Frustratingly enough, however, I was not able to locate Victoria that night. Eventually, about the same time that the sun started to poke up over the horizon, I gave up, staggered back to my nook, and collapsed into my trunk.
I slept most of that day away, and when I awoke and continued my search for Victoria, the sun was already high in the sky. I looked everywhere I could think that she might be, including the amphitheater, my own little area, and Tugger's little alcove. I scoured the entire Junkyard, even venturing a bit outside the Junkyard, in case she was hiding just beyond the borders.
But she wasn't. I came back to the Junkyard and collapsed in Tugger's pipe, mumbling softly to myself in despair. "I did it. I drove her away. She's gone, and it's all my fault. I can't believe I said that…and waited so long to apologize…and…and…oh, what was I thinking? I'm such a!"
Suddenly, Tugger appeared, hanging upside-down from the top of one side of the pipe. "Hey, who are you ranting at in here?" Seeing that I was obviously raving at myself, his smirk changed to a sympathetic frown, and he dropped down and slid in next to me. "What's wrong, Quax?"
I sighed and looked at him with tears in my eyes. "I made her leave. I made Victoria hate the Jellicles. She's gone, and it's my fault." I buried my face in my paws.
Tugger was silent for a moment, and then touched my shoulder. "Now you know that's not true. If anything, you taught her that not all cats are as prejudiced as some. Like, Pouncival, and Admetus. Do you know what they did when she first came here?" I shook my head. Of course I didn't know; I hadn't been there. "They mocked her. Called her 'House-cat,' 'Powder-puff,' all kinds of cruel names."
I was horrified. "They did?" Somehow, it didn't occur to me how anyone could even consider insulting such a perfect creature.
He nodded solemnly. "Yes, they did. But that was before they realized how old she was, and that she actually was interested in males their age, unlike Electra and the other kittens. They know that Jemima and Etcetera and all of the littler queens are on the border, but until Vicky came along, the young toms only had the older queens to harass. Now that there's a queen their age, they all latched onto her like ticks. But she doesn't care for any of them. She likes the attention, but that's only because she gets it at home, and that's what she's used to. There's nothing serious about any of it."
I suddenly cut him off angrily. "Stop it! Lying to me isn't going to help the situation. You can't honestly tell me that she doesn't like any of them. I mean, how couldn't she? They were all over her yesterday. You can't look at me with a straight face and tell me she has no interest in any of them." I silently hoped he could.
Tugger's face was indignant, but definitely straight. "I can't, can't I? I am right now. She thinks Pouncival, and Alonzo, and Tumblebrutus, and Admetus, and all of them are scum."
"And how do you know what she thinks, Tugger? You can't see her thoughts!" I left the pipe and stood up angrily. There were four or five other cats in the amphitheater, including Alonzo and Admetus, who looked slightly miffed at Tugger's outburst, but I ignored them.
Tugger came out, too, his face a picture of aggravation. "And neither can you! You have no idea what she thinks about you, and you're too blinded by your jealousy to see through your own self-pity!" He suddenly was in my face, almost yelling at me.
I was in his face too, though. "Oh yeah? If you're so smart, what does she think about me, then?"
He suddenly calmed and backed slightly away, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. "Why don't you go ask her yourself?" I must have had a bewildered look on my face, because he smirked and took my arm and led me out of the amphitheater, all the way to the outskirts of the Junkyard. He turned me to face him. "Now look. Victoria's family lives up that way a few blocks. They have a big white Victorian mansion. It's the only one on the block. You can't miss it." He gave me the house number. "I'd come with you, but I've got things to do back here. You think you'll be OK by yourself?"
I nodded. "Yeah, if I get in trouble, I'll just use my magic to get me out."
Suddenly, he looked at me in disbelief. "What magic? I thought you lost your magical powers."
I blinked once or twice, and then suddenly it dawned on me. "Oh, no, you must have talked to one of the other cats. See, I had to tell all them that I lost my powers, to keep them from being afraid of me. But I don't have to worry about that with you; you won't avoid me just because I might blast you. I'm still just as magical as ever, more so, now, because Deuteronomy taught me all he knows. He says I'm the most powerful magical cat he's ever seen, including himself. Munkustrap knows, too, but everyone else thinks I'm normal. It's a great little trick in and of itself."
Tugger smiled broadly. "That's fantastic! Congratulations!" He gave me a stout clap on the back, and I nearly fell over. He chuckled softly as I caught my breath back. "Now, you take your magical self and get out there and win back the heart of the only kitten good enough for the great Quaxo, you hear?" He laughed softly and gave me a gentle push towards the street.
I didn't need the encouragement. Grinning, I turned and gave him a quick wave, then took off in the direction of Victoria's house.
I got to the block easily enough, but when I came in sight of the massive whitewashed palace, I lost my nerve entirely. Leaning against a humbler domicile only a few houses down, I caught my breath and collected myself. Owing to a rare stroke of luck, I had found and captured a mouse that I planned on giving to her as an apology. I just hoped she would accept it. Talking softly to myself, I recapped some last minute bits of advice. "OK, just walk up, knock, and when she comes to the door, give her the mouse, apologize, then ask her to be…to be your…"
But I didn't get a chance to finish. Just then, I heard a sound I had hoped never to hear again: the sound of a troupe of Pollicles chasing a victim. Even as the cruel, malicious barks reached my ears and triggered every thread of hatred and terror I had ever associated with the demons, I saw them. I saw them coming, six, no, seven of them, bounding, racing, tripping, and panting to catch their quarry.
Instantly, I was up on a nearby wall, cowering in terror from the beasts, but even as I watched their goal flash by, feeling extreme sympathy for the poor doomed creature, I realized with horror that I recognized that creature. "Victoria!"
"Help! Please, someone, help me!" She was running as fast as she possibly could, managing to only barely stay ahead of her pursuers' frothing jowls. Her eyes were wide with panic, and her normally pure white fur was marred by mud and dust. As she blazed past my wall, the Pollicles hot on her heels, I made a sudden, irrational decision and leaped down behind them, and joined the chase myself.
I muttered softly. "This is ridiculous; a Jellicle chasing a group of Pollicles…"
But I ignored the irony as I realized that Victoria, running into an alley between two houses, had suddenly been cut off by a second group of three Pollicles blocking her exit from the corridor. The dogs all stopped as she looked back and forth between the two bands, tears of fright running freely down her cheeks. She tried futilely to plead for her life, but the ruthless dogs weren't listening; they had her trapped, and they weren't going to let her go. Faced with this fact, she closed her eyes and cowered against the ground, her paws over her head, sobbing in terror.
As I watched, a sudden flashback hit me, a single snapshot of one similar situation, so long ago, only there were fewer Pollicles, three kittens in the middle instead of just one, and there was another cat…a gray and white one…I recognized that cat, those eyes…that look…"Cassie…" I suddenly opened my eyes and saw the current situation. Victoria had replaced the three tiny kittens, and there were more Pollicles, but one thing hadn't changed: Cassie was still there.
I stopped short, dumbfounded. I knew Cassie was dead; she'd died ages ago, on that fateful night, saving my insignificant life. And yet, here she was, standing guard over Victoria just as she had stood over me that night. The look was the same, including the hatred, the love…and even the desperation. I felt my magical powers flare within me at the sight of that look.
Cassie suddenly looked to me and said urgently, "Quaxo, you have to help her! You must! She is more important than you know! She alone can change the future, and if she is slain, then the Jellicles will be destroyed. You have to stop the Pollicles, Quaxo; there is no other option!" Her eyes pierced directly into my heart and soul, and I suddenly saw it. Saw what I'd been too afraid to admit to myself. Saw what I'd been too afraid to tell anyone else. Saw what I'd been too afraid to even say out loud. But I didn't have to; Cassie said it for me. "You love her, Quaxo. You love her like no one else in this world. Take a chance for her! It may be fatal, but you have a chance! I had a chance, and I took it! Follow my example! You alone can make a difference now. I can do no more."
And with those words, she disappeared, and the Pollicles attacked.
In that fraction of a second, I made the greatest and hardest decision of my life. Knowing it would probably be the last thing I ever did, I took a deep breath and darted into the circle of Pollicles, dodging around and through their legs until I was standing over Victoria. As they had before, the dogs stopped, confounded by my sudden interference. I knew the pause wouldn't last long and readied myself for the imminent attack.
I suddenly realized how incredibly terrified Cassie must have been, facing them all by herself. Surrounded as I was, I could not watch my back, and with so many horrific eyes all staring me down at once, my resolve all but disappeared, and I just about tried to run again.
But suddenly, I felt a new sensation rise up in my chest. I felt one of my feet resting against Victoria's side; she was shaking. I heard her quiet whimpers of fear through the growls of the Pollicles, who were now advancing again, and together, those two sensations combined to ignite a fury unlike any I had ever felt before. They had frightened my Victoria. MY Victoria! And now they were going to try and kill her! And that simply could not go unpunished.
Suddenly fearless, I stood up straight, grimaced in anger, and, facing the Pollicle right in front of me, I held out a single paw and let fly. A blast of lightning erupted from my fingertips, the tendrils curling around one another, and slammed full in his face and chest. The Pollicle made no sound, but the blast crashed into him with a crackling sound and thrashed through his body as though it were not even there. I calmly lowered my paw. Where the lead Pollicle had once stood, there was nothing but a few singed hairs and a lonely tail.
It was a gruesome sight, but I had no time to be sickened; I had more Pollicles to punish. I gritted my teeth and crouched slightly as two more Pollicles attacked. Holding out a paw to each, instead of killing them where they were, I simply threw them back against the walls of the houses on either side of me, their heads hitting the walls with sickening cracks. They crumpled to the ground as the rest of the Pollicles suddenly attacked at once. I grinned.
All at once, I was a fighting machine. Two more Pollicles fell to my lightning. One got close enough to take a swipe at me and was thrown into the street where a car was coming. I didn't watch to see what happened next. I threw another back against one of his comrades, sending both into the wall behind them. About that time, I heard Victoria gasp as she looked up and saw me engaged in mortal combat with the Pollicles. She called my name and I paused, holding a Pollicle in the air magically, long enough to look at her and point out towards the street. "Get out! Wait for me! I'll be out in a second!" She waited for a moment, unsure, and then nodded and sprinted away. I continued. I threw the suspended Pollicle down to the ground at breakneck speed, and then turned to face my last remaining opponent. He took one look around the alley at the carnage and turned, his tail between his legs, and started to run out in the direction Victoria had gone, yelping in terror. I would have let him go, except that he might have seen Victoria as he escaped, and that I could not risk. I took two steps and rolled a ball of lightning after him. It caught him in the tail as he left the alley and carried him across the asphalt into the house across the street. After one last flashing explosion, the avenue fell peaceful and silent once again.
Suddenly exhausted, I fell to my knees, shuddering from horror at the several murders I'd just committed. The realization that I had just broken one of the most important rules Deuteronomy had taught me on that day less than a week ago (though it seemed that it had been at least a year since this entire episode had begun), dawned on me, and I was overcome by a huge wave of nausea. I'd used my magical powers to kill. To kill! Sick, I staggered to one wall and fell to my knees, struggling not to vomit. It wasn't easy, but in the end, I managed to prevent myself from being violently ill. Faint and unsteady, I struggled back to my feet and slowly stumbled out of the alley and fell to the grass, completely content to simply lie down and never get up again. I had killed another living creature. I wanted to die.
Then, out of nowhere, I heard someone whisper my name and felt a gentle but urgent paw turn me over and suddenly clutch me tightly. Delirious, I simply smiled and tried to raise an arm to return the embrace, but I felt I had no strength with which to move. I suddenly realized that I could, in fact, open my eyes, though, and I did.
I will never forget what I saw that day, when I opened my eyes. It will be with me forever, a memory to treasure and cherish for all eternity. The sky was bright and beautiful and blue, with not a single cloud anywhere to be seen. A small flock of birds flew by, lazily flapping along in the light breeze. The few trees that were planted in front of the houses on either side of me waved leisurely to the birds, who exchanged silent gestures of greeting with the trees, and then turned and separated, each going their own way. The grass was invisible as I lay on my back, but I felt the gentle tickle of the soft blades threading through my fur and gracing my skin, reminding me of just how good it was to be alive.
And then, I saw her. Kneeling on my right, one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other clasping my left paw tightly, Victoria looked down at me, rocking slightly back and forth in anxiety, tears streaming down her cheeks as she whispered my name over and over again. When she saw me open my eyes, her face lit up, and a smile of infinite gratitude spread across her mouth as she suddenly brought it down to mine, granting me the first real kiss I had ever received. I cherished every moment. It seemed that every dream I had ever had was suddenly coming true in this one gesture, molding everything I had imagined into one simple intimation. And this single action was more than I had ever dreamed of, in all my fantasies. I would not have traded it for all the wonders of the Heaviside Layer.
When it was finally over, we separated, and I simply lay for a moment, silent, staring up at her in wonderment. Her smile of gratitude slowly faded as I remained mute for more than half a minute. "What's wrong, Quaxo?"
I shook my head and whispered. "Nothing…"
"Oh…" she tilted her head. "Then why are you so quiet?"
I smiled, tears of joy finally finding their way into my eyes as I struggled up to a sitting position. "I just never realized before how perfect you are…"
Her eyes filled with tears of joy as we embraced again. "Oh, Quaxo!"
