Chapter Four: Raven's Dilemma

When the Titans reached the tower, Raven was the last one inside. Without a word, she grabbed her small treasure from the bag and headed toward the roof. She had a lot on her mind, and since yesterday's confession, she hadn't had much time to think.

When she got to the roof, she looked over at the shining waves, then off toward the city. For the first time in a long time, she truly noticed the beauty of her world. She sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. For a while, she simply sat there, not doing or thinking anything.

I know that I'm doing well, so why do I not feel so? Shouldn't I feel happy at my accomplishment? Raven felt lost and confused. Why didn't she feel as great as she thought she would be to give her life to the Lord? Here I am. Can't you give me a sign? A hint? Anything at all?

Raven's eyes closed, and she tried to put her mind at ease. She put all the verses she could remember into her mind. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want…I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me… Those who become Christians become new persons…

The verses were imprinted in her mind from her readings. She tried to read a little each night, but sometimes came home from a battle too exhausted to even lift the heavy volume. Surely God understood that. Her intentions were good. She fought to save citizens and to prevent evil.

Raven looked down at the bag she still had beside her. Lifting it up, she overturned it onto her hand. The shining cross glittered in the sunlight, and she smiled, but only for a moment. Straightening her back, she removed her cloak to put it around her neck, then she quickly replaced it. Sighing, she lay back to gaze at the clouds.

If this is the way God wants my life to be, then so be it. If not, there's still the rest of my life to find why I'm here. I have these powers for a reason. Nothing is without purpose. She sat up. By this time, the sun was beginning to sink down over the large expanse of water. It was simply beautiful; even Raven had to admit that.

Raven heard a noise behind her and stiffened. She didn't want to talk to anyone, but didn't want to shut anyone out anymore, either. She turned to see Beast Boy standing, looking at her. Standing, she turned to face him.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Raven, since when have you been a Christian?" he asked. Personally, Raven was glad he had simply gotten to the point.

"Not very long, but long enough to know what's right and what's wrong, and to know what God expects in my life." She paused, looking at him intently. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's because I kind of… don't know whether or not I really believe in God. I want to, but… I can't really explain it. So I was wondering if maybe, if you wanted to, you'd tell me about the Bible a little. Not really what you're doing with Star, just a basic summery of everything in there."

Honestly, Raven was slightly surprised that Beast Boy knew enough words to keep speaking for so long. Brushing away this thought, she smiled slightly.

"Things take time, Beast Boy. It took me a long time to gain a true faith. Starfire believes almost everything, and Robin probably had some kind of spirituality to him before any of this began. Cyborg, well, I may never know about him. But there's a difference in belief and faith. Believing is acceptance; faith leads to action." Beast Boy looked at her, knowing that she was probably right. But how did you explain thousands of years of learning in a 'brief' summery?

For a moment or so, Raven thought. Then, an idea came to her.

"Beast Boy, why don't you try coming to church with me? Any questions you have could go to the pastor. I'm sure he'd be glad to assist you.

Beast Boy considered, then he smiled at her. "Sounds cool. So, do I have to get all dressed up or anything?" he obviously was uncomfortable about the idea.

"No, you just need to look presentable. God doesn't care how you look."

The two teens stood a moment more, and then headed inside. The others were already preparing dinner, and had undoubtedly 'forgotten' to start tofu for Beast Boy.