Last Three Pages, Part II: His Agony
by Archangel

"Where's Kaede?"

No one answered… not a single soul dared to answer that question.

Not a single soul even looked upon his face.

No one was brave enough… even Sendoh Akira himself.

"Where's Rukawa… Kaede?" He asked again.

Silence answered him, then there were tears. His tears, slowly trickling down.

"Where's Kaede? Onegai."

Sendoh Akira stood up from the bed and eyed eleven others who, to him, were deemed useless yet equally depressed. Each of the eleven souls of Sakuragi, Mitsui, Ryota, Akagi, Kogure, Ayako, Haruko, Koshino, Uozumi, Hikoichi and Anzai-sensei… all worthless.

Yet amidst all living souls, one is dying. Sendoh Akira.

Amidst all living souls, eleven equally useless… equally depressed. One soul is beyond sadness. Sendoh Akira was beyond sorrow. He was dying in agony.

Tears flowed, he wept painfully as he held on to the bed's railing for support. Again, he eyed each and every soul standing in the cursed room, "Onegai," he begged "Where's Kaede?"

Still silence, despite the audible cries of Haruko and Ayako.

Silence still, despite Mitsui hitting his fist hard on the wall.

Silence still, despite Sakuragi exiting the room banging the door violently as he left.

Silence still, as Sendoh fell on his knees and begged everyone to tell where Rukawa Kaede is.

Still, no one answered… not a single soul dared to answer that question.

Still, not a single soul even looked upon his face.

And no one was brave enough… even Sendoh Akira himself.

"Onegai… onegai. Tell me where Rukawa Kaede is."

Sendoh wept. Tears rushed down his tormented pair of blue eyes. His fist hard on the floor aching for release.

Yet nothing could be more painful.

Nothing can be more painful that this.

Footsteps moved towards the bleeding man and in the midst of his agony, one shattered soul heeded to his call, "Sendoh-kun," it was Anzai-sensei. "Can you promise me one thing?" He asked.

Sendoh was left no choice but to nod back in agreement, though in reality he actually understood nothing of was going on around him. "What promise?"

"Live." The white-haired man replied. "Live for Kaede. Can you do that, Sendoh-kun?"

It took some time before Sendoh digested the gravity of Anzai's words. 'Living' is such a strong word. And he doesn't even have any concrete idea of how alive he was at the moment.

Questions linger, how can he live without Rukawa Kaede? How can he live when all he feels is death? But for what it's worth…

"For what it's worth," Sendoh said, "I will live for Kaede."

He said those words with conviction, yes. But he said them without calculating the consequences. He said those words with courage, but in truth he only meant half of them. He said he'll live for Kaede… he gave his word, he promised.

But he never really knew if he can do that. In fact, he knew he can't do that if it only meant Kaede's dea…

No. He won't think about that. Kaede is doing fine.

Kaede is alright.

"Are you ready, Sendoh-kun?"

Kaede is perfectly okay.

"Yes."

Kaede is…

Anzai opened the door to what seems to be Rukawa Kaede's hospital room.

Kaede is… sleeping.

Sendoh ran past Anzai-sensei and hurriedly held Rukawa in his arms, crying miserably.

"You scared me, Kae-chan."

Rukawa was still sleeping.

Seconds past, minutes gone by… still sleeping, no movement.

"Oi, wake up. You're not acting dead are you?"

Sendoh shook Rukawa lightly, desperate to wake him up. He looked at the people around him, questioning.

Kaede is…

Eyes stared back cheerlessly. Cries heard at a distance.

"What's the matter?" Sendoh asked.

"He's in coma, Sendoh-kun." Anzai answered. "No one knows when he'll wake up."

Kaede is… sleeping.

/Kaede is alright, isn't he/

/Kaede looks just fine, doesn't he/

Sendoh continued to wake Rukawa, shaking vigorously this time. /Wake up, Kaede…/

"Sendoh-san…"

It would've been better if Kaede woke up and punched him hard on the face.

"Sendoh stop!" Akagi ordered as he pulled Sendoh away from Rukawa's lifeless form. "Get a grip, Sendoh!"

It would have been better if Kaede woke up and yelled at him and tell him that he's such an asshole for waking him up.

"Stop it, Sendoh!"

And it would have been better if he woke up hating him so much for disturbing his sleep.

"Onegai… Sendoh-san! Yamete!"

Tears… there were a lot of tears. Sendoh Akira stopped his violent actions as he lost all his energy battling with Akagi, Mitsui and Ryota. He lost all his energy struggling against Uozumi, Koshino and Hikoichi just to get to hold Rukawa…

"Sendoh…"

Sendoh Akira never knew he could cry so much. And for the first time in his life, he cried so hard. So hard, that it tore him apart.

Everyone was silent, except for Sendoh Akira who continued to cry.

/Live for Kaede…/

The room was eaten by pure silence, only to be disturbed by the agony of Sendoh Akira's painful screams.

He knew he can't live if it only meant Rukawa's death. And he knew full well that right now Rukawa was a little short of death itself.

/Live for Kaede…/

No one really knew if he can do that.

x- x - x- x

January 24, 2005. 9:30 AM.

"Oi, Kaede. Wake up." Sendoh gently tapped Rukawa's shoulders. It's been more than a month since Rukawa Kaede caught a terrible accident. And it's been more than a month since Sendoh Akira had lived in denial and pain. "It's Monday now, let's play a game! You didn't meet me up last night, and the night before. Actually, you never came to our court since November of last year. And you still don't want to play basketball?"

It's been more than a month since Sendoh Akira had been living with the guilt of Rukawa's accident. And it's been more than a month that he'd been trying to wake Rukawa Kaede up. "Hey, wake up!"

"Damn you, Sendoh. He won't wake up!" Sakuragi Hanamichi who happens to be in the same room yelled. He had been a witness to the miserable life Sendoh had been living since that fateful day. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was hurting to see both of his archenemies in pain. It could've been victory for him with destiny hitting two birds with one stone but he wasn't. Amidst the labels of enemies, deep inside he knew they were his friends. He hated seeing his friends in so much pain. And deep inside him he missed Rukawa's cold kitsune eyes and Sendoh's smiling ones. Because both were gone, more than a month ago.

Sendoh placed his palms in Rukawa's ears, "Hey don't mind Sakuragi. Don't listen to him. He's stupid, do'aho." Then he leaned towards Rukawa and whispered, "Go tell him he's a do'aho, com'on Kae-chan."

Sensing that Rukawa won't wake up to answer him, he buried his head on the mattress, tears flowing once again. Crying was never new to him anymore nor to any of his friends. He did it everyday, for more than a month now. Crying became a routine, but the pain that came along with it gets stronger for some reason no one really knew about.

Crying became a routine that Sakuragi just had to snap. "Damn it! Why don't you just accept it, huh?" he said. "You promised you'll live for Kaede, what the hell do you think you're doing now!"

"Don't listen, Kaede." Sendoh said as he pressed his palms harder at Rukawa's ears. "Don't listen. It's not true. You're just sleeping, right? You'll wake up later and punch me, like this…" Sendoh grabbed Rukawa's hands and balled them up to a fist and directed it straight to his face, "Not much strength, punch me harder, Kaede. Then you can punch Sakuragi too, com'on. Harder, Kaede."

"Goodness! You're not helping yourself nor anybody! You get out of the room, Sendoh!" Sakuragi yelled as he pulled Sendoh towards the door. Sendoh fought back pinning Sakuragi to the wall, "Get out?" He sarcastically asked. "The one who should be going out is you, Sakuragi! Kaede hates you, you hear? You're do'aho, Sakuragi… Do'… aho…" Sendoh said faltering at the end of his sentence. Once again, he wept painfully after releasing a half-stunned Sakuragi who was left without words at Sendoh's impulsive actions. "Do'aho… Sakuragi…"

Sendoh leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down to his feet, along with his agonizing cry, torn apart by excruciating pain. "Why?" He asked, "Why is it that I feel that I'm the only one who wants Kaede to wake up? Why is it that you're not doing anything to open his eyes, huh? Had you lost all hope?"

Sakuragi was about to snap out a sarcastic answer, but Haruko who stood beside him stopped his untimely assault. "I know, I'm not Rukawa's boyfriend." Sendoh continued, "I know I'm just his best friend. And I know I love him more than what my role calls for, can't you just leave me alone and do all these for Kaede?"

"Is it so wrong to dream that he'll wake up everyday and play basketball again? What is so wrong of wanting to see him open his eyes again? What is wrong in living in denial, Sakuragi?" Sendoh asked as he tried to dig out some answers from the red-haired man. It took some time before the latter could give out an answer, so Sendoh continued his train of thoughts. "You haven't felt half of what I felt, Sakuragi. You haven't gone through half of what I've gone through. You know nothing, so you can't tell me to stop what I'm doing. You can't tell me to snap the hell out – "

"Well, snap the hell out of it, Sendoh." Sakuragi retorted back. "You said, I haven't felt half of what you felt losing the one you loved so much? You said I haven't gone through half of what you've gone through with your pain? I lost my father because I was an asshole and he wasn't in coma… he died. He's dead. I love my father, yes, believe it or not. And you dare say I haven't felt half of what you felt and I haven't gone half past of what you've been through?" Sakuragi's fist went past the room table, much to Haruko's surprise. "You're the one who hasn't felt and gone through what I've felt and gone. I've graduated from the agony of losing the one I love by my own stupid mistakes."

"Sakuragi-kun…" Haruko called as he held Sakuragi's hand silently asking him to calm down. Sakuragi complied, he took a deep breath before continuing, "Now, don't I have all the right to stop you? And how much do you think Rukawa would love to see you in so much pain, huh? Haven't you realized that, Sendoh?"

The conflict ended. The fight subsided. In the end, Rukawa never woke up. Sendoh continued to cry, tightly holding his hand. So much was said, yet little was realized, for the pain remained. The pain got stronger each passing day that Rukawa spent in coma.

Everyday, Sendoh cried… for three years more.

And everyday, Sakuragi snapped… for three years more.

Crying became a cycle. So was Sakuragi's lecture. Soon, Sendoh was half-healed, half-living in denial. He coped up, much thanks to Sakuragi and Koshino who looked out for him every time he wanted to die and every time he attempted to starve himself to death. Sendoh Akira was not supposed to be this weak, but then he was. He wasn't supposed to be this fragile, but then he was. He was half-strong, half-weak, a development at that. Because never in his wildest dreams did he thought that something like this could happen. He lived a miserable life of guilt, for another three years.

"Hey Kaede, guess what? I bought us dinner tonight." Sendoh said as he gently unwrapped his dinner on the hospital table. "What else do I have but fish, right? Steamed this time, last night was fried. You remembered that did you?"

Sendoh managed to enter college but not after quitting the basketball team several times. He wouldn't want to miss visiting hours and thought of giving up his co-curricular activities to fit in to hospital rules. He skipped practice, missed classes… a total wreck at that. "I skipped practice today again, the coach won't forgive me this time, I know."

He became weak. He became fragile. A total wreck all because of one man, all because of Rukawa Kaede. Yet he was not to be blamed. Nor was anyone. "But I've been practicing the whole day and I'll be missing visiting hours if I extended practice. You know I won't miss visiting hours, right?"

"Say what, tomorrow when you wake up, you give me a call right ahead, okay?" That was for three whole years.

"I'll fetch you here and we'll be playing basketball, okay?" All that for three long years.

It's been three years, and Sendoh still loves Rukawa Kaede. "I'll skip practice anytime just for you!"

It's been three years, and Rukawa was still sleeping.

It's been three years, and Sendoh Akira still lived in denial, though in one way or another he had accepted the fact that Rukawa was still taking his time… and he should accept the fact that he needed to study. Accepted the fact that he also needed to eat, sleep… and live for Kaede.

And it's been three years, Sendoh never got tired to wake Kaede up.

"Kaede, com'on let's eat." Sendoh said as held up his chopsticks and readied himself to eating his dinner. "Itadaki…"

And it's been three years for Rukawa Kaede to realize that he also needed to wake up.

"Ummm…" Slowly, Rukawa Kaede's eyes fluttered and shattered pieces of glass echoed the room as Sendoh Akira hurried for the intercom. "Anou… Rukawa Kaede…" He started, flustered and panicked. "Rukawa Kaede… sensei!"

And it's been three years since Rukawa Kaede last opened his eyes. "Rukawa Kaede just… woke up!"

And it's been three years since those eyes stared at his.

x- x - x- x

"Kaede, I'm Doctor Yamamura. Do you know where you are right now?" Sensei Yamamura asked as he did his routine 'orientation to spheres'. Sendoh, who stood a few feet away from Rukawa, listened intently. His friends also came once they heard from Sendoh that Rukawa was awake. Everyone was present, everyone was silent, yet the smiles of welcome and relief plastered on their excited faces.

Sendoh Akira, on the other hand, was ecstatic, no… in fact, he was beyond ecstatic it was crazy. And for some reason, he still cannot believe what he saw when Rukawa first opened his eyes. For some reason, he was still feeling a bit shaky. He smiled at the thought of it, /I was so alert that my adrenalin rush was so intense, it's funny./

"Kaede," the doctor called. "I'm Doctor Yamamura, where are you? Do you know where you are?" he asked again. And all of a sudden, all of their friends felt a little strange about the situation – Rukawa seems to be confused. Sendoh felt his heart pounding so hard. Despite the elation, he somehow felt that something was wrong – Rukawa wasn't answering. The doctor need not repeat such an easy question.

"Kaede, please answer the question." Kogure said as he held Mitsui's hand for support. The others nodded. Sendoh merely stared. "Come on, Kaede." Mitsui added, "Tell us where you are right now."

"Ka…ede…?" Rukawa spoke a little too hesitantly as if his name was foreign to him. He looked at each and everyone present in the room with perplexed eyes, questioning fervently. The others were silent, waiting for him to answer. Sendoh was shocked, he was certain about one thing – something is definitely wrong.

"Go on, Kaede." Sendoh said, fright and impatience evident in his voice. "Go on, what's the matter, Kaede?"

Rukawa Kaede looked at him with the same look of uncertainty. "Kaede…" he said, "Is that… my name?"

Everyone was silent, all were at a loss of words. Sendoh Akira was taken aback, stolen from euphoria to another blast of anguish. He stared at Rukawa Kaede with blank eyes, he was now beyond barriers of shock and disbelief.

"Where… where am I? I don't know where I am."

It's been three years… and Rukawa Kaede doesn't know anything.

TBC

March 12-14, 2005
11:58 PM

Post-fic Notes: Reviews are most welcomed.