Assigned Seats

Author: Siren of Hell (occasionally my friend Jane)

Rating: This is R for bad, bad words. Please don't read if you're not old enough!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. HP belongs to JKRowling and some publishing company, BtVS belongs to Joss Wheldon and some other really rich TV people, and Mutant Enimy and Fox and many, many more. Simpsons(which is mentioned in passing) belongs to Matt Grogien and I think that's it..

Summary: Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. Hogwarts has a new DADA professor, she's not exactly conventional... and what's more! She's determined to make a couple of her students realise something about themselves.

Timeline: Three years after s7 of Buffy, and 6th year for HP and gang.

Spoilers: HP-up to Order of the Phoenix, Btvs – up to s7, Ats – up to first/second episode of s5

Pairings: HP/DM, BS/A(us), and probably RW/HeG and WR/SS

*Warning* Slash

Dedication: To Janey, my inspiration and all that...

Author's Note : For the purpose of this fic Angel and Spike do love each other (In a violent love hate kinda way). Not very much romantically but in a familyish way, but with some bits of romance. What can I say, they come from a fucked up family.

Chapter 2. The Travesties of Teenage Life

Oh yeah, Draco thought. She was bloody bonkers! Beyond Bonkers! She should be strapped to a bed in St. Mungo's! And she was still giggling.

"Ahhhhhh," Malfoy screamed in a rage, while trying to yank Harry's arm out of his arm pit, well that or break the chain that bound them together, but given Malfoy's record Harry thought that the first was more likely. "That won't do a thing you know!" She said in her annoying American accent between bouts of giggles. "That's it, we're going to see Snape! He should be able to fix this!"

Sometimes Malfoy really was an idiot, Snape was a potions professor, besides Snape was away still away on an errand as far as he knew, they'd have better luck going to Flitwick, but he doubted that would work either. He had a sneaking suspicion that Professor Summers was the only one able to break this chain and end their punishment.

Harry sighed.

"What exactly do we have to do to get you to remove the chain?" he asked as calmly as was humanly possible with Malfoy trying to drag him into the hall.

"Hmm, go half an hour without fighting and I may lengthen it a little," Professor Summers replied, mischief shining in hr eyes.

"This is ridiculous," Harry said, fed up with the giggling American, "Shut up you git, Snape's not here, we'll go to Dumbledoor. He has to be able to reverse this!"

Harry then proceeded to drag Malfoy from the classroom.

Professor Summers just continued to giggle.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yes, I see." Dumbledore murmured, more to himself than the two pupils standing before his desk, "Well this is a serious matter indeed!"

Dumbledore stood back and paced around the boys, fingers running through his beard in a considering manner. "I guess you boys will just have to try and stop fighting then won't you?" Dumbledore continued, a teasing tone in his voice.

"WHAT!?!" screamed Draco, "You can't expect us to stay like this!"

"Sorry boys, but the Law says that there is nothing wrong with unusual punishments, unless they include the ones that were recently banned, and this one wasn't, given that it's probably never been used to punish school children before," Dumbledore drifted off.

"I knew it was a good idea to hire her, Americans, always thinking outside the square."

He chuckled.

"Well you two better get back to class before Professor Summers gives you a detention," Dumbledore teased, before resuming the reading that the two bound boys had interrupted when they'd burst into his office.

"Are you saying that you're going to do absolutely nothing," Harry said, only slightly more calmly than Malfoy.

"Well my dear boy," Dumbledoor looked up from his book, "it is up to the teachers to punish you as they see fit. I have no control over it, I'm terribly sorry, but you're stuck like this until Professor Summers decides to release you."

"But what about sleeping?" Harry whined plaintively.

"Well for that I must suggest that you sort through you're differences quickly. Now boys, I have a lot of work to do. If you would ever so kindly return to your classes."

Harry and Draco left the office, both feeling defeated.

Draco looked at Harry.

"Well, we're screwed!"

To be Continued... Please Feedback!