phlox.

x - x - x

Engineering was its usual self. After spending time in the strange world of Malcolm Reed, I had half-expected to find it overrun by beagles.

I stood near the warp core - reassuringly normal - and sighed.

"Commander?"

It was Rostov. He held a set of PADDs, one of which he offered to me. I noticed he was not standing at alert attention and sighed again. How did Malcolm manage to get his people to do that?

"Thanks." I took the PADD and ran my eyes over its contents. The test readings and new settings for the first injector assembly. All hunky dory now. "Yeah, good. Okay - we better get the adjustments done on the other injectors as well."

"Yes, Sir. Here's a program I put together." Rostov handed me another PADD.

I was impressed. This had been done on his own initiative, extrapolating from what we'd done on the first injector assembly. He'd even remembered to include corrections for the positional displacements. "Very good, Crewman, very good. This should do fine. We'll implement it on number two first. I'll be along in a moment. Good work!"

Rostov beamed and set off with purpose. I made a mental note to log his initiative and started going through the engine readouts. I didn't expect there to be a problem my people hadn't already found, but I like to keep a close eye on things. You can often anticipate problems before they get out of hand if you've got a feel for the system.

I hoped Phlox was okay. Perhaps I should have got someone to assist him, or stand guard outside? I bit my lip. Should I tell the Captain? Malcolm was off-duty - sick leave, actually - but if we needed his services, the Captain might call him back on. But then, I didn't know what was the matter with him, and I didn't like to bring it to the Captain's attention until I had a better idea of what was going on. I didn't want to get Malcolm into trouble if I could help it. But the Captain did want to know how I had got on with him…

I realized I had just stepped through all the main engine top-level functions - and had no idea what their status was. Damn! I went back to the beginning and started again, this time forcing myself to pay attention.

I had a horrible vision of Phlox tied to one of his own beds while a deranged Malcolm roamed the corridors in search of Porthos. It was no good - I looked at the chronometer. Surely Phlox should've finished off by now? I decided to call him.

"Sir." It was Rostov again.

"Crewman?"

"Could you sign off these, Sir?"

It was the routine 'paperwork'. "All right. Pass 'em over."

He gave me a PADD at a time. I glanced at each one, authorized it and handed it back, still worrying about what to do with Malcolm. There were so many PADDS! Eventually, we had got through them all. At least that chore was over for a while.

Rostov looked like he was going to bust, he was grinning so broadly. That set my alarm bells ringing. "Wait a minute," I said, stopping him in his tracks. "Let me see those again." I waved him back over.

Reluctantly - which amplified my suspicions - Rostov passed the PADDs back to me, one at a time. The last one was the one. I had apparently authorized immediate shore leave for the entire Engineering Department.

I waved the offending PADD around, to general laughter. "Uh oh. Lucky I found this, otherwise you might find I insist you all take shore leave. I believe we are passing a suitable asteroid field. Enterprise could come back in a couple of weeks and pick you up. Yeah - two weeks in EV suits - nice!"

I couldn't help but join in with the amusement. They're good people.

It raised my spirits anyhow.

"Phlox to Commander Tucker." The nearest comm panel activated. I turned away to answer the hail, still grinning.

"Tucker, here. How is he?"

"Lieutenant Reed is free to return to his quarters."

"I'll be right there."

If Phlox said Malcolm could go back to his quarters, he had to be okay, didn't he? I set off with a spring in my step.

x - x - x

Malcolm was seated on the same biobed when I returned to Sick Bay. He had his arms crossed and a rather grim expression, but was silent. I was thankful I had not got to listen to any more 'jokes'.

"Hi, Malcolm!" I said, still in good humor.

"I want to leave," he said, truculently. "Now."

Uh oh. That put a damper on things. I smiled placatingly at him. "Let me go have a word with Phlox, would ya?"

Malcolm sneered. "Phlox? What does he know?"

"He knows if you're fit to be let loose," I said, spotting Phlox off to one side.

"He said I am, but that I had to wait for you. I don't see why." Malcolm got off the bed and scowled at me. I was beginning to wish we had 'manically cheerful Malcolm' back again. This belligerent version was kinda unnerving.

"Commander!" Phlox said. "Thank you for coming. I think it would be prudent to have someone escort Lieutenant Reed back to his quarters."

"Is he cured, Doc?"

"Cured? I suppose so, but it is a matter of degree. I have administered an antidote and it has already had some effect. I estimate he will be back to normal in a couple of hours."

"Don't you want to keep him here until he's better, for observation?"

"No." Phlox smoothed his hair down with a shaky hand. I noticed the top buttons of his tunic were undone.

"Doc?"

"It has been somewhat… wearing." He gave a small smile. "I would never have guessed my creatures had so much to say, but the Lieutenant has kindly enlightened me… at length."

Ouch. I could only offer a sympathetic grimace. "What was the matter with him? Was it an allergic reaction?"

"I'm afraid I cannot discuss the particulars with you, Commander. You were correct, however. There was no deliberate intent on Mister Reed's part to get into that state."

That was reassuring. I was pretty certain I had been right about that, but it was good to have it confirmed.

I said, "Is he… uhh… 'safe'?"

"'Safe'?"

I looked at Phlox's black eye, now purpling quite magnificently. "What I mean is, is he likely to want to 'save the ship'?"

"Ahh. You mean, is he still delusional? No… well, only to a very small degree. Insufficient to keep him in Sick Bay."

"Good."

Malcolm was watching us and tapping an impatient foot. "Well? Finished talking about me then, huh?"

I turned to Phlox again. "Are you sure he's okay to leave? He still seems kinda… off."

"Yes. Quite sure." Phlox was adamant. "Please take him."

I shrugged. "You're the expert, Doc. Okay. Lieutenant - let's go."

Malcolm growled, "At last. I don't know why we have this quack, Commander. He's got all the medical brains of an amoeba. No - less than that."

"Malcolm!" I was appalled. "Doc…"

Phlox gave a thin-lipped smile. "It is quite all right, Commander. The Lieutenant has already been most forthcoming about my perceived shortcomings."

"What? Look, Phlox, he doesn't mean it. I'm sure he doesn't."

"Yes, I do," supplied Malcolm. "Otherwise I wouldn't say so, would I, Commander?"

I shook my head. I had to get him out of there, although it seemed the damage was already done.

"Do you want to see him again, Doc?"

"No, no. There's no need for that," said Phlox, with evident relief.

"I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Doctor, won't I?" said Malcolm, a slight curl to his lip. "Nine hundred hours, sharp. In the Armory." He closed his hands into tight fists.

I saw Phlox swallow. The poor man. I felt for him, but now was not the time to get into that. Especially if it reminded Malcolm of his suggestion that I needed a workout too.

"Come on, Lieutenant," I said, deciding to keep Malcolm in check with formality. "Time to go home."

Malcolm gave Phlox a final scowl and stalked out of Sick Bay.

Phlox called after me, "Commander! I almost forgot. Could you bring me the lozenges Mister Reed has promised me?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, scooting off to catch up with Malcolm.

As I drew level with him, he said, "I did mean what I said about Phlox, Commander. He just wants to experiment on us, not cure us."

"No, I'm sure that isn't true," I said, soothingly.

"It is," he insisted. "He likes inflicting pain on me."

Hmm, I wonder why?

We walked on in silence. That was quite a relief after his rambling chatter previously.

x - x - x

We hadn't got far to go to reach Malcolm's quarters, when I saw an unwelcome sight coming toward us - the Captain and - horrifyingly - Porthos. Malcolm hadn't mentioned beagles since I collected him from Sick Bay. I wasn't sure how he would react with a tangible example of the menace in front of him. Had he recovered from his delusion?

"Gentlemen," said the Captain with an easy smile.

"Captain," I said, crossing my fingers.

Malcolm gulped and managed a "Sir." His eyes were fixed on Porthos, who was gazing back at him adoringly and wagging his tail.

The Captain noticed Malcolm's stare and laughed. "I took a quick lunch so I could fit in an extra walk with Porthos. He likes to get about the ship."

Uh oh. I looked at Malcolm. His face had turned to granite. "That's nice, Sir," he said, in a tone which meant anything but. The fingers of his right hand twitched near where the butt of his phase pistol would normally be.

The Captain apparently didn't notice Malcolm's uneasiness. He gave us a genial nod and carried on his way, calling Porthos to follow him.

Porthos took a step toward Malcolm, who shrunk back, and then happily bounded after his master.

"Okay, Malcolm?" I asked, in what I hoped was a steadying voice.

He stared after Porthos. "Thank God he wasn't armed," he breathed.

Malcolm was slightly flushed and I was having real doubts about him returning to his quarters. He certainly wasn't behaving normally. On the other hand, Sick Bay didn't seem an appropriate option either. Phlox didn't deserve it.

"Well, he's out of the way now." I tried to ease Malcolm's anxieties.

"Wait a minute! Where's Watkins?"

"Watkins?"

"He's supposed to be tailing Porthos. Where the hell is he?"

Uhh. If he'd got any sense he'd be lying low and hoping he had dreamed it all. I said, "Perhaps he's using the cameras - less likely to be spotted like that." I was pleased with my quick thinking.

It didn't work.

"He better not be! He should know the difference between tailing a suspect and remote surveillance. He's just bloody lazy!"

I didn't know what to say. As it happened, I didn't have to find another excuse for the luckless Watkins, because just then he rounded the corner ahead of us.

"Sirs," he said, as he reached us.

"You let him get too far ahead, Crewman," snapped Malcolm.

"Sorry, Sir. I've got all his movements and contacts listed, though." Watkins waved a PADD in the air.

"Very good. Add myself and Commander Tucker, will you, and hurry up. There's no saying who he might be with now!"

"Yes, Sir!" said Watkins, and sped off.

I looked after him open-mouthed. "I don't believe it," I said feebly.

"Neither do I! That's bordering on incompetence."

I shook my head and began to wonder if perhaps I was the one suffering from delusions.


TBC