Assigned Seats

Author: Siren of Hell (occasionally my friend Jane)

Rating: This is R for bad, bad words. Please don't read if you're not old enough!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. HP belongs to JKRowling and some publishing company, BtVS belongs to Joss Wheldon and some other really rich TV people, and Mutant Enimy and Fox and many, many more. Simpsons(which is mentioned in passing) belongs to Matt Grogien and I think that's it..

Summary: Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover. Hogwarts has a new DADA professor, she's not exactly conventional... and what's more! She's determined to make a couple of her students realise something about themselves.

Timeline: Three years after s7 of Buffy, and 6th year for HP and gang.

Spoilers: HP-up to Order of the Phoenix, Btvs – up to s7, Ats – up to first/second episode of s5

Pairings: HP/DM, BS/A(us), and probably RW/HeG and WR/SS

Warning Slash

Dedication: To Janey, my inspiration and all that...

Author's Note : For the purpose of this fic Angel and Spike do love each other (In a violent love hate kinda way). Not very much romantically but in a familyish way, but with some bits of romance. What can I say, they come from a fucked up family.

Chapter 10. If Only She Could Remember What She Was Supposed To Remember...

Buffy woke with a cool body next to her. She smiled; she was having that dream again. Soon Angel would pull her into his arms and... well... ravish her. She couldn't wait. Then she felt that tingling at the back of her mind, her Spider Senses. She knew immediately that something was wrong. She sighed, that meant she had to wake up and leave her fun dream.

It didn't take her long to figure out that she was awake, and yet the cool body was still next to her. There was something nagging at the back of her mind, something she had to remember. If only she could remember what. Then it hit her. How was she in bed? The last thing she remembered was teaching her class of first years about vampires, and then a ripping pain. And then nothing. And the cool body was still lying still beside her.

Buffy was scared. She didn't want to open her eyes to see what was next to her. She was comforted by the fact that she was not bound. That was good, right? She carefully opened one eye and found Angel dozing silently, like the dead. Well technically he was dead. She almost giggled but stopped herself, not wanting to wake him.

This has to be a dream, Buffy realised. Ah well if he's not going to ravish me then I guess I'll just have to ravish him, she thought with a smirk.

She straddled his waist, not yet touching his gorgeous half-naked body. Angel always slept naked in her dreams, but she could work around his pants in this one. She felt herself get hard.

'Wait a minute,' she thought 'that's not right! Hard?!? What the hell,' she looked down to see and erection restrained by tight black jeans. She did what anyone would do it her situation, she screamed.

It didn't take long for Angel to wake beneath her, and he began to scream too. But not for the same reason.

Spike woke on a nice comfortable bed to the piercing sound of a man screaming. Not an entirely unusual thing for him to wake up to a couple of years ago, but it was not entirely expected now. And that voice sounded somewhat familiar.

He opened his bleary eyes to see a figure above him, obviously straddling him, but he could feel no weight. Soon the picture came into focus and he saw himself. Spike's eyes widened at his screaming form and he began to scream himself, but his voice sounded wrong.

The other him jumped clear off the bed, and him, to back away to the corner of the room, panic filled his eyes. Spike was faintly concerned when he saw the bulge in the other him's pants. Both had stopped screaming, which was always good.

"Look Luv, why don't we calm down." He motioned gently towards himself. 'Man,' he thought, 'Twilight zone much.'

"Angel," he whimpered lightly, his voice terrified.

"No Pet, I'm Spike. Spike is me," he said calmly.

"No," his self persisted, "You're Angel!"

"Then who are you Luv?"

"Buffy," he muttered looking at her feet.

Spike choked.

"Buffy?" he shook his head, "No that's not possible. Buffy's in England or Europe not in my body!"

His own eyes widened at the revelation.

"Your body?" he(Buffy) gasped. "You're really Spike?" he(Buffy) asked tentatively.

"Of course, what does it look like?" he asked.

Spike found it incredibly odd to have his own eyebrow raised to him.

"Angel," was all he(Buffy) said.

It took a moment for Spike to figure it out. He looked down and saw a more bulky body than he was used to.

"BOLLUCKS!" was all he could say.

It was then that Fred, Gunn, Weasly, Harmony and Eve crashed through Angel's door.

"Is everyone ok?" asked a tentative Fred, "We heard screaming."

"No I can safely say that everyone is not ok Fred!" Angel said viciously, not really angry with her but the situation they were in.

"Hey Angel, chill ok? Don't take whatever it is out on Fred," Gunn spoke up for his ex.

Spike looked at Angels' bare feet. How had he never noticed how hot Angel feet were? Ooh. Spike shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. Now was not the time.

"Sorry Fred," he said, seemingly ashamed of what he had done.

"What's going on?" Eve asked, "Were you two fighting again?"

Spike smirked, an expression, which looked very, very sexy on Angel, not to mention evil. If Buffy had been in her own body she would have been dripping by now, as it was she only got harder. Though it was not possibly the ghost of a vampire blushed.

Spike couldn't help but laugh, another thing that looked really good on Angel.

"Well, Spike here decided that he luvs me, and that we should sleep together. Only he didn't ask me, so I panicked when I woke up with my dick down his throat."

If possible, Spike's body blushed even harder, looking down at Spikes bare feet, another really sexy pair. 'What was it about vampires and sexy feet,' she wondered.

Fred was beat red, Weasly was looking shocked, and Gunn and Eve looked a cross between amusement and disgust. Harmony was jealous.

"How could you?" she screeched, stomping towards what she thought was Spike, "First you choose that bitch of a Slayer over me and now him?" she pointed to Angel's body. "You are no longer my Blondie bear, and I hope he dumps you! And you come crawling back to me, and then I'll turn you away, and you'll never see this ever again."

She lifted her top and flashed an unsuspecting Buffy her boobs.

Buffy couldn't help it then; she started laughing for all she was worth.

Around her giggles she managed to splutter out, "Oh god Harmony, this is almost as funny as that time you had minions."

Harmony looked ready to kill, and was about to pounce 'Spike.'

"Harm, calm down, it was just a joke," came the soothing voice from Angel.

She looked at him in wonder.

"I-I didn't know you cared," she mumbled.

"Of course I care Harm."

"Wait a minute. The only person who ever called me Harm was Spike." She looked between Angel and Spike, "What the hell is going on?"

"Well Harmony," Spike(Buffy) answered her, "Something happened over night and we somehow managed to switch bodies. Spike is in Angel over there. I'm in Spike, and I imaginingg Angel's in me. Ok, that sounded really wrong. Wait, Angel's in me," his eyes widened, "In Scotland. In front of a class of eleven year olds," he gasped, "They're going to eat him alive. Spike we have to go. Now, and I mean NOW!"

"That's good and all," Gunn interrupted, "But who are you?"

"Oh right sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Wes you already know me, though you've certainly changed a lot. I like the new look, it works, really, really well," he(Buffy) said with a seductive tone in his voice.

Weasly began to blush, feeling as if he were being hit on by Spike.

"Well, I've freaked out the watcher man so my duty here is done. I think now would be a good time for me to get to my body, what do you say Spike," Spike(Buffy) said cheerfully, reminding all occupants of the frightful Halloween party and optimistic Spike.

"I think that's a good idea Buffy. It's a pity I'm a ghost though. I have this sudden urge to shag myself." Spike smirked.

"Wait till you get back in you own body, and hey, I'll even provide a lubricant."

The Wolfram and Hart team looked horrified.

To be continued...

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