Assigned Seats

Author: Siren of Hell (occasionally my friend Jane)

Rating: This is R for bad, bad words. Please don't read if you're not old enough!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. HP belongs to JKRowling and some publishing company, BtVS belongs to Joss Wheldon and some other really rich TV people, and Mutant Enimy and Fox and many, many more. Simpsons(which is mentioned in passing) belongs to Matt Grogien and I think that's it..

Summary: Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. Hogwarts has a new DADA professor, she's not exactly conventional... and what's more! She's determined to make a couple of her students realise something about themselves.

Timeline: Three years after s7 of Buffy, and 6th year for HP and gang.

Spoilers: HP-up to Order of the Phoenix, Btvs – up to s7, Ats – up to first/second episode of s5

Pairings: HP/DM, BS/A(us), and probably RW/HeG and WR/SS

*Warning* Slash

Dedication: To Janey, my inspiration and all that...

Author's Note : For the purpose of this fic Angel and Spike do love each other (In a violent love hate kinda way). Not very much romantically but in a familyish way, but with some bits of romance. What can I say, they come from a fucked up family.

Chapter 3 (by Janey ^.^) He's ALIVE!?!

"It has been seen to." Dumbledore looked into the deep orb-like eyes of the man speaking. Severus Snape, reformed Deatheater now fighting for the Good of the wizarding world, had just returned from his little 'errand'. The purpose of said errand having been to garner as much information about the supposed whereabouts of one Lucius Malfoy. Raising one particularly fuzzy white eyebrow, Dumbledore asked, "And...?"

Snape cleared his throat in apparent annoyance..."He is gone, and the place of which we had been informed he was hiding seems to have been... incorrect." "Ahhh, I see, a wild-goose chase, I presume. How unfortunate. Please Severus, if you would be so kind as to speak with Mr. Malfoy about this matter. I am certain he would like to know about this incident, especially as it concerns him specifically."

"As you wish, Headmaster," Snape turned, and with a billow of his black robes left Dumbledore's office.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ms. Summers was trying, with all her might, which in this case was a substantial degree of will power, not to laugh. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had, quite obviously, one of the most blantently sexual attractions that she had seen in all her days. As young as she may be, she had seen some pretty hot stuff, be it by way of love, life, and pure sex. Of course the subjects of her amusement didn't appear as cheerful about the fact as she. They were pretending to hate each other. That or, she assumed, they really were ignorant of their feelings, and had mistakenly thought that the powerful force drawing them towards each other was somehow malicious in intent. Thus the "Hating". Looking at the two of them, she couldn't help but think how bloody gorgeous they both were. Polar opposites perhaps? Harry with his russled dark hair and deep sorrowful gaze of emerald, and Draco with his effulgent shall we make this a word challenge Bec? i've used a couple ^.^ silver halo of locks, and those mysterious pale grey eyes. They looked to be about the same height. Six foot or so, give or take an inch between them. Standing shoulder to shoulder, as they were now, bound at the wrists, who could possibly not think about them going for it... even though both seemed to have been giving her daggers with their eyes...

*SLAM*

The attention of all three of them was drawn to the doorway...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry groaned. For once in his life couldn't he possibly get through a single day without a situation occuring in which he wouldn't be humiliated by?! Harry was basically hoping once again that he could apparate... or possibly just melt into the floor or... something! Not to mention the fact the he was STUCK to BLOODY MALFOY!!! Could life be any worse? He immediately squished that thought, knowing that thinking such things tended to bring them into the realm of reality. The brave Griffondor simply closed his eyes, thinking that this could sooo possibly kill him. Metaphorically, of course.

Harry's eyes suddenly snapped open with the realization that both he and Malfoy were now airbourne. They both shrieked their dismay before tumbling into an ungainly heap behind the desks in the DADA classroom. Trying to figure out what in hell had just happened, Harry thought he should probably make sure Professor Summers was alright. Yanking his arm hard, Harry pulled himself and Malfoy into a position where nothing obscured their eyesight.

Harry gaped. He couldn't help it, his DADA Professor had just somersaulted over her own desk at the front of the classroom, grabbed her wand from out of one of the desk drawers and lunged at the unsuspecting Snape. Harry was impressed. Greatly so, at that! But quickly his admiration turned to confusion... Why didn't she just blast him with her wand instead of preparing as though she was going to attack him physically with it.

Snape screamed on impact. Like a girl, Harry thought in wonderment, and later undoubtedly with indescribable relish. The new DADA professor, as little as she was, had Snape pinned to the wall, with her wand aimed directly at his chest as if she wanted to make a Snape shishkabab. Talk about point blank range. Harry looked at her face, and noticed she looked extremely confused.

"Y-you're ALIVE?!", she blurted with an incredulous expression gracing her petite features. Harry found that rather amusing, and voiced his opinion with a startled cackle. Malfoy seemed somewhat more offended upon the assumption that his Head of House was a corpse. But that was nothing compared to Snape's reaction...

"AND WHY IN BLOODY HELL WOULD I BE ANYTHING *BUT* ALIVE?!" Snape looked livid. Not like she insulted his manhood or anything, Harry thought to himself.

"Bu-bu-but my Spider-Sense was tingling..." Ms. Summers was now looking rather aggitated herself. Snape's vein stopped twitching as the expression "Are you crazy, woman?" stole over his facial features. Harry raised an eyebrow, recognising the reference to Spiderman. While Malfoy just frowned as if trying to figure out how to say a particularly nasty plant name.

"Your what?" Snape finally seemed to have lost most of his outrage, and had instead taken to being quietly furious. "Umm... my Spider Sense?" All she got for her efforts on the dim-witted Slimeball was another blank look, Harry mused.

"Perhaps I should rephrase that young lady. Who are you, what are you doing attacking a teacher, and why aren't the three of you in your classes?"

It was Professor Summers' turn to look bemused, "Um, well. I'm Professor Summers." Shocked was a good way to describe Snape's face. Catatonic being slightly more specific.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"I SAID "I'M PROFESSOR SUMMERS", ARE YOU DEAF OR HAS ALL THAT SLIME IN YOUR HAIR DRIPPED INTO YOUR EARS TO MAKE EXCESS EARWAX?! AND HOW DARE YOU SCREAM AT ME!" "HOW DARE *YOU* SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY, YOU LITTLE"...

Harry simply wondered what Snape had been about to call Ms. Summers. He also guessed he'd never know considering she had pretty much just bludgeoned his face with her fist. Harry burst out laughing at this, it looked like the little DADA professor had QUITE a lot of punch. Harry turned slightly to take in Malfoy's expression. Yup. He had thought as much, catatonic shock all 'round today.

He then noticed that the blonde bombshell (as he had just decided she most definitely was, and not in the usual way either) looked ready to go for seconds, and basically attempt to knock the magic out of Snape. Harry reached out and grapped her arm to restrain her, although... he would have greatly enjoyed to see her beat the crap out of Snape. Unfortunately, Harry ended up hurting himself slightly in the process, having forgotten that he was very much attached to someone at the wrist and what not.

Snape groaned pitifully and got to his feet looking rather dazed. Pity he hadn't been knocked unconscious. That would have been a tale to tell generations of grandchildren. Harry almost *giggled* at the thought. Professer Summers was blushing, she appeared to be ashamed of the fact that she had just assaulted another staff member.

"Oh my GOSH! I'm SO sorry!!! It's just that i tend to... um, well, honestly, hit first and ask questions later..." Snape's eyes were glistening evil-y by now, or perhaps it was the unshed tears from the pain in his jaw. "Draco. Ms. Summers. We are going to see the Headmaster." Snape turned and, with a billow of his black robes, began his journey back to Dumbledore's office.

To be Continued... Please Feedback!