All the rest of that night and all through my dreams, I thought about the beautiful white cat named Victoria. It was just as though she were a gift from the Everlasting Cat.
In fact, much of the past few days had been almost too good to be true. First, discovering I had magical powers, even if they had to stay mostly secret; then Munkustrap and his sudden interest in my welfare; and finally, Victoria, the female that every male dreams of in his most secret fantasies. It seemed too good to last.
It turned out to be just that.
The following morning, I awoke to a marvelous sunrise. As I sat on my trunk and stared at the pastel palette of deep reds, flaming oranges, and pale violets, I envisioned Victoria sitting next to me and nearly fell off my perch sideways trying to rub against my imagination. When the sun had risen sufficiently for me to see the Junkyard by, I went off in search of my newest friend.
It took me some time to locate her, because I kept getting lost in daydreams of how it would be when I suavely dipped to one knee, took her paw, and, kissing it gently, asked her as smoothly as possible if she would "do me the honor of being my mate…" Consequently, I would lose my sense of direction and end up in some area of the Junkyard I'd never seen before. It was after noon by the time I actually tracked her down in the amphitheater. When I did find her, though, it was a painful and sobering scene that met my eyes. Victoria was easy enough to spot; she was surrounded by the other young males of the Junkyard, all of whom were trying in earnest to impress her simultaneously. She was trying hard not to show that she enjoyed the attention, but it was evident by the smile on her face that she was more than delighted to entertain them all.
I, however, was not amused. Valiantly fighting the tears that welled up in my eyes, I left by the same route from whence I had come, praying I had not been noticed. Unfortunately, I had, and as I turned to escape, I heard Victoria's distressed voice calling out after me. "Quaxo, wait!" But I had no desire to talk to her, not now. I just wanted to get away. Let her chase me if she was that determined to speak to me.
When I was away from the amphitheater, I took off running, tears coursing down my cheeks, fueled by superlative emotions: Hatred of all the other males for moving in on Victoria, fury at Victoria for letting them, but mostly utter contempt of myself, for having ever gotten myself wrapped up in her in the first place.
Suddenly, I ran directly into a huge black wall and fell back, shaking my head. When I looked up, it was the Rum Tum Tugger who gazed back down at me, an eyebrow raised in surprise. He initially smiled at seeing me again; I hadn't yet encountered him since I'd returned from training with Deuteronomy. But his smile quickly faded when he saw the tears on my cheeks. Genuinely concerned, but loath to show it, he asked me a simple, mildly teasing question: "Who're you running from?"
I backed away from him just slightly and struggled to my feet, attempting to dry the tears from my furred cheeks and combating the ones still welling up in my eyes. "N-no one. I was…just running." The lie sounded terrible even to me. I was sure Tugger wouldn't believe it.
He didn't. "Right. You, run for fun? Since when?"
I sighed sadly. "Since about half a minute ago."
Tugger nodded sympathetically, then helped me back to my feet and led me off to a secluded area of the junkyard and sat me down on an old tire. He then sat across from me and broke into his trademark half-smile. "First of all, when did you get back?"
The question about my obvious absence caught me off-guard, and I took a moment to answer. "Oh, uh…last night." Suddenly, Victoria's shyly smiling face and stunning eyes flashed through my mind and a fresh wave of tears threatened to make an appearance. I looked away.
Tugger didn't speak again for a moment, and when he did, it was not before he sighed softly and put a paw on my shoulder. "Alright, what's wrong?"
I looked back up into his eyes. The empathy in them was permission enough for me to let my feelings go. The tears started down my cheeks again. "I-…girl troubles…" I didn't really want to say any more than that. I reflected for a second on the foolishness of harboring feelings for a female I'd only just met. I decided it wasn't worth wasting Tugger's time over.
Apparently, he disagreed. "Sounds like it's right up my alley. Spill it. Start at the beginning."
I started to protest, but he just glared at me until I wilted, and I finally broke. "I came back last night from Deuteronomy's, and while I was lying in my trunk, I heard a sound, and when I went to see what it was, I came across this female…"
"Tell me about her."
I spread my paws apart and shrugged. "Where would I start? She's completely white, she has a pink collar, and she's got these incredible eyes. And she's got a wonderful voice…you just wish she would talk to you all day…" I slowly lost myself in fantasies of the night before.
Tugger snapped me from my reverie with a chuckle. "Easy there, tiger. So what happened next?"
"So I talked to her; she was so afraid I was going to hurt her. But I eventually convinced her I wasn't, and I introduced myself, and asked her about herself. She told me that she came to the Junkyard because she had gotten lost and was found by a couple of the kittens, who brought her to Munkustrap. He interrogated her, and asked her if she wanted to be a Jellicle. She hasn't decided yet…" I paused, trailing off.
Tugger looked at me queerly, and then nodded slowly. "And you've got a thing for her." I nodded weakly. He thought for a moment. His eyes lit up as he realized whom I was talking about. "Oh, that little white kitten out in the amphitheater? Vicky? She came out real early this morning and introduced herself to everyone. Nice girl. You've got good taste, Quaxo." He snickered.
I didn't share his mirth. "Sure, but who cares? It doesn't matter. Obviously, she doesn't feel the same way about me." Tugger raised an eyebrow skeptically. I shrugged. "What? Didn't you see how all the other males were fawning over her? And it's not like she resented the attention, either. Face it, Tugger; I'm just not the master charmer you are." I virtually spat the last sentence at him. I felt the resentment at my undeserved situation fighting to release itself in anger. I refused to let it; Tugger was too important to me.
I shouldn't have worried. Tugger was clearly unfazed by my harsh words and only scolded me, "That's foolish. I'm sure she feels just the same way about you that you do about her. You haven't given her a chance. You just saw her with all those other toms and jumped to a conclusion."
"Well, what was I supposed to think? That she didn't want all of them falling over her like that? Come on, Tugger! You've got eyes! You've got a brain! Get real! She's just a flirt, and that's it!" It hurt to say, and I didn't mean it, but hell, I was angry.
Tugger snorted and frowned, his gaze slowly sliding away from mine, up over my head as he looked as something behind me. "Humph. You don't believe that."
"Yes, I do," I lied, growling softly.
He pointed over my shoulder. "Tell her that."
I slowly turned around, hoping against hope that I was wrong about who I thought was behind me. Naturally, I wasn't. Victoria stood there, as unbearably beautiful as ever, more so, if that was possible, her mouth hanging slightly open in disbelief at what I'd said. Her eyes glistened slightly, and her paws trembled as she stared at me, wounded.
I held out a paw to her. "No, wait, Victoria, I didn't mean that…"
She wasn't listening. With a pained sob, she turned away, tears running down her cheeks, and took off, as I stood helpless. After a moment, I slowly turned back to Tugger, who was standing with his paws hanging in his belt, looking at me with an open expression and a tilted head. He didn't say anything, but the disapproval was obvious. It was unquestionably worse than having him scold me. Desperately, I started to try to explain myself to him, but he simply shook his head. "Forget it. You can't explain your way out of this one. There's only one thing you can do, now." He shook his head again and left.
I knew what he meant, but now I was afraid to face her. I didn't want to have to tell her how I really felt, didn't want to have to face those incredible blue tear-filled eyes again. Against my better judgment, I decided to put it off for at least a little while.
Apology could wait. I had to practice my magic. Magic came first…
…I told myself.
